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Your Movie Cliches List

Wed Jul 31 07:45:23 1996 jake surman
any gun pointed at the hero at close range and actually fired will have the safety on, which the hero will have been aware of, allowing him to ask the holder of the gun to shoot him. ( The Rock )

Wed Jul 31 08:09:22 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
The people in mental hospitals are nice, a little bit eccentric perhaps, but not dangerous to anyone else or to themselves. An exception to this are the violent psychos who are that way because they are personifications of pure evil.

Wed Jul 31 08:13:02 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
At the scene of an accident the bystanders have perfect knowledge of what has happened. Similarly, in a fight between the good and the bad guy the bystanders instinctively know which one is good and which one is bad, even if the bad guy wears a policeman uniform.

Wed Jul 31 08:25:26 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
The children of policemen often become policemen themselves. Their approach to the job is very different to that of their fathers. However, if a policeman has two sons, the older one of them will become a masculine hero cop (just like the dad) whereas the younger one will become a geeky "scientific"-style detective. Even he, on the other hand, will discover his manhood by killing a few bad guys. There are often also sentimental scenes where the old father tells the son he has always admired him even though he works differently.

Wed Jul 31 09:21:29 1996 IP Freelie
The police chief in cop action films are short, black, and plump, and always sticking-up for the rogue detective not playing by-the-book. Also, these rogues can take 2 forms: 1) he has a loving wife and 2 kids, and his world is about to be torn apart or, 2) drinking problem, divorced

Thu Aug 1 07:49:33 1996 allison wyndham
under biol./genetics: when doing tests to identify the DNA, substance, virus stain or whatever, it takes hero and sidekick a mere few hours to do what would be weeks/years worth of work for a lab of 20 people. The cure is then instantly produced, works first time and has no side-effects (see Star Trek, Jurassic Park, Outbreak, etc, etc).

Thu Aug 1 11:53:42 1996 Andrea Wood
In the James Bond movies, unusual ways for him to meet his death are planned by the villain, yet he always escapes. Why dont they just shoot him and get it over with if they want to get rid of him? He keeps returning to make new James Bond sequels.

Thu Aug 1 23:39:48 1996 Joe Watters
Computers: Computers are never backed up. Thus, information secretly changed by unseen villains cannot be exposed as fraudulent simply by requesting retrieval from backup tapes. Similarly, the villians never back up their computers so that the hero/heroine can destroy the entire evil organization simply by deleting the information on their computer. (e.g. The Net) The most complicated sequence of commands and actions can be accomplished with three mouse clicks. All of the phones, fire alarms, pumps, etc in a large office complex are tied into the company's computers and can be accessed by any employee through an intiutive graphical interface. Cutting off building services or creating distractions is a few mouse clicks away. All company computers have sophisticated custom graphical interfaces, even on the desktop machines. Nobody uses commercial products. The most sensitive computers (e.g. defense, banks, law enforcement) and their data are accessible over the internet or dial up phone lines. Hackers know all of these phone numbers or addresses. These sensitive computers are easy to break into. In real life, most people don't really trust computers. In movies, everyone relies on them blindly, and will commit the most egregious errors based on the information stored in them.

Fri Aug 2 06:03:53 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
Computers: No movie computers use real operating systems or real applications. Instead, they use incredibly user-friendly software that somehow manages to have custom dialog boxes for everything. (The Skull & Crossbones in ID4, for example.) Also, all the applications will have a unified interface that Microsoft can only dream about.

Fri Aug 2 06:04:05 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
Computers: No movie computers use real operating systems or real applications. Instead, they use incredibly user-friendly software that somehow manages to have custom dialog boxes for everything. (The Skull & Crossbones in ID4, for example.) Also, all the applications will have a unified interface that Microsoft can only dre

Fri Aug 2 06:05:44 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
For some reason, unlike *all* real computer systems, movie computers display your password as you type it instead of showing asterisks or bullets. Remarkably, no one ever leans over the hero's/villian's shoulder and looks at the visible password.

Fri Aug 2 06:08:14 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
The villian can dial into the hero's computer *while it is turned off*, and it will turn on. Instead of downloading the files regularly, the word processor will load, and somehow the villian will read the files from there. (It happened on the X-Files once)

Fri Aug 2 06:09:32 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
If a car is speeding down a road, and a woman crosses the street with a baby carriage, and the car hits the carriage, it will be full of cans. (Speed)

Fri Aug 2 06:11:41 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
If a small rocket or missile hits the villian directly in the chest while moving at high speed, it will carry the villian along with it instead of punching through him (The Rock, Broken Arrow). The villian will survive until he falls off the rocket and onto a sharp object below (the Rock).

Fri Aug 2 06:14:14 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
The hero, carrying a sphere of poison that will activate if it rolls into a wall can be punched, kicked, beaten up, and thrown through a window, and the sphere will not activate. Then, he can shove the sphere into the bad guy's mouth, and the villian, instead of spitting the poison all over the hero, will allow it to remain in his mouth so the hero can get away and give himself the antidote. (The Rock)

Fri Aug 2 06:32:18 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
When someone calls an answering machine in a movie, it always plays the "Hi, we're..." message out loud to the place where it is, even though most answering machines don't do that. Also: if a person has just been murdered at home, their room-mate will call to warn them, and will leave a frantic message on the answering machine that allows the killer to find them. (Terminator)

Sat Aug 3 07:20:50 1996 Jason Antenucci
Fat guys ALWAYS get killed (see Unforgiven)

Sat Aug 3 09:02:29 1996 John Mebberson
When someone is using binoculars or a telescope, (usually villains or their stupid henchmen), to spy on someone there always seem to be a beautiful "model" totally naked walking in front of a huge open window. A stupid snigger by person, followed by the anger of arch villain is optional.

Sat Aug 3 20:43:18 1996 Brian Dignam
Whenever the sidekick is about to shoot the baddie ,his gun will not fire. The villain will then take the gun from him and inform him that the safety catch is on. He will then wound or kill him.

Sat Aug 3 21:52:36 1996 tom walker
Whenever there is a gun battle between the hero and several bad guys the bad guys die instantly if they are hit anyway on their bodies by the bullit but if the hero gets hit, even fatally, he will live long enough to finish the battle. When using a rifle scope, the characters, good or bad always hold it PERFECTLY still. In real life, even with a tripod or a good surface the crosshairs move a little bit, thus the sport of it. When a safe is opened with explosives, the door always opens but the contents, even dry paper, are always in perfect shape. A bare-fisted punch never hurts the hand of the person throwing it, and rarely really hurts the person being punched. Try punching a bone (the human skull) as hard as you can and then wonder how Clint Eastwood can punch a villian in the head about fifty times and not have a bag full of broken fingers. Personal bars or liquer cabinets in people's offices or homes are always perfectly stocked and even have fresh ice waiting at all times. The hero (or 12 year old kid) always understands the villians computer perfectly and can find the right file or program just in the nick of time. When a hero jumps through a window he nevers gets cut or tears his cloths. If the villian or monster is in the house, seeing a woman backing up towards an open door or window is a sure bet that she will be grabbed. All good animals (horses, dogs and cats) understand english and act with human instincts. (Lassie never stops to sniff the food before alerting the rescue sqaud.) Whenever the hero needs to call someone to warn them they are always available, never down at the coffee machine or out getting the mail.

Tue Aug 6 20:17:36 1996 Terri McMichael
In LOGANS RUN Michael York,and his co-star are trying to escape from the underground, and they run through all sorts of "wierd rooms", and one of the rooms is in slow motion, and it is a bunch of naked, writhing bodies, (of course, mostly women,) seemingly dancing and generally just moving very slowly. As Michael tries to get thru, gee, can you guess what? One of the naked women (in slo-mo remember!) grabs on to him, (suppose to be tittlating?) and he squirms and tries to break free. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz then they finally manage to get out of that room. tell me. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT????

Wed Aug 7 00:50:15 1996 Dr. Bob McKercher
Some observations from 'The Rock' a classic of movie cliches 1) The young hero always finds out his wife/girlfriend is pregnant just before the crisis hits. The old hero discovers his long lost daughter 2) Beware of overbearing sound dubbing. Movies with poor scripts try to make the movie more exciting by adding sound dubs to the most ridiculous things. Electronic wooshing sounds are added to projects being moved through the air 3) the hero can jump off buildings and fall while holding a fragile container with deadly poison, but as soon as he gives it to the villain it breaks 4) the hero can never have fired a gun before, but becomes an instant marksman, better than trained elite soldiers 5) There is always a 'good' bad guy who has a twinge of conscience. He is usually killed by the bad bad guys who have none. 6) Jets can be launched 5 minutes before the deadlibe from a dessert 2000km away and still make it to the area with 30 seconds to spare 7) Movies operate in a time space continuum that supports Eisntein's theories. Time slows as the action heats up. The final 10 seconds of any crisis involving a time bomb takes about 15 minutes to pass, while the first 6 days pass in no time. 8) The hero's pregnant girlfriendalways finds a way to get to the scene of the potential disaster 3)

Wed Aug 7 05:20:08 1996 Vern Haubrich
Ropes...whenever they have to throw a grappling rope they always get it the first time. It grabs ahold of an object that can barely hold it. Everyone there no matter how weak or small can climb the rope like a pro. The searchlight goes all around but not on them. The hook always comes loose just as the last person scales the wall.

Wed Aug 7 16:02:39 1996 simen kjellin
New York taxi-drivers are always short, unshaved Italians with greasy t-shirts and a dirty six-pence. The heroine of a film only enters a taxi when she has been emotionally hurt, abandoned, her boyfriend has broken up etc. When entering, the driver always asks "Where to lady" Then comes the unavoidable "heroine crying in the back-seat"-scene. The heroine has always seated herself so that the driver can see her crying, which he does, and then he starts a sentence wit; "Not that it`s any of my business, but...."

Wed Aug 7 23:35:21 1996 Tim Minneci
This isn't really a cliche, just something I thought was funny. I didn't realize the aliens in ID4 had bought Window's '95. Thankgod for Bill Gates!

Thu Aug 8 02:48:49 1996 Spencer Gill
CASTLE DRACULA If the film is American, the castle has cobwebs all over and is in ruins. "What a dump!" would be an appropriate response. Only a moron wouldn't expect the inhabitant to be a ghost or a ghoul. If the film is English, the castle is in great shape, colorfull, and beautifully decorated. The first thing you want to say is "who is your decorator?"

Thu Aug 8 02:50:45 1996 Spencer Gill
Vampires Only women who really can fill out a low-cut gown become vampires. Vampires are always very fashionable. Dilbert will never joi the ranks of the undead.

Thu Aug 8 02:52:08 1996 Spencer Gill
Serials The heroes and heroines in serials never call the police nor do they ever get upset by whatever gunfight, bar fight, or death trap they survive.

Thu Aug 8 20:00:26 1996 Scott Loyd
The number of takes required to film a scene from a car chase is greater than or equal to the number of skid marks that are viewable in that particular scene.

Fri Aug 9 05:28:48 1996 Chris, "The Amazing Goat"
Airbags: Anytime an airbag is deployed it will stay inflated until somebody punctures it, despite the fact that all standard airbags deflate less than a second after impact.

Sun Aug 11 00:09:04 1996
EIGHT BALL CORNER POCKET.

Sun Aug 11 00:18:49 1996 Aura Moody
Whenever people are playing pool, no matter what point the camera shows the game, one person has to say , " eight ball corner pocket."

Sun Aug 11 06:23:35 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section(s) on either 'Fights' or 'Heroes': Whenever a hero is forced against his will to a 'fight to the death' against some villain the hero always wins by some kind of default. It is customary for the hero to be left with almost nothing in his favour (ie. loses his only weapon) and must find some alternative form of cleverness to the bring the villain down. Of course, once the villain is down and the hero has the oppurtunity to finsh him off, the hero will inevitably decline, followed by some kind of line like "No, I wont' kill you, because that would only make me as evil as you..." As an offshoot to this: after the hero refuses to kill the villain it is often common for the hero to gain profound respect from an outsider (ie. an alien lifeform that may have pitted the two against each other in the first place), or the villain himself.

Sun Aug 11 06:32:23 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section on 'Spaceships': The visibility of a vessel in space is never a question in films: In the infinite blackness of space where there is no light, every spaceship is magically illuminated by an omnipresent yet unlocated light source. This can be seen in the elaborate shadows that are cast upon any space vehicle even when there is no distinguishable sun to be found anywhere.

Sun Aug 11 07:19:24 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section on 'Heroes": After all the exhaustive events that lead to the downfall of a villain by the hero, the 'authorities' (ie. police cars with sirens blarring) only arrive when the villain is undeniably destroyed! After this it is customary for the police to allow the hero to leave the scene of the villain's death without requiring that he be detained for any tyoe of questioning (this can be seen in 'Passenger 57' and most 'Dirty Harry' films). It is also common for the hero to take the oppurtunity to officially declare his resignation from service in these scenes by throwing his badge to the ground as he walks away (usually with his arm wrapped around a woman). In addition it should be noted that this final sequence is always filmed as a crane or helicopter shot to show us the entirety of the scene that the hero is walking away from.

Sun Aug 11 18:06:04 1996 Lola
The villian just can't make a clean getaway. He has to go back and get revenge on the hero or some other character, which gives the hero another chance to catch or kill the villian.

Sun Aug 11 19:24:35 1996 Tom Clendening
1) Any character falling from a height will end up in one piece, with no blood 2) During any street chase, a truck/car/school bus will pull out between the first car and all subsequent cars. In the unlikely event the vehicle even hits the brakes, it will always continue on into the path of the onrushing vehicles despite sirens, flashing lights, flying bullets, screeching tires. 3) On a freeway, all vehicles drive at exactly the same speed (except for the cars involved in the chases) 4) When hoping to be spotted by a search airplane, don't start waving, jumping, etc until after the airplane has already gone past and the pilot would have to look back to see you. 5) Any character can be perfectly disguised by the simple addition of glasses or mask that covers just the eyes. 6) You can choke anybody to death in the space of 15 seconds, even though anybody can hold their breath and remain fully conscious for longer than a minute. 7) Radar images of flat or straight objects will always be bent on the rotatin radar screen (see Poseidon Adventure, any Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea episode). 8) Monsters (especially those with limited physical ability like pupetts) always are able to move faster than the characters except when the characters can see them (i.e. run to another room and they are already there, freeze in fear and they are barely able to move toward you) 9) We have instant caller ID but the cops still need you to keep the villan talking for extraordinary lengths of time to "trace the call". 10) Military heroes since the 70's apparently never have to worry about meeting standards for haircuts (see any Chuck Norris movie). 11) Inner city/minority youths have apparently perfected the art of aiming handgus by holding them flat on their sides. 12) In a chase, always stop to pick up a fallen persons gun, but don't ever take any extra ammo. Corollary: Evil minions are always killed with fully loaded and functional firearms lying at their sides. 13) Never under any circumstances EVER aim any gun, always point it in the direction of the enemy and blast away (especially when running low on ammo). EXCEPTION: Snipers are allowed to aim but apparently not allowed to have crosshairs in their telescopic sights. ID4 Comments 14) Even though it takes at least one pilot to fly a plane, we lose all of our pilots early in the film and still have lots of planes left over. 15) Aliens capable of travelling interstellar distances are reliant on our satellites (they can't use their own or use a couple of ships as relay points?) 16) Aliens capable of travelling interstellar distances apparently are ignorant of a unique invention called a watch and have way of coordinating an attack except by radio signal. 17) Aliens with impenetrable shields and weapons capable of leveling a city in a single blast have to start their attack at a specific time even though we can't hurt them and it will take days to complete the destruction anyway.

Sun Aug 11 21:58:24 1996 Tariq Sami
In action films the main villain is always the last person the hero will have to defeat. Any trained henchman, assassin, bodyguard type will easily be dealt with earlier in the film, but the villain alone will remain as the most difficult opponent (Hard Target, Commando, most Ninja films like Revenge of the Ninja). It is also common for the villain to sustain serious and painful injuries, yet he will continue to fight driven only by the sheer power of his maniacal evilness!

Sun Aug 11 22:02:00 1996 Tariq Sami
Kicks to the face are always followed by glorified arcs of blood to fly through the air from the recipients mouth. These injuries never result in bruising, only expectoated blood flow (see any Van Damme film).

Sun Aug 11 23:35:45 1996 Sharon Leppert
shoes never squeek until someone is trying to sneak up on someone the bad guy in the back seat of a car is never seen when the car door opens; the automatic roof light never goes on when the car door is opened

Sun Aug 11 23:38:58 1996 Sharon Leppert
after the gun is fired 6 times the gun gets thrown away

Sun Aug 11 23:40:17 1996 Sharon Leppert
after the gun is fired 6 times the gun gets thrown away

Mon Aug 12 21:14:14 1996 Karen.
Trains. The characters are always late and the train is already moving slowly when they say their good- byes. Only one of them gets on the train and luggage in this case, are heavy and are always passed on through the train's window. There is almost always a lover that clings to the train's window or jogging for miles next to the train, shouting useless things like "I love you!", "Come back soon!" and "Remember me, please!". He/she never gets dirty from the soot of the train. Usually all the sweet words are forgotten and the next hunk/hot girl is waiting on the train.

Tue Aug 13 01:00:58 1996 Aaron Harmon
Computers. Whenever the hero needs to enter a password into the villain's computer, so he can stop his evil plan, the hero types in three guesses and comes up with the password (the bad-guys nephews birthday) nosweat every time. Ala Joshua in "War Games". As if an evil GENIUS couldn't remember something like "hj&*F1k+"

Tue Aug 13 06:46:33 1996 Tariq Sami
Villains (usually the serial killer types) will always make the hero's wife or girlfriend their final victim. For interesting twists on this cliche see 'Seven' and the not-so-classic 'Nighthawks'.

Tue Aug 13 07:06:36 1996 Tariq Sami
A follow-up to my 'kicks to the face' cliche: Why are kicks to the face always aimed at the recipient's jaw? Doesn't anyone ever get kicked in the eye or the forehead?

Tue Aug 13 16:31:04 1996 Damien Owens
Sympathetic characters who say a cheery "G'night!" to colleagues or friends before going down to the underground car park are invariably doomed. They will just be putting their keys in the car door when WHACK! - or SLASH! or BANG! or GRUURRGHHGH! (strangulation).

Wed Aug 14 02:11:31 1996 John McAndrew
Pregnancy: Whenever the woman tells her husband that she is pregnant, he will get excited and flustered and ask her if she wants to sit dowm.

Wed Aug 14 08:30:29 1996 Dave Black
In any movie police-sketch-artist computer program, a characters face can be drawn up with a few seconds of keyboard tapping. Additional taps can produce moustaches, glasses or an extra 20 years of age.

Wed Aug 14 10:16:51 1996 Kevin Andrew Murphy
Actually, there's a bit of a list of them I've done myself. Check out "Murphy's Gazeteer of the Weird & Supernatural" at: http://www.sff.net/people/Kevin.A.Murphy/horror.html

Wed Aug 14 10:39:21 1996 Chris Hofflin
A computer can enhance any image (regardless of how blurry it is or how little detail it contains) and can come up with a picture of brilliant clarity and detail. (see "No way out")

Wed Aug 14 13:19:23 1996 dean pilato
In science fiction movies: * Using air ducts to move around inside a ship. * Thousands of winky, blinky lights on computers.

Wed Aug 14 21:12:26 1996 Tod
A la the Independence Day listings, I would just like to add one that I found particularly baffling. Imagine you're a locust-like alien sitting in the mothership and suddenly that damn scout ship that you lost on Earth fifty years ago comes flying up into view. Do you A) establish telepathic contact with the pilots to find out what's up B) notify the troops that the long-lost scouts are back so let's all go down and meet them when they dock or C) let them fly in unescorted and sit for a solid five minutes with their blast-shields up while all your happy alien ESP greetings go unanswered?

Thu Aug 15 05:57:43 1996 Jesse Milani
Whenever a good guy shoots someone he neglects to take any of their guns or ammo.

Thu Aug 15 06:58:36 1996 James Richter
Once a movie character takes off his/her glasses, he/she no longer needs them to see.

Thu Aug 15 15:01:48 1996 Carleton Vaughn
If a car chase goes down an alley, the lead car will inevitably smash through a giant wall of empty cardboard boxes. Often, they will pass a drunk vagrant who yells, "Damned drunk drivers!" At least one car will hit the alley wall, sending up huge showers of sparks without damaging the car's paint job.

Fri Aug 16 06:03:55 1996 Pennie
Advanced functions can always be performed on primitive hardware/software. (Eg, in Mission Impossible, Video conferencing is done through Netscape 1.0. I think not!)

Fri Aug 16 06:09:14 1996 Pennie
After lights are turned out at night, you can still see everything perfectly

Fri Aug 16 07:07:59 1996 Pennie
Teenage girls always have their room on the second floor facing the street, so their boyfriend can call to them from the front lawn. Trees situated right outside the window are optional.

Fri Aug 16 07:21:25 1996 Jeff Margolis
Drugs: -Cops can always tell what the drug is by using their pinky finger to dip in and taste -Villians always have tons of coke or herione, never pills, mirajuana, etc. Computers: -Villians are always looking for "The Disk" that will incriminate them (i.e. "The Net", "Eraser", etc)

Sat Aug 17 08:01:21 1996 Chuck Wallis
When the Hero and Major Villan have their big fight at the Climax of the Movie. The Hero will Knock the Villan Temporarily Unconsious and imediatly turn his back on Him/Her to tend to his Girlfriend or Partner and while being totally ignored the Villan will regain consosness and Attack the Hero thus continuing the Fight.

Sat Aug 17 12:19:28 1996 Richard Crane
Whenever, a picture (whether a photo, newspaper photo or television image), is able to be magnified 2000+ times then "enhanced" to view something in the distance background in perfect clarity and in full colour.......

Sat Aug 17 17:17:40 1996 Eytan Zweig
The rule that female characters are immune to menstruation doesn't apply if the character is twelve or thirteen years old, in which case she shall always get her first period when the female lead is conveniantly nearby.

Sat Aug 17 22:56:34 1996 Sean
Stupid things about ID4 -When a 15 mile wide spaceship is hovering above Los Angeles, all strippers will still go to work as they are so very loyal to their place of employent. -Police will hover with helicopters demanding that citizens remove themselves from the roofs of privately-owned skyscrapers. I guess the building's security never questioned 100+ people just walking in of the street and going up their elevator. -Even though the aliens wear bio-mechanical suits, have tentacles and are twice the size of a human, the cockpit of their spacecraft is perfectly suited to a human being, complete with leather bucket seats and a flight-stick. -When an entire army is decimated, and the command must ask drunks to fly, the only planes left after their initial defeat will be top of the line F-18's. -Drunk crop-dusters who have not flown any jets since Veitnam, will be perfectly at ease in the cockpit of an F-18, even though had they remained in the military and continued to fly Veitnam era aircraft (the intruder was mentioned), they still would have been decommisioned becuse of the immense difference in avionics. (This may sound picky, but anyone who watches weekday wings, and there are alot of us, would know this). -Scientists working in a sterile enviroment will wear (area 51) are wearing germ suits, full masks and breathing apparatus, although their boss will walk around in a lab coat with his hair down through the same environment. -A pilot will grieve over the loss of El Torro, but not so much so over the prospective loss of his fiancee. -The space administartion, all observatories, and even home enthusiasts will not notice 25 wide mile spacecraft until it is in direct orbit of our planet. -Once you fire a presidential assistant, he will continue to hang around in the com center as you try to save the world, along with any children and campers that may be present. -When attempting to gain access to a top-secret military base, not only will the guard not ask you to provide I.D., but he will also let in the caravan of R.V.'s that are following. -No secret servicemen will accompany the President during a holocaust. -Immediately after flying out of L.A., a jet fighter will be over Nevada. -

Sun Aug 18 04:39:36 1996 Cyndi Kessler
Pregnancy- When two women who know each other are pregnant, they go into labor at the same time, in the same hospital, sometimes even in the same hospital labor room. ("9 Months," "Father of the Bride 2," etc.)

Sun Aug 18 05:13:34 1996 Phil Skamser
In chase scenes involving a man and a woman, the woman will always sprain her ankle.

Sun Aug 18 08:18:25 1996 Erin Hunt
Both heroes and villains in movies can bust through plate glass without getting hurt, or break a table with their heads and keep fighting!

Sun Aug 18 09:10:31 1996 Mike
Whenever a person is being chased by something that could flatten them like a pancake, they always run ahead of it for a while, and then go to the side of the objects path, rather than go to the side in the first place.

Sun Aug 18 15:17:17 1996 Kira
MEN: The black male character always dies first, often saving the younger, white hero.

Sun Aug 18 15:23:18 1996 kira
WOMEN: Women in movies always have incredible mulitiple orgasms despite the fact that their sex scenes with the hero generally consist of a)one minute of kissing, b)he removes her clothes, at which point she comes for the first time c) he kisses her on/near her breast. Cue 2nd orgasm and back-arching that would make a rhythmic gymnast envious. Finally d) the two minutes of penetrative sexual glory where they come at the same time even thogh the hero has been studiously avoiding her clitoris the whole time

Sun Aug 18 15:28:36 1996 Kira
MEN AND WOMEN; the Hero and Heroine are both totally dysfunctional. However, in order for him to become complete, she must counsel him as he talks about how his father wasn't there for him or he's always felt inferior to his older brother. (If his problems were with his mother he wouldn't be a hero, he'd be a psycho, but that's another story). The Heroine doesn't need ro talk to him about her problems. One good roll in the hay and she's a fully functional member of society once more!

Mon Aug 19 23:59:49 1996 Frank Mitchell
Corrollary to the "dying words" rule: as the dying character delivers his or her parting benediction, the villain cannot attack the surviving hero until the other one dies. (Perhaps he's composing the obligatory sarcastic comment to make just after the dying one breathes his or her last.)

Tue Aug 20 01:31:29 1996 Richard Poyle
PHONES: When someone slams the phone down and disconnects the call, the actor making the caller will always look at the handset with a surprised and puzzled look.

Tue Aug 20 01:33:27 1996 Richard Poyle
Super-intelligent characters, be they heroes or villians, ALWAYS play chess.

Tue Aug 20 09:48:28 1996 Stuart Barbie
Cars: >Rear Tyres always seem to lose traction and never the front. >The hero never Jumps in a slow car.(except Frank Drebin). >The bad guy will crash and escape on foot. >Cars are eithe brand new, or old and beyond fixing.

Wed Aug 21 00:41:16 1996 Judi Tilley
Anyone who gets soaking wet, be it due to falling into a swimming pool,lake,pond etc or standing in in the pouring rain, will SNEEZE and/or develop a cold within a few frames.Every time it happens I want to shout "You can't catch a cold that way!!"

Wed Aug 21 00:57:59 1996 Judi Tilley
Aren't these five words the greatest cliche of them all?..."LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!". Try and find a movie that DOESN'T contain this line!

Wed Aug 21 02:50:44 1996 Ben Hallert
Whenever a crime happens, no matter how small, sirens start immediately. That way, the criminals rob someone, then instantly have to leave because of the approaching sirens. Oh, and police ALWAYS show up with their sirens blaring. No sneaking here!

Wed Aug 21 02:52:29 1996 Ben Hallert
If something blows up, the fire-engines are on their way instantly, almost as if the sirens were automatically wired to start when an explosion went off. Amazing reaction time!

Wed Aug 21 05:16:42 1996 Howard Jackson
1)When someone is shot at ground level, the bullet blows them away backwards. When someone is shot from a lower level (usually while standing on a ledge with a rail in front of them), Newtonian physics are denied and they are sucked forward over the rail and fall off the ledge. 2)Corallary: When shot from a lower level, the victim is never killed by the bullet as evidenced by their scream as they FALL to their death. 3)Corallary to corallary: When taking a superior offensive position such as a roof, the bad guys prefer to offer the hero full body target exposure by standing straight up rather than lying down on their belly. 4)Tables are made out of Titanium when the hero is behind it and effectively stops all bullets. Tables are made out of brown damp kleenex when a bad guy is behind it, and cannot stop a beebee. 5)Being thrown 3 feet in the air from a grenade blast will kill up to 3 bad guys. If wearing a bullet proof vest, being blown by a shotgun through a window and landing flat on their spine will cause temporary discomfort to the hero. 6)Villains explode when being shot by the hero with a bazooka, or small missle, this saves the hero from feeling guilt 6)Corallary:If the hero is wearing a bullet proof vest, the bad guys know that it is poor sportsmenship to shoot them in the head. 7)When cooly walking away from a large explosion 20 ft behind them, the hero is spared the embarassment of being mutilated to pieces by flying razor edged debris. 8)The villain neatly explodes when shot by the hero with a bazooka or missle (which detonates on contact with soft flesh) as opposed to an unsightly bloody debulking of said villain's torso and inards as the projectile tears through, leaving the audience to think twice about the hero's methods.

Wed Aug 21 07:03:30 1996 Howard Jackson
1) Amorphous aliens, with no functional digits on their hands, managed to develop the fine craft of space ship construction and travel. 2) Human beings, who haven't the technology to fly manned flights to the closest planet, can often offer the most advanced hostile alien visitors a challenging fight. 3) Advanced aliens that travel millions of light years by bending time, to take over Earth, have to attack either at ground level or by an insiduous conspiracy. 4) Corallary: Advanced aliens need anything on Earth. Horror Movies 1) (late 1970's to 80's)Woe to the unfortunate second remaining survivor if they are not the heroine. 2) (late 1980's to present)Woe to the unfortunate third remaining survivor if they are not the heroine's love interest. 3) (Present)Woe to the unfortunate third survivor if they are not the heroine's love interest or black. 4) After PROPERLY killing the villain, the hero and heroine feel romantic and kiss passionately despite the very recent massacre of their social circle that same evening. 5) It is unhealthy to mourn the tortuous death of close friends for more than one scene. 6) When being chased by a demon/monster and you call the police for help, it is good form to tell them the fantastic truth, rather than a believable lie such as being terrorized by burglars. 7) Overweight police officers are ALWAYS killed. 8) Corallary: Overweight officers must either be plain asses, racist, bumbling fools, or conniving slimeballs. 9) Southern Cops (see above) 10) Overweight Southern cops ARE the monsters. 11) Too much radiation makes you like the taste of human flesh. 12) Alien/monsters who are so repulsed by men they kill them for just being there, can find women quite appealing as sexual partners/rape victims. 13) Corallary:All alien/monsters are hetero males. Hetero alien females can be found in the comedy section in your local video store. 14) Females raped by aliens and monsters are always in the 14'th to 18'th day of their menstrual cycle, and said villain's sperm are always genetically compatable to develop a viable fetus which will later undoubtably rip out of the poor girl's belly.

Wed Aug 21 08:13:33 1996 Don
The fact that a FAR advanced alien computer system can be linked with a 1996 run-of-the-mill laptop (no compatiablity problems) and upload a virus to it. (ID4)

Wed Aug 21 08:16:01 1996 Don
Don't stun guns put out 50,000 volts simply to knock a person unconsious for a few minutes? Yet 10,000 volts is plenty to stop a several ton dinosaur? (Jurassic Park)

Wed Aug 21 21:46:18 1996 Peter Lushing
"Police": when an officer or detective mentions how close he is to retirement, it's the kiss of death for him--he will not be alive at the end of the movie.

Thu Aug 22 02:46:34 1996 CRAIG HOUSNER
NUMBER 1:WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS TO FLY SOMEWHWERE IN A HURRY, THE PLANE IS INEVITABLY DELAYED. WHILE THE CHARACTER IS TALKING TO THE PERSON BEHIND THE COUNTER THE PEOPLE ON LINE WILL GET VERY ANNOYED. NUMBER 2:IN PHONE BOOTHS, SOMEONE WILL KNOCK ON THE BOOTH ASKING THE PERSON TO HURRY UP.

Fri Aug 23 15:16:48 1996 Andy McDermott
Weapons: Whenever automatic weapons are fired at the hero, shots that miss always explode at his feet or ping off nearby lamp-posts, flowers, barbed wire fences, etc. They never hit a wall 50 yards behind the hero or drop to the ground some distance away in accordance with Newton's laws. (Commando, The A-Team, etc)

Sat Aug 24 04:42:13 1996 James Fryer
The good guy manages to hit (and kill) every baddy he shoots with just one bullet, but any bad guy has trouble hitting a barn door with a fully automatic rifle that has approximatly 5000 rounds in it. By the same token the good guy is always able to avoid two or three (or more ) of these bad guys with these new types of guns.

Sat Aug 24 04:50:08 1996 Holly
Whenever the bad guy is in range of the hero or heroine, the good guys always pick a totally stupid and visible place to hide.

Sat Aug 24 12:37:06 1996 mitchell-bruce
Criminals- when a lacky realizes the evil plot his boss is up to instead of playing along and walking out latter they will confront the boss in his lair where they will be dispossed of with no problem

Sat Aug 24 12:39:41 1996 mitchell-bruce
Independence Day- Despite the fact that the mother ship weighs one forth the wieght of the moon and is much closer to the earth than the moon there is no gravitational effects on earth such as devestating tides.

Sat Aug 24 12:41:24 1996 mitchell-bruce
In disaster moives like Escape From L.A. who keeps all those fires in the garbage cans used for night scenes lit, and at a uniform consistancy also.

Sun Aug 25 02:31:42 1996 Terri Pinder
Most movie women wear thigh-high stockings rather than pantyhose. The women who DO wear pantyhose never have the seam-lines imprinted into their abdomens or elastic waistband marks around their waistlines when they remove their pantyhose to have sex!

Sun Aug 25 04:32:37 1996 JUAN ESCOBAR
1. BETTER NOT LOOK MISS! 2. SOMETHING WITH THE STRENGTH OF TEN MEN MUST HAVE DONE THIS. 3 EVERYBODY MOVE BACK-GIVE EM SOME AIR. Hey, your site is what I have been looking for. For years I have been working on a list of 'LINES FROM OLD MOVIES WITHOUT WHICH OLD MOVIES COULD NOT BE OLD MOVIES! WE NEED TO TALK...EMAIL ME SOON. I have them for all catagories of films. WAR..Old British Mystery films...Tacky 50s Horror films etc. Hope to hear from you soon.. I think we share a lot, including the search for the perfect female with great sense of humor and funny body to match. I am in San Diego. Juan

Sun Aug 25 04:46:40 1996 Joel Richler
Whenever a passenger on an airplane is being surprised by someone else on the plane (usually a romantic surprise), the new passenger comes from the rear of the plane. In reality, on almost all plab\nes, passengers enter from the front. Examples: Home for the Holidays; I Love Trouble

Sun Aug 25 20:18:04 1996 Dave D.
Heroes: Heroes can hang by one hand for an extended period of time, despite the fact that they may have been shot or seriously beaten. Men: Men with hairy chests will never have hair on their upper arms or backs (Bob Hoskins notwithstanding) Minorities: The black guy is usually trustworthy. Conversely, the black guy usually gets killed Weapons: A hero will point a weapon at a thug and ask for information. When the thug wont talk, the hero will then dramatically cock the weapon to reinforce that they mean business, and then ask the question again. Typically this will make the thug talk

Mon Aug 26 08:53:40 1996 Pierre Savoie
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (as seen in the television movies MAZES & MONSTERS, HONOR THY MOTHER or CRUEL DOUBT; however, it was given a positive scene in E.T.): Whenever teen-agers get involved in the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy-fiction role-playing game, the game (in the movies) supposedly influences teens to go crazy or commit murders. In MAZES & MONSTERS (1982), the game is not named. In both HONOR THY MOTHER and CRUEL DOUBT (aired on television in 1992), the game is specifically named but either the cover, quotations or artwork in the game have to be faked. There has never been a case before of a television network falsifying a best-selling book on television. The fans are getting pretty tired of it.

Mon Aug 26 21:45:48 1996 Pat Steppic
Bodily Functions: Vomiting. Vomiting is accompanied by excessive coughing and, for lack of a better word, groaning, even though gagging is a relatively quiet process.

Mon Aug 26 22:27:16 1996 Marcia Zimmerman
In nine out of ten hospital scenes, the PA system will announce: "Paging Dr. Seidelman," in a soft woman's voice.

Wed Aug 28 05:57:17 1996 Don
Problem with a weapons cliche. Someone said that no movie character ever refers to the saftey on a weapon. I'd like to point out a part close to the ending of Die Hard 3 where one of our heros is shot because he couldn't fire first due to the saftey being on.

Wed Aug 28 16:14:02 1996 Ben Hughes
Aliens only ever seem to invade the U.S.A., leaving the rest of the world to go about its buisiness.

Thu Aug 29 22:15:56 1996 Jeff Woiton
BOMBS -- The simple act of disarming a bomb by clipping a wire is sufficient to cause immediate trembling of the hands and profuse sweating, sometimes combined with sudden irritability.

Fri Aug 30 06:45:06 1996 Tim Balzer
In a footchase collision bystanders are always knocked flying by the fleeing villian. The comparitive sizes of the two are irrelelavant. The villian will never be entangled with those they collide with.

Fri Aug 30 06:50:33 1996 Tim Balzer
In Westerns Indians very rarely will hit their opponents with gunfire, even if the majority are using firearms. Virtually all casualties will be inlficted by arrows, thrown lances, or even hurled tommahawks rather than bullets. 3d movies decrease Indian marksmanship even further.

Fri Aug 30 11:20:04 1996 Sami Ronkainen
More information magically appears to video footage or photographs when they are magnified. A blurred piece of "something" will become a sharp picture of the villain's (or whoever's) face (resulting from a magical increase of resolution of the film/tape) when it is magnified enough.

Fri Aug 30 13:04:27 1996 Markku Herd
Computers: However advanced the operating system, all commands require extensive typing on the keyboard. A mouse is unheard of in Movieland.

Mon Sep 2 00:07:18 1996 Stephen Heffernan
Car-CHASES How come when cars are speeding over grass or sandy ground ,we can hear the sound of squealing rubber

Mon Sep 2 07:32:46 1996 Akash Jayaprakash
Under the category of Nightmares-- Despite the fact that it is proven that humans are paralyzed during REM (dream) sleep--which is why we don't fly out of our bed when we go running in our dreams--all movie characters shown having dreams (especially erotic or frightening ones) react physically to the content of their dream, esp. tossing and turning.

Mon Sep 2 12:31:20 1996 clayton moriceau
Why is it that aliens always look like something that crawled out of dog's backside yet they are always able to confer profound wisdom upon the human race.

Mon Sep 2 22:24:53 1996 Seeing Mole
ID4 Pentagon programmers are so experienced that they can in less than 12 hours program a virus which is aimed at an alien computer system millions years advanced than Earth. That would be like someone with an ABACUS would be able to hack into the Pentagon computer systems and also eventually be able to halt the system completely. Computers The Internet in movieland is a very userfriendly place with lots of graphic and real time 3D animations. Movieland modems are also about 10 times faster than a T1 line.

Tue Sep 3 12:25:28 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
HOUSES: When something bad has happened to the tenant, the door of the house/apartment is strangely unlocked.

Wed Sep 4 00:20:47 1996 eugene wang
Bars: patrons never pay because a fight inevitablly breaks out or there is someone saying "Drinks are on me/the house!"(Does that ever happen to you?) Driving: drivers don't look at the road as much as the keeping eye contact with their passenger. Monsters/killers: Despite some sort of walking impediment, always ends up in front of the pursued, especially as they look back for them.

Wed Sep 4 13:21:24 1996 Andy McDermott
Bombs: any electronic timing device will count down the time to detonation using a huge red LED display which makes loud 'beep' noises as each second passes, even if the bomb has been planted with concealment in mind. The 'beep' rule also applies to any digital countdown, be it watches, microwave ovens, scoreboards, etc.

Wed Sep 4 13:34:21 1996 Andy McDermott
Villains: if the villain is armed and the hero is either unarmed or has a lesser weapon (knife to gun, etc) then the villain can be persuaded to surrender his advantage and engage in exciting one-on-one combat by a simple taunt from the hero. (Commando)

Wed Sep 4 19:25:51 1996 Phil Schaefer
for the villains list: All villains have a hierarchy structure in which the lowest members will die first and quickly. The higher ranking villains die later and usually a more graphic death. The leader of the group will always die last in some very painful and gruesome manner.

Wed Sep 4 20:02:39 1996 Mike Gomon
Chess: A game is always played until one player is actually set checkmate (this NEVER happens in real life where a game ends as soon as one player is obviously defeated and gives up)

Wed Sep 4 20:05:17 1996 Mike Gomon
Chess: A game is always played until one player is actually set checkmate (this NEVER happens in real life where a game ends as soon as one player is obviously defeated and gives up -> see "Blade Runner")

Wed Sep 4 21:00:46 1996 David Naylor
'The smarter you are...The worse the world looks.

Thu Sep 5 05:02:44 1996 Steven Bolbot
The FA-18 Will Smith flys in ID4 is as highly manouverable as the alien ship persuing him.

Fri Sep 6 23:48:08 1996 >ENDA FITZSIMONS - 17
Why is it that in all those action movies, when a person's gun runs out of bullets - they throw it away! pointless really!

Sat Sep 7 21:29:12 1996 Bruce Frassinelli
When a driver arrives at his or her destination in any major city, there is always a convenient and available parking space right in front of the building to be entered.

Sun Sep 8 11:23:10 1996 Aaron Hartley
People who have their throats slit die immediately as if all the blood instaneously exits their body after the knife is drawn across their neck.

Sun Sep 8 11:25:01 1996 Aaron Hartley
When people who are being resucitated by paramedics die the medical personell only works on them for about 30 seconds before they are pronounced dead instead of the hours they sometimes work on people before giving up.

Sun Sep 8 11:26:50 1996 Aaron Hartley
When people are strangled it takes only a few seconds too die instead of a couple of minutes it takes for the brain to die of oxygen depravation.

Sun Sep 8 12:28:39 1996 Johan Westlund
1. Computers: Computers with some kind of advanced graphical interface requier the user to type in commands in order to change the picture/3d model/suspect portrait/whatever but the user gets NO feedback at all to what he/she is typing! You see the model, you hear the character typing (A LOT) and then the model changes. (See Doomsday Gun/Savage/any movie with a police computer. Police: Like this? Vitness: No,no. He had longer hair. [typeti typeti typeti] Picture changes.) 2. Strangling A hero can strangle any bad guy in less then 30 seconds dispite the fact that any person can survive without air for AT LEAST one or two minutes! (And they don't die for another 3 or 4 minutes!)

Mon Sep 9 13:01:35 1996 duncan
independence day

Mon Sep 9 22:10:01 1996 Bill Hunter
Computer security systems are always represented as detailed 3D graphics of rooms and doors which the hacker moves through like they were playing Doom. Said Hacker negotiates this virtual world by typing rapidly on the keyboard like they were entering a document in a word-processor, even though no text is seen entered on the screen.

Tue Sep 10 09:02:35 1996 Alexander Lum
Identical twins will almost always wear the same clothes, have the same hairstyle, and will talk in perfect unison.

Tue Sep 10 11:45:06 1996 Jan Van den Bulck
When women with a job first encounter the hero they are usually uptight. The symbol of this is the fact that they have their hair in a bun (or something similar). Usually they also wear glasses. When they undo their hair and take off their glasses this always signals they are about to kiss (and make love to) the hero. After that, they usually give up the old hairstyle. And they don't need glasses any longer.

Tue Sep 10 20:29:23 1996 orin shepherd
LOCKS- No matter how thick, or how complicated, any lock can be annihilated with a single bullet from a handgun. PRISONS- Every prison must have a seasoned black man who's been there his whole life, who at first is quiet, but later on shows the hero the only way to escape-- usually through a utility shaft. All heroes who are imprisioned are never there for something they've actually done wrong. They've always either been framed or given a life sentence for some mediocre futuristic crime. (In "Fortress", life imprisonment for having 2 babies)

Tue Sep 10 22:40:28 1996 Sophie Dembling
Women in movies all wear Merry Widows or garter belts. Pantyhose have not yet been invented in Hollywood.

Wed Sep 11 09:11:22 1996 Adam Zar
All action heroes were born with some sort of mutated eye membrane which allows them to ride motorcycles at 95mph without any eye protection and yet never have to worry about not being able to see or getting a bug in their eye.

Wed Sep 11 15:46:06 1996 Eduard Habsburg
In the category "Fencing/Swordplay", one EXTREMELY IMPORTANT scene is missing: -Towards the end of the fight, the hero usually falls to the ground with his sword in his hand. The villain, triumphantly and extremely slow, will raise his sword with two hands, thereby exposing his belly. As villain moves forward for the fatal blow, the hero rams his sword into aforesaid place. This, of course, terminates the fight. And two favourite clich�s for the new category "horror movies": -Whenever wife wakes up in strange house at night to the sound of something that frightens her and tries to wake her husband, he will grunt, turn around and doze off again. The wife will then take a candle and walk out alone into the darkness. -"Darling, while you go to the attic and see what made the noise, I will go down to the basement to check why the lights have gone out."

Wed Sep 11 23:36:55 1996
independent

Thu Sep 12 02:41:17 1996 Chris Fitzwalter Chris Fitzwalter
In sci-fi or space movies, the hero will always have faster-than-light-speed reflexes which enable him or her to deftfully dodge blasts from enemy laser guns.

Thu Sep 12 10:21:42 1996 Brad Mills
When hero is being attacked by two villains with swords, he always manages to duck at just the right time allowing the two villains to thrust their swords into each other, killing both. When hero and miss love-interest are running away from villain/monster, miss love-interest will trip and hurt her ankle.

Fri Sep 13 01:01:29 1996 Brant Cooper
Bombs: Hero always almost cuts the wrong wire, before cutting the correct one -- then comes the sigh of relief. The exception, I think if I remember correctly, is Lethal Weapon 1 where they poked fun at this. Mel chose one wire, then went to the other, only to clip the wrong one!

Fri Sep 13 01:32:19 1996 Brant Cooper
hero/sidekick or way women are portrayed: At the climax of the movie, the hero always starts off on his own or says "You stay here." Sidekick/woman always argues with hero. Hero goes off on his own. Sidekick/woman waits 5 seconds that goes off, too. Sidekick/woman gets in trouble and hero saves him/her or sidekick/woman saves hero's life.

Sun Sep 15 05:34:57 1996 Druff
The only aircraft used by the Navy and the Marines is the F/A-18 Hornet. They actually own millions of them, all within ten minutes flying distance from each other. Taken from ID4

Sun Sep 15 05:38:50 1996 Druff
In space,even though it contradicts the laws of physics, when objects are blown up, they explode, instead of imploding.

Mon Sep 16 17:47:04 1996 Michael Reiter
When driving a car, the hero only has to take a short glance in the rearviewmirror to determine that he is being chased. Even in heavy traffic. ("That grey car has been following us for 15 minutes...)

Mon Sep 16 18:15:35 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: all movie police cars, no matter how new, are fitted with a mix of crossply and radial retreads so that taking a corner at any speed above 3mph will result in an exciting rear-end skid.

Mon Sep 16 18:27:13 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: movieland cars have the amazing ability to automatically remove dents, replace lost hubcaps, fix smashed headlights and so on in the shot after said damage has occurred. Best example: the yellow Porsche in Commando, though Broken Arrow and Striking Distance come close.

Mon Sep 16 18:32:05 1996 Andy McDermott
Bars: nobody in a movie *ever* finishes a drink, especially if they've just paid good money for it.

Mon Sep 16 18:35:49 1996 Andy McDermott
Cabs: all taxis taken by a major character in American films are of the Checker variety, despite the fact that 99.9% of real cabs are either Chevy Caprices or Ford LTDs.

Mon Sep 16 18:42:00 1996 Andy McDermott
Villains: all movie villains have an almost inexhaustible supply of cannon fodder at their disposal, which will only run out after the hero has 'killed' the villain for the first time. NB: in any Steven Segal film, half the cannon fodder will apparently beam down from the starship Enterprise midway through a fight, there having been no sign of them before.

Wed Sep 18 09:33:06 1996 Richie Castles
The canine hero(ine) who just died sadly at the end has, unbeknownst to its owner, recently spawned a litter of nauseously cute puppies who come bounding playfully through the door on cue, thereby reaffirming life and its ongoing spirit. Whatsmore, the puppies are an exact 50/50 crossbreed between the (eg. St.Bernard) hero and its (eg. dalmatian) partner (i.e. long-haired, spotty St.Bernards).

Wed Sep 18 14:59:40 1996 Amit Sandhu
In ID4, it seems that the only way to communicate with super-intelligent aliens is by patronising them with a display of flashing lights. Also, only after about 300 000 000 people are killed does Bill Pullman decide that "We're being exterminated." When Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith go into space, there's nothing to do for the stripper and the press secretary except cling to each other and quiver. When planes are taking off, while pursued by a cloud of fire, they will always escape by a few inches. What's more, the choppers that take the president and company to the airport somehow manage to travel faster than the firewall, as does the plane while taking off. Maintenance closets are the best bomb shelters. If the Statue of Liberty fell, it wouldn't break. What's more, 36 spaceships being blown up around the world simultaneously would all crash in exactly the same way. What's more, while the USA only just managed to blow up it's spaceship, places like Australia and India had no problems destroying theirs. One final thing is that even though aliens blew up all of Sydney, the one thing that identifies it to American viewers, the Opera House is left standing, incredible when you consider that it's less than i.5 km from the city centre.

Wed Sep 18 14:59:57 1996 Amit Sandhu
In ID4, it seems that the only way to communicate with super-intelligent aliens is by patronising them with a display of flashing lights. Also, only after about 300 000 000 people are killed does Bill Pullman decide that "We're being exterminated." When Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith go into space, there's nothing to do for the stripper and the press secretary except cling to each other and quiver. When planes are taking off, while pursued by a cloud of fire, they will always escape by a few inches. What's more, the choppers that take the president and company to the airport somehow manage to travel faster than the firewall, as does the plane while taking off. Maintenance closets are the best bomb shelters. If the Statue of Liberty fell, it wouldn't break. What's more, 36 spaceships being blown up around the world simultaneously would all crash in exactly the same way. What's more, while the USA only just managed to blow up it's spaceship, places like Australia and India had no problems destroying theirs. One final thing is that even though aliens blew up all of Sydney, the one thing that identifies it to American viewers, the Opera House is left standing, incredible when you consider that it's less than i.5 km from the city centre.

Wed Sep 18 15:38:09 1996 Amit Sandhu
In a plane hijacking, the copilot or the really attractive hostess is always in on the bad guy's evil plan. Alcoholic women are either yuppie workaholics or yokels 37 kids an, an abusive husband and a goat. Aliens are humanoid, hairless and often have tentacles. What's more, they often feel a totally unwarranted hatred towards the human race ie. ID4 and Alien. You can't hurt the hero "It's only a flesh wound. Homeless people and unemployed winos make the best chess playes ie. Fresh Computer viruses work immediately after uploading ie. ID4 and The Net. Also in The Net, a woman who spends her entire life with computers thinks that Wolfenstein 3D is a brand new game. In jail, a wrongly accused inmate will always find a sympathetic guard, who protects him from the prison queers.

Wed Sep 18 21:30:17 1996
Whenever a computer supposedly comes to life, it's owner usually ends up bashing it in with a hammer or similar object. However, the first thing that the owner hits is always the monitor, and rarely the CPU is ever touched, thus acomplishing nothing.

Wed Sep 18 22:03:57 1996 Rochelle G.
Women-Women in movies based on classics (i.e. the recent proliferation of Jane Austen movies) are always well-endowed. In the most recent movies, there is an element of feminism even though you can be sure that there wasn't a trace of it in the original novels.

Wed Sep 18 23:30:52 1996 Andrew Hyatt
A hero or heroine that has a job bussing tables, always is incredibly busy and has about 40 complaining customers half of whom are waiting for their bill, and half who just received the wrong order of food.

Wed Sep 18 23:55:20 1996 Paul Grubb
People who will eventually catch fire can be easily identified by the bulky coveralls they wear.

Thu Sep 19 04:05:57 1996 DJones
Any photograph from a movie can, if needed, be enlarged indefinitely without losing resolution, in order to discover clues such as the date on a newspaper sticking out of the back pocket of some bystander 3 blocks away. Also, any grainy blurred image from a store's surveillance camera can easliy be 'enhanced' to a crystal clear studio portrait of the perp.

Thu Sep 19 06:04:37 1996 James Richter
Characters never need their glasses again to see once they have taken the glasses off.

Thu Sep 19 16:43:11 1996 Jan Van den Bulck
SNIPERS Villains always carry funny-looking foreign guns, like the Austrian Steyr. This signals extreme specialisation and therefore perfect aim and deadliness, even though in reality such guns are at best only marginally more accurate than an average M16. The villain, using his sofisticated weapon, will drop the sidekick at the first shot, but from that point on will be unable to hit anyone else, especially the hero. The sniper is always one a crane, and the hero will shoot him from an amazing distance, using a .38 snub-nose revolver without aiming. The sofisticated sniper-rifle will jam at the exact moment when the hero reaches the top of the stairs. Homemade sniper rifles are easy to produce. There is always some old guy with glasses who makes these rifles for villains who will always shoot them instead of paying. Homemade sniper rifles can be hidden easily. Usually they are hidden in crutches and even the largest police force in the world using the most sofisticated equipment will not be able to find it. Homemade sniper rifles made from bits of tube, a stock looking like a crutch, and a firing pin made from a nail, are accurate up to 2 miles and easy to handle and fire. When unfortunate snipers with homemade rifles only bring 2 bullets they will miss on both occasions due to amazing coincidences.

Fri Sep 20 21:05:07 1996 Craig Zacker
1. Heroes always have highly specialized equipment ready for use at a moment's notice (eg: the little go-cart in Speed that the cops carry around in case they have to work under a moving bus). 2. Any time you see a winch pulling a cable, it's gonna break (eg: Speed, same scene). 3. Characters who fire a revolver at someone until it's empty, click twice on an empty chamber, and then throw the gun at the target.

Sat Sep 21 16:02:34 1996 Jeffrey M. Powers
This is an add on to the Independence day that just bugged me. I just love it when a neighboring alien species comes to attack the earth one city at a time, that the people like to follow the rules of the road when mass paniking, by jamming up the right side of the road, leaving the other side free for anybody who needs to get into the city to warn the President of a global countdown, can do so.

Sat Sep 21 19:44:35 1996 Nic Rosettie
Whenever the hero or heroine meets a mentally ill person, that person will hold the key to the whole mystery.

Sat Sep 21 23:41:22 1996 Ginger
Ehen shopping, one only purchases as many bagfulls as one is capable of carrying her/himself.

Sun Sep 22 00:02:45 1996 gINGER
No one ever forgets what he was going to say, says the wrong thing and corrects himself, or runs out of anything to say.

Sun Sep 22 10:33:31 1996 Amanda Jo
"I did it for Johnny"

Sun Sep 22 20:28:51 1996 Robert Erck
If a bad guy is chasing a woman through her house, she will not run out the patio door, but will cower helplessly in a closet, the basement, or the attic. Despite having escaped from prison only 24 hours ago, movie villains always have access to plenty of money and cars, and always know where their victim lives and works. Butlers and maids never know anything, except when the detective runs out of clues, then it turns out that they have seen and heard everything. A bad guy will always be killed by the wild animal/snake/spider that he brought in to kill the good guy. The door/hatch to the roof is always unlocked to allow the hero/heroine to escape to the roof for the dramatic fight scene. Steel ventilating grills can always be removed from the wall with a sharp pull. Ventilating shafts are always spotlessly clean. Mad scientists are always boiling colored liquids in beakers and flasks. Mad scientists also boil liquids in graduated cylinders, which are used for measuring things, not boiling. The liquids are always green, red or blue. When an experiment goes awry, the power can never be shut off. The malfunctioning equipment will always blow up in 60 seconds, lending drama to the scene, never 6 seconds or 20 hours. The weather is always obligingly clear when mad scientists first try their death rays. Good guys always have the correct tools laying around to defuse the bomb, and never experience the problem of Phillips vs. normal screwdrivers. Computers boot up, and video monitors turn on, in about two seconds. Motion sensing detectors can always be fooled by tiptoeing and walking slowly past them. The roof of the cave will always fall down when the heroine bumps against the wall. Rocks will start to fall exactly one second after rumbling noises are heard. The rock that falls on top of anyone, pinning him down, is always too large for him/her to shove aside alone. But the rock is never too heavy to be moved by the hero when he comes to help. Heroines frantically yank on rocks, but never move them. Falling rocks fall directly on top of villains. They miss the good guys by 3 feet. Drowned swimmers can always be revived by performing CPR on them exactly three times. (Baywatch) Voices in a cave echo as if in an auditorium, no matter what the size of the cave. Caves always drip water, even in the desert. Women faint first. They gracefully sink to the floor. Men hold their heads, then fall over. Men revive first and then revive the women by shaking them. Heroes (men or women) always faint last, and revive first. Poison/knockout gas is always white in appearance. It always makes a hissing sound. Intended victims never hold their breath and run away or open a window. Despite the fact that large caliber handguns weigh up to 5 pounds, evil villianesses wave them around like they are made of styrofoam. Women can't break glass windows to escape a pursuing monster/villain, either with a nearby object or with a shoe. Men diving out through glass windows always land on soft grass and roll to a safe stop. If you fall from second-story window, you will land on your back. There will be a hedge between you and the camera. Or, the camera will be tilted up so that you are never seen striking the ground. You will always be found in the spread-eagle position, not sadly crumpled up, as in real life. Bad guys who point guns at good guys stand six inches away, allowing the good guy to knock the gun out of their hand. Horses ridden by cowboys are bulletproof. Because saloons in the old west have only hinged shutters in the doorway, it is apparent that 1) saloons are open 24 hours a day, and 2) outside temperatures never go below 70 degrees. Cars that overheat due to a clogged radiator, apparently stop running due to ignition failure (sputter, sputter, die). It is not known how the radiator causes the ignition to quit.

Sun Sep 22 23:51:44 1996 James J. Matthews
When the hero first sees the heroine, she's doing something unladylike or mannish. What really makes it a cliche is that this behavior is one-off: she goes back into her corner afterward. Examples: In _Arthur_, Dudley Moore sees Liza Minelli shoplifting. In _Doc Hollywood_, Michael J. Fox sees Julie Warner skinny-dipping. In _Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves_, Kevin Costner sees Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in a swordfight, dressed as a man. In _Crossroads_, Ralph Macchio sees Jami Gertz flash her bare back, then point a gun at him. (Two for the price of one!) In _Far and Away_, Tom Cruise sees Nicole Kidman attack him with a pitchfork. In _Star Wars_, Carrie Fisher is first seen pointing a small space-gun. (One of the only scenes where she uses a weapon.) I've lost count of the movies where he sees her riding a horse. (_Revenge_ was so cheesy Madeleine Stowe was walking the horse!)

Mon Sep 23 03:23:05 1996 Graham Hawkins
Mirrors: Although the person is observing themselves in a mirror and the camera, pointing to a mirror, is situated at an angle to it we can nevertheless observe the person's reflection also.

Tue Sep 24 23:10:12 1996 Larry andrade
When the space ship in independace day that will smith is driving starts communicating with the mother ship when along the line does the mothe ship ask the fighter ship the normal squadron inventory questions such as "What is your ship Number" "Who is driving you" What weapons are you carrying and when were you last in a mother ship!!!" The secound they would have noticed that that ship had not been seen since 1954 in roswell new mexico the wwould have been blown sky high!!!!!1

Thu Sep 26 03:27:16 1996 Mike Baram
(Independence Day)Neurotic Jewish geniuses and wise cracking African-Americans will always outwit aliens who have destroyed everything in their path.

Thu Sep 26 10:54:23 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: movie cars can be driven at high speed into car park/ roadblock barriers, safe in the knowledge that they're made of balsa wood and will just bounce harmlessly off the windscreen.

Fri Sep 27 03:49:24 1996 Brandi
When a person is electrocuted, the flow of electricity stops as soon as the person is dead.

Fri Sep 27 04:49:51 1996 Luis Jacobo
Rule of Detective's girlfriend's ESP: Whenever the detective is being kissed by a woman, it is that moment his girlfriend walks in.

Fri Sep 27 04:51:19 1996 Luis Jacobo
Whenever a woman finds herself in a bloody crime scene, she will always pick up the first weapon she finds. Then the police will blame her.

Fri Sep 27 08:04:53 1996 nicola griffiths
When a gun battle is blazing, the bad guys always miss, whereas the good guys get he shothe firs time, every time.

Fri Sep 27 08:07:15 1996 Nicola Griffiths
I don't know if the last email got through - why is it when a gun battle is blazing that the bad guys always miss and the good guys always get their shot in, no matter what the angle or distance

Fri Sep 27 10:07:08 1996 Krishna Moorthy
All lovemaking scenes these days have a "woman-on-top" sequence! All computer systems in so-called hi-tech movies use a magical database system - one that needs no passwords, no login ids and most importantly, these databases use interfaces that even Arnie and Stallone can master in a few seconds. And yes computers can give you info about anything in these movies. Invariably, files and records of a wanted man are deleted from the system just when the police is searching for him but wait - the same person exists under a different name on the computer files and will have a criminal record, a wife and a daughter. Wanted men always have daughters.

Fri Sep 27 22:37:29 1996 Dylan Pank
Space: when a space ship is travelling around, at any speed the stars move past like any other scenery, as if they are very small and quite nearby (cf. 2001, star Wars death star sequence)

Fri Sep 27 22:43:08 1996 Dylan Pank
Many spaceships in future centuries will feature plaster in their construction, which will then fall from the ceiling when the spaceship ship is struck by laser fire.

Sun Sep 29 02:36:48 1996 Jeremy Birn
About 1 out of every 5 women are prostitutes. Prostitutes are naive young women with hearts of gold, well qualified for modelling careers, who never drink, smoke, steal, or use drugs, but whose one weakness is a tendancy to fall in love with their troubled clients while trying to help them.

Sun Sep 29 02:48:06 1996 Jeremy Birn
All phone numbers begin with 555-. When you only hear a touchtone dialing, it is three identical beeps for the 5s. All advertisements, signs on sides of cabs, etc., list numbers starting with 555-. Clever ads will make the 5s spell something, such as LLL-NITE phone operators.

Sun Sep 29 02:52:07 1996 Jeremy Birn
At night, all streets and sidewalks of a city are always wet, as though it has just rained. Every night. Especially in cities with bright lights like Las Vegas, Nevada.

Sun Sep 29 04:26:36 1996 Mark Wintle
To add to traffic: When there is a chase, other drivers never pull over when these see two speeding, shooting, swerving vehicles wrecking every other car on the road. They merely honk.

Sun Sep 29 17:28:41 1996 M Neumann
The security guard (no matter how awake and compitent) always dies.

Mon Sep 30 06:25:50 1996 David
When ever cars are chasing each other at night the streets are wet, even though it has never once been raining in the movie.

Tue Oct 1 21:42:42 1996 Brian Watson
When a woman wants to have sex, she will do the following: Stand 3 to 4 feet in front of the wide-eyed man, facing him. She then uses her right hand to slowly slide the left strap of her dress/lingerie off her shoulder. Then she uses her left hand to lower the right strap, then peels down her dress. The man initiates contact by reaching out slowly with his right hand to touch her left breast. (White Squall, etc.)

Wed Oct 2 10:58:46 1996 Ben
Bombs- The LED will display 3 seconds and the camera will then cut to the hero frantically disassembling the bomb or sweating over which wire to cut for at least 5 seconds then the camera will cut back to the timer which has only ticked over 1 second.

Thu Oct 3 02:16:52 1996 Seth Ellestad
All explosions whether involving flammable liquid incendiary agents or not always detonate like a 55 gallon drum of gasoline, resulting in a huge roilling ball of fire. This is frequently accompanied by prodigious ammount of oil smoke and in really special scenes may also include spark-shooting fireworks that whistle.

Thu Oct 3 05:38:28 1996 Darren
When a hearing person loses his/her hearing due to some traumatic event (explosion, disease, brain tumor) they IMMEDIATELY lose all ability to use their voice, teeth, tongue, and lips to form words. Miraculously, they are INSTANTLY fluent in American Sign Language. Even more amazingly, every person around them also becomes an instant expert in sign language.

Thu Oct 3 12:19:06 1996 cornelius
When the camera shows the hero in the front perspictive and it slowly moves into the background ,then you can be absolutely sure that something comes from behind!

Thu Oct 3 13:27:39 1996 ned wilson
two police partners will always argue over who is going to drive, usually after recieving a hot new lead or when about to chase the bad guys

Thu Oct 3 13:36:02 1996 ned wilson
Bar/Drinking: A depressed person will always go to a bar and ask for a stong drink...you better make that a double

Thu Oct 3 14:09:53 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's in an elevator

Thu Oct 3 14:12:55 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator

Thu Oct 3 14:13:15 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's in an elevator

Thu Oct 3 14:13:26 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator

Thu Oct 3 14:14:43 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator

Thu Oct 3 14:25:17 1996 ned wilson
peolple wanting to comitt suicide will always be talked down off the ledge.

Thu Oct 3 14:49:07 1996 Mat Wasley
There are two good ways to look hard when firing guns in movies: Firstly fire the gun with your wrist at 90 degrees (i.e. back of hand upwards) Secondly fire two guns at once. The way to look really good is to fire a gun in each hand with both wrists at 90 degrees. See "The Usual Suspects" for some good examples.

Fri Oct 4 05:49:26 1996 Anna Emanuel
EATING: People sit down to eat, say "I'm starving" then move the food around the plate, eat one bite, chew on it for 10 minutes and never eat anymore. In the park people buy a hot dog, eat one bite and throw the rest away. Coffee or tea cups are never filled, only a slurp is ever poured, you can't even see it in the cup. People sit down to a meal, a crisis happens and everyone leaves the table with all the food just left - (for who?) People chew forever on one bite.

Fri Oct 4 05:58:35 1996 Anna Emanuel
INDEPENDENCE DAY Although the alien civilization is millions of years ahead in technology, they understand Windows and earth viruses and have no protection from any uploads into their computer systems.(which look suspiciously like IBM clones)

Fri Oct 4 15:19:25 1996 NED WILSON
FOLLOW THAT CAB

Sat Oct 5 08:58:17 1996 Marc Slanger
Space: When talking to an alien or robot, you will talk to him in English, he will talk to you in (often subtitled) jibberish and you will both understand each other perfectly.

Sat Oct 5 09:00:10 1996 Marc Slanger
Space: Doors on spacecraft are five sided with a diagonal side in each corner.

Sat Oct 5 09:03:39 1996 Marc Slanger
guns: when the good guy doesn't have a gun, niether do the bad guys and they must fight hand to hand. When the good guy gets a gun again, so do the bad guys.

Sat Oct 5 09:05:54 1996 Marc Slanger
elevators: every elevator has a trap door in the ceiling that can be climbed out of.

Sat Oct 5 09:07:31 1996 Marc Slanger
villians: the bad is the one with the pony tail and beard stubble.

Sat Oct 5 09:12:43 1996 Marc Slanger
fighting: If a bad guy sneaks up on you from behind, simply make a fist, then bend your arm and jerk it upwards into a straight up and down position and your foe will be instantly knocked out.

Sat Oct 5 09:13:25 1996 Marc Slanger
sex: women don't thrust

Sat Oct 5 09:15:18 1996 Marc Slanger
The black guy will be killed in the scene following his close-up and big lines.

Sat Oct 5 19:42:44 1996 James J. Matthews
When a layabout/substance abuser/petty crook turns over a new leaf and gets a regular job, it'll be in a machine shop where he'll work with one of those vertical drill presses with an overhead rotary handle. (See _Raising Arizona_, _Drugstore Cowboy_, or _Trust_.)

Sat Oct 5 20:05:49 1996 James J. Matthews
A TV cliche that's been creeping into movies: if you want to show how tough the hero is, have him confront a _weak_ person. That way, even inattentive viewers will get the point. Example: in _Lean on Me_ high school principal Morgan Freeman bullies a short, fat kid who wears glasses. (It's for his own good, you see.)

Sat Oct 5 21:07:41 1996 Anthony Hardy
Why is it that whenever someone kills an evil blob, alien, bad guy, etc., he or she INSISTS on slowly walking up to the body to MAKE SURE that it's dead, usually resulting in the thing jumping up and killing the person that tried to kill it? Just an observation.

Sun Oct 6 12:30:32 1996 James Parker
GUNS No matter what the make and country of origin of a gun, any character will automatically be able to load, aim and fire the gun. Guns always have an inordinate amount of ammo, and never run out unless it is crucial to plot or a hero is in atight spot. Enemies fire thousands of bullets but never hit their targets, conversely heros can hit as many enemies with the same number of bullets and kill them instantly.

Sun Oct 6 18:33:05 1996 Chris Raines
I dont know if you have this one because the weapons list is so long, but here goes: When a villain is shotting the hero while the hero is on the run, the villian never tries to shoot ahead of his target, but instead leaves a trail of bullets about 3 inches from the hero's heels. Thank you for taking the time to read this. You can reword it a little if you like.

Sun Oct 6 18:46:26 1996 Chris Raines
Did you see Mission Immpossible? If so, you would've laughed your head off when you saw the part where Tom Cruise has to get the secret files from the department of defense computer. The first thing I dont understand is when the computer operater comes in, why didn't he see Tom dangling from the cable in his perifial vision. Number two why is it that this room that holds some of the most important top secret files in the world, have all these advances secrity features such as preassure sensors and heat detectors that can detect a change whithin a fraction of a degree, but dont have such basic things as a survaliance camera. That simple thing would've caught Cruise as he was not wearing any type of disquise. Thank you and sorry about the spelling.

Sun Oct 6 23:11:52 1996 C. Goodwin
A corollary to battles in space: these usually involve human beings firing laser cannons at each other's ships from turrets which came straight out of a WW2 bomber. And they last a long time. A real space battle would almost certainly be fought by computer-guided ships which travelled at several kilometers per second and fired almost anything at each other. A nail travelling at a few km/sec would make a hole in most space ships.

Sun Oct 6 23:14:16 1996 C. Goodwin
A group of teenagers in danger from a psychopath (or vampire, monster etc) will always feel much safer if they wander around alone, preferably walking backwards most of the time.

Sun Oct 6 23:15:11 1996 C. Goodwin
A group of teenagers in danger from a psychopath (or vampire, monster etc) will always feel much safer if they wander around alone, preferably walking backwards most of the time.

Sun Oct 6 23:16:25 1996 C. Goodwin
Monsters always seem to see in false colour, infra red or something which would be quite a handicap in most real-life situations (eg multiple images or through fisheye lenses).

Mon Oct 7 02:29:36 1996 Brett
all bullets will miss you if you are lying on the ground the badder the bad guy, the more more gruesom their death will be

Mon Oct 7 05:03:16 1996 Ryan Northam
Whenever the main character runs across the road, (They never walk) A car will screech to a halt in front of them. The driver will then hurl abuse at the person.

Mon Oct 7 14:06:52 1996 Vanessa Anderson
Whenever there is a car chase down a city street, there will almost always be a guy with a fruit cart. The cars will come along and run into his cart, while fruit flies everywhere and the guy will scramble out of the way.

Mon Oct 7 17:17:28 1996 James J. Matthews
Whenever a movie character undertakes a furtive action (like shoplifting or surveillance) he does it in a visually obvious way that in real life would result in him being found out immediately. (That's so the audience will know what's going on.)

Mon Oct 7 18:05:24 1996 James J. Matthews
When Mel Gibson and Danny Glover debate whether to defuse a bomb by themselves or wait for a professional bomb squad to arrive, [A] they'll decide to do the job themselves, [B] the bomb will explode in a huge way, [C] our heroes will run fast enough to escape. (How come real-life professionals sometimes get killed? Why can't they just run away too?)

Mon Oct 7 23:09:19 1996 James J. Matthews
Prison-escape movies: the fellow prisoner who escapes along with the star will soon be killed by the cops. If I were in prison and my cellmate were Harrison Ford or Kevin Costner, I'd say, "Escape by yourself. I'm staying where it's safe!"

Mon Oct 7 23:24:13 1996 James J. Matthews
Whenever Mel Gibson falls in love with a woman, she'll soon die to motivate his going berserk. If I were a girl in a movie and Gibson asked for a date with me, I'd say, "Find a girl with life insurance!"

Tue Oct 8 17:29:49 1996 Mike Langan
New Category - Papers Whenever the hero or protaganist is in a foreign/hostile country they will always be asked for their papers. Usually they won't have any. or they have a fake set.

Tue Oct 8 19:17:16 1996 James J. Matthews
In the opening scene of _Waterworld_, Kevin Costner recycles his urine with filters to produce drinking water. Two questions: [1] Why doesn't he just filter sea water, which has fewer impurities than urine? [2] If Costner is so evolved that he's sprouted gills, why hasn't he developed a tolerance for salt water, which would seem to be a much shorter evolutionary leap?

Tue Oct 8 19:17:33 1996 James J. Matthews
In the opening scene of _Waterworld_, Kevin Costner recycles his urine with filters to produce drinking water. Two questions: [1] Why doesn't he just filter sea water, which has fewer impurities than urine? [2] If Costner is so evolved that he's sprouted gills, why hasn't he developed a tolerance for salt water, which would seem to be a much shorter evolutionary leap?

Wed Oct 9 20:06:12 1996 James J. Matthews
In some movie scenes where the screenwriter has to show that a character isn't saying what he's really thinking, he (the screenwriter) may have no way to do this except through a "slip of the lip." Example: in _The Hand That Rocks the Cradle_, when governess Rebecca deMornay gets fired. Her response: "Fine, I'll just pick up my baby--I mean, my things--and be on my way.

Thu Oct 10 19:48:19 1996 Tom Masciantonio
In WWII movies, there are always two Americans manning a machine gun nest and slaughtering whole divisions of advancing Germans or Japanese. When a lucky enemy shot happens to hit one of the GIs, his friend becomes furious, curses and wipes out a couple of more enemy divisions as punishment for their shooting back.

Fri Oct 11 23:02:01 1996 James J. Matthews
In a Western, whenever the townsfolk sing a church hymn, it's the one that goes, "We shall gather at the river." (This cliche occurred as recently as _Bad Girls_.

Sun Oct 13 13:08:03 1996 Charles Aptaker
Practically every scene in The Rock. Especially, the cocked gun syndrome and the 2 men firing machine guns incessently at Nick Cage in a iron container and he wasn't hit or even deafened.

Mon Oct 14 21:29:42 1996 Jason Caballero
When movie characters are using the Internet in movies, their is a generic, all-text program running on their screen, with no indication of what online service or what software they are using. Everything on the screen is just some neat, large, easy-to-read text, with no dialog boxes. The screen just suddenly clears, and the camera zooms in on some neat lttle message: "All the incriminating files have been deleted", "Your identity is being stolen", etc.

Mon Oct 14 21:32:10 1996 Jason Caballero
If a character has to make a call to someone whose phone number he obviously doesn't know, the phone books he consults will magically flip open to the page he/she wants, or only one or two pages away.
Mon Oct 14 21:36:10 1996 Jason Caballero
Some hot-shot computer hacker (or some guy assigned by the hero's/heroine's allies) will try in vain for hours or days to crack some code, until the hero/heroine comes along and fugures it out in no time. This usually happens because the code happens to be about something which is in the hero/heroine area of expertise.
Mon Oct 14 22:08:19 1996 justin m whittaker
1 when something is falling, no one has the sense to get out of the way 2 apparently, car chases are completely ignored by the local authorities in most major cities 3 heros time jumps to perfectly coincide with the explosiion 4 women are always hysterical after anything
Mon Oct 14 22:13:54 1996 justin m whittaker
foreigners, no matter where they are from, speak with an engligh accent
Tue Oct 15 20:13:49 1996 Charles Andrews
Most evil informants smoke. They're big, dumb, and die with less than a nosebleed!
Tue Oct 15 23:22:02 1996 Michael Kuck
After narrowly escaping the pursuing villian (monster, maniac, etc.), the two surviving campers immediately split up... "You go get the car and I'll run and get the shotgun!" Yeah Right!!!
Wed Oct 16 10:51:33 1996 mark jones
Bars/drinking Two people meet in a bar then decide to leave. They never finish their glasses before going.
Wed Oct 16 19:59:15 1996 Simon Hova
Ever notice that in movies like Patriot Games, the computers in the movie can link a South American drug liutenant in thirty minutes just by hearing the sound of his voice, but answering machines won't even turn themselves off when pick up the phone?
Thu Oct 17 16:48:00 1996 Kathleen
If there is a swimming pool, and no one is swimming, someone will fall [be pushed] in.
Fri Oct 18 00:28:14 1996 Steve Harrison
re Independence Day. Despite the fact that two American heroes can walk away unscathed from a crashed alien space craft, it is reasonable to expect that every alien occupant from 15 space ships the size of Australia died in the crash!
Fri Oct 18 03:25:09 1996 Doug Meyer
This cliche goes in the ENVIRONMENT category... No matter how hard the wind is blowing or how bad the weather is, the power stays ON through the entire event UNTIL the next day, when there is nothing left. (See Twister, drive in movie scene, where semi truck is picked up and inserted into the dome-like structure where everyone crowded in for shelter)
Fri Oct 18 03:28:48 1996 Doug Meyer
I don't know if you already have this one, but in a fight or boxing scene there is always that old fashioned artificial punching/kicking sound clip when one is punched, kicked or hit in the face. (In real life, there is no sound like that whatsoever if you would be punched). Every movie with violent scenes has this old sound clip when someone gets punched.
Fri Oct 18 03:52:00 1996 Elliott Sturm
In any martial arts movie, you will see at least one guy take a tremendous blow to the groin area, which will incapacitate him for about 30 seconds. He will then get up, displaying no ill effects.
Fri Oct 18 04:40:32 1996 Doug Meyer
Computers: 1) Whenever any person, whether they be completely computer illiterate or not, can type anything into a computer and every little detail about that subject appears on the screen instantly. Corrolary: Whenever a computer genius needs extremely important information or data in a suspenseful or end-of-the-world event, it will take them ten minutes to retrieve the information. Along the way they will make up phrases like "There is a lag in the phone line." Or "someone has terminated our satellite link, I can't get through." 2) There must ALWAYS be a way to bypass a firewall or password protected document. There is always a tiny secret icon somewhere that will bypass everything and give you complete access. No matter how secure something is there can always be a solution or hack made up in 5 minutes during a suspenseful event. Environment: 1) Earthquakes are ALWAYS an extremely fast vibrating where beverages are always pushed to the edge of the table and then fall off, instead of the natural slow back and forth motion as we have all seen in the video of the great Japan earthquake a long while ago where the cabinets and desks were being shuffled all around the crowded room. Characters always panic instead of taking shelter under a table. 3) TWISTER 3a) TWISTER: Tornadoes just occur without any, whatsoever, warning or before-clues prior to the disaster and the characters do not take precautions. See Twister, in the old-woman, tv by-a-string and golden retriever. 3b) Houses, cows, semi trucks, windmills and tractors appear out of nowhere, with no warning, roll onto a road or fly right past the main characters. Yet in a violent roaring waterspout situation, you are able to hear a cow moo-ing as it flies in front of your vehicle while looking you in the eye. 3c) Tornado chasers, in a time of 4 or 5 minutes, are able to reach the site of the forming or already active average 30 second to two minute cyclone, whether it be 50 or 100 miles away. Yet when they arrive, they are being chased down a ditch by a tornado which lasted about 10 minutes, which according to theory is impossible. 3d) A group of dumb elitists equipment are able to steal ideas that were ridiculously not patented in the first place. (the Dorothy mechanisms) 3e) Enough Coke cans are magically collected in the matter of 30 minutes and turned into painstakingly created fan-type designs.
Fri Oct 18 05:09:57 1996 Julio Duarte
Sports: The most important game in the movie will always end with a one-point difference, settled within the last five seconds.
Fri Oct 18 18:41:52 1996 Andy McDermott
Aircraft: any plane that goes into a dive always makes the same howling noise that increases in pitch as it descends, whether it's a biplane, WW2 fighter, modern jet or helicopter. See: any James Bond film.
Fri Oct 18 20:29:18 1996 angie head
Hey, what about the slow-motion running with the heart beat soundtrack.
Fri Oct 18 22:15:05 1996 Genevieve Simard
Important characters of the movies never have to wait for the bus like all others at the bus stop. When the have sex, the principal characters make that all night long and they never have orgasm, get tired or get hungry. Also, at the morning, they don't have to go to work. When they have sex, the wemen always have a "goofy grin" but never the males. Principal characters never have bad breath at the morning. At the morning, after a night of sex, the guy put on his pants (don't take a shower) and just tell I got to go. The women smile and just say "I know". She never scream or just tell him thank you, how much do I owe you? Married couples never make love but watch out about non-married couples!!! Heros never tell others where they go. Heros always make sex perfectly. Principal characters never wear condoms to make sex. When a hero is hurt he blood a lot but the day after he just have a little band aid. Hero never have to clean his house or his clothes. Wemen are always late for a important dinner. O.K. I think that's enough for today. Excuse my english but I'm french and i"m not perfectly bilingual... If you like my cliches, please tell me I will find other ones... This site is a really greay idea!
Sat Oct 19 00:32:52 1996 Keith M Ellis
Palm trees in LA have fronds that are impervious to Armegeddon-sized fireballs that destroy all other life and burn the tires off of vehicles it has overturned.
Sat Oct 19 00:33:24 1996 Keith M Ellis
(correction) In ID4: Palm trees in LA have fronds that are impervious to Armegeddon-sized fireballs that destroy all other life and burn the tires off of vehicles it has overturned.
Sat Oct 19 12:54:40 1996 Matthew Finney
In a car chase along a busy freeway the cars the hero villian are avoiding will always be placed so he just has to zig zag down the road, using only two lanes.
Sat Oct 19 18:03:10 1996 Art Adams
Whenever a pager beeps in a movie it always beeps the way it would if you had just turned it on in real life.
Sun Oct 20 17:08:21 1996 James J. Matthews
In movies aimed at young people, the young hero or heroine will establish how cool he is by doing something dangerous (i.e. smoking). For a compendium of "unsafe chic," see the dance musical _Footloose_, which includes such gems as Kevin Bacon and a rival playing chicken with fork-lift vehicles, and Lori Singer standing with her feet in two different speeding cars.
Sun Oct 20 17:30:46 1996 Otto J. Makela
All aircraft are gasoline-powered; kerosene jet fuel, when lit, will burn and explode just like gasoline
Sun Oct 20 17:38:13 1996 James J. Matthews
In movies where a beautiful star becomes an improbable action hero, at the climax she will confront the villain on a high metal catwalk. Guess which one falls to his death. (See Julia Roberts in _I Love Trouble_, Sandra Bullock in _The Net_.)
Sun Oct 20 17:39:49 1996 James J. Matthews
In the climax of _The Net_, Sandra Bullock is able to knock over the villain with a heavy fire extinguisher faster than the latter can draw his handgun.
Sun Oct 20 21:32:55 1996 Robert Erck
In the society of the future, science will have cured all maladies except baldness and obesity (STTNG and STTOS). People will still eat, but will apparently never need to go to the bathroom.
Tue Oct 22 05:17:21 1996 Boris Adams
Everyone uses a Macintosh (e.g. Single White Female) Only young, good-looking men and women ever take their clothes off, quite often and on the slightest pretext.
Tue Oct 22 12:09:00 1996 Julian Wheeler
If you want to blow up an intelligent super-computer, no explosives are necessary; simply ask it a question it has no hope of answering and it will self-destruct before your very eyes.
Tue Oct 22 17:23:59 1996 Rob Jurand
When entering a house or building, high profile criminals under surveillance by law enforcement or rivals never seem to see the van or car with two people just sitting there observing them in plain view, even though the criminal usually takes a look around.
Tue Oct 22 23:31:18 1996 James J. Matthews
When two cops are staking out a location, nothing will happen for hours. They'll get hungry, and one of them will hurry away to buy hamburgers. While he's away, it's then that the action will start. (See _Point Break_.)
Wed Oct 23 05:25:30 1996 Dmitri Erchov
All guns in movies have unbelievable number of bullets (e.g. Rambo). Some of the heros shoot that they are not supposed to because this is the first time they hold a gun in their hands
Wed Oct 23 12:39:17 1996 Walter L. Bazzini
Car starter/engine sounds never match the cars. By far the worst offense is when a character turns the key in a Rolls Royce and the sound is that unmistakable Mopar (Chrysler) gear drive starter. All cars in chase scenes -- even 4-cylinder compacts -- have 440 Magnum V-8s with their air cleaners removed for that "four-barrel moan" with throttles wide open.
Wed Oct 23 22:17:13 1996 Charles Wachsmuth
In Indepedance Day the only fighter battle worthy was the F-18. Anybody who can fly a piper cub can be trained to pilot a fighter plan in a matter of hours. With just a kiss 007 can draw an "Ohh James" from any woman on earth.
Thu Oct 24 06:02:29 1996 Hugh
Nothing happens in space that a little time travel,re-alignment of the deflector array, or tacheon beam can't fix.
Thu Oct 24 18:09:27 1996 Gunther Baumgartner
I want to add the following sentence for Independance Day: I did not know that when an extremly huge spaceship drops on earth very close to the pyramids in Egypt, the pyramids remain undamaged. ( Not even the dust has moved!) PS: I found the LIST very funny!!!
Fri Oct 25 07:43:51 1996

Fri Oct 25 11:02:24 1996 David Shannon
For the Independence Day section Microsoft's latest version of WIN95 includes a program complete with visual displays for the specific purpose of "uploading a virus" to alien spacecraft networks
Fri Oct 25 17:25:25 1996 Rob McCleave
Sex: no matter how urgent the passion, couples will take the time to light dozens of candles in the room before the hop in the sack. Also, nobody ever gets so involved that they knock over a candle and set fire to the bedroom. Guilt: the guilty party in any police investigation can easily be identified by the fact that they ask for a lawyer. (This actually happened in a Canadian case, where the cops assumed an innocent person was guilty because she asked to talk to her lawyer when they called her in for questioning.)
Sat Oct 26 00:15:32 1996 Johan Wijkmark
Whenever a car lands in water, driven off a pier, a cliff, etc. it will inevitably sink the instant it hits the surface. Normally it takes several minutes for a car to sink since the air in the car makes it function as a buoy. Heroes will have no problem opening the doors even though this is virtually impossible due to water pressure.
Sat Oct 26 01:08:17 1996 Jacob Gabrielson
CONVERSATIONS... At the beginning of the movie (usually an action movie) the hero will utter a catchy phrase (e.g., "Traffic was a bitch"), that will be both apropos and funny in a different way when he says it again at the end of the movie.
Sat Oct 26 06:08:34 1996 Chip Rowe
please send me your snail mail address so I can send you a copy of my zine, Chip's Closet Cleaner, in which I excerpted some of the cliche list (with your permission, of course) chip
Sun Oct 27 05:11:56 1996 Alex Bischoff
Whenever a movie or TV show has a scene where all the characters have flashlights and are running through a forest, it is obligatory to have at least one character shine the flashlight right into the camera, even if only for a moment.
Sun Oct 27 05:36:25 1996 CIA
Two Cliches... Medical Whenever we see a close-up of the green EKG line of a near-death person...the line ALWAYS goes flat, accompanied by a resounding BEEEEEEEEP. Villians Whenever a villian has a gun aimed directly at the hero's head, at POINT BLANK RANGE...we hear a gunshot, followed by the villian FALLING flat on his face, revealing the hero's sidekick standing in back...holding the smoking gun.
Sun Oct 27 20:43:56 1996 Anna Minoli
1.Have you ever noted that aliens always land in california or florida? I've never seen an alien landing in other country neither in any other state in USA. 2.People driving a car and being in a hurry always park just in front of the building they have to go in. They don't have parking problems!!!!
Mon Oct 28 17:19:48 1996 Bethany Lawler
Horror Movies: Why is it that the stupidest people on earth are always the main characters?
Tue Oct 29 00:40:28 1996
People in the background of a restaurant don't talk really loud unless it has to do with the plot.
Tue Oct 29 13:42:37 1996 alex boardman
the way batman`s enemies always fall to doom and are never killed by him
Tue Oct 29 14:45:09 1996
ALWAYS, WHEN IN A CHASE THE CAR NEVER RUN OUR OF FUEL. THE CAR WILL START THE FIRST TIME, UNLESS YOU REALLY HAVE TO GET AWAY.
Tue Oct 29 20:37:52 1996 Katie Carlson
Women giving birth never have to deal with afterbirth once the child itself is out.
Tue Oct 29 21:57:50 1996 Matt
In "Independence Day," whenever you are in space, there is a loud, theater-rattling bass note playing in the background.
Tue Oct 29 22:12:45 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Whenever there is a "good" woman and a "bad" woman,' they will inevitably face off. The good woman, who never does anything else heroic in the whole movie, will always kick the bad woman's ass, and make a witty remark about it.
Tue Oct 29 22:48:48 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Everyone uses IBM or Apple brand computers (depending on who the sponsor is). Complex satellite navigation computers (espcially those that manage horrible weapons) run on OS/2 Warp (see Goldeneye, an IBM production).
Tue Oct 29 23:00:20 1996 Shimon Hova
Single women in the movies ALWAYS have a cat or two.
Tue Oct 29 23:01:16 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Quentin Tarantino will always be shot 2 minutes after he appears in a movie. He is usually shot in the head, and no matter where he is shot, he always bleed profusely. The one exception to this is Pulp Fiction, although most people probably wanted to see him shot after that.
Tue Oct 29 23:06:19 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
British people are always evil (e.g. anyone in the Empire in the Star Wars movies).
Wed Oct 30 15:14:40 1996 kris gormley
If a hero gets cornered and the bad guy is about to shoot, you will always here the gunshot, then the bad guy will fall over revealing a friend who got there in the nick of time, with a gun.
Wed Oct 30 21:24:55 1996 Matt Harding
If you are hospitalized and the doctors give you daily medication, you should play along by placing the pill in your mouth, but make sure you tuck it underneath your mattress once the nurse is gone
Thu Oct 31 01:00:01 1996 Hugh Esten
DEATH: No one dies with an open mouth, no tongues protrude, even stiffs in the morgue don't need to have their jaws strapped shut.
Thu Oct 31 01:04:29 1996 Hugh Esten
MUSIC: Professional musicians can carry on conversations on the bandstand while playing without playing worng notes, disturbing the other musicians or shouting to be heard. Professional musicians will never interrupt a performance even if someone drops dead on the bandstand.
Thu Oct 31 02:20:27 1996 Matt Harding
Elevators: An important confrontation, sex scene or daring escape can always be initiated by pressing the handy "emergency Stop" button. Corrolary: Once the elevator is stopped, the elevator shaft can easily be accessed by simply applying pressure to the ceiling panel.
Thu Oct 31 02:27:45 1996 Matt Harding
Biology and Genetics: A bio-engineered genetic clone will always emerge, groomed and shaven, as an exact match of the original
Thu Oct 31 16:35:34 1996 Jurek Kirakowski
Whenever a woman is going to give birth, someone asks for hot water.
Thu Oct 31 16:37:51 1996 Jurek Kirakowski
One or two people always leave the group after the leader says: we'd better stick together here.
Thu Oct 31 21:17:55 1996 Sara
The small, frail "nerd" in any given school always ends up saving the day (i.e. making the winning touchdown or tackle against the school rival when the star player gets injured, knocking out the school bully, etc.) The crowd is always made up of all those who have persecuted him throughout the film (except one, the most popular guy in school's girlfriend, who has taken pity on the underdog). The chief persecuter of the nerd then, slowly, solemnly, starts clapping (1 clap every other second), then the nerd's best friend joins in, followed by the rest of the crowd, speeding up The Clap until it reaches a thunderous ovation. Persecutor lifting nerd up towards the sky afterwards is optional.
Fri Nov 1 01:39:53 1996 Mindy Elliott
When the heros are looking at anything on video tape, they always have access to an expert with highly sopisticated equipment who can focus in on a blob in the background of the picture and blow it up into a perfect close up picture, enabling the hero to identify the villan as "THAT guy....".
Fri Nov 1 01:43:03 1996 Mindy Elliott
Unhappy, almost alcoholic renegade cops always have expensively decorated, highly sytlish, usually very modern apartments.
Fri Nov 1 01:46:27 1996 Mindy Elliott
People's homes, no matter if they are the hero or villan, are highly decorated like model homes. Exceptions to this are if they are lower middle class (they live in shabby non-matching homes or trailers) or the mentally ill. Mentally ill people live in hovels with no electricity or running water.
Fri Nov 1 23:52:42 1996 Peter Tatiner
In horror films, teens who have sex invariably die.
Sat Nov 2 06:43:46 1996 James Richter
When characters who wear glasses take them off, they no longer need them again to see.
Sun Nov 3 00:48:40 1996 Michael Pless
If it is dark and a female gets into a car, there is always a psychopath with a knife hiding in the back seat. The corollary of this is that all psychopaths can disable any car alarm, unlock a car, and then make themselves invisible while waiting for their prey.
Sun Nov 3 00:52:33 1996 Michael Pless
During a car chase, no car has a speed or driver advantage over the other, whether one is a Ferarri and the other is an oil-burning clunker, they always exhibit terrific reliability and the hero always looks calm regardless of the damage he casuses, while the villain always looks badly stressed, even if he appears to be escaping.
Sun Nov 3 03:32:57 1996 Leslie Miller
Movie streets are always wet at night, whether or not it is raining. Corollary: It rains in Los Angeles 365 days a year. [Weather note: In reality, L.A. is one of the driest cities in the country--which is the main reason the film industry moved there from New York in the early part of the century. And it practically NEVER rains in L.A. between the months of March and December.]
Mon Nov 4 13:53:53 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
No two characters in the same movie ever have the same first name.
Mon Nov 4 20:16:38 1996 Mike
"Forrest Gump" Towards then end when Forrest is in Jenny's appartment there is a iron in the background. The iron which is on an ironing board is sitting upright and a the next time they show that same camera angle, the iron is faced down.
Mon Nov 4 21:23:00 1996
In movies and television shows, a character driving a car moves the steering wheel rapidly to the left and right, but yet they drive perfectly straight.
Mon Nov 4 21:33:36 1996
A untrained civilian is usually able figure out the most complicated gun.
Tue Nov 5 19:11:09 1996 Tom Beliech
Video Games: 1) Specific video games in movies never seem to have the same sound effects as their real-life counterparts. (rare exception - "Wargames", where the game "Phoenix" is done RIGHT) 2) Complex, high technology computer info can be displayed via a cheap Atari 5200 (Cloak and Dagger) 3) All arcade games sound like Pacman Corollary - Pac man sound effects in the background mean that an arcade is nearby 4) Anyone can do well on any arcade machine the first time they play 5) No one ever seems to put any quarters in movie arcade machines... (They must be FREE!) 6) Little Kids are very good at arcade games (yeah, right!) 7) In a trailer park, winning an obscure video game is cause for a community celebration (Last Starfighter) Corollary - Aliens seeking galactic heroes through a video-game test will put the games in the most backwater places they can find, instead of major cities where Arcades are busy. 8) Good video game players always shake the joystick as hard as they possibly can to show how agile they are with a stick. 9) If a pinball machine is featured in a bar, somebody's gonna be thrown on top of it...
Wed Nov 6 13:52:10 1996

Fri Nov 8 20:21:25 1996 Fredrik Wallenberg
1) A sniper scope will always have a 100+ zoom that allows the shooter to first take in the whole landscape and then zoom in on the head of the target 2) The view through a sniperscope is always round (although in real life it fills your whole viewing area) 3) You will see the hero load 200 spare clips (last man standing) but never carry them or use them 4) In war movies you are more accurate firing from the hip than from the shoulder 5) A typical hero gun holds all ammo he needs -1 6) A good guy never dies without giving the audience proper warning 7) blast radius = distance to hero - 3 feet
Fri Nov 8 21:17:32 1996 Dominik Schwind (more or less)
Bad guys waste over 200 shots but the good guy will kill them by one shot.
Fri Nov 8 23:19:03 1996 Kirk Pollack
When cars are in movies being viewed through the windshield whilst driving, more often then not the gearshift of the car is still in park. That is, of course, course, unless there happen to be a lot of late model cars with column shift "3 on the tree" transmissions.
Sat Nov 9 00:17:20 1996 Ty
If there's a Hispanic guy in an action film he will be the one that knows how to blow stuff up. If there's an Asian guy he will be very smart and dead very soon.
Sat Nov 9 01:08:22 1996 Don MacGregor
When the hero and bad guy are in a shoot-out and the bad guy is trying to get away from the hero, the bad guy will always throw his gun at the pursuing hero when he runs out of bullets.
Sat Nov 9 03:24:01 1996 Mark Holdsworth
Under "Alchohol": No matter how drunk a character gets in a film, sobriety is only a matter of seconds away if the situation calls for it. Think Karen Allen in "Raiders of the Lost Ark".
Sat Nov 9 16:17:11 1996 Arnaud Hubert
PARIS (in Amerian movies) - Whenever a sequence in Paris is introduced in an American movie, you will see the Eiffel tower and hear the movie theme played by an acordeon. - Even lower-class people will never go to eat to a McDonald's or a Chinese take away. Instead, they will drink red wine in an old caf� in Montmartre. - There are only lovers walking along the Seine. - Characters never take the metro in Paris, but will rather take a cab, even at 6 PM during the rush hour. - There are only high-class restaurants and lovely caf�s in Paris. - If the Eiffel Tower can't be seen in the background, then it has to be Notre-Dame. - The sidewalks are never dirty. People will never step in a dog's shit (except in comedies). - There are no civilian cops in France (except in "French Connection"). French cops usually are either lazy or incompetent. - All Frenchmen usually are white. There are almost no Black or Arab Frenchmen in movies. - Heroes, when in France, always drive French-made rental cars. Somehow, they always manage to find automatic gears. - There is a painter in almost every street in Paris.
Sat Nov 9 16:59:47 1996 Arnaud Hubert
THE INTERNET / COMPUTERS - You can have really weird e-mail addresses, like Job@3:14 (see "Mission Impossible") - Companies like Microsoft or Netscape don't exist in movies. Sometimes the Apple logo can be seen, usually on computers running MS Windows. - The Web in movieland is real fast and interactive: you download instantly full-screen Qucktime-quality movies and get some movie-quality internet-telephone even on laptops. - There is no lag in movieland's cyberspace. - You usually won't need a modem to connect ot the Net. Any desktop or laptop will do. - Information always is very easy and fast to find on the Net. - The Good Times virus DOES EXIST. You can send a virus very easily to anyone and it will act immediatly. - Telnet is an unknown protocol in movies, even to crackers and phreaks. To connect to a remote machine, simply type CONNECT, then LIST ALL FILES.
Sat Nov 9 18:51:23 1996 Neil Morford
For possible inclusion in the "Independance Day" section: No matter how alien and complex the computer system, any genius computer boffin will be able to write a virus for it in less than 48 hours. No matter how much human weapons technology advances in 50 years (e.g. propellers to supersonic jet engines), the aliens tecnology will always be exactly the same. P.S. - I love the list, It's one of the funniest things around.
Sat Nov 9 19:19:31 1996 Erick E. Garcia Calderon
In a car chase, whenever the driver is shot, and he dies; his foot falls hard on the accelerator, and the other person at his right, can�t and won�t be able to stop the car in any way (hand break, change gears, etc.) If someone is running away, and by any chance runs out of gas, he/she will always run out of gas in a place where he/she can take shelter, and hide the car.
Sat Nov 9 20:45:22 1996 Ray Ouellette
Sports Cliche: There's no crying allowed in Baseball!
Sun Nov 10 01:09:51 1996 Christopher Caserta
Helecoptors: will always transition to slow motion prior to exploding. or: whenever you see a helecoptor in slow motion it is going to explode.
Sun Nov 10 06:50:14 1996 barnold
Re; cameras and photography. All cameras are nikons. Surveillance photos are always perfectly exposed and show all necessary faces and body parts even if shot in dead of night in a rainstorm without a flash.
Sun Nov 10 12:24:09 1996 Sarah
When smokers get other people to light their smokes/light their own, the match or lighter always lights first time. In a business meeting with dim lights, there is always a thick layer of smoke from people smoking towards the ceiling, and no-one ever chokes or gets irritated eyes. When important people have to sort out a case, they always chain smoke. There is never anyone who doesn't smoke in the presence of people who do smoke if they are in the same position as them. The important bad guys always smoke. If someone is inferior to someone else and wants to annoy them and they are smoking, they will blow smoke in their face.
Mon Nov 11 01:28:19 1996 bethany
whenever there's an interacial romance it's almost always black girl\white guy. If it does happen to be white girl\black guy it almost always fails! Are these the only races that intermingle?
Mon Nov 11 16:34:22 1996 Dave Isho
1. Cars involved in sideswipes or suffering other body damage as a result of a chase scene miraculously have no body damage in the next scene. 2. Cars involved in chase scenes over dirt roads or dessert surfaces are rarely dirty at the end of the chase and if they are, they are clean on the next scene.
Mon Nov 11 20:46:44 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
For the "Villains" section: *A "lesser" villain, revealed early in the film, is later destroyed by a "greater" villain. BTW: the following cliche is listed twice: "When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish the villain off."
Mon Nov 11 20:58:07 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
for the "KIDS/TEENAGERS" section: *When a kid discovers something incredible (e.g. supernatural, mystical, etc.), no adult will believe him whatsoever because he is just a kid. And in fact, equally incredible coincidences will occur to support this disbelief.
Mon Nov 11 21:06:33 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
for "Weapons": *"I don't need that dead guy's submachine gun and ammo belt, this little pistol I've got will suit me just fine!"
Mon Nov 11 21:41:52 1996 I am a student at Longview Community College.
Whenever the hero is lost in the desert with the incredibly sexy but brainless female love interest and they must find water or die, she falls and turns her ankle and the hero picks her up and carries her. Any car that's supposed to be cool has a really deep rumble, they sound like an old Crysler V-8, despite the fact that the car, in actuality, sounds more like a weed-eater with it's gutless four-cylinder. When the hero spins his car around on dry pavement, leaving huge black skid marks on the street, he never gets a flat tire. At the end of the action-adventure movie, the bad guy either is arrested or dies in a really bizarre way, like falling off a tall building, or being on top of a gasoline tanker truck when it conveniently explodes.
Mon Nov 11 22:20:12 1996 M. Messina
All spacecraft travel through space in a manner which consistently allows (sun) light to shine upon it's bow and upper deck areas.
Mon Nov 11 22:30:53 1996
Under "Police": *At least once in the film, the police will find their suspect or other contact in a strip club.
Mon Nov 11 22:44:51 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
For "Space & Vacuum": When you are being killed in a pressure or vacuum chamber, you will be conscious (and screaming, and pounding on the glass) right up until the very second you are blown to pieces.
Mon Nov 11 23:08:25 1996 Jon Berry
every single time a person is in bed in a movie, and the phone rings, or their sexual partner starts a conversation(ex. Bull Durham), they will be sure to reach over and turn on the lamp on the nightstand. I never once in my life have turned on a light to answer a phone.
Mon Nov 11 23:38:22 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
Romance: In films where there are two lovers and they are from different locales (countries, planets, times - if time travel) and they must inevitably leave eachother, at the end of the film one will always scream something like, if not exactly, "I want to go back with you!"
Tue Nov 12 00:25:32 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
Villains: A character has the bad guy cornered and at gunpoint. However, the bad guy knows that the character doesn't have the guts to shoot, or won't shoot for some other reason, so he confidently approaches (often mocking the armed character) and removes the firearm.
Tue Nov 12 00:27:10 1996 Tammie Ward
PETS - If one of the leading characters in a drama or suspense movie has a pet at the start of the film, it's *guaranteed* that Fido or kitty is a goner! EVERY TIME, the cute pet will have met a nasty end by the time the credits roll.
Tue Nov 12 00:32:41 1996 Jon Berry
During a motorcycle chase, when the Chasee is accelerating more and more to get away from the villain, their transmission all of a sudden has between 12-15 speeds(ex. Terminator 2)
Tue Nov 12 00:40:57 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
Clothing: Funny montage scenes of a character trying on different articles of clothing.
Tue Nov 12 00:43:37 1996 Brandon Tibbetts
Weapons: Scenes where the tough-guy character is fitting himself for battle by strapping all kinds of weaponry to his body - usu. with military drum corps music, several close-ups of various body parts, and loud clicking and snapping of clamps and other fasteners.
Tue Nov 12 20:50:17 1996 Neil
all assasins in movies always have odd and qirky habits like painting tin soldiers (three days of the condor) listening to classical music or appreciating art (The juror)
Wed Nov 13 05:07:17 1996 jess
intergallactic leaders gathered at interspeciesal conferences are always men, regardless of the existance of matriarchal societies even right here on earth.
Wed Nov 13 10:39:56 1996 Seb Noltorp
If someone is called to see something on the T.V they will never miss the important bit and will usualy see the entire segment from the beggining.
Wed Nov 13 10:43:30 1996 Seb Noltorp
When performing CPR, the recusatator will prenounce the victim dead after 3 puffs, "we lost him" .They will never wait for an ambulance to arrive.
Wed Nov 13 13:12:59 1996 Ronny Wikh
Pregnancy & Childbirth: When giving birth an abslute requirement is a HUGE blanket to completely conceil anything that's going on from the view of the attending medical personel. However, this doesn't seem to be much of a bother, because as long as the labouring women (complete with blanket) remains in view the birth will always be without complications. However, if the camera moves out of the room, the women might die in childbirth, in which case the child always can be saved anyway.
Wed Nov 13 20:05:37 1996 Todd Graham
Shopping *Shopping bags are invariably the old fashioned paper kind and never those "new fangled" plastic ones that have to be carried down near the ground.
Wed Nov 13 21:54:55 1996 Todd Graham
I know somewhere there must be some mention of the speed at which hair dries and clothes are cleaned on celluloid but I thought I might add the age at which newly born babies rapidly reach from womb to air when given birth in the movies. The logistics are understandible but isn't this what special effects are for?
Wed Nov 13 22:19:21 1996 Michael Kreca
German army officers never wear helmets. Russian soldiers are fat, crude and dumb but have encyclopedic knowledge of Marxist-Leninst phil- osophy and flawess debating and English language skills at the right moment. Little girls who wear glasses are perfectly honest and decent while little boys with glasses are evil, cruel liars. Cats always can predict when something bad is going to happen.
Wed Nov 13 22:40:54 1996 Michael Kreca
German military officers never wear helmets. Russian soldiers are depicted as fat, loud and uncouth, but can suddenly display an encyclopedic knowledge of Marxist philosophy, masterful English and flawless debating skills. Little girls wearing glasses are honest and good. Little boys with glasses are dishonest and evil. Cats always can predict some future unpleasant event.
Wed Nov 13 22:56:58 1996 Michael Kreca
The average US crime show has one aging uniformed beat cop (always demoted from detective) solving six baffling murders, rescuing fifty kids from a burning bus, invovled in at least five destructive car chases, several vicious gun battles showing up at a colleague's funeral (whose death he probably caused) and giving an emotion-laden speech to some community group, all in a half hour. British crime dramas take a minor theft and turn it into a tedious miniseries involving high government officials, lenghty junkets to exotic locales, high-level espionage and the indiscriminate killing of wealthy and influential people who have nothing to do with the story. No dope dealers, car thieves or burglars for the average bobby!
Thu Nov 14 00:31:54 1996 Michael Kreca
No one fills his or her fuel tank at a service station. They either meet their lovers, exchange classified info, hide out, get killed or robbed
Thu Nov 14 00:38:46 1996 Michael Kreca
English villages are otherwise lovely and quiet except for the 10 or more murders that occur in them yearly.
Fri Nov 15 02:31:45 1996 Thomas Homoki
Since the late 80�s every appartment in New York or Chikago has a fireplace with a marble mantelpiece and even a subway-cashier can afford to rent it. Ex. Sandra Bullock, While you were sleeping.
Fri Nov 15 17:53:39 1996 Mitchell Swan
I have 4: Telephones - Nobody, in any circumstances, can answer a phone at night without turning on the bedside lamp. Chess - All chess players can remember the convoluted Russian name of the maneuver used to win the game. Evidence - The hero will always find the tiny piece of case-breaking evidence that a truckload of cops (not the real life forensic experts, mind you) miss. Moreover, NOBODY will see the hero find this evidence, allowing him to solve the case on his own. Bullets - Bullets thrown into a fire will _immediately_ explode, killing a badguy from across the room, insted of popping harmlessly like nyone who took shop in high school can attest to. Thanks for your time and keep up the GREAT page!
Sat Nov 16 01:00:18 1996 David Duncan
Boats always sail into the sunset - even from the East Coast. A malfunctioning elevator will always fail exactly between floors. When fighting in a boiler room, the valve of a steam line vented into the room will always be within reach of the cornered character who needs it to momentairly blind his adversary. The live steam will not cause long term tissue damage. If a villain falls from a high rise building, his body will strike the only parked car in the area, exactly centered on the roof. If the villain falls through a skylight, he will then strike the center of a glass coffee table in the room below. If a fight occurs near water, the melee will gravitate toward and end in the water. Anytime the hero wants to converse in a noisy nightclub, the band will accomodate him by reducing the volume. A few well placed shots from the hero's pistol will always overcome withering automatic weapons fire from baddies who cannot properly aim their weapon. When the hero flees the scene with a woman, she will always fall thereby losing valuable escape time. This never seems to bother the hero. Hero's with sidekicks/girlfriends can always outrace and expanding fireball from an explosion regardless of any injuries or gunshot wounds. Any office in Washington D.C. will have a view of the Capitol. When someone rushes into a hospital to check on a loved one, the woman at the desk will always shout "Hey! You can't go in there!" When a character is rushed into the emergency room no one seems concerned about admissions procedures or claims forms. This is truly Hollywood fiction! $5 million in small unmarked bills can somehow be compressed to fit into a standard briefcase. $500 and $1,000 denominations are readily available in movies even though the Treasury has not printed these in over 50 years. When a character starts a song with only a guitar/piano/uke, an orchestra will chime in after only 6 bars so that the instrument can then be discarded. Prison riots always start in the Dining Hall. All kid's sports movies made since The Bad News Bears have exactly the same script - they only change uniforms. If the hero is clinging to a precipice (cliff, parapet wall, handrail) the villain will always step on his fingers. If the situation is reversed, the hero will help the villain up, but with dire consequences. A character's first reaction to some cataclysmic event suddenly erupting around him is always "Holy S__t!" The inside of a movie Lear jet allows the characters full standing head room and spacious aisles in which to maneuver. The inside of a movie submarine control room is always palatial with a plotting table the size of Rhode Island. When the scenes on a sailing vessel shift from outside to inside the skipper's cabin the seas suddenly quiet to dead calm. Any single building explosion set off by a character will trigger several larger secondary explosions leading the viewer to wonder what the building owner was storing there that he shouldn't have. A movie hand grenade has the explosive power of 100 pounds of TNT.
Sat Nov 16 06:36:08 1996 Marc Charron
Whenever there is a car chase and they go to an area that contains garbage cans, whether the area is an alley or a football field, you can be sure the garbage cans will be hit.
Sat Nov 16 10:13:16 1996 Brian McElheron
During a car chase in any major city the hero will be forced to drive the wrong way down a busy one-way street. The heros car will sustain little or no damage but every other car on the road will be a write-off. This applies especially to pursuing police cars.
Sun Nov 17 11:24:09 1996 Pete Nelson
Cars: When a car comes to a stop, the wheels will always screech, regardless of the speed or the quickness of the stop.
Mon Nov 18 15:55:20 1996 lindsey
Whenever the villian wants to break someone's neck there will always be a loud crack. In order to break the neck, the villian only needs to turn the person's head to the same angle as the shoulder. When determining if someone is dead, a person only needs to look at the face, or place two fingers anywhere on the neck for a second or so.
Wed Nov 20 00:09:17 1996 Shirley Hall-Werner
Houses- Single or married people with one child or no children in the movies always live in huge 2 story houses i.e. Jumanji, Eraser. They never live in a modest home.
Wed Nov 20 16:42:16 1996 vasco neering
movie cab users dont have to ask how much the fare is they just know movie drug users always look and talk like hippies movie drugs are 10x as strong and work 10x as fast as their real life counterparts Movie medicine always completly cure the user, and only have to be taken once.
Wed Nov 20 16:46:09 1996 vasco neering
When you are Jean claude van damme villans will hold perfectly still for a couple of seconds, so you can perform your trademark roundhouse-kick
Wed Nov 20 16:47:19 1996 vasco neering
in the 1940�s germans didn�t speak german but English with a silly accent
Wed Nov 20 16:48:29 1996 vasco neering
In a romantic comedy the hero will have the girl within half an hour lose her after another half hour and then get her back in the last half hour of the movie
Wed Nov 20 16:48:57 1996 vasco neering
All fights between lovers end in a break-up
Thu Nov 21 11:15:36 1996 Liam Wescott
All serial killers are brilliant, twisted geniouses (Silence of the Lambs, Seven) whose killing sprees are an elaborate game they play with the police. The corollary to the above is that there is always one cop on the force who has suffered some kind of pyschological trauma which gives him (usually him) a special insight into the killer's mind and is generally the only cop on the force to whom the killer will deal with (ie, when leaving written clues, calling the station to taunt the police, etc.)
Thu Nov 21 11:24:11 1996 Kev
Cameras/Photography All cameras make motorwind sounds, regardless of whether they have one attached or not (eg Dagerous Minds)
Thu Nov 21 13:54:35 1996 Charlotte
Why is there always a reason to go into the basement in a horror movie?
Fri Nov 22 16:34:02 1996 K Foster
No matter how long a house or apartment has been vacant, when a character goes to the bar there is always ice in the ice bucket.
Fri Nov 22 21:52:31 1996 Matthew Brown
In any movie featuring a scene with a group of jet/spaceship pilots, one (and only one) will be the "cowboy pilot," having a heavy southern or Texas accent, always wearing a cowboy hat when not flying, and yelling "Yeee-HAH!" frequently during aerial combat. (Star Wars, Top Gun)
Fri Nov 22 22:00:18 1996 Matthew Brown
In a final shootout scene, when the hero is incapacitated or otherwise unable to fire his gun and the villain has his sights on the heroine or innocent victim and is about to fire, a shot will come ,"out of nowhere," from the weapon of the minor character who the moviemaker has tried to convince us would be the _least likely_ to fire the shot, and instantly kill the villain. (Die Hard I; Legends of the Fall) Often, a clever moviemaker will fool us by timing this shot, as well as a flinch by the villain, to make it seem as if the villain has fired his weapon. The camera is, needless to say, focused in an extreme close-up of the villain's face during this time.
Sat Nov 23 01:49:59 1996 Lindsey Kalenborn
The prison guard always conveniently sleeps close enough so the hero can reach into his back pocket to get the keys.
Sun Nov 24 07:27:25 1996 Antonio De Oliveira
EVERY hospital scene in a movie, T.V. show, or song always has a Nurse paging a Doctor. It is always the same docter Davis. You always hear "Doctor Davis, telephone please. Doctor Davis?" He must be a very busy man.
Sun Nov 24 19:07:10 1996 Eugene Kitt
The future belongs to those who plan for it
Mon Nov 25 07:24:40 1996 Nick Orloff
(ID4) Pilots in STEALTH BOMBERS (shhhh) wisper
Wed Nov 27 01:35:10 1996 Ray Hachey
Music: People in the movies who go to a loud dance bar are able to communicate clearly and without confusion. Even more amazing, we can hear them!
Wed Nov 27 05:59:30 1996 Boyd Harris
In all the WW2 movies only one or two Germans speak English ( ususally important characters) . The rest are walking around having conversations in German and you sit there thinking they are most likely bad mouthing the Americans.
Wed Nov 27 06:03:43 1996 Boyd Harris
FOR:WAR Only the Americans fought in the Pacific theater of WW2. There is usally no mention of the British, Chinese, or the Austrailians.
Wed Nov 27 06:06:03 1996 Russ Abernathy
Monsters, Chase, Running away It is very important that the victim (usually a woman) has to trip over something (or Nothing) when being chased by monster, bad guy, whatever
Wed Nov 27 10:15:33 1996 Robert A. Jung
Not a single cliche by itself, but since you have a section devoted to INDEPENDENCE DAY, I thought you might appreciate this list of further contributions. Share and enjoy! --R.J. (rjung@netcom.com) 40 Things I Learned From ID4 That I Never Knew Before By Dean Kanipe Area 51 Research Center While viewing the film Independence Day, it became apparent that I was remarkably uninformed about several things related to Area 51, aliens, military operations, and America in general. Below is a quick list of a few important things I learned from the film that I never knew before, and a few lessons that were inferred from the plot. I wish to thank the creators of ID4 for making these facts much clearer to me. ________________________________________________________________________ Re-edited by a Part-Time theater Usher, Full time Computer 1.Aliens like to blow up significant land marks first. Apparently the best way to destroy a city is to position your "Death Ray" over the most recognizable building. 2.All pro-UFO people are morons who dance atop the building directly under the Death Ray. 3.If alien "Destroyers" come to your city to blast it into oblivion, leave BEFORE they fire the Death Ray. 4.If alien "Destroyers" come to your city to blast it into oblivion and you are caught in traffic at the last minute, make sure that you are travelling with a dog and a small child. The Law of Averages says you'll survive the Death Ray. 5.If alien "Destroyers" come to your city to blast it into oblivion and you are caught in traffic at the last minute, make sure that you are NOT a raspy-voiced homosexual cable TV executive. The Law of Averages says you'll get waxxed by the Death Ray. 6.Stripping is a lucrative profession that allows one to "Pay the bills," "take care of one's boy," and own a nice house in a middle class subdivision. 7.Strippers got moxie. When the going gets tough, they can drive California Highway Department utility vehicles, collect refugees and use their extensive survival skills to provide food and comfort to survivers. 8.NASA sends out rejection letters, just like Harvard. 9.Area 51 is an "Assault Base". 10.A fleet of RVs can travel across the Nevada Test Site in line-abreast formation without the need of roads, thanks to the imense expanses of Salt Flats and the lack of impeding mountains. 11.Area 51 has a big chain-link fence around it, and the guards at the gate wear black combat fatigues with white metal helmets in 120 degree heat. 12.Any bonehead with an RV can get to Area 51 by driving across the Salt Flat to the gate and flashing a captured alien to the guard. 13.Standard operating procedure for the Air Force is to cluster all vehicles, aircraft, and ground personel on a 200 meter section of tarmac in the middle of an Alien Invasion. 14.The F-18 is the sole fighter in use by all branches of the service, including Marines and Air Force. 15.From the assault scenes on the Alien "Destroyers', it appears that the F-18 must have had a 10,000 unit production run. 16.Both F-18s and B-2s must close to within 10 km of a target 20 km across before engaging with both air-to-air missiles and aerial launched nuclear cruise missiles. (let me put my blind fold on, maybe i'll miss) 17.People too drunk to walk can still fly crop dusters and F-18s. 18.Any bonehead with rudimentary aviation experience can be taught to pilot an F-18 in 5 hours. 19.Any bonehead with F-18 flight experience can learn to pilot an Alien fighter in 5 minutes. 20.Aliens with anatomy that includes tentacles and clawed feet use flight yokes just like ours. 21.Aliens are wimps, even the ones in "Bio-Mechanical" armor. They have glass jaws and can be taken out with a punch by Will Smith. 22.Aliens are stupid. When one of their fighters approaches the mothership, they don't bother to communicate with the pilot. 23.Aliens are even more stupid. They pursue their targets into canyons walls and closing lauch bay doors. 24.Aliens are unbelievably stupid. While unarmed and unarmored, they do things to piss off people with hand guns. 25.Aliens are just too stupid for words to express. An alien air traffic controller can look at a fighter that has been human-modified for 20 minutes and is only 50 feet away and not notice the welded-on missile rack, and transmitter until the missle is fired through his work station. 26.Aliens are remarkably inarticulate. All they can say is, "Release me," "No peace," and "Die!" 27.If you're President and your administration is faltering, an Alien Invasion might be a good way to boost your ratings in the polls. 28.If you're President and your administration is faltering, manage to work into every other sentence the fact that you "flew in the Persian Gulf." No need to specify what branch of service. 29.If you're President and your administration is faltering and an Alien Invasion occurs, relocate the V.P., the Cabinet, and the Joint Chiefs to one centralized location so that the Aliens can take them all out with one shot. You can always blame the problems of the past on them after victory is achieved. 30.The President's Press secretary keeps her cell phone listed in the phone book "in case of emergencies." 31.If your father abandons his Jewish beliefs after the death of your mother, always carry around a Torah and a Yarmulke. Aliens might attack and offer him a chance to renew his faith. 32.If aliens abduct you and effectively destroy your life by making you the laughing stock of the community, never fear. When their "Destroyers" come, you will be vindicated to those who mocked your tale. 33.If aliens abduct you and do unspeakable things to you, you can have revenge upon them by flying an F-18 into their Death Ray. 34.If aliens abduct you and do unspeakable things to you and you have revenge upon them by flying an F-18 into their Death Ray, you will obtain redemption and your children will be proud of you. 35.The best way to win back a former wife is to be very annoying, look perpetually vexxed, and keep wearing your wedding ring for 4 years after the divorce. 36.In 10 hours, one man with a Macintosh Laptop can code a virus in C++ that will take down a completely alien computer system. 37.Even though the Mac isn't compatible with most other Earthly operating systems, it can interface with an alien computer. 38.Alien network security is nonexistant. 39.Rather than attacking a planet when they first encounter it (ie, 1940s), aliens wait until the planet has developed just enough technology to possibly defend itself. 40.Scientists at Area 51 are a bit touched in the head, and "Don't get out much." Copyright � 1996, Dean Kanipe, 626 West Club Blvd, Durham, NC 27701. May be reproduced on the internet for personal use only. Any reproduction in print or in any fixed or for-profit medium is not allowed without written permission. Whenever this document is copied, this copyright statement must remain attached. No-Copyrights 1996, Chad Amudsen, PO BOX 851, Cary, IL 60013. From: Grant Murakami Subject: Re: STORY-CLEAN: 40 Things I Learned From ID4 (offend Mac-ers?) Whoa cool, heres some more stuff. May offend Mac-ers? a. Aliens are using Macintosh OS. No wonder it was so easy to infect their mothership.... hmmm. Aliens also don't notice that their screens are flickering because of some unexplained phenomenon. They also don't notice that they are getting hit and their sheilds are down. Maybe they are blind AND stupid. b. Any idiot with an F-18 hornet can plug up an alien death ray that is 1/100th the size of the entire ship and take the entire ship with him. c. F-18 hornets have enough armor to withstand stage 1 Alien Death ray even though it can destroy an entire building. d. If you are the First Lady, you can automatically withstand the blast from an Alien Death Ray, even though it vaporized the rest of your flight crew instantly. e. Cable repairmen can decode Alien signals when the Pentagon is totally puzzled. f. Alien ships only have two guns each. One to take out cities, and one to take out helicopters that hover around the entrance for more than 1 minute. Alien motherships have no guns, and no security besides fighters and remote controlled doors.
Wed Nov 27 15:46:14 1996 Toni Cant�, from Spain
EXPLOSIONS & RADIACTIVITY - Anti-detonation additive in car gas magically becomes highly explosive when a car is about to have an accident. - Plastic explosives detonate in a great ball of flames. - Except in "The Day After", you can look directly at a nuclear explosion while you chat with the girl, at a distance of 5 miles. No blinding, no radiactive syndrome, no blast, no radiactive rain. - You can handle radiactive products, with no limits of time, with a thin plumb vest or even with your naked hands. COMPUTERS & TECHNOLOGY - Rewritable CDROMs, often little golden disks with no protection, are a common product of the market and can be used in any computer, preferably laptops. - Laptops and cellular phones have an electric generator inside: you never run out of batteries. - Everybody has a 24Mbyte connection to the Internet. - You can upload a computer virus on an alien computer - and it works! (ID4) - Alien computers have a Billy Gates' windows interfaced operatig system. - TV sets and computer monitors always explode if damaged. WEAPONS - Fighter pilots don't know what the word "countermeasure" means. They always escape from missiles only by maniouvering. - Bullets NEVER ricochet, nor they generate metallic fragments ricocheting. - 200 Vietcongs shooting their Kalashnikovs at once can't kill a man running 200 meters before them. - Explosive weapons NEVER generate shrapnel. - Almost all weapons, doesn't matter which type, are recoiless. - Military and other high-power bullets always make a clean, rounded wound sized their caliber. - You can open a terrorist bomb in order to cut the wires inside at no risk. - A Kevlar vest protects you of all kind of weapons, and at any distance. Cinetic energy disappear magically if you use one of this. - A Kevlar vest protects you of shots in the head. God has auctions on the fabric. MEDICINE - Hemorragya and hemorragyc shock don't exist. A man shooted at his shoulder just put his hand on the ENTERING wound and stops bleeding. - Paraplejia and tetraplejia don't exist. - Cancer and AIDS mean immediate death. - Heavily ill/wounded heros are still handsome/pretty and can perform any task. DRUGS - Smoking hachich makes a narco-trafficker with connections at Medellin of you. - If you take drugs once in your life, you are a drug-addict forever. - Drugs are always a white powder. - No Western bank gets benefits from drug traffic. CLOTHING - Hard/bad guys ever wear black clothes. RUSSIANS - All Russians always speak PERFECT English with a slight accent (where did they learn? Russians schools didn't teach English!) - Russian traitors always work for ideological conviction. American traitors always work for money. - Russian IQ is always less than 70. - KGB never had spies among higher-class Western personalities, politicians and economical leaders. CIA always had several members of the Politburo working for them. SPACE & SPACESHIPS - Challenger? What's a Challenger? - The first spaceships that landed at other planet were NOT the Soviet Venera-class in Venus. - The first man at space was NOT Yuri Gagarin. - The first woman at space was NOT Valentina Tereshkova; in fact Russians never went to space before 1984. - The crew of Apolo XIII never said the f-word. - You can build up a field of energy free of material. ARABIANS - All Arabians are terrorists or weapon traffickers. EUROPEANS - Almost all Europeans are terrorists or have served in elite groups. - Mexicans are the natives of Spain. ELITE GROUPS - An elite group is invincible unless it is traitioned. HANDSOME & PRETTY, SOCIETY AND A BIT OF SEX - The heros are always handsome/pretty, well-formed, non fat, non ill, politically and religiously correct, middle-class popular-race men and women. - Fat people doesn't exist. - Heros are always conventional. - Condom? What's a condom? - Even if s/he is an experienced adventurer, s/he never suffers of a STD. I'll continue... ;-)
Wed Nov 27 20:32:22 1996 Jim Nelson
Two characters fighting in a burning building will continue their fight rather than trying to escape.
Wed Nov 27 21:22:02 1996 Mark Stauter
Photographs and, especially, video images can be enlarged a seemingly infinite number of times, and actually GAIN detail with each enlargement! In this way, for example, an image from a HAND-HELD video camera can be enlarged to show the time on a WRISTWATCH worn by someone several HUNDRED feet away!
Thu Nov 28 04:54:34 1996 Robert Campbell
Ever notice when aliens in film try to adapt to earth culture, they usually take an exuberant liking to our pop culture nebbishes.
Fri Nov 29 00:31:59 1996 Brad Bellows
Shopping. Grocery bags are always paper, never plastic.
Fri Nov 29 07:01:42 1996 Steve Barratt
Telephones. It still takes 3 minutes to trace a telephone call, and each digit traced is presented on a digital spinning thumbwheel ( Calling line ID is sent imediately on origination of the call ) Villains have knowledge of exchange wiring and layout tattoed on the inside of their eyelids and they always go equipped with the correct proprietary interface cables. A film's budget is inversely proportional to the length of the telephone call. ie; "What's that you say? ...The house is on fire!...The hundred foot monster is tearing up the city!" "My God! That was the Pentagon. The president's plane has crashed into the UN building!" Ventilation All ventilation shafts provide easy access to the highest of security areas. Grills are removable without the aid of cumbersome screwdrivers. On grills fitted with laser beam break alarm systems beware of rats that crawl unimpeded throughout the shafts. Rats can do this without setting off touch sensitive panels in floors Ugly people. Anybody who has to play the role of an ugly person invariably is not. Ugly girls are good looking girls who wear glasses and tie their hair up funny. Ugly men are always fat. Old people Young actors required to play old people are always made up to look about 130. Old actors are always required to behave with the vivacity of an 18 year old. Old people are always nice unless they are due to die. Idiots in Attics The idiot will always go up/down stairs to cellars/basements/attics accompanied be corny creepy music. The idiot will have gone there against the advice of some old codger. Car lots/parks Vast underground carparks rarely contain more than 20 parked cars.
Fri Nov 29 07:56:26 1996 Rich Oliver
Eating: no movie meal is ever really finished: either the villian shows up, a new clue is discovered, or a shootout occurs, but the hero NEVER settles a check!
Fri Nov 29 08:03:56 1996 Rich Oliver
Helicopters: Whenver the hero (or sometimes villian) has something important to do (ie drop a rescue line or pick up a dangling compatriot), the helicopter will fly itself. When it is time to do something basic like land the damn thing, the helicopter becomes a handful and usually takes all of the hero's skills to accomplish.
Fri Nov 29 08:06:22 1996 Rich Oliver
Airplanes: when something happens, the pilots are either incapacitated or dead. It always takes a stew or some unknown genius passenger to save everyone's bacon.
Fri Nov 29 08:29:08 1996 Rich Oliver
Anyone who screams, no matter what time frame, will have at least two fillings. Especially notable from the maiden in distress during Dragon movies.
Fri Nov 29 08:33:24 1996 Rich Oliver
Innate is spelled "innate". You have it wrong in the Minorities section...something that criticzes something else should be impeccable.
Fri Nov 29 08:56:31 1996 Rich Oliver
A criminal will always see his or her face on TV or in the newspaper, along with a full page/screen picture of the "rogue" cop who is after them.... this will usually be a big clue to the crook, who now knows the direction and/or speed of the cop.
Fri Nov 29 10:48:25 1996 Jason
In GrouindHog Day, Wouldn't Phil have Missed the Blizzard all together if he just would have left town right after he woke up?
Fri Nov 29 18:29:47 1996 Robert Campbell
Shopping:Remember, when shopping for chothes, always have a montage (complete with music) in front of a mirror of the clothes being tried on.
Fri Nov 29 20:56:29 1996 Juliet Verni
All schools are large cit-sized schools, even in a rural area with less than 30 houses.
Sat Nov 30 06:30:03 1996 Rhett Bartlett
When someone is suspended form a roof top or some ledge they always say 'Don't look down' - and of course- the person then looks down.
Sat Nov 30 19:06:53 1996 Renaud Campbell
After a woman has supposedly slain a monster/villain, it will always come back to life if she turns her back on it.
Sun Dec 1 06:57:46 1996 John Stevens
Under Independence Day: Alien races use Power Macs as their operating system
Sun Dec 1 07:00:00 1996 John Stevens
Under Heroes: All Heroes can grab that crazy helicopter landing gear, usually by first making some sort of amazing jump.
Sun Dec 1 07:01:38 1996 John Stevens
Under Space & Vacuum: Explosions can occur in space although there is no way for the fire to be fueled
Sun Dec 1 07:03:41 1996 John Stevens
Under Teenagers: If you are a teenager in a horror film and you A) have sex B) do drugs C) or antaganize the hero/heroine then you will die
Sun Dec 1 07:06:40 1996 John Stevens
Under Heroes: All heroes are Ex- somethings, whether an ex-cia agent or an ex-cop, and still have friends/access to data
Sun Dec 1 07:08:36 1996 John Stevens
Under Heroes: Heroes can defeat any villian in hand-to-hand combat even if the villian is a master at 57 forms of combat they will lose to an untrained hero
Sun Dec 1 07:11:38 1996 John Stevens
Under Weapons: Any hand/shotgun makes a loud noise, often chk-chk while racking the slide or cocking the barrel
Mon Dec 2 04:48:55 1996 Jack Stafford
Ever notice in Thanksgiving or Christmas scenes Grandma will effortlessly carry out of the kitchen a 35 lb. turkey, bend at the waist and place it triumphantly on the table! Even Ahnold would pull all his back muscles!
Mon Dec 2 09:36:28 1996 Stephen Kelsey
HELICOPTERS: In many recent (low budget?) movies involving a turbine-powered helicopter (usually a Bell JetRanger or Aerospatial Allouette or Squirrel, the sound of the helicopter in the movie is not that of a turbine-powered aircraft, but rather of an older reciprocating engined machine (sounding exactly like an old Bell 47 series helicopter). I have observed this "cliche" in at least five movies over the past several months (and a very large number of times over the past several years).
Mon Dec 2 09:51:43 1996 Stephen Kelsey
Aircraft: In many movie scences involving high performance military jet fighter, attack or bomber aircraft, the pilots/crew are regularly seen with their oxygen masks hanging loose, to be lifted to their face by hand to speak into the microphone, even as the aircraft is operating at medium-to-high altitudes (above 10,000 ft) and in high-G tactical manuevers. A very good example, but by no means unique example is the movie Top Gun. In fact, it usually is manadatory in virtually all military tactical aircraft that oxygen masks be worn above 10,000 feet, both to maintain pilot/crew consciousness and mental agaility, and to assure radio/intercom communications. The pilot of a jet fighter at high altitude not wearing an oxygen mask would be unconscious in a matter of moments, and it would be virtually impossible to hold a mask to the face with one hand and talk into the mic while flying the airplane through in routine tactical manuevers. (An Australian Air Force fighter with its pilot was recently lost due to the pilot not wearing his oxygen mask at high altitude and "blacking out," resulting in the crash of the aircraft and death of the pilot.)
Mon Dec 2 14:12:09 1996 Derek
Ever noticed how many movie heroes can fall out of planes, go down rivers etc. and still end up with dry hair, nerves in tact and ready to fight for another day. Case in point - Arnie Schwarzenneger (will someone check my spelling please) in COMMANDO. Ever noticed how the dumbest actor seems to be able to always come up wth something inspirational to say at just the right moment, even if what is being said when exmaing closely is often totally out of sorts with their character. Most actors in films sem to talk to their partners when cleaning their teeth! No actor in the morning wake up scene is ever accused of having bad breath by their bed partner.
Mon Dec 2 17:16:18 1996 Chip Taylor
In many car chases, when taking a corner at high speed or coming down after flying through the air a hubcap will come off and roll away from the car. In the next scene, the hubcap will be replaced. Quite a feat at high speed!
Mon Dec 2 21:03:03 1996 chris russell
id4 the ddomesday weapon can annihilate everything in it's path, except los angeles palm trees.
Tue Dec 3 21:40:57 1996 Anthony R
Re: Independence Day I'm surprised you left out the scene where the guy and his dad are racing to Washington DC, while everyone one else is frantically LEAVING Washington because of a deadly alien attack. There is a MASSIVE traffic jam YET they are all obeying the traffic laws by staying on the correct side of the highway, whereas the hero's car is all by itself going toward the city. DUH!!
Wed Dec 4 02:13:10 1996
IN MOVIES WITH MORE THAN 2 SIGNIFICANT CHARACTERS, THE THIRD ONE WILL ALWAYS BE A WOMAN
Wed Dec 4 02:43:25 1996 Anthony Kanizaj
If a main character is black, he'll be jive talking and street wise, or hyper about being black, or both. Shotguns may be cocked more than once for effect, even if this means wasting shells.(End of Natural Born Killers) The hero uses the biggest gun, most recently .50 cal Desert Eagles. If a new vehicle is "product placed", it won't get scratched or dirty, even if it goes through fire, gunshots, lakes or tornados.(i.e.- the '96 Dodge Ram in Twister)
Wed Dec 4 02:59:59 1996 Phillip Brown
Airplanes When an airplane has been shot in the engine, despite spewing smoke and oil and who-knows-what-else, the engine will still turn the propellor at high revs. When a plane crashes, regardless of the angle at which the aircraft hits the ground, the fireball will always go straight up into the air. This is especially true if the aircraft crashes out of sight behind a hill, in which case the fireball will not be on the expected flight path. Also, wreckage will be confined to the immediate area of the impact. War Soldiers in large groups will always go into battle so that they cover the minimal possible ground. Despite this, enemy snipers will fail to hit any of them with their first shot, which will always land short by about 2 feet. No-one will be injured by the ricochet. Weapons Bad guys standing 10 feet away from the good guys will not be able to shoot anyone, despite firing a whole magazine from an automatic weapon, but the good guys will hit someone with every shot fired from a pistol at a range exceeding the real-life effective range of the ammunition, and without having to take any time to aim. Fencing When the hero and villian go into a clinch, neither of them think to knee their opponent in the groin. Submarines Submarines always have their active sonar on. The effect of a depth charge exploding 2 feet away from the hull of a submarine is for a couple of pipes to burst.
Wed Dec 4 13:09:34 1996 margery
Pregnancy - no woman ever has an abortion, she will always miscarry or else keep the baby.... Pregnancy - when a woman goes into labour, there is always a frantic car drive to the hospital, with cars skidding around corners, the fathers panicking and the car pulling up at the front door of the hospital so fast that you'd think that all the rubber would have been worn off the tyres......no-one seems to have told them in their antenatal classes that labours can go on for hours and usually do. Telephones - will always be answered within two rings or will ring out - if answered, there is never any chit-chat, just straight to the point and then hang up.
Wed Dec 4 16:37:45 1996 Graham Dean
Explosions. Whenever an explosion occurs, be it a building, car, boat, bomb, ammo dump or whatever, the explosion will always look as if extremely large and unsafe amounts of petrol have been stored in the object concerned. Usually this amount is equivalent to the storage capacity of a small filling station! Do the characters in the movies have NO common sense?
Wed Dec 4 16:55:31 1996 Graham Dean
Money. Movie characters never have real life money problems. They are never unable to travel, eat, rent a room, buy petrol or purchase necessary objects because of lack of available cash. They never suffer any limitations to what they can do because they are on a budget unless this is integral to the plot, in which case they are only prevented in doing or obtaining the single thing necessary for the plot.
Thu Dec 5 01:11:34 1996 Rick Patt
No one ever sees someone hiding in the backseat of a car until he or she gets in the front seat and the person hiding puts his hand over the driver's mouth. Any device, weapon, or strategy shown or explained in the first half of the movie will be used in the climax climax. When a helicoptor is chasing the hero who is on foot, in a car, or on a motorcycle, the helicoptor will crash.
Thu Dec 5 05:05:03 1996 Ryan Campbell
When the band at parties or dances play, the musicians are gifted with incredible abilities, such as the ability to play the instrument upside down, causing it to magically flip directions between screen cuts. They also possess the ability to take breaths and/or change bowing direction in the middle of seamless music. SPECIAL NOTE: Violinists playing solo must always change bowing directions 9 times over a long note, moving the bow very fast, despite the fact that to do so would create ugly breaks in the music.
Thu Dec 5 13:21:38 1996 Len Gigante
Police - Detectives only have one case at a time. They often refer to it as THE CASE. Monsters - In Japanese Monster movies why is there often a child present as the military and all the best scientists Japan can muster plot their next move? Also - Considering that most films of this genre were made in the early 60's how is it that some hip tough wisecracking blonde american dude always manages to have penetrated Japanese culture to the point that he is in on the planning to resolve the latest monster crisis? Think about it.. the only 2 atomic bombs were dropped on whom by whom in a war 15-20 years prior and now this guy works with their scientists and military leaders???
Fri Dec 6 01:29:49 1996 Phillip Hamilton
When the hero has to find the password to a file created by an old friend or family member, he will find that it's the name of their son/daughter/dog.
Fri Dec 6 18:06:36 1996 Michael Kreca
Any film about demonic possession always takes place in a very wealthy, semi-rural neighborhood and involves a precocious, "misunderstood" child with aloof parents.
Sun Dec 8 08:26:15 1996 Greg Jackson
If we see a man for the first time and he is whispering something to someone else , he will become a bad guy . Most of the time it happens at a club,bar,or party and music is muting their words . Warning to women , don`t fall in love with them !!!
Mon Dec 9 01:51:10 1996 Eric Canzler
All spaceships, command centers, hospitals, etc. have a self destruct button. A female voice softly whispers the countdown... 15 seconds until self-destruct.... 2 seconds until self destruct. The last 2 seconds take at least a minute to go by, allowing the hero escape or cancel self destruct, with 1 or 0 seconds left.
Mon Dec 9 21:19:38 1996 Emily-Jane
Airplanes: The ambient noise level in small, propellor airplanes is always astonishingly low - which makes it possible for characters to speak in normal conversational tones with ease, even if one or more (but not all) of them are wearing headsets.
Mon Dec 9 21:25:02 1996 Emily-Jane
Animals: If there is a dog in the movie, you can count on its being killed or seriously injured at some point during the film.
Tue Dec 10 09:30:17 1996 Chris Fitzwalter
Any nerdy high school girl can immediately be transformed into a goddess by simply removing her glasses and applying some makeup (preferably done by the most popular girl in school after somehow befriending her)
Tue Dec 10 19:45:22 1996 Jeff Yeatman
Unconsciousness: movie characters rendered unconscious by any traumatic, skull-splitting, brain-brusing head wound can always be revived by splashing a little water on their faces.
Wed Dec 11 19:03:09 1996 Jeff
1)Heroes never turn on lights when entering warehouse , house, etc. 2)No one ever gets struck down by stray bullets when cowboys shoot their guns into the air when happy. 3)Couples are able to have sex while rolling over into bizarre positions, without breaking contact or missing a step. 4)Friendly computers always have sultry female voices (Star Trek); evil computers always have male voices (2001, War Games)
Wed Dec 11 22:43:49 1996 Curtis yee
When there is a movie where a high-class restaurant or party where there is a live string quartet or something, they will always play Mozart's Eine Klein Nauchtmuzik. And if it's am action movie, some fights are going to take place that disturbs the performance.
Thu Dec 12 00:21:21 1996 matthew hogan
Minorities: The Arab guy is always saying "Allah" and will invariably be a terrorist, a rich sheikh and in all events a double-dealer who will die horribly but cleverly before the film is over.
Thu Dec 12 00:21:34 1996 matthew hogan
Minorities: The Arab guy is always saying "Allah" and will invariably be a terrorist, a rich sheikh and in all events a double-dealer who will die horribly but cleverly before the film is over.
Thu Dec 12 00:21:57 1996 matthew hogan
Minorities: The Arab guy is always saying "Allah" and will invariably be a terrorist, a rich sheikh and in all events a double-dealer who will die horribly but cleverly before the film is over.
Thu Dec 12 02:13:52 1996 Timothy J. Tucker
Independence Day: Although the aliens have an entirely different body structure than humans, they have comfortable, human sized leather seats in their spacecraft. Indendence Day: Despite the fact that the aliens are advanced in almost every manner of technology, they still use the exact same computer displays that we do. Independence Day: An alien who is capable of developing weapons that can destroy cities with a single burst of energy has no idea what a simple nuclear missile is. Independence Day: The Apple powerbook has such great connectivitity, it even includes a special docking port for extraterrestrial spaceships. Independence Day: A cable expert can be able to interpret a countdown signal, but can do nothing to block it out.
Thu Dec 12 05:31:43 1996 Jack Morrissey
Why is it when the movie is supposedly in Kansas or any other flat state, I can see mountains in the distance. All of it seems to look like somewhere in California.
Thu Dec 12 06:16:58 1996 Judy Prosser
During bank robberies, getaway cars find parking in front of the door. But when a kid is hanging from the roof, the hero parks two blocks down the drive and runs the rest of the way. When chased by villans, characters never take off their hard soled shoes or high heels. They also never have soft soled shoes on. Women, when chased down fire escapes or the sides of cliffs, keep their high heels on and carry their purse. (Eva Marie Saint down Mt. Rushmore)
Thu Dec 12 07:59:30 1996 Bill Funk
Space: Not only will spaceships approach each other in the same plane, they will also be properly oriented (neither one is upside-down. Also, spaceships are aerodynamically designed, with smooth skin surfaces. When spaceships turn, they bank. "We don' need no stinkin' maneuvering jets!" When in a battle, a spaceship will *never* warp out of danger.
Thu Dec 12 11:28:38 1996 Fernando Garcia
In Spain we usually say, when referring to a slow person, company or car, for instance: "You are slower than the evil man's horse". In every western movie the heroe's horse is always the fastest one.
Thu Dec 12 14:14:44 1996 Cort Comish
Airplanes: It is possible in movies to take off in one kind of airplane and land in another, after some kind of mysterious in-the-air transfer.
Thu Dec 12 14:16:23 1996 Cort Comish
Airplanes: Movie airplanes are so amazingly quite, that conversations can be carried on normally, without either the speaker having to raise his voice or the listener having to "pop" his ears.
Thu Dec 12 19:25:26 1996 Drew Marold
How come characters that have been knocked unconcious by being hit in the head with a fire extinguisher, or any other solid objeect, come back later none the worse for wear ?
Thu Dec 12 23:53:12 1996 George Dillon
Gifts: When a person receives a wrapped gift box they hardly ever have to unwrap it. Amazingly (to me) the top of the box (which is wrapped independently) just slides up and off. There's no messing with a stubborn ribbon, scotchtape, or God forbid, shrinkwrap!
Fri Dec 13 02:22:36 1996 gabz tse
weapons:- heroes can always fire magnum44 single handed without recoil and can even hit the target 1/2 mile away. people always figure out how to use sophisticated weaponary in emergency (see Commando)
Fri Dec 13 03:52:08 1996 Michele Conklin
In a horror flick. As a young, white female runs away from a psych maniac or other type of monster she always manages to have on a tank top, daisy dukes and high heels. 80% of the time her boob manages to fall out also.
Fri Dec 13 15:33:35 1996 Dr. Roger Harris
People NEVER "stay" when told to, as in "...stay in the car..." Most real fights would cause multiple facial fractures with one or two punches; the hittee NEVER suffers anything more than a bruise or slight laceration; the hitter is allowed to shake his fist a few times to recover-never fractures any hand bones.. All booze is in fancy cut crystal decanters, no matter what the income level of the character doing the drinking. Every wild car ride is long and controlled;every driver has the skill level of a Joey Chitwood dare-devil. IN any movie with parachuting,SOMEONE's chute is NOT going to open-creating an reasonably intact corpse, regardless of the heighth from which they fell.
Fri Dec 13 20:58:43 1996 Adib Behi
CHASE - (Usually in horrow movies). When people are being chased by a zombie or someone who can only just limp forward, then irrespective of how fast the chasee is running, the chaser is always just right behind even though he is shuffling/trudging/limping. Very often the chaser appears in front or at the side of the chasee.
Sat Dec 14 01:00:37 1996 Elliot Long
Professional musicians often carry their instruments around without cases, and saxophone players never break reeds (if they use them).
Sat Dec 14 18:21:40 1996 Bob McDonald
Every high school will have at least one: * teenager that only speeks slang * gym teacher that was in the armed sevices * teacher that is considered cool and will be inspirational * vice pricipal that hates teens * environmental studies teacher that was once a hippi
Sat Dec 14 21:10:11 1996 Edward Rowe
Bartenders do virtually nothing except drying or polishing glasses. If they are stacking them on the bar, the glasses will get broken when someone crashes through them.
Sat Dec 14 21:17:00 1996 Edward Rowe
Even if they're playing the role of a wino or a backwoodman, leading actors always have clean fingernails which are well manicured. They never have small cuts or scratches on their hands. Bruce Willis is the exception; at some point in his movies, he will wind up in a dirty, torn T-shirt and have bleeding wounds all over his face and body.
Sat Dec 14 21:20:57 1996 Edward Rowe
The major explosion in a series of explosions will peak 3-4 times and be seen from several angles and distances.
Sat Dec 14 21:58:27 1996 Edward Rowe
Drink cups (e.g. coffe or soda) are always empty and, hence, never spill the contents on the hero. Trunks that are carried or boxes that are run into are always empty.
Sat Dec 14 22:48:38 1996 Ron Heiber
School plays, especially elementray schools, have production values, scenes and costuming that tops anything on or off Broadway.
Sun Dec 15 12:30:36 1996 Kenneth John Taylor
--the guy that denies the existance of an evil alien, serial killer, etc. will usually be the first to die. --whenever a bad guy comes up against a bulletproof superhero like Superman, he will fire his gun at Superman's chest repeatedly until he runs out of bullets, then throw his gun at Superman, expecting the gun to do something that the bullets couldn't.
Sun Dec 15 20:26:08 1996 Tina
In a movie where a guy happens upon a dog, the dog goes to the guys house and slobbers all over the furniture and the car upholstery, and drinks out of the toilet. 2. The dog will always sit there and stare at his owners while they're doin the deed, wondering what's going on.
Mon Dec 16 10:31:32 1996 Kristine Salmons
This also has to do with the ID4 faults. I find it extremely hard to believe that the aliens which can organize the take-over of an entire, civilized planet and can utilize the low-grade technology (in comparison to its own) for this take-over cannot even hit the little jets that the US marine pilots fly. (This pertains to the scene when all the pilots are being blown to bits- except for Will Smith, of course). The alien mini-fighters can't hit the marine jets but can devise a force field against the atomic bomb. Hmmm.....
Mon Dec 16 16:57:12 1996 Heath Allison
In any scene involving a chauvenistic (usually a car mechanic) male. The male will condescendingly refer to the complicated technical element of his work in small words. In retort the woman will quip off the entire specs, popular mechanics rating, and complete history of the vehicle or electronic device in question.
Mon Dec 16 17:04:49 1996 Heath Allison
Any soldier who has returned from a war in Asia will suffer from a condition which inspires the sound of helicopter blades any time he looks into the spinning blades of a cieling fan.
Mon Dec 16 17:07:10 1996 Heath Allison
In a time of war, all women are prostitutes. If the war takes place in Asia, they will be cheaper prostitutes. In the later case the man's prospective endowment will be referenced in broken english.
Mon Dec 16 22:54:26 1996 pep
Independence day: This movie is like watching an American flag on a sunny hill for 96 minutes!
Tue Dec 17 03:30:51 1996 Nancy
When sexually aroused, all women lean their heads back and close their eyes.
Tue Dec 17 21:12:30 1996 J. B. Ogihara
Most of the crashed airplanes belong to "TransAmerica Airline."
Tue Dec 17 21:24:01 1996 J. B. Ogihara
Every time our hero cop arrives the murder site in the middle of nowhere, his partner or assistant brings him a cup of coffee, which is steamy hot as if there were a catering service nearby.
Wed Dec 18 01:37:53 1996 Jenny Hanson
>Pianos are always played with big sweeping hand movements, despite the fact that this makes most music impossible to play. Also, movie pianists seem to use the whole piano keyboard, being particularly fond of playing things in the high part when the music is deep, low. >Women seem to have some sort of arm muscle deficiancy; men always have to carry everything for them. >A top way to meet your future husband/wife is to drop a bag full of something that goes everywhere in a crowded store or sidewalk. >Musicians can play anything on sight >People with no musical talent are brilliant players as soon as they see an instrument >Bands can play, no matter what happens
Wed Dec 18 03:57:18 1996 Bob McDonald
I have several ***We're in Jurassic Park, the fences are down and the vicious dinosaurs are on the loose, lets send the only person who know how to use the computer alone and unarmed to walk across the compound into the dark maintainance shed to turn on the power. *** When ever you see comersials on TV in movies they always have something to do with the plot of the movie (The Nutty Professor [new]) *** Any video or arcade game is either radically advanced or something like an Atari Game *** Every talk show will have some wierd plot like Women who marry Fruit *** If your in a summer camp and ten of your friends get hacked to pieces don't leave or call the police, go down to the archery range and try to figure the whole thing out *** All military bases that are attacked (mostly from air) have big stacked up oil/gasoline barrols *** All answering machines take five seconds to rewind, even if there are 20 messages *** When a hero is shot at in an office, he or she will duck his head and the bullet will shatter a vase behind him or her.
Wed Dec 18 12:49:47 1996 Dan
The information on a screen will be all gibberish, but the "computer expert" who brought up the file will know exactly what it all means.
Thu Dec 19 03:30:11 1996 Carl Stenport
Alcohol: All drinks must be VERY strong indeed, as all actors/actresses get instantly drunk by tasting only a little sip! This also implies that the actor has a very strange metabolism, as the alcohol in the drink seems to go directly from the mouth to the brain.
Thu Dec 19 23:15:59 1996 Larry A. Sonna, MD, PhD
MEDICAL CLICHES - Every doctor, no matter what his/her specialty, can perform the most intricate and delicate operations. The local GP can perform heart transplants. - There are no gross body fluids in a hospital. Blood looks like ketchup. - Corollary: Massive lower gastrointestinal bleeding (which in real life produces a large amount of really foul-smelling, purplish stool) never happens. - Patients in Intensive Care are either so deeply comatose that they don't respond to pain or wide awake and fully in possesion of their faculties. No one ever "sundowns" in the ICU. - On the other hand, if you are comatose, your spirit leaves your body and you can look around the room and talk to everyone there - even though they can't hear you. - The first time a Medical Student sees an operation, he/she will pass out. - Endotracheal intubation in the ER is always quick and easy. No one ever has to call an anesthesiologist to help out. And no one ever has to make more than one attempt. - Nurses can remember and will gladly carry out any barked-out run-on list of orders, provided the doctor ends his diatribe with the word "STAT". - There are two and only two basic cardiac rhythms: Normal sinus rhythm and asystole (flat-line). If you're a really sharp, sophisticated doc, you might also recognize the ever-popular and dramatic "abnormal cardiac rhythm". This recognition is usually followed by an electric shock. - COROLLARY: The people who are working with you when you are running the "code" don't need to know WHAT abnormal rhythm you are about to shock the hapless patient for, let alone how many - The people who run hospitals are evil villains who have a nefarious scheme to make money by killing patients in a really clever way (actually, some might say that in the age of managed care and HMO's, this is closer to the truth than even Hollywood dare admit).
Thu Dec 19 23:22:11 1996 Larry A. Sonna, MD, PhD
Correction to my typo : COROLLARY: The people who are running the code with you don't actually need to KNOW what rhythm you are shocking the patient for, let alone how many joules you are using (it's standard practice to call this out to the person recording the events).
Thu Dec 19 23:25:48 1996 Larry A. Sonna, MD, PhD
MEDICAL CLICHES - Every doctor, no matter what his/her specialty, can perform the most intricate and delicate operations. The local GP can perform heart transplants. - There are no gross body fluids in a hospital. Blood looks like ketchup. - Corollary: Massive lower gastrointestinal bleeding (which in real life produces a large amount of really foul-smelling, purplish stool) never happens. - Patients in Intensive Care are either so deeply comatose that they don't respond to pain or wide awake and fully in possesion of their faculties. No one ever "sundowns" in the ICU. - On the other hand, if you are comatose, your spirit leaves your body and you can look around the room and talk to everyone there - even though they can't hear you. - The first time a Medical Student sees an operation, he/she will pass out. - Endotracheal intubation in the ER is always quick and easy. No one ever has to call an anesthesiologist to help out. And no one ever has to make more than one attempt. - Nurses can remember and will gladly carry out any barked-out run-on list of orders, provided the doctor ends his diatribe with the word "STAT". - There are two and only two basic cardiac rhythms: Normal sinus rhythm and asystole (flat-line). If you're a really sharp, sophisticated doc, you might also recognize the ever-popular and dramatic "abnormal cardiac rhythm". This recognition is usually followed by an electric shock. - COROLLARY: The people who are working with you when you are running the "code" don't need to know WHAT abnormal rhythm you are about to shock the hapless patient for, let alone how many joules you are using. - The people who run hospitals are evil villains who have a nefarious scheme to make money by killing patients in a really clever way (actually, some might say that in the age of managed care and HMO's, this is closer to the truth than even Hollywood dares to admit).
Fri Dec 20 19:41:59 1996 Jami Goodwin
Whenever a person dies, there is a law of nature that causes them to roll their head to the right.
Fri Dec 20 20:59:07 1996 Chuck Jones
GHOSTS: * In movies, ghosts can walk through walls and doors, but their feet stand solid on floors and the ground. * Children and animals can see, hear and understand ghosts, but adults can't, unless they are childen at heart--or brain damaged. * Until the 1980s, ghosts always wore clothes, most still do. * God loves a good detective. Every male who is murdered gets to go back as a ghost and catch his killer, and in most cases, cause the killer's death. Then, he gets to go back to heaven even though he has caused a murder. * Ghosts are transparent, but they can usually move, grasp or use objects--unless there's a plot reason not to. * Ghosts are almost always humanoids, unless they were someone's pet. Rarely are they points, line or rays of energy. * When a ghost leaves its dead body, it's always wearing what the body had on when it died. * Good ghosts can rarely solidify themselves and always look like who they are. Bad ghosts can become tangable and work in disguise.
Fri Dec 20 23:03:04 1996 Jamie Koehler
Emergency vehicles always use their sirens and flashers, even when they're rescuing someone in a completely isolated place. People always look at the telephone before hanging up.
Sat Dec 21 01:24:12 1996 Paul Cheek
Spaceship: They have force fields but no seatbelts.
Sat Dec 21 02:40:12 1996 Hallgrimur Thorsteinsson
HOUSES A person will always look at the ceiling of the room whenever there's a sound coming from (an intruder on) the floor above.
Sat Dec 21 04:51:43 1996 Jess Inglis
In Twister, the villians are the people who drive BLACK TRUCKS and work for PRIVATE CORPORATIONS!!! The goodies though wear goofy clothes, drive trucks that are falling apart and most of the chracters (eg. Dusty) act like they could'nt find their way out of a paper bag and yet we are supposed to believe them to be really brainy scientists. I DON'T THINK SO!!!
Sun Dec 22 02:39:48 1996 Murray Kraft
Whenever a woman becomes pregnant in a movie, it is a guarantee that some other woman will become pregnant as well. This will then lead to the inevitable situation in which they both go into labor at the same time, often in the very same room, delivered by the same doctor.
Sun Dec 22 03:28:17 1996 wayne kline
JUKEBOXES IN MOVIES No matter how seedy the bar in a movie, it always has a highly collectible antique Wurlitzer jukebox. No matter that old Wurlitzers only played 78's, jukeboxes in movies always play the soundtrack CD.
Mon Dec 23 00:18:52 1996 Bob McDonald
Here are several more: *** In ID4 billions of people were killed and no one cried but when the Presedent's wife dies everyone starts to weep *** ID4: It always takes two seconds for an Earth virus to nigotiate with an alien host millions of years more advanced *** ID4: After two seconds on the phone the secretary of defence told the President that S.E.T.I. have recieved a radio signal from another civilization; that a ship almost the size of our moon is going to enter a steady orbit soon. *** ID4: I'd like to know what the aliens (if they turned out to be peaceful)would have thought if they came down onto the IBM Building and saw all those idiots walking around dressed like a 1950's sci-fi movie alien *** In any sporting movie the hero/heroine's team always does horrible in the first part of the game (Space Jam, Mighty Ducks, etc.)
Mon Dec 23 14:19:46 1996 Nicholas Verso
When a character runs across a busy street (naturally without looking), they will always be hit immediately dead-on by a car. Depending on the character they will either just keep on running, hit the ground and roll twice and then keep running or fly up into the air and hit the windscreen and then roll off and keep running.
Mon Dec 23 14:20:47 1996 Nicholas Verso
Only unpopular teenagers have acne.
Mon Dec 23 14:21:48 1996 Nicholas Verso
Nobody ever sleeps with their curtains closed. If there is a storm, the window will be kept open as well.
Mon Dec 23 14:22:22 1996 Nicholas Verso
Policemen address every woman they meet as "lady".
Mon Dec 23 14:22:58 1996 Nicholas Verso
Paper-boys never need to get off their bicycles.
Mon Dec 23 14:23:32 1996 Nicholas Verso
Everybody goes to high school until the age of 30.
Mon Dec 23 14:35:20 1996 Nicholas Verso
ID4 : - Explosions that destroy entire cities will not affect the palm trees. - Sophisticated alien equipment, that enables them to fly to Earth and destroy most of its surface, wouldn't bother installing a version of Virus Buster. - Aliens will always now that to destroy a city, they must hover over that city's most prominent landmark. - Humans don't need oxygen in space if they're travelling in alien spaceships. - Whenever the President looks at the spaceship (whether he's about to make a speech or not) the film score will always break into some nightmarish patriotic dirge similar to Pomp & Circumstance.
Mon Dec 23 19:33:57 1996 Andrew Watson
Telephones I haven't seen this one for a while, but until five years ago, whenever a telephone call was cut off unexpectedly, it was de rigeur for the caller to flash the cradle hook once, say "Hello?", flash the hook quickly twice more, say "Hello?" again, and only at that point acknowledge that they'd been cut off. You can still see this in dozens of old B-movie classics. It's important to note that flashing the hook never achieved *anything* in the films (or in Real Life as far as I know).
Mon Dec 23 23:58:25 1996 Joe Hines
In "Independence Day", Jeff Goldblum and Judd Hirsch drive from New York to Washington, DC and enter the city from the Southwest (i.e.,the opposite direction) so that you get a really great view of the city. The actual entryway into the city from the northeast (New York Avenue) is not nearly as photogenic. If a semi-automatic pistol is out of ammunition, the user pulls the trigger at least twice and gets the dry-snapping sound of a revolver trigger being pulled. Most semi-automatic pistols don't make any sound at all if you pull the trigger after all the rounds have been fired. In "Jurassic Park", (1) why are all of the staff leaving on a boat during a hurricane? Especially since all the VIP's are going to be there. (2) Why does the road from the control center to the east dock have to go through the animal enclosure part of the park? That must make it unwieldy to unload supplies. (3) How did they clone Jurassic plants? (4) The girl notes that the control system is in UNIX (see the cliche on kids and computer systems). However, UNIX is famously text-based, so how come they have all those nifty graphics and icons? (5) How come they call it Jurassic Park when all of the creatures are from the later Cretaceous period?
Tue Dec 24 02:39:40 1996 Nathan Tillett
All heroes have endless ammo
Tue Dec 24 07:51:22 1996 Vanyel Ashkeveron
The feelings of exhibitionism of a woman during sex directly corresponds with the rating of the movie, the man, however, is always extremely modest no matter the rating.
Tue Dec 24 07:55:10 1996 Vanyel Ashkeveron
Sex scenes involving lesbians are rather common and explicit, but I don't believe there has ever been a movie with a blatant scene involving two gay men.
Tue Dec 24 07:56:51 1996 Vanyel Ashkeveron
Full frontal male nudity almost always results in an NC-17 rating, X rating if erect.
Thu Dec 26 18:57:25 1996 Trey Wright
Another Independence Day glitch... When Jeff Goldblum gets trashed on hard liquor, he miraculously becomes sober after his father offers a bit of encripted advice.
Fri Dec 27 01:29:21 1996 Sergio Lopez
(NOTE: This cliche is written in my very bad english. If neccesary, please translate it into something understandable) --------------------------------------------------- Submarines always has pipes crossing the control room that begins to flush water and/or steam when the submarine is hit by a torpedo. The leakeage is always easily cut turning a near valve wheel a couple of turns. ---------------------------------------------------
Fri Dec 27 03:55:34 1996 Simon Wyndham
In Sci Fi space films when the anti-gravity fail everyone starts moving in slow motion. EX. Moonraker.
Fri Dec 27 06:12:56 1996

Fri Dec 27 11:46:43 1996 Patrick Mooney
The Magic Floppy Rule: No matter how large the program or data dump it will allways fit on a standard floppy disc. See: "Hackers", "The Net", Ect.
Fri Dec 27 20:01:56 1996 Bob McDonald
Several: ***Jurassic Park - why did they build the visitor compound in the center of the island where every dinosaur can easily access it. ***Ace Ventura1 - why didn't the landlord notice the curtain door on the refrigerator in the apartment ***Toy Story - Many firework companies allow adolesents to buy highly dangerous firecrackers *** the compulsive gambler will only lose when the stakes are extremely high
Sat Dec 28 01:24:39 1996 Brian Eirik Coe
Any hijacked passenger aircraft will have at least one armed person (typically a U.S. Federal Marshal or off duty cop) who will leap from their seat at the last moment, gun in hand, to save the hero from certain death. (see: Executive Decision)
Sat Dec 28 02:41:18 1996 paul
if you have sex in a horror movie, your the next one to die.
Sat Dec 28 19:41:22 1996 nerw tv
we get on other peoples nerves. In german: NERVENS�GE
Sun Dec 29 18:28:48 1996 = )
I am Spartacus- Shades (That Thing You Do)
Sun Dec 29 19:49:48 1996 Chuck Rothman
No matter how poor or overcrowded a high school is, the teacher has only one group of around 25 students to teach.
Sun Dec 29 19:50:03 1996 Chuck Rothman
No matter how poor or overcrowded a high school is, the teacher has only one group of around 25 students to teach.
Sun Dec 29 21:36:59 1996 Rivas Canyon Prfess
PRESS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contacts: S. Ill. Univ. Press at 800/346-2680 Rivas Canyon Press 310/454-6525 Author at 310/477-6842 FILM INDUSTRY CRITIC TARGETS MAJOR HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BUSINESS PRACTICES Los Angeles--The fourth book in a series by Los Angeles securities/entertainment attorney John W. Cones on the Hollywood- based U.S. film industry has been published by Southern Illinois University Press (SIUP). Cones' fourth book is entitled THE FEATURE FILM DISTRIBUTION DEAL--A Critical Analysis of the Single Most Important Film Industry Agreement. His earlier book titles include Film Finance and Distribution--A Dictionary of Terms (Silman-James Press), Film Industry Contracts (Rivas Canyon Press) and 43 Ways to Finance Your Feature Film (SIUP). Each of Cones' books about the film industry have been progressively more critical of the manner in which the major studio film distributors conduct their business. It is the primary contention of this fourth book that the pervasive market power of the major studio/distributors in the United States (their films generate about 92% of the domestic theatrical box office gross each year) has been gained and is maintained by engaging in numerous questionable, unethical, unfair, unconscionable, anti-competitive, predatory and/or illegal business practices. Cones states that the feature film distribution deal is one of the major vehicles for the implementation of the shared business strategies of these major studio/distributors (i.e., Paramount, Warner Bros., MCA/Universal, Disney, Columbia/TriStar, MGM/UA and 20th Century Fox), whose operations form an anti-competitive oligopoly. A companion volume How the Movie Wars Were Won, explains the many other business practices, also regularly used by these same major studio/distributors to keep a small narrowly-defined group of Hollywood insiders in control of the U.S. film industry for its nearly 90-year history. In addition to his specialized law practice and his book writing, Cones actively lectures about film finance and related topics for such sponsoring organizations as the USC School of Cinema & TV, the UCLA graduate level Producer's Program, American University (in Washington, D.C.), UCLA Extension, the USC Cinema & TV Alumni Association, IFP/West, Women in Film, the California Lawyers for the Arts, California State University, the Charleston and Houston International Film Festivals and others. He also has a World Wide Web site that includes an online question and answer session relating to Investor Financing of Entertainment Projects (http://hollywoodnetwork.com/Cones). His E-mail address is JDJ@interline.net. Cones ultimately hopes his research, analysis, writing and lectures about Hollywood will serve as a catalyst for helping to bring about long-term and lasting film industry reforms that will permit greater diversity in film. Other titles in his book series include Patterns of Bias in Motion Picture Content; Motion Picture Biographies--The Hollywood Spin on Historical Figures; A Study in Motion Picture Propaganda; Who Really Controls Hollywood; Legacy of the Hollywood Empire; Politics, Movies and the Role of Government; Hollywood Corruption and Motion Picture Industry Reform. These latter titles are currently available in manuscript format direct from Rivas Canyon Press at 310/454-6525. The Truth About Hollywood by John W. Cones "The most incredible series of books ever written about the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry!" BOOK DESCRIPTIONS, PRICE LIST AND ORDER FORM Books Available Through Publishers, Local Bookstores or Online at Amazon.com: FILM FINANCE & DISTRIBUTION--A DICTIONARY OF TERMS--Definitions of some 3,600 terms used in the film industry in the finance and distribution of feature films. In addition, to the definitions, examples of usage and commentary are provided for some terms. ISBN # 1-879505-12-6 Published by Silman-James Press; Distributed by Samuel French Trade; phone 213/876-0570 566 pages--$24.95 43 WAYS TO FINANCE YOUR FEATURE FILM--A comprehensive overview of film finance with a discussion of advantages and disadvantages of forty-three different ways to finance feature films and other entertainment projects. ISBN # 0-8093-1968-3 Published by Southern Illinois University Press; phone 800/346-2680 or 618/453-6619 207 pages--$14.95 THE FEATURE FILM DISTRIBUTION DEAL--A provision-by-provision critical analysis of the single most important film industry agreement. The book clearly demonstrates why it is highly unlikely that anyone will ever get a "good" feature film distribution deal. The book also provides samples of five different film distribution agreements in its appendix. ISBN # 0-8093-2082-7 Published by Southern Illinois University Press; phone 800/346-2680 or 618/453-6619 380 pages--$34.95 Books Available in Manuscript Format Through Rivas Canyon Press at 310/454-6525: FILM INDUSTRY CONTRACTS--A collection of 100 sample film industry agreements relating to acquisition, development, packaging, employment, lender financing, investor financing, production documentation, distribution, exhibition, merchandising and licensing. Also available on computer diskettes (in Word Perfect and Mac). 640 pages--$89.95 HOW THE MOVIE WARS WERE WON--A comprehensive analysis and discussion of hundreds of the specific business practices used during the nearly 90-year span of control of the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry by the so-called Hollywood control group (or traditional Hollywood management). 305 pages--$22.95 PATTERNS OF BIAS IN MOTION PICTURE CONTENT--A survey of the reviews of thousands of Hollywood films, which shows that in addition to the Hollywood preferences for graphic sex, gratuitous violence, offensive language and anti-authority themes identified by others, Hollywood films also consistently portray whole populations of our diverse society in a negative and/or stereotypical manner. The book also argues that such portrayals have an anti-social effect on our society. 230 pages--$18.95 A STUDY IN MOTION PICTURE PROPAGANDA: Hollywood's Preferred Movie Messages--A re-examination of the ways in which Hollywood movies clearly were used during World War II as propaganda vehicles, and a demonstration that such techniques have merely been modified slightly for use in contemporary movies for less blatant but similar civilian purposes. This study also provides a description of the populations that are consistently portrayed in Hollywood movies in a more favorable light and argues that such portrayals actually rise to the level of movie propaganda. 390 pages--$28.95 MOTION PICTURE BIOGRAPHIES--The Hollywood Spin on Historical Figures--A study that shows how Hollywood has selectively provided positive and negative portrayals of historical figures through motion picture biographies throughout the history of the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry right up through the '90s. 283 pages--$21.95 POLITICS, MOVIES AND THE ROLE OF GOVERNMENT--This book provides an historical look at how the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry has manipulated and influenced the U.S. government throughout much of the industry's nearly 90-year history, and shows how that abuse of influence continues today. It therefore annihilates the notion put forth by some that there is no role for government in legislating or regulating the conduct of the U.S. film industry. This book also examines the nearly 90-year relationship between the development of U.S. antitrust laws and the movie industry. In addition, it raises serious questions about whether the famous Paramount consent decrees accomplished their purpose, and whether the federal government has now been captured by the powerful film industry, at least with respect to the enforcement, or the lack thereof, of the U.S. antitrust and employment discrimination laws in the film industry. 298 pages--$21.95 WHO REALLY CONTROLS HOLLYWOOD--A re-examination of the question raised earlier (but not completely or accurately answered) by Neal Gabler, Michael Medved, Pierce O'Donnell, Joel Kotkin and others with respect to who really controls the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry, and is therefore primarily responsible for the decisions made with respect to which movies are produced and released, who gets to work on those movies and the actual content of such films. 211 pages--$17.95 LEGACY OF THE HOLLYWOOD EMPIRE--A review of the long-term effects of allowing excessive power to be held by a small narrowly- defined group in the Hollywood-based U.S. film industry. The author points to a deterioration in the quality of films as well as significant economic and human losses. He goes further to speculate about the motivation of the Hollywood control group. This book also makes the argument that a motion picture is much more than merely entertainment, (a claim commonly made by film industry executives). It demonstrates that the motion picture is, as stated by the U.S. Supreme Court, a significant medium for the communication of ideas, and goes further to point out with pure logic, that since ideas influence human behavior, all movies therefore have the potential for influencing human conduct. 335 pages--$24.95 HOLLYWOOD CORRUPTION--A revealing study of various forms of corruption that have permeated the environment of the Hollywood- based U.S. film industry from its earliest days. This book goes on to point out there is really no reason why anyone should presume that even more sophisticated forms of corruption continue to be practiced at all levels of the industry today. 205 pages--$15.95 MOTION PICTURE INDUSTRY REFORM--A discussion of various techniques, strategies and methods that may be useful in bringing about the long-term reform of the U.S. motion picture industry, which is considered by the author to be one of the most significant media for the communication of ideas yet devised. 208 pages--$17.50 ABOUT THE AUTHOR--John Cones is a Los Angeles-based securities/entertainment attorney who maintains a private practice advising, film, video, television and theatre producers about investor financing of entertainment projects. He lectures frequently on the subjects of film finance and distribution, and, of course, has written extensively about related topics. Mr. Cones also maintains a World Web Site that includes a Q&A session on investor financing of entertainment projects at-- http://hollywoodnetwork.com/Cones. His E-mail address is JDJ@interline.net. ================================================================= ORDER FORM (for books available through Rivas Canyon Press in manuscript format) ================================================================= Qty Title Price/Item Total/Item _____ Film Industry Contracts $89.90 ________ _____ How the Movie Wars Were Won $22.95 ________ _____ Patterns of Bias in Motion Picture Content $18.95 ________ _____ A Study in Motion Picture Propaganda $28.95 ________ _____ Motion Picture Biographies $21.95 ________ _____ Politics, Movies and the Role of Government $21.95 ________ _____ Who Really Controls Hollywood $17.95 ________ _____ Legacy of the Hollywood Empire $24.95 ________ _____ Hollywood Corruption $15.95 ________ _____ Motion Picture Industry Reform $17.50 ________ SUB-TOTAL ________ Discounts:20% off for the purchase of all self-published titles ________ 10% off for the purchase of 3 or more titles ________ DISCOUNTED SUB-TOTAL ________ Tax: LA County residents add 8.25% ________ Other California residents add 7.25% ________ Shipping & Handling: $2.50 for 1st book; .50 for each additional book ________ Add $15.00 for shipments outside the U.S. ________ TOTAL ENCLOSED ________ Credit Cards Not Accepted--Make Check Payable To: RIVAS CANYON PRESS Send Payment and Order Form to: 1324 Marinette Road, Pacific Palisades, CA 90272 Order Will Be Shipped To (allow 2-3 weeks for delivery): Name____________________________________________________________ Company Name___________________________________________________ Street Address_________________________________________________ City/State/Zip__________________________________________________ Direct questions to Rivas Canyon Press at 310/454-6525 in Los Angeles. --o0o--
Mon Dec 30 12:41:27 1996 Dejan Georgievski
concerning ninja: 1: have you noticed that all ninja tend to wear their black night outfit even in broad daylight and noone can see them. The same counts for daylight winter scenes when spotting a ninjsa is even harder. 2: All ninja fighters prefer katana to their natural ninja-to sword. 3: If the ninja is a good guy, the chances are he will wear some other collor than black, usually something very bright. Red and purple are first choices. 4: If there is good vs. bad ninja fight in the film, the good ninja will always uncover his face to show the bad ninja who is he. Usually, bad ninja will remember killing good ninja's entire family, and will promptly promise to do the same to him. 5: Ten ninja unit can annihilate whole regiment of regular army comando soldiers, but they are no match to one single Shao-Lin fighter who is at times over eighty years of age.
Mon Dec 30 17:20:33 1996 alexandra
when the telephone rings in the middle of the night and the hero answers it he/she always turn on the lights and they never have the problem with their eyes adjusting.. that's a tought isn't it?
Mon Dec 30 18:08:47 1996 Tich� David,Na ml�nici46 Ostrava 1,Czech

Tue Dec 31 00:18:17 1996 Noah
Independence Day: (1) How can aliens scream out when they are shot if they have no vocal cords? (2) How did the mother ship explode in a nuclear explosion but the little ship with the good guys in it survive?
Tue Dec 31 06:17:16 1996 Christopher Powers
Vietnam films: All Vietnam films have a scene where a company of dog-tired soldiers march away from a burning village. All Vietnam films have an aerial shot of one or more Huey helicopters flying over the jungle to the tune of some edgy 60's rock, usually Credance Clearwater.
Tue Dec 31 06:19:00 1996 Christopher Powers
Vietnam films: All Vietnam films have a scene where a company of dog-tired soldiers march away from a burning village. All Vietnam films have an aerial shot of one or more Huey helicopters flying over the jungle to the tune of some edgy 60's rock, usually Credance Clearwater.
Wed Jan 1 06:21:06 1997 Michael Perotti
Whenever a good guy breaks into a bad guy facility, he is forced to beat someone up to get his out fit. That way, the good hero will be disguised as one of the bad guys so he wont run into trouble. Also, the outfit that he steals always fits perfectly.
Wed Jan 1 07:37:42 1997 david Fehr
Computers Any image on a computer can be 'zoomed in' any number of times without it breaking up into pixels.
Wed Jan 1 10:08:22 1997 Rob Ropars
POLICE: 1-Investigating detectives/officers rarely call for back up, often entering unsecure buildings full of debris, poorly lit, hiding multiple heavily armed bad guys 2-Crime scenes look like parties-anyone and everyone walking thru every room, few wearing gloves 3-Circumstantial evidence is always portrayed as minor or poor evidence-in fact it is what normally convicts people as eyewitnesses to most crimes are rare-and legally it is even better (i.e. DNA, blood, semen, etc. are more exact than witness memories) 4-the number of hubcaps that fly off vehicles in chases increases with the length of the chase (see: Bruce Willis' harbor movie "Striking Distance" (1993)) 5-no matter what-the cop always sleeps with the suspect 6-women can only escape a situation (despite hundreds of potential weapons in everyday rooms) by sleeping with the bad guy (see: Nicole Kidman in "Dead Calm" (1989))
Wed Jan 1 10:11:40 1997 Rob Ropars
POLICE: Whenever doing searches for criminal history on someone one of two things happens: 1960-80's-(tv and film)=officers run the perp and get the info later in the day or in the week 1980-90's-officers walk to any available terminal (in any section of the department) start typing and get: a photo, images of the person's id cards and credit cards, credit report, newspaper articles, and a list of all criminal activity
Wed Jan 1 10:12:50 1997 Rob Ropars
People rarely use the bathroom regularly like real folks-if they do go-they use it like they haven't gone in weeks
Wed Jan 1 11:51:41 1997 Ashnin
Here's one for ID4- In an alien fighter plane, a human with completely different structure than the huge tentacle covered alien can still sit in an aliens cockpit seat perfectly.
Wed Jan 1 11:53:10 1997 Ashnin
Dunno if this is here already but- When falling off of cliffs, heroes always find a rope or spare tree at the last minute to save their lives, while the villians tree always breaks or he doesn't get the rope out in time.
Thu Jan 2 11:31:27 1997 Jean Luc Piccard
Everytime they show a clear starry knight a falling star happens.
Thu Jan 2 21:20:12 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
In sports movies, the hayseed-chewing, blonde-haired country phenom will always be roommates with the veteran street-wise kid with the eyes that say "I've seen what (sport here) can do to a man."
Thu Jan 2 21:23:03 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
Those of Caribbean descent in the movies, without a single exception, practice voodoo, most badly, especially when asked to perform a voodoo practice on some possessed anglo.
Thu Jan 2 21:25:11 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
Catchers' old, aching knees hurt constantly, and will probably force the catcher to end his once promising but now washed-up career soon after performing a heroic feat of running. Don't worry - a coaching job will coming along soon.
Thu Jan 2 21:29:57 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
Movie hispanics are hearty, soulful, passionate folks with a penchant for lively, gossipy dinner conversation over red wine. Most, however, are haunted by some age-old passion, evidneced by a faraway, jaded stare mid-wine sip. Anglos will spend the rest of the movie trying to figure out just how they can be so natural and familial and will end up swimming naked to prove their newfound lust for life.
Thu Jan 2 21:32:54 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
The all-seeing eye of the camerra would much rather turn its gaze out a window framed by windblown drapes onto a street scene than watch the protaganist and the newly discovered love have sex. The next scene will feature the couple walking in the gorgeous afternoon sunlight, holding hands.
Sun Jan 5 02:19:47 1997 Josh Forward
When was the last time you used a public phone in a *booth*? All the public phones I've seen IRL have been in the open.
Sun Jan 5 04:31:47 1997
Dogs in Hollywood movies are indestructible. No matter what the dog has to go through, you can be sure that he/she will survive. A dog could take a direct hit from a hydrogen bomb, get stepped on by Godzilla, etc., and minutes later will show up alive and well, though maybe a little bedraggled. (See also WAR)
Sun Jan 5 06:03:25 1997 Robert Erck
From Mission Impossible: Because it is virtually impossible to fool an ultrasonic motion detector, badguys always thoughtfully equip their top-secret computer rooms with only temperature and pressure sensors, never ultrasonic motion detectors. This allows goodguys to sneak in and make off with the critical datafiles. Because infrared beams are impossible to see, badguys thoughtfully use only visible red lasers to protect their top-secret computer rooms. Such detectors can be fooled by inserting a mirror in the beam path to within a thousandth of an inch, by hand. Clean and smooth air ducts will connect together all of the rooms in a building, even in high-security areas. There is always a convenient access hatch somewhere in the building, on the same floor. The access hatch is never up on the roof with the rest of the equipment. Air ducts never make sharp bends. Ventilation grills are always positioned exactly where you would wish them if you want to break in. Cars rigged to explode sometimes jump into the air even before the main blast occurs.
Sun Jan 5 18:28:33 1997 Michael Wilson
Just a few things I've noticed. When Lois lane falls from the dangleing helicopter in the first superman and superman flies up and catches her. Don't you think that if she was falling at 9feet per/sec times 2 and he was flying up to her almost just as fast that on impact she would be crushed by the force of their impact? Also, I've noticed in movies with Submarines if they were under an ice berg or the north pole (20,000 leages under the sea) that Ice actually falls on the sub! Doesn't Ice Float? Hello!
Mon Jan 6 05:45:24 1997 bill walsh
timers on bombs stop counting down if the camera is not showing the timer (al la Cloak and Dagger, Speed)
Mon Jan 6 20:33:23 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
A villain who falls from a wall or window will almost surely be impaled through the stomach by a conveniantly placed and sharpened stake or fence post. Much like you or me, the villain will then look at the post sticking through their abdomen with wide-eyed surprise and then smile wryly, the smile of a death-wish granted in a way the villain finds appropriate to his exquisite sense of irony and justice.
Mon Jan 6 20:39:15 1997 Kevin Eckhardt
Large numbers of merecenary forces wander the movie world, most cast off and marked for death by the countries they once worked for and naturally seeking revenge through a carefully orchestrated terrorist act, although they always balk at killing children ("We're soldiers, not monsters, though we often work for monsters," said with a hurting smile, an offended professional). You can spot them by noticing their uniform dress and constant talk of "the jungle" and "the mission." Beware! Often their mission is not revenge, but profit; a monetary reward hidden by their righteous indignation. They will automatically be insulted when called "common thieves," so be sure to do it just to piss them off right before killing them with your last bullet and your hidden gun, you know, right before they're supposed to kill you and go babling suddenly. Judging by their rates of success in their clandestine endeavors, these men are morons.
Tue Jan 7 14:45:11 1997 Mike Harbour
Pilots owning a dog will not come back from their last mission.
Wed Jan 8 17:36:32 1997 K.M.T.Lewis
Re: Heroes/Chases: If the hero is a cop he always follows the bad guy through the mean streets on his own. He will never need to go to the bathroom. The words "Follow that cab!" will always be followed by the words "Gee, I've always wanted to say that!" Re: Villains: After the bad guy has chained the hero to some time bomb and told him exactly how long it is before it will go off, he then leaves him entirely alone, without any kind of guard, and leaves all the doors in the place open so that the hero has no difficulty whatsoever in escaping. Collorary: The bad guy is so eager to get the good guy blown up that he is willing to sacrifice his megamilliondollar underground headquarters.
Wed Jan 8 19:14:26 1997 Jason Rivas
All woman in the Old West were eiher prostitutes or school marms.
Wed Jan 8 20:38:43 1997 shiner
now matter how fast you run slow zombie will catch up to you
Wed Jan 8 20:52:06 1997 duece
In a horror movie people will always die during sex
Thu Jan 9 04:50:22 1997 Bernd M. Jordan
Re: Independance Day Although the alien mothership is as big as Australia and equipped with computer technology eons ahead it can e destroyed in a few seconds buy transferring a computer virus from a simple laptop. It is not a surprise, though, that the scientist implanting the virus has the necessary (universally useable) communication software to log on to the alien computer, crack the passwords in no time, hit a button labelled 'Transfer Virus', and activate it. Of course it helps that the landing pod is equipped with a direct line into the mothership's computer systems.
Thu Jan 9 08:06:43 1997 Veronica Ferreyro
CHASES During a chase inside a building, why do they have to always cross the kitchen or why do they have to run up to the roof instead of getting outside through the lobby?
Thu Jan 9 16:04:24 1997 Andy McDermott
Concerning Hollywood films set in Britain, or some British films aimed at Hollywood... The only regional accent in England is Cockney. There are no middle-class people in Britain, only lords and manual workers. All people in Britain drive either a Land Rover, a Jaguar or a Mini. British pop culture is identical to American pop culture, so Brits can happily make references to shows and products that have never appeared here. In any conflict between the English and the Scots or the Irish, the English are always the bad guys. All Brits love the royal family, and often have a picture of the Queen in their living rooms. Skunks and racoons are common in the English countryside. All of London's landmarks are two minutes walk from each other. IRA terrorists are always nice guys underneath, and never kill anyone deliberately, unless they're also evil psychos who will pursue the hero to the ends of the Earth. All English people live in large country mansions. English men are sexually timid and unadventurous until turned on by an American woman. There is no cable or satellite TV in the UK, only four channels which never show anything of interest. Anyone who does not have a Cockney accent uses Received Pronunciation instead and sounds like Hugh Grant. No new buildings have been built in the UK since the 1950s. All Brits drink foamy warm bitter, unless they're Irish, in which case they drink Guinness. Guinness looks just like Coca-Cola. Britain is only fifty miles square, and its only centre of population of any size is London. All wealthy people in Britain have servants, and know a member of the aristocracy. All those not in the upper classes cringingly respect their social betters without question. Bowler hats are commonly worn. All British children have a nanny. Everyone in Britain recognises the cultural superiority of America. All Brits can trace their ancestry back for 30 generations. Nobody ever drinks coffee, only tea. Electric kettles do not exist. There are no non-white people in the UK. The most popular artists amongst young Brits are Sting, Phil Collins and the Beatles. Evil Brits are always upper class, and talk like Dick Dastardly. British houses do not have central heating, but usually have a roaring fire.
Thu Jan 9 18:09:58 1997 Zach Curtis
kids - if an adult acts outrageous, mugs to the camera, and generally makes an ass of himself, he's an idiot (see Jim Carrey) But if a child does the same, he's considered adorable (see the kid in Jerry Maguire) Cars - you can upshift a car more than four times (Bullitt)
Thu Jan 9 21:53:41 1997 Mark Nagy
1. A woman attracted to a male hero who is not attracted to her, or a woman looking for a long-term relationship with a hero who once had a one-night stand with her, will die before the end of the movie. Often this will neatly resolve a conflict between her and another woman who is a better mate for the hero. If the hero heaps gratuitous contempt or physical or mental abuse on her in ways only a villain would do to a "good" woman, don't worry; she will turn out to be secretly evil, thus retroactively justifying his making fun of her weight and appearance, deliberately standing her up on dates, telling her lies, slapping her around when he gets the urge, etc. Besides, there are lots of spare disposable women that Nature wisely put on earth so that every good virile man could work out his negative urges on them and spare his friends or his true love. Good people understand that he needs to do this, and can reassure him if he is so extra-noble as to feel a twinge of guilt over it. 2. A "damaged goods" female character will die before the end of the movie. If she starts talking about how hard her life has been with her abusive father and ex-boyfriend or husband and the work as a prostitute to make ends meet, etc., and how a dream of a better life is about to come true for her and she can hardly believe it but she always felt inside that she deserved better than she got, etc., you can probably start guessing where her corpse will be in the next scene. Alternately, if she decides to do something morally questionable in order to get the life she has always dreamed of, this will cause her death in some utterly preposterous way.
Thu Jan 9 22:22:34 1997 Brian Schuering
The policemen in monster movies never believe the teenager that a monster is loose, even though half the town has been killed and there's a spaceship in the woods. By the time he starts to catch on, the policeman gets killed and it becomes a moot point.
Fri Jan 10 00:59:11 1997 A. C. Lopez
THE MUST STUPID ONGOING QUESTION IN MOVIES NEW AND OLD= AFTER A BAD ACCIDENT,BEATING, SHO- OTING, ETC..... YOU SEE SOMEONE OBVIOUSLY HURT AND PERHAPS DYING AND SOMEONE ALWAYS ASKS: " ARE YOU O.K.?
Fri Jan 10 05:21:24 1997 Frank Sweeney
Horror /Mystery Movie research Whenever the heo/heroine wants to find out stuf about a vampire/long dead witch etc. they always go to the local libray and just happen to find a book that mentions the person/subject by name also the book alway seems to have letters that are about a half ince high (so that we can all see them.) If the subject is aincient, the book will always be printed in medieva/ go thic writing -even if the outside of it looks like an ordinary hardback Explosions If a bad guy gets blown up they usualy burst into flames and die a quick and anonymous death If a good guy gets blown up the will remain in one piece, , will only have a bit of dirt on thier face and still be able to talk
Fri Jan 10 05:33:59 1997 frank sweeney
telephone operators when a phone call is received by an extorionist after the phone call has finished, the detective immediately picks up the phone and swithout dialing a number says: "operator, trace that call!" and then replaces tha handset. presumably the operatorm knows who is talking and knows why the call has to be traced and also the operator has been waiting avidly for the detective to pick up the handset Great page really funny, I found myself saying Yes!
Fri Jan 10 19:53:06 1997 Rudie
If someone close to the hero dies outdoors it will be just after sunset and it will immediately start to rain.
Sat Jan 11 04:23:44 1997 Ken Kimker
There is always a parking space right in front of where they want to be. Especially if they are the police.
Sat Jan 11 06:06:04 1997 marknagy@sprynet.com
Bad man ties up good woman and makes her an offer he hopes she can't refuse (or tells her his evil plan) and she spits on him.
Sat Jan 11 06:45:26 1997 Mark Nagy
When evil attractive women (or monsters/ demons/robots/aliens/whatever that LOOK like attractive women) are killed, they emit either big horrendous agonized screams or little sensual grunting noises (unless they are vaporized in big spectacular explosions).
Sat Jan 11 07:50:04 1997 Mark Nagy
Dramatic black-white, either-or moral dilemmas: For example, our hero must choose between saving his new lover and saving the world. He knows it has to be the world, but it will take time and struggle for him to overcome his feelings. Finally, with great pain and sadness, he disposes of the unfortunately-placed woman (if she doesn't nobly do it for him). Clunky prosaic little things like trying to save both won't work, unless the movie is a light comedy, or the dilemma is created intentionally by a villain who can be dramatically eliminated to resolve it, etc. - anything that would cause the dramatic intensity to fizzle won't happen, no matter how much sense it makes compared to what does happen.
Sat Jan 11 07:55:36 1997 Mark Nagy
Evil women are likely to wear loads of makeup or none at all; good women have a better sense of tasteful and fashionable moderation in makeup.
Sat Jan 11 14:15:07 1997 Mark Nagy
The beautiful female super-baddie who starts out as a semi-sympathetic character and gradually develops, usually through increasingly absurd plot twists, into a welcome chance for every audience member to put every frustrated emotion they ever had into the thrill of zestfully and sadistically (but necessarily and righteously) eliminating her - sometimes this is a minor subplot in an action or sci-fi or other show, other times (Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, Species, etc.) it makes an entire movie. And a cliche within a cliche: these movies will juxtapose standard symbols of female sexuality with standard symbols of terror and horror, e.g. Sil asks the man to put his hand on her belly and feel the life developing inside her, then grotesquely slashes him to death - never mind that it would have been more advantageous to her "species" (and much safer for her) to let him fall asleep feeling lucky while she escaped into anonymity, not to mention just using a sperm bank if that happened to be possible.
Sun Jan 12 00:18:27 1997 Mike Faulk
When running from something such as a Mac truck, people (usually women), will run directly straight and not decide to turn off the road and run into the forest where the truck could not possible fit.
Sun Jan 12 02:25:56 1997 Randy Gonser
The cops always get the one parking spot next to their destination even on a busy big city street
Mon Jan 13 00:02:37 1997 Erin Obrokta
Whenever, at the end of a movie, the hero gives the beautiful lady a kiss, there will be a shooting star the size of a bowling ball to grace the sky.
Mon Jan 13 04:20:55 1997 Brian Kelly
This is actually a series of cliches dealing with the "Cannonball" films("Gumball Rally", "Cannonball", "The Cannonball Run", "Cannonball Run 2", and "Speed Zone". 1)The race will either begin or end in Los Angelos. 2)The race will head in the opposite direction of the prior and next film. 3)If the race goes from east to west, two things are inevitable: a)a major character will be driving a Ferrari. b)a driver will avoid police by driving onto a trailer truck. 4)Any team that has no scenes before race preparation will not finish. 5)By the end of the race, the time cards will be ignored and the first car to cross the finish line will be the winner.
Mon Jan 13 07:08:19 1997 RICK WATSON
Re Independance Day When facing certain death by aliens all people fleeing Los Angeles sat in bumper to bumper traffic leaving the city while the adjacent highway into the city is completly empty!!!!!
Mon Jan 13 12:26:58 1997 Jack McCauley
In a movie all police cars *must* report to the scene of a crime with all lights and sirens activated. This is to let the bad guys know that they have arrived and it is ok to shoot at them. Also, they cannot park in any designated space, nor can they slow down in any fashion than the full 4-wheel lockup slide, lest the average citizen infer that they are *not* in any kind of hurry.
Mon Jan 13 13:14:18 1997 Alexander Gardner
Remember! "If he/she hasn't called or contacted you by now they're might be dead."
Mon Jan 13 17:07:41 1997 jeremy rew
subject: school The students saunter into a classroom, them approximately three minutes later, after no jump in time, and the teacher on the same thread of speech, the bell rings for them to go.
Tue Jan 14 01:18:47 1997 Plasticine
Elevators...... What's the best way to know if an elevator is going to break down before you get off of it? There will be a VERY pregnant woman in there with you....maybe they give off a special hormone or something that short circuts the controls.....
Tue Jan 14 02:55:45 1997 Steve Gonick
My most annoying movie cliche is when the director uses a precocious, all to cute little kid to ask innocent questions or make syruppy statements to the adults for no other reason than to move the plot along. This happens in almost any movie that involves children. Example: Appollo 13-" Mommy, is Daddy going to be alright up there?" "Don't worry sweetheart, he'll be home soon". Or Field of Dreams, "Daddy, don't worry, if you build the field, people will come!" It makes me want to throw up!!!
Tue Jan 14 12:21:34 1997 James McGregor
Most cavemen portrayed in movies always appear to have recently had a good haircut and a shave. This also includes all of Tarzan's incarnations.
Tue Jan 14 12:34:27 1997 James McGregor
The computational power of a computer in the 70's is rougly proportional to the number of flashing lights or spinning tape reels visible during some critical calculation, the result of which is invariably preceded with a series of buzzes or beeps.
Tue Jan 14 13:38:06 1997 Leif Eriksson
Nowadays, sub-machine guns and similar weapons can be heard cocking automatically just before their bearer enters the picture, even if he was seen cocking or firing the weapon in the last scene. This is the same syndrome as the dogs that always bark offscreen but are perfectly silent whenever the camera shows them, ie the gun has to make the noise to tell people (the audience) that it still exists. Likewise, combat gear and ammo packs will always rattle and jingle like a chainmail (especially offscreen) until the person wearing it tries to hide/sneak.
Tue Jan 14 22:58:14 1997 Kasper Sevaj
Houses: A house in an ealier decade will contain furniture from that decade only. No-one owns items from previous times, like an old painting or carpet inherited from grandparents, or a comfy chair from the last decade. Instad, movie families throw out everything whenever fashions change, whereupon they completely re-furnish their homes with the latest trend.
Tue Jan 14 22:59:48 1997 Kasper Sevaj
Weapons: No-one will suffer from temporary or permanent loss of hearing after firering large caliber weapons in closed rooms.
Tue Jan 14 23:04:20 1997 Sarah
In Twister, the two protagonists are stuck in a rickety shelter during a level 5 tornado. And although we know that they will come out alive, since it happens during the last 5 minutes of the movie, both will come out wind-blown, but their clothes will be intact. Also, we know just by the plot that the two soon-to-be-divorced will get back together, thanks to the tornadoes, but also because they are the ones who have had the most recent tv/movie success. Ah, Hollywood!
Tue Jan 14 23:15:38 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
As soon as any part of a car makes contact with any other item outside the road, the car is bound to explode. On the road, however, it will never explode unless shot at.
Tue Jan 14 23:29:25 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
If a car door is closed, all bullets will easily go through it and kill the person on the inside. If it is open and someone is hiding behind it, however, it stops all bullets.
Tue Jan 14 23:36:45 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Explosions have adaptive speed. Nearby bad guys are killed instantly, whereas good guys can run from explosions. Example: The pressure wave and fireball strangely resulting from a handgrenade in "The long kiss goodnight" expands at less than 10m/s (33ft/s), which is not very impressive.
Tue Jan 14 23:40:29 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Handgrenades often land with the handle still in place, to make them more easily recognizable. Luckily, that doesn't stop them from exploding.
Tue Jan 14 23:42:38 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Anything that anyone may want to blow up, is packed with explosives from the start. A single bomb will therefore always trigger multiple explosions.
Tue Jan 14 23:46:12 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Bad guys who are actually pretty good but have been misled will do the right thing when it counts and die to avoid the tricky question of punishment.
Wed Jan 15 00:00:06 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
If you copy normal files, you will just see a message that it is being copied. However, if you copy files containing graphics, you have to look at all of the graphics while it is being copied. If it is 3D-objects, they must rotate continously. "The Net" is but one good example.
Wed Jan 15 00:02:56 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Computer viruses always affect the screen, and can spread across all platforms.
Wed Jan 15 00:04:43 1997 Fredrik Ramsberg
Mail messages can contain programs that start when you read the mail. These programs will have unrestricted access to the system resources.
Wed Jan 15 02:11:55 1997 Robert Erck
(Various sci fi) When a fast-moving spaceship explodes, the fireball comes instantly to a stop, as viewed by the spaceship containing the camera. (Dukes of Hazzard) Despite having smashed up dozens of Plymouth sedans in six years of fruitless chases up and down dirt roads, it never occurs to rural law-enforcment officers that they should get a 4-wheel-drive truck.
Wed Jan 15 02:36:12 1997 Robert Erck
(Baywatch) When someone is in danger, and a camera is nearby, Pacific tides come in in about 5 minutes. /// When fleeing by boat, badguys always go in a straight line, allowing heroic lifeguards to catch up and jump into their boat. /// There are many coral reefs along the California coast.
Wed Jan 15 03:03:21 1997 Robert Erck
(Westerns) Heroes have time to duck after hearing the shots, but before the bullets whiz past, showing that badguy bullets travel slower than BBs. Badguys drop instantly after they are shot at, showing that Hero bullets travel near the speed of light. Cowboys make campfires with a special kind of saw-cut wood that burns all night long. Cowboys can find ample quantities this wood, even in the middle of a desert.
Wed Jan 15 04:57:55 1997 r. mamer
In this day and age of: call display, *66 (last call return) and other telephone marvels, the police must still wait for 2 minutes to trace a villian to his hideout.
Wed Jan 15 04:59:09 1997
When someone must get on a plane right away, they can always count on there being an empty seat, even if they did not make reservations. The planes are never booked. Of course the hotels have an empty room too no matter what kind of holiday.
Wed Jan 15 06:16:30 1997 Amy Schoepke
Phones: No one ever has an answering maching, voice mail, etc., unless the message to be left is important to the plot. If the person calling isn't going to say anything clever/scary/sickly sweet, but just, "Hey, it's Bob, call me," the recipient never has any of the modern convieniences that we ALL have now by which to receive the message. Also, if the message is extremely urgent and there's no one else to call, the recipient of the call never has call waiting. We hear the annoying busy signal that modern technology has, fortunately, made a thing of the past.
Wed Jan 15 19:38:58 1997 Michael Kreca
The potential victim of a homicidal computer nearly always tries to physically destroy it rather than just cutting off the power.
Thu Jan 16 14:58:07 1997 Ken
ID4 - Palm trees, foliage, and car paint/tyres can remain completely unscathed, despite being engulfed by a 200m high intense wall of flame which destroys buildings with apparent ease!!
Thu Jan 16 15:21:27 1997 Ken
ID4 - Mustard and the fridge it is held in can survive a city obliterating explosion. ID4 - The president of the USA has NEVER heard of Area 51. ID4 - The best image the military can get of the mother ship is a grainy I.R photo. No-One though of using a telescope. ID4 - Astronuauts really set foot on the moon. Cast Shadows are light. ID4 - By breaking a padlocked side door, you can avoid the end of the world, and not be suffocated by the passing fire blast. ID4 - Dumb people would stand and watch the Empire state building be obliterated. ID4 - Even Dumber people would stand on top of the Civic Centre, at Ground Zero, whilst the Alien city destroyer opens up and prepares to fire. ID4 - REALLY DUMB halfwits would then stand and look into the "Pretty Light" beam, which the Destroyer projects just before the main beam. ID4 - Vehicles stored in an open garage can survive temperatures of 2000�C unscathed. ID4 - Of course you can drive upto Area 51. ID4 - The most top secret USAF base is surrounded by wire mesh fence. ID4 - An unconcious Alien Carcass can grant access for you and your 100 hippy winnebago traveller van, into any US Military installation. ID4 - Stealth Bombers can survive a Nuclear Blast from 1Km. ID4 - Crashed city destroyers do not pose any major clean-up problems. ID4 - Aliens with intentions of destroying the world would not bother with the Southern Hemisphere. ID4 - The mother ship would only release 36 of it's 150 Destroyers.
Fri Jan 17 03:47:20 1997 Jim Foreman
The badguys are always smokers, and the goodguys rarely are. See Broken Arrow, Mission:Impossible, Eraser, and virtually every movie made after 1990. The smoking rule also applies to sexy femme-fatales.
Fri Jan 17 05:24:48 1997 David
Any time the actor is being chased, they always run to the top of the building.
Fri Jan 17 07:39:18 1997 Dan Day
BOMBS: All movie bombs are built to the International Standard For Bad Guy Bombs, so that the good guy can take one quick look at it (or even just hear a five-word description of the bomb over the telephone) and know that cutting the red wire will disarm it. Corollary: No bad guy ever thinks to switch the wire colors around to throw off the good guys. Exception: An occasional bomb will surprise the good guy for a moment, and cutting the first wire will cause the timer to madly accelerate its countdown until the next wire is cut. No bad guy will ever enclose his bomb in a locked case or a block of resin in order to make defusing difficult, and all wiring will consist of long, exposed loops of wire that are never obscured by other components. Any bomb that the good guy even attempts to defuse *will* be defused, with seconds to spare, whereas any bomb he doesn't attempt *will* explode during the course of the movie (although the good guy will either get away just in time and be flung harmlessly through the air, or will have moved the bomb to a 'safe" location just moments earlier). The more detonators you put into a fixed amount of explosive, the more powerful the explosion will be (e.g. _Die Hard_) If a bomb goes off on an aircraft, it will just blows a hole in the wall of the craft, which will then lands safely. Exception: If you only see a character board the aircraft, but the inside of the craft is never shown, the aircraft will be blown completely to bits in a big fireball. Anyone with a voltmeter can arm a stolen nuclear weapon. Nuclear weapons will either be small and cone- shaped, or quite large and enclosed in an open metal frame the size of a toppled refrigerator. Car bombs will be large enough to not only kill the driver, but also completely demolish the entire car, yet won't harm surrounding cars or trees or houses. A friend of the victim will always have just bid goodbye (or yelled, "no, wait!") moments before the car bomb kills the victim, and will witness the destruction. However, the horrified friend is never injured in the blast. If the good guy uses a car bomb to kill the bad guy, he'll not only provide a tape recording to taunt the bad guy moments before the end, but he'll have installed special controls which will automatically lock all the doors first (e.g. _Fifty-two Pickup_, _The Mechanic_, or _Eraser_). Submarines can nimbly dodge torpedoes. If a sub ever is destroyed by a torpedo, it will be one that the sub itself has fired which has looped back around. Bombs can be remote-controlled from dozens of miles away, from a hand-held transmitter the size of a garage-door opener which has no obvious antenna.
Fri Jan 17 07:53:31 1997 Dan Day
In any low-budget horror movie, the blonde with the large breasts *will* appear naked later in the movie, and *will* die soon afterwards. In any horror movie, He/She Who Shall Be The Only Survivor will, at some point in the movie, wander about looking for all his/her missing friends, saying, "hey, c'mon you guys, this isn't funny." No one being stalked/terrorized/hunted, even for days on end, will ever think to get a gun or any other sort of weapon for protection, nor will any of their concerned friends suggest the idea.
Sat Jan 18 01:19:52 1997 Kasper von Sevaj
Weapons: After the last round has been fired, a pistol can click several times.
Sat Jan 18 05:53:06 1997 Jeff Franklin
In the old horror movies, the woman, immedaitely upon seeing the monster, werewolve, etc., will run upstairs into a bedroom with no other exit.
Sat Jan 18 21:16:58 1997 Phil Scardili
In a cortroom scene when the impassioned defense lawyer tries to make a point with some irrational, shaggy dog line of reasoning, there's always a point when the prosecuter yells "I object!" Of course, the judge pauses to consider, overrules the objection and turns to the defense lawyer with the admonition, "This better be good, Mr. Jones. Proceed." Naturally, this is the argument that wins the case for the defense.
Sun Jan 19 01:45:55 1997 William Wilson
For Fencing/Swordplay Extras (and, in poor movies, main characters) will aim all their sword blows at their opponents' swords, rather than at them. The point of movie swordfighting is evidently to make loud noises.
Sun Jan 19 05:21:55 1997 Robert Goodrich
If you work for an evil genius, you must be both nearsighted and hard of hearing. This enables the hero who infultrates the complex in which the evil genius works to go virtually unnoticed as he runs across halways and ducks into doorways. It also helps to be a terrible shot with a handgun.
Sun Jan 19 16:57:59 1997 Ilkka Kokkarinen
When the movie is about a group of kids, one of them is fat, and another is a genius with glasses.
Sun Jan 19 21:06:21 1997 Frank Baird
Why, when a baddy is shot on the roof/balcony of a building, does he always fall forwards ie in the opposite direction of the force of the bullet and not backwards. Haven't film directors tumbled this?
Sun Jan 19 21:43:24 1997
(seemingly) meaningless views of or references to inanimate objects are always and only included when said object is of vital significance, allowing the audience to easily guess what is coming ie. matches in a long kiss goodnight
Mon Jan 20 12:42:30 1997 Heidi Sackerson
1) At night, streets are always wet, even after a brilliantly sunny day in L.A. 2) High school students always stand up to answer questions in class.
Tue Jan 21 15:44:23 1997 Nikki Varney
The bad guy/gal always smokes
Tue Jan 21 20:15:35 1997 Lars Lund� Jakobsen
Construction workers in Hollywood never use screews when installing the air conditioning: Hero/villain can always pull of grate with their bare hands and escape through the large air channels
Tue Jan 21 20:21:33 1997 Ken Begg
Immortal beings, especially if acting as a mentor to the main character, will constantly reveal the details of his/her personal relationship with any historical personage who might be mentioned, often subtly claiming authorship of any idea, quote, or invention said person is known for.
Tue Jan 21 20:45:54 1997 Ken Begg
When a hero knocks a bad guy's gun away to engage him hand-to-hand, 80% of the time his watching girlfriend will fail to pick up the gun and help him, even if we see it slide across the floor right by her feet. Perhaps this is because the 20% of the time when she does pick up the gun, the hero and the bad guy are rolling around too much to risk a shot. So why bother. If she does risk a shot (or use something like a vase as a blunt instrument) she will hit the hero, to comedic effect. He will then shout "Stop helping me, willya?!".
Tue Jan 21 20:48:50 1997 Ken Begg
Very non-human monsters will always be attracted to human females. They will grab and carry said females (who will always faint into their arms/tenacles) back to their lairs/ships/swamps/caves, allowing the heros to track them.
Tue Jan 21 20:51:54 1997 Ken Begg
Someone other than the hero will raise a gun to fire at any monster carrying his girlfriend. The hero will push the barrel down, saying "Don't shoot, you might hit the girl." No one will suggest walking up behind the slow moving monster, who's encumbered with the heroine, and shooting down into his legs or up into his head.
Wed Jan 22 01:42:27 1997 Ken Begg
Guys who go to a vampire's lair to destroy it will always wait until about half an hour before sundown, never thinking it might be a better idea to go at, say, nine in the morning.
Wed Jan 22 01:49:00 1997 Ken Begg
ANIMALS: Cats will always hide behind boxes, or in cabinets (?) in horror films, and come flying out at a startling moment (hence the phrase Spring-Loaded Cat). Also, like all animals, they know when someone is evil, and will arch their backs and hiss at them.
Wed Jan 22 02:03:56 1997 Ken Begg
COMPUTERS: Whenever conducting an Internet Search, the reply will be at most two or three items, no matter how common the search terms. Either that, or it will bring up the page you're looking for automatically, without having to click on anything.
Wed Jan 22 02:10:52 1997 Ken Begg
CONVERSATIONS:People in movies always go into great detail about things they already know, just so the audience will know what's going on.
Wed Jan 22 20:31:25 1997 Montgomery Burt
-Standard cop movie cliches: cop who makes few emotional attachments, the loyal and trusting partner, the tough but concerned sergeant, the gold-digging flight attendant, the black maid, the gay landlord, the murdered hooker, the horny waitress, and the evil politician. -Youth gangs, as portrayed in the movies, always have mostly blacks in them. I guess there aren't all-white youth gangs, or all Chinese youth gangs. -In the movies, people fight more than they drink in bars. These must be dangerous places. When's the last time you actually saw a fight in a bar? -The decorative girlfriend role. She's forgettable and not very well fleshed out but for some reason she's in love (or used to be in love) with our hero. "Backdraft" has two such thankless, unchallenging roles played by Rebecca DeMornay and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Do you remember either of them? -How many movies have you seen where the title sequence opens with generic helicopter shots over some major urban area, usually Los Angeles? All Dirty Harry movies begin this way. -Watch for shootouts where the antagonists are very poor shots and never hit anything at all. Meanwhile, our hero can somehow aim and shoot with no difficulty from his moving horse or car. -Cop movies are the ultimate male bonding. You risk your lives together, slap each other on the back, and have a beer before you go home to the wife. Cops in cop movies either have a saintly wife with whom they incredible sex, or they're total losers in love. -"I hate you and don't wanna work with you." Scenes like this always end up in a buddy movie where the two cops tell each other they don't want to work together. Usually there's a scene later when one says to the other,"Y'know, you're not such a bad guy after all. -In horror and suspense films, people never check the back seat. Why wait to start your car unless you're inviting the killer to jump out at you from the back seat. Why not have the victim notice the killer and take a taxi instead. Or foil the guy somehow. Don't you take a quick peek in the back when your interior light goes on? With cars so small nowadays, it's difficult to hide in the back seat of a car and not be detected. -How is it everyone drives like a stunt driver in the movies? How about someone (other than Woody Allen) who is a lousy driver for a change? And why is it they can blast along for several blocks and not hit another car or even encounter a red light? -They never try the hand brake in scenes where the brake lines have been cut and the car is out of control, careening down a steep road. For some reason characters never reach for that old emergency brake. It might not work but, hey, they've got nothing to lose. -Cars often crash and burn. What are the actual chances that a vehicle in a road accident would spontaneously explode? Cars in the movies must be filled with hydrogen because they go up in flames worse than the Hindenburg! -The overturned fruit cart. Every time there's a car chase some guy's fruit cart gets hit and produce goes flying with the owner rushing after the culprit, shaking his fist and screaming. (Often in some other language or foreign dialect.) How about a movie where the fruit cart gets pulled away in the nick of time? -In car chases, large panes of glass are always broken by cars or trucks. Glass is either carried by two frightened looking workmen or the driver decides to just "drive through window" and send glass showering everywhere. -How about a movie where the hero is forced to take a taxi that doesn't speed or he has to hop on the public transit system to get away. -While on the subject of cars, how is it their cars are always clean? Mine never is! Furthermore, people in the movies always park right in front of the building they're going into. I'm lucky if I can find a space within a four-mile radius of my destination. -And how is it their car is always filled with gas? -In the movies, people can somehow outrun cars in alleys. And nobody even seems to breathe very hard after foot chases. -There's chase scene cliche number 438 where a guy runs in front of a helicopter while a trained gunman, hanging out of the chopper, fires shots close by but he somehow never actually hits our hero. -"Push me, pull you" running. This is the type of scene where the male star and the female star are on the run. For some reason they hold hands while they are running. Ever tried this? It's almost impossible to do unless you and your mate are the same height. As well, it's always the woman who stumbles and twists her ankle. -In chase scenes on foot, two people run up on the roof of a building and they have to make the jump across a huge chasm to another building to get away. -How can they afford that apartment? Average wage earners in the movies somehow seem to be able to afford very lavish apartments, often with a panoramic view of the city. -In the movies, a baby crying, a dog barking, or sirens in the background seem to represent squalor and poverty. Every time you see someone living in a dumpy big city tenement, any or all of those sounds are somewhere in the background. -Why do people in the movies still fiddle with the phone plunger when something goes wrong with the telephone. As if this action actually does something. Ever tried it? -Speaking of telephones, why is it nobody ever says "goodbye" before they hang up the phone. In most scenes the conversation just comes to a halt and they hang up. Ever tried this? It's very confusing for the other person on the line. -Nobody in the movies ever eats anything in a restaurant. The waiter always brings the food, the actors take a first bite and the rest of the scene they blab while their food gets cold. -Ever noticed in westerns, nobody ever seems to have to reload? I guess everyone has a Smith and Wesson "eighteen-shooter." -A fellow steps into his apartment and sits down without turning on the light first. Naturally there's somebody lurking around in the shadows. Most people turn on the light first and then step into their apartment. -Being a hooker is somehow a glamorous job, with little abuse and hardly any danger...just all sex. Stats show that your average hooker is fifteen years old and was likely (85% chance) abused at home as a child. You'd never know that from watching movies like "Risky Business" or "Pretty Woman." -People stick their hands in places they shouldn't to find a surprise. Would you do that in real life? What stupid thing to do unless you actually want to lose part of your arm. -How about someone in a horror movie who heeds warnings like: "My dog's barking, let's get out of here!" If you suspected some evil, slimy creature was lurking around and good old Spot was barking his fool head off, wouldn't you take a fast hike? They aren't that smart in the movies. -There's also that shopworn technique of letting the audience relax then popping them with another jolt. It's false suspense. The characters are snooping around somewhere dark, the music builds, and they hear scratching. Suddenly the cat leaps out and scares everyone for a moment. Whew, it's only Miffy. Then just as they relax and turn to leave, Jason appears with his bloody knife! -The stupid parent syndrome. For a change, let's make everyone smart instead of just the wise-ass teenagers. -The talking killer trick. It's the final scene and our hero is cornered by the villain. All the bad guy has to do is pull the trigger but NO, what does he do? He stands around yakking with the victim giving our hero time to scamper away at the slightest distraction. -In a track race or cycle race, the hero stumbles and falls yet still, somehow, still manages to win the race in the end. Yawn. Have him win anything but first. Nobody I know could ever win that way. -As in movies like "Body Heat,"a sexy woman with long legs gets out of her car and the camera lingers on her legs while sultry saxophone music comes up. -How is it people in the movies always seem to fall in love so quickly? They often fall in love and sleep together in the same day. When is the last time that happened to you? How is it they always have unprotected sex, too. I guess they've never heard of AIDS or good old pregnancy. At least the film "Frankie and Johnnie" addressed this issue but countless others never bother. -The Smack Response. It's when one person (usually a woman) goes too far saying something revealing or spiteful and the other person (usually a man) responds with a hard slap. I realize that in "Raging Bull" it's consistent with Jake LaMotta's character to act that way but in most films it doesn't seem to matter. I often see characters who have been previously established as not particularly violent suddenly act in this manner. -There's some sort of fiery scene between a man and woman in a public place and he takes refuge in the woman's washroom. The guy invariably marches right on in after her. Maybe he doesn't understand the symbol on the door. -For some reason, a knee in the groin is supposed to be funny.
Wed Jan 22 20:53:48 1997 brenda
When two people converse in movies, they stand within inches of eachother face. (How close do you stand when in conversation?) During love scenes, rolling over onto eachother is alway accomplished with ease. Where are their legs? Do they have legs? Arms? Sexual organs? Have you ever noticed that cars in movies have no rear view mirrors.
Wed Jan 22 22:37:52 1997 Kyle Wilson
A few notes on shaving: Action heros always shave with blades, not electric shavers. Action heros never cut themselves shaving. Action heros never have to make funny faces to shave without cutting themselves. Women often shave action heros. Action heros are usually interrupted by some pressing police/dectective business while shaving. They wipe off the remaining shaving cream with a towel, but are miraculously clean-shaven instead of having that stupid half-stubbled look.
Thu Jan 23 11:58:03 1997 Marie Ottman-Gunn
Acquarium Rule: if an aquarium is in a scene, it will be shattered, in the most spectacular way possible, and the fish will flop around on the floor or in the street. For instance: "Mission Impossible", "Lethal Weapon 2", and "Outbreak" he one exception in living memory is "Manhunter", with William Peterson. It provides an eerie light in the scene, but is not shattered. Yet another reason to see that excellent but largely neglected film, a precursor to "Silence of the Lambs", also featuring Hannibal Lechter as a character.
Fri Jan 24 05:15:37 1997 Ross Mandell
Relationships: No matter how much our hero and the girl fight, one kiss, usually forced, from the hero sends them off to bed.
Fri Jan 24 05:32:44 1997 Ross Mandell
Sports The ragtag team of misfits always beats the snobs in the big game.see Breaking Away,Bad News Bears, Mighty Ducks, Little Giants,Horsefeathers
Fri Jan 24 06:07:20 1997 Elizabeth H.
When the hero kills some bad guy, he always has something witty to say. (i.e.:hero throws guy to the sun, then gos "hot enough for you?")
Fri Jan 24 06:56:20 1997 Michael Pless
1. When the hero is pursuing the villain in a car chase scene, the hero is always relaxed, while the villain appears on the verge of utter panic. 2. Psychopaths are adept at hiding behind the front seat of a car, such that they can then produce an enormous knife to threaten the driver from behind. Nobody ever sees the psychopath, even if he is shoe-horned into the rear of a Porsche. 3. Furthermore, the psychopath is always able to unfold him/her self silently and sufficiently fast to shock the driver. 4. Regardless of the hero's car, even if it's a '52 VW, the villain in his Ferarri is unable to outrun the hero, further exacerbating the distress he always feels when driving.
Fri Jan 24 20:12:32 1997 Ilkka Kokkarinen
Monsters and space aliens have an uncanny ability to transform themselves to look like a human being, often even some particular person they've once met briefly (and most likely killed). However, as well as they can imitate not just the looks but also the behaviour, way of talking etc., there is often something wrong with the eyes, which tend to return to their original inhuman form if the monster is revealed or engaged in a fight.
Sun Jan 26 00:21:59 1997 Darrel Van Dusen
Animals : If the hero has a dog, the dog will eventually be killed and everyone watching will say "Awwww, poor dog" even though 30 people were killed before/during. Trains : The car being persued will always barely make it past the speeding train, which will then cut off the chaser. In Westerns the horse will always cut across the track a few inches in front of the train.
Sun Jan 26 00:56:28 1997 Kevin Schooler
-Whenever there is another weapon availble, the gun that the hero has will either jam, or run out of bullets. When no other weapon is availble, the gun will mysteriously have unlimited bullets. -All fires start quickly, an entire house will be completely engulfed in flame within a matter of seconds, the house will then collapse but only if the hero has escaped -Monsters that chase people never run, but through some mystic ability, they will ALWAYS end up in front of the victim. -Villans always have pretty women with no morals with them, the heroine, of couse will have nothing to do with the villan, even though he's rich, he's charismatic and he has unlimited supplies of Cars, fine wines, paintings, etc. -Cats and Dogs can ALWAYS sense the presence of Bad-guys, supernatural beings, and things of that sort. The animal always either barks loudly, or hisses and runs away. -Heroes apparently purchase "magic" clothing, Shoes that never need to be tied, Shirts that, when covered in dirt and blood, turn clean by the next scene. Glasses that never distort the eyes (making them appear larger or smaller) Pants and Shirts always dry ultra fast, about 10 seconds -The best soldiers in the armed forces belong to the marine corps, they are the best pilots, sharpshooters, strongest, fastest and most clever. All of the other branches don't exist unless they are a special branch i.e. S.E.A.L.s, Rangers, Skull Squadron, etc. -The best cops/soldiers are never well trained, well disaplined people, they are wise-craking, smart alec, type people who always get the bad guy, but the chief/commanding officer hates them anyway because they don't "play by the book" And "make their own rules" -Rule breaking cops never get fired, they just get suspended, which causes them to redouble their efforts to solve the crime. -Mega-Villans have no problem with killing Presidents, Ambassadors, Governors,Nor do they mind blowing up schools, ships, even whole cities! and yet they cringe at the thought of wasting a good bottle of wine, or the desrution of a rare painting -Cars never need fuel, if the vehicle does in fact need fuel, its a sure bet that the Gas station will blow-up. -Black cops, when working with white cops, will always be cool, the white cop will be a square. -In movie land there are a few rules concerning various races; Asian are never allowed to be dumb, always smart, and know karate, Blacks must always shoot guns sideways and are always cool, unless they are the bad guy, in which case they are very well educated for being born and raise in the Ghetto, Native Americans are never talkative, they are very wise and are always in close communicaion with the "chief" Irish people must be beat cops, they useally live in New york and have the name "Flanegan" or "O'Maley"
Sun Jan 26 10:42:36 1997 Tom Bullock
Movie horses never defecate or urinate. Gift wrapped packages with ribbons can be opened instantly by lifting off the lid. Revolvers make clickety clickety sounds even when their cylinders are swung out.
Sun Jan 26 11:06:36 1997 Daniel Pawtowski
Brand new cars will never crash or wreck. They will occasionally mutate into old junkheaps of roughly the same color when they drive off a cliff.
Sun Jan 26 11:46:12 1997 Daniel Pawtowski
Brand new cars will never crash or wreck. They will occasionally mutate into old junkheaps of roughly the same color when they drive off a cliff.
Sun Jan 26 11:49:07 1997 Daniel Pawtowski
At the entrace to all caves or ancient temples, there is always a supply of sticks, old cloth, and other materials with which to make a torch.
Sun Jan 26 12:13:51 1997 Daniel Pawtowski
Move video cameras have such high resolution that you can blow-up the license plate number of a car in the background with perfect clarity. Most expensive VCR's can trivially zoom in like this.
Sun Jan 26 12:15:54 1997 Daniel Pawtowski
Move video cameras have such high resolution that you can blow-up the license plate number of a car in the background with perfect clarity. Most expensive VCR's can trivially zoom in like this. When bad guys with automatic weapons shoot at a hero, they always aim at his feet.
Sun Jan 26 14:48:09 1997 Nancy Welo
The sun is never on the horizon when movie stars are drivng; thus they never squint while they drive.
Sun Jan 26 19:39:53 1997 Ross Horsley
Courtroom judges are either female or black - or both.
Sun Jan 26 22:41:10 1997 meyran kraus
food: * Since movie heroes never eat, thus they will never have food. The hero's refrigerator will ALWAYS contain some spoiled milk and chinese left-overs. * Apples- movie apples seem to be in only one brand- perfectly dark-red, shining as if was polished and waxed. * Heroes will always find their coffee "damn good" if they drink it in a restaurant or in a diner, and "the worst coffee I've ever had" in their workplace, usually in a police station.
Sun Jan 26 22:42:35 1997 meyran kraus
food: * Since movie heroes never eat, thus they will never have food. The hero's refrigerator will ALWAYS contain some spoiled milk and chinese left-overs. * Apples- movie apples seem to be in only one brand- perfectly dark-red, shining as if was polished and waxed. * Heroes will always find their coffee "damn good" if they drink it in a restaurant or in a diner, and "the worst coffee I've ever had" in their workplace, usually in a police station.
Sun Jan 26 22:50:21 1997 meyran kraus
Movie sidewalks are never soiled or littered, you never see fast-food wraps or even paper bags; therefore, the hero will never step into some gum or some other mess...
Sun Jan 26 23:22:03 1997 meyran kraus
cars: * When the hero is in a hurry and has to get to the other side of the street, he will run across it and will NOT GET HURT BY ANY WAY! even if he's crossing a freeway, cars doing 200MPH will come to a screeching hault right in front of his knees!
Mon Jan 27 06:39:45 1997 Howard Smallowitz
Women being chased by a horrible monster will invariably trip, and prefer to look over their shoulder and scream at the monster, rather than getting up and continuing to run away.
Mon Jan 27 06:40:38 1997 Howard Smallowitz
People never say "goodbye" before hanging up the phone.
Mon Jan 27 13:50:35 1997 Meyran Kraus
cabs: * No cab driver in his right mind would take money from someone to "step on it" and ignore all red lights. But apperantly in movie land the cab driver cares more about a few bucks then about his life, his passenger life,his licence and his career! cops: * In all movies, with the exception of a cop movie, cops are dehumanizied. In cop movies, we suddenly realize how cool cops really are.
Mon Jan 27 19:19:28 1997 Jer Boon
In the future of Earth: * Everybody lives in either the desert, or underground. * Except in the desert, it's always really dark. Artificial lighting in the future is almost useless. * Nobody washes. * Everybody wears either grey, black or brown. * No new modes of transport have been invented, and the only cars still around are old Beatles. * Either food, oil, water or fuel is in desperately short supply.
Mon Jan 27 19:27:30 1997 Jer Boon
In the future of Earth: * There have been either 3, or 4 world wars * Corollaries: - WW3 was a nuclear conflict - WW4, if it occured, was humans versus man-made objects (robots,machines,computers etc.)
Mon Jan 27 22:16:24 1997 Michael Kreca
All movie bullet ricochets sound identical, regardless of the type or caliber of the firearm. No one ever uses a phone book or directory assistance to find a number. People who are considered low-class, socially inept or stupid are shown watching TV. In soap operas, everbody in town eats at the hospital cafeteria.
Mon Jan 27 23:47:34 1997 Meyran Kraus
cops, on or off duty, always pick the unfortunate time to buy groceries when the convenient store is suddenly robbed.
Mon Jan 27 23:50:20 1997 Meyran Kraus
villains: * Men with their hair DYED white are either villains or a comick relief.
Mon Jan 27 23:50:48 1997 Meyran Kraus
villains: * Men with their hair DYED white are either villains or a comic relief.
Tue Jan 28 00:03:52 1997 Meyran Kraus
Knives: * When a bad guy (usually the last in a fight) attacks the hero's back with a knife, two of these thing will occur: - the hero's girlfriend will always be FACING him so she could warn him, usually by high pitched 'look out!' - if no girl is at sight, the bad guy, while running towards the hero, will scream like an idiot, thus warning the hero in advance. it seems that many trained terrorists prefer screaming in rage rather than sneaking up to the hero and stab him in the back.
Tue Jan 28 00:09:00 1997 Meyran Kraus
Teenagers: * Movie teenagers will never have acne, unless they have some big party\prom that day and a huge SINGLE zit grows on their noses or between their eyes.
Tue Jan 28 00:16:25 1997 Meyran Kraus
Death: * When the villain's time has finally come, and he's thrown by the hero from a VERY high place, be sure that he will still be conscious, for a much more horrible abuse of his body is about to happen, usually some heavy object that will smash him or an explosion that will tear him to pieces (SEE "GOLDENEYE", "LONG KISS GOODNIGHT" AND "THE SPECIALIST")
Tue Jan 28 16:59:27 1997 Meyran Kraus
women: * Women will never know to swim.
Tue Jan 28 17:25:37 1997 Meyran Kraus
language: * Movie industry cliche- The Arnold syndrom: The fact that you have a VERY heavy foreign accent, that has nothing to do with your character in the movie, doesn't really matter if you are a hollywood mega-star.
Tue Jan 28 17:33:49 1997 Meyran Kraus
monsters: * Monsters just love shoes. Whenever a monster chases you, be sure that in some stage it will get hold of your foot (while you crawl, climb a ladder or whatever). Then, even if the monster has the power of 50 men, it will shake your foot franticly, rather than PULLING it off, thus allowing you to run to safety and leaving the monster with your shoe, that she will happily put in it's human shoes collection.
Wed Jan 29 05:22:23 1997 ??????
Cliches !!!!! This page is a CLICHE !!!!! Critics are good...if you can do better!!!!! (Cf: ID4...)
Wed Jan 29 16:47:43 1997 Meyran Kraus
* In secret organizations, the hero's best friend will be killed during a mission, only to come back to life a little later, this time as the villain. (SEE "GOLDENEYE", "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE", "SNEAKERS" AND MOST OF ESPIONAGE MOVIES)
Wed Jan 29 22:22:54 1997 Dan Kalikow
When people (especially lovers) are shown getting up in the morning and getting on with the action of the film (especially when they're in a major hurry), they never EVER have to pee.
Wed Jan 29 23:02:14 1997 mike beck
In a school movie no matter who the star is (football player or geek) he/she will always get the hot/studly chick/dude at the end.
Thu Jan 30 02:52:59 1997 Montgomery Burt
-Writers in the movies are rarely shown actually writing. They are usually out collecting research, having lunch with their agent, interviewing people for background, or solving a crime, but rarely are they parked in front of a wordprocessor writing. -In the movies, writers never have to do re-writes. Sure, there's usually a montage of them struggling to find the right words and wadding up lots of paper balls. But eventually inspiration strikes and words magically pour from the typewriter in the first draft. Even Shakespeare re-wrote to improve his work but movie characters don't. -All TV reports in the movies are live. That's because news reporters have the capability to go live anytime from any location, in any weather conditions. In movies like "Speed" and "Wrong is Right", reporters are even able to do live cut-ins from a moving vehicle! There's never any problems with satellite feeds and microwave links so everything comes off flawlessly. -Nobody ever seems to hear gunshots in the movies. I'm surprised at the number of characters who are shot in apartments and the noise never seems to disturb the neighbors. -People in the movies often pu guns in hazardous places. How many times have you seen the cop or the bad guy put a gun in his pants. Most people, you couldn't pay them enough to aim a loaded weapon near their private parts! Also in the movies, people leave loaded weapons in odd places--like in "Raising Arizona" where Nathan Arizona sets down a loaded revolver in the crib with his baby son! -Movie biographies are only made about musicians and rock stars whose lives end tragically. The story of a living legend can't compete with "Bird", "Sid and Nancy" ,"The Doors", "La Bamba" and many others that have a built-in dramatic ending.
Thu Jan 30 05:59:11 1997 jinman kim
df
Thu Jan 30 14:23:47 1997 mike rushing
school: all high shool students look like they're at least 24 years old. (example: ANY John Hughes film)
Thu Jan 30 14:26:26 1997 mike rushing
school: the misunderstood hero always has to drive his mom's beat up station wagon to school/on dates.
Thu Jan 30 14:30:29 1997 mike rushing
school: middle-aged convienience store clerks will always sell beer to high school jocks with fake i.d.'s, seemingly oblivious to the fact they are wearing their school letter jackets at the time.
Thu Jan 30 17:35:16 1997 devin greaney
Anyone devoutly religous will actually be the villian, even if its not yet evident. (Flowers in the Attic, Dragnet, Lawnmowerman, Missery, Seven, ect.)
Thu Jan 30 22:14:47 1997 Richard Pipes
In Hollywood, a fall down any flight of stairs, no matter how small, is instantly fatal--unless the victim is a pregnant woman, in which cases she loses her baby.
Fri Jan 31 00:47:15 1997 Krishna
When two characters are divorced, breaking up or having any other type of problems in a relationship they will always get back together after a terrible crisis(usually the movies plot)
Fri Jan 31 00:56:26 1997 Krishna
Id4 Although the Air Force trains their pilots extensivly to let them fly state of the art fighter planes, any idiot can take a crash course in one day and fly like an expert. Although the aliens are very different from humans thier ships come equiped with seats and seatbelts that fit humans. Out of all of Los Angeles it only takes 2 seconds for the hero to find his girlfriend. A president at the age of 30 is totally credible. The Macintosh is not IBM compatible but it can link up with any intergalactic computer. After drinking a whole bottle of alcohol and being extremly drunk the hero sobers up in a matter of seconds.
Fri Jan 31 02:34:22 1997 Bob McDonald
+++Fear=You can stand up after being stabbed through the spine. +++"How hard can it be" - followed by failure +++Students in inner city schools only listen to rap +++All football players are jerks (unless their the main characters) +++MY Cousin Vinny=How come their were no laundry machines at he "Sack o'Suds"
Fri Jan 31 06:19:28 1997 ferret
Whenever a woman steps out of bed, after making love, she needs to wrap a sheet around her, only after her partner has spent the night with her and done who knows what!
Sat Feb 1 21:08:19 1997 David Jones
Under the category of monsters: In any horror movie, for every over-confident tracking-dog handler there are two German shepherds who will pay the price of his pride.
Sat Feb 1 21:39:20 1997 David Jones
Movie gifts come in boxes with the lids and bottoms wrapped separately . Thus, they can be opened without any tearing of paper and reused for the next movie.
Sat Feb 1 21:42:40 1997 David Jones
Movie gifts come in boxes with the lids and bottoms wrapped separately . Thus, they can be opened without any tearing of paper and reused for the next movie.
Mon Feb 3 04:55:10 1997 Becky
Nobody ever thinks to turn on the lights: -In their own house when they go downstairs to check on the spooky noise -In someone else's empty house -At the crime scene when the detectives are looking for evidence (ex: "Seven" - flashlights are the illumination of choice) Also: EVERY LIGHTBULB IN THE HOUSE is burning just before the lights go out (storms ALWAYS cause this, sometimes villains cause this)
Mon Feb 3 05:38:33 1997 Jerry Krueger
NUDITY - In order to inject a little nudity when it doesn't fit the story line, two mail actors stop for a drink at a topless bar and sit next to the stage so the viewer can see the girls in the background.
Mon Feb 3 05:48:39 1997 Jerry Krueger
NUDITY - In order to inject a little nudity when it doesn't fit the story line, two male actors stop for a drink at a topless bar and sit next to the stage so the viewer can see the girls in the background.
Mon Feb 3 21:10:59 1997 Sakari Aaltonen
A teacher is immediately recognizable by the car he or she drives: a Volvo.
Tue Feb 4 03:15:59 1997 Luke Barber
Cars in chase scenes are always changing gears, hence the high roar, low roar, high roar, low roar. perhaps i'm wrong, but those sounds indicate constantly changing gears right?
Tue Feb 4 04:26:26 1997 Andre Dupuy
In an action film, if there is a large tank of tropical fish in a home or restaurant, it will be shattered, spilling it's contents everywhere before the movie (if not the scene) is over. (see Mission:Impossible, Lethal Weapon 2, many others)
Tue Feb 4 05:05:40 1997 LJC
Bathrooms No one ever goes to the bath room unless it is to have sex in the shower. Driving When in a hurry, without looking, they speed through stop signs and lights, and never hit a car. In real life, you can't even back out of your driveway without looking 3 or 4 times.
Tue Feb 4 05:33:57 1997 Joe LaRose
When someone gives a location on the phone, the other party never writes it down, no matter how complicated the address is. For example, "Go to 1862 Hickory Place, Apartment 34B, at 6 o'clock. You will be instructed as to where to leave the ransom money. Don't be late." Immediately, the person who gave the information hangs up the phone, leaving the other person staring grimly while contemplating the situation (yet somehow never having needed to write down the address!).
Wed Feb 5 00:38:16 1997 DJ Heinlein
The guy always has to get up and go do something for the women after sex.
Thu Feb 6 20:46:24 1997 Jody Rodriguez
WOMEN: Women who are supposed to be plain or unattractive are usually stunningly beautiful women who are wearing just a little less make-up than usual, or glasses. (e.g., any version of Jane Eyre, except the most recent Franco Zefferelli film in which Jane was actually plain but compensated by being unable to act.)
Thu Feb 6 20:57:55 1997 Chris Morrison
- Movie characters' homes are always nice, comfortable and immaculately clean. - The kitchens always have enough food, dishes and counter space to feed anyone who stops by. - Apartment dwellers always live on or near the top floor of their building. - Large apartments tend to be on the top floor, and have the heaviest furniture. (Corrolary: Large apartments are filled with furniture that is too big to squeeze through the doors.) - Homes with children have toys scattered around every room except the child's/children's, which are always kept tidy.
Thu Feb 6 21:01:18 1997 justin
1) The time between getting shot and actually dying will fluctuate depending on the complexity of the message to be delivered (i.e. where the gold lies, who the murderer was, "I love you.") 2) A woman will instantly fall in love with any man she accidentally witnesses teaching a child to read or otherwise displaying his sensitive side, regardless of anything he has done previously.
Thu Feb 6 23:12:03 1997
Women always wear high heels and constricting clothing when they go to investigate a haunted house, abandoned factory, or other place where they are likely to be chased by a monster, rapist, or axe murderer. Also, teenagers usually decide to have sex in haunted houses, dark woods, or abandoned warehouses where they will be slaughtered within the first five minutes of the movie.
Thu Feb 6 23:22:00 1997 Demian Cuthbertson
While making a phone call if the recieving end does not pick up by the second ring, he must not be there. Same as if some body doesn't answer the door two secods after the doorbell rings, the fella must bang on the door and yell because he is tired of waiting. This usually takes place in two story houses.
Fri Feb 7 00:37:44 1997 Demian
Teenagers: After an entire movie of the school geek makes a complete ass out of himself he is able to get the class dream dish. This is usually done by making a speech in front of the entire student body that like totally reaches everyone. This of course leads to the most used cliche. After the speech the there begins applause from the bully who was picking on the little jerk through the whole movie, (see Lucas, Can't Buy Me Love and Dream a Little Dream amongst others)
Fri Feb 7 04:22:44 1997 Kim Beissel
On the topic of cliches: I read, or heard once, that the phrase "Let's get the Hell out of here!" is THE most common recurring phrase in the history of cinema. If this is true, then do scriptwriters acknowledge it by deliberately placing it in a script?
Fri Feb 7 20:08:38 1997 Jason Simpson
The lone person in bed never seems to realize that when they roll over and fling their arm on the vacant pillow beside them, if their lover had been there, they would have smacked them right in the nose, causing a break, a fracture, or at the least, a bruise? Would they still respect them in the morning?
Fri Feb 7 21:31:21 1997 Chris Loveman
INDEPENDENCE DAY: Would the President really give two total strangers seats on Air Force One, (thus leaving behind two generals/aides to die?) The alien corpses were so secret even the President could not be told of them. When they come clean about it, not only do they show them to him, but also to his infant daughter, his press secretary, and Jeff Goldblum's mad scientist, AND his dad. A strange lack of mutinies in the armed forces when ordered to go to CERTAIN DEATH. Would there really be reluctace to use nukes when the world is doomed anyway? Why not try bigger nukes when the first nuke fails? The downed flying saucer is utterly secret. Then Jeff Goldblum goes to the (unguarded) room where it is kept, gets drunk and smashes everything up. Talk about high security...
Fri Feb 7 22:48:42 1997 Renee Ferrie
No matter what nationality the individual is, the hero will always be able to spell their name correctly into the "Known Spy Database" (see "True Lies"). Even if it's pronounced Smith and spelled Phmeatde,or vice versa the hero instinctively knows...
Fri Feb 7 22:51:28 1997 Renee Ferrie
No matter how many entrances a house has, visitors will always go to the one nearest where everyone is at the time. The family's in the kitchen? Jehovah's Witnesses will knock at the back door. Everyone's in the living room? The Girl Guides will knock at the front door.
Fri Feb 7 22:53:53 1997 Renee Ferrie
When in the presence of a traitor or double-agent, people with secret knowledge will always say far more than they need to. Instead of "I found out where my family is hiding!", they will say "I got the secret information where my family is hiding from Joe's Seafood on Main Street! They're located in the basement of a warehouse at 1234 Main Street and the secret knock is two short, one long!" (See "Shining Through".
Fri Feb 7 22:58:02 1997 Renee Ferrie
When people are dying of a hideous viral outbreak that liquefies the internal organs, the good guys will develop a vaccine moments before a fellow good guy dies, and the vaccine not only stops the virus dead in its tracks, but actually *repairs* the internal organs, leading to a full recovery.
Sun Feb 9 02:14:15 1997 Gretchen Federlein
If it is nighttime in a movie, the streets are wet from a recent shower. It rarely rains during the day, though.
Sun Feb 9 10:35:22 1997 Raul Fernandez
Heros/Action/Thriller At the climax of the movie, the hero will finally have the villain at gunpoint, strugling with whether or not he should shoot him in cold blood. He/she will decide not to, often encouraged by partner who says, "He's not worth it" or "If you do it, you'll be just like him" As the hero turns away, the villain will pull out a hidden weapon, and the hero turns and shoots him after all.
Sun Feb 9 10:36:54 1997 Raul Fernandez
Heros/Action/Thriller If anyone other than the hero has a clear shot at the villain, the safety will be on.
Sun Feb 9 10:39:55 1997 Raul Fernandez
If any two lead or supporting characters are known to be pregnant, they will inevitably have their babies on the same day, at the same time, in the same hospital.
Sun Feb 9 10:47:13 1997 Raul Fernandez
TV's in a movie will often foreshadow the plot of said movie by showing an older, similarly themed movie or TV show.
Sun Feb 9 10:57:51 1997 Raul Fernandez
All explosions in outer space go BOOM, even though air is necessary for any sound at all.
Sun Feb 9 13:24:36 1997 Esteban Gottfried
Phones: Everytime someone hangs up to the hero in the middle of the call, the hero stares at the tube for a few seconds before he hangs up.
Sun Feb 9 18:03:14 1997 Ilkka Kokkarinen
The man -> woman transsexuals are as feminine and beautiful as the natural-born women, to the extent that a man can date them and have sex with them without realizing the truth.
Sun Feb 9 18:13:48 1997 Ilkka Kokkarinen
When the hero has the villain helplessly at gunpoint and wants to kill him (for revenge, justice or whatever), the villain attempts to use a hidden knife or a gun. This, of course, gives the hero the moral and legal rights to kill the villain, since the execution (that the audience might not like) becomes actually self-defense.
Mon Feb 10 06:14:05 1997 CJ
The Villain or Hero punches a car window and instead of seeing the safety glass in action, and the Hero or Villain holding thier now broken hand and going ouch, the car window breaks just like a normal pane of glass would.
Mon Feb 10 08:11:27 1997 mark lauchs
All movie explosions are petrol bombs, ie. contain flames, regardless of the nature of the bomb and the fact that they show it only contains high explosive.
Mon Feb 10 20:58:35 1997
Re: Twister. No matter how horrible a tornado is, the heros will always survive. Flimsy leather will not break if that's what they're trying to save themselves with, and they will not be picked up by the rushing winds no matter how close they are. Also, no animals will die.
Tue Feb 11 01:43:53 1997 Eric Norman
Cars: when careening down a hill without brakes, showing a closeup of the speedometer is a requirement.
Tue Feb 11 01:45:02 1997 Eric Norman
Chess: all games end with "check" followed immediately by a response of "checkmate".
Tue Feb 11 01:46:05 1997 Eric Norman
Binoculars: I've never looked through a pair and seen two slightly intersecting circles.
Tue Feb 11 03:32:56 1997 Bruce Tuffin
WEAPONS bullets *always* strike sparks from metal, even just lead rounds bullets, even from high-powered rounds, can always be dug out from timber with the tip of a pocket knife no matter how many rounds you pump through a rifle, you can still hold it by the barrel a few seconds later a telescopic sight will hold absolute zero, no matter how many times it's attached to or detached from the mounts
Tue Feb 11 05:39:27 1997 Jin-Kyeong KIm
Hello!!
Tue Feb 11 07:04:52 1997 Norman De Forest
(1) It is always possible to write a computer virus that will run on a system you have no documentation on ("Mission Impossible", Independence Day") (2) Only the creator of a virus can stop it ("M.I.")
Tue Feb 11 07:07:45 1997 Norman De Forest
(continued) (3) Computer viruses can be so infectious that just bringing part of a computer damaged by the virus near another computer will infect the second computer, regardless of CPU type or operating system ("Mission Impossible")
Tue Feb 11 11:56:28 1997 Pat Folan
When a teenage hacker is breaking into a computer system, even if his efforts are detected by the system security, he can still succeed by typing even more quickly than before. In other words no computer process can be killed if the executer is a touch typist.
Wed Feb 12 14:45:22 1997 eduard habsburg
for the "History" department: - in history movies, one of the characters will often speak about "this strange new invention" he has heard about (e. g. spectacles, trains, electricity...). (That is in order to show that the movie crew has made some extensive research about the period). The others will then discuss this exiting new invention, and one member (preferably an older one) will dismiss it as "nonsense, rubbish, it'll never work" etc... - all women in recent history movies will always be ahead of their time, criticise the social conditions in which they live, break rules and taboos, have changing sexual relationships, be of course pursued and stigmatised by the "prudish and bigotte society" (always men, preferably clergy) - in brief: do all the things that women usually do... - people in "dark, middle-ages movies" will always, while conversing with each other, quote extensive texts from written scientific works, preferably from obscure alchemistical authors ("But hasn't it occurred to you that, as Albert the great says in his DE NATURA DEORUM, the sperm of a male bull has to be mingeled with the hair of a newly-born snake in order to bla bla bla..."
Wed Feb 12 18:41:11 1997 Jas A. Reynolds
Anyone with male pattern baldness will turn out to be either crazy or criminal.
Wed Feb 12 18:46:52 1997 Jas A. Reynolds
Superheroes will stoically ignore gunfire aimed in their direction, but when the perp runs out of bullets and THROWS the gun at the superhero, the superhero will inexplicably duck.
Thu Feb 13 01:02:55 1997 Jim Coleman
Evidence: no one ever makes a copy of tapes, discs, documents, etc. so that the villain escapes justice once the evidence is destroyed. I am an atty and there is a rule of evidence that permits "duplicate originals" such as photocopies just as if they were originals. Phones: heroes, victims, etc. always answer the phone then face the wall so the villain can sneak up behind and conk the hero or victim on the head. Villains employ some scheme to do away with dozens of victims. When faced with the hero, the villain abandons the successful scheme. Variation: villain has a plan that almost works but for one flaw. Rather than modifying the plan to improve it, villain abandons plan and invents a new plan. Example: Wiley Coyote. Of course, in his case, if he can affored contraptions from Acme Contraptions Co., why doesn't he just order some food? Houses: Everyone walks around in the dark even in his/her own home or apartment rather than flip the light switch right next to the door like normal people do. Cars: Car tires screech on dirt roads. Dukes of Hazzard, other schlock. Car chases: Rockford, in a Pontiac Firebird, is caught by thugs in a Lincoln Continental in ten seconds even though Rockford started with a five block lead. In Dukes of Hazzard type shows, the guy with the 600 bhp car is caught by a thug driving a motor home even on back roads that the hero driver knows and the thug doesn't. Submarines: Red October - American sailors operate a Soviet sub although this is the first such sub they have ever seen. This assumes all subs have standard control panels. Of course, Russian subs have guages in metric, ours English to further complicate the problem. I was in sub service and two subs within the same class can have differences. It can take months of training. But, no, these guys do it right the first time, and on a weird boat.
Thu Feb 13 01:04:39 1997 Jim Coleman
Phones: The villain cuts the wires to the victim's home. The victim is a millionaire but doesn't have one cell phone?
Thu Feb 13 01:17:13 1997 Jim Coleman
Cars: villain in car chases hero who runs directly before villain's car. This continues for 30 seconds or so. Most cars can accelerate to 60 mph, four times as fast as most people can run (4 minute mile) for more than a few seconds, but hero maintains lead on pursuing car. Cars: crashes nearly always end in explosion. In real life this is all but impossible to have happen. Cars: driver pursued by villains turns around in seat to see pursuit rather than use mirrors. Often, in seconds that driver turns around, truck or mother with baby, etc., crosses path and driver, returning to look frontwise, sees object too late and crashes to avoid. Cars: even cops don't wear seatbelts. This is changing, though, except that good guys wearing seatbelts is a sign trip will be uneventful.
Thu Feb 13 04:52:29 1997 Mike Mandel
Phones: Whenever someone is hung-up on in a film they move the phone about 2 feet away from their face and stare at it as though it had become foreign or unfamiliar.
Thu Feb 13 11:37:04 1997 Meyran Kraus
*Airplanes: Most people who jump out of an airplane without a parachute will survive somehow (SEE: INDIANA JONES, GOLDENEYE & ERASER)
Thu Feb 13 14:54:00 1997 Daniel Villeneuve
Why is it when someone has to diffuse a bomb, as in "The Rock", there is always a nice clear LED display saying when it will blow-up?
Thu Feb 13 23:31:44 1997 Jason Peck
Vehicles ALWAYS explode violently after crashing--even ones that run on DIESEL fuel (i.e. Terminator 2)
Thu Feb 13 23:32:45 1997 Jason Peck
A male will be "racked" in every movie made since 1957
Thu Feb 13 23:33:59 1997 Jason Peck
Explosions and lasers ALWAYS have spectacular sound, even in space
Thu Feb 13 23:35:11 1997 Jason Peck
Alien life forms may speak entire sentences in just one grunt... and be understood by humans (chewbacca)
Thu Feb 13 23:36:59 1997 Jason Peck
Computer displays always use the 200pt font so that the person in the balcony can read them
Thu Feb 13 23:38:30 1997 Jason Peck
U.S. defense systems are operated by teams of people all typing profusely and smoking cigars while watching a gigantic screen displaying pictures
Thu Feb 13 23:39:19 1997 jason Peck
Whenever a password is needed to crack a computer, the word will be displayed somewhere on the person's desk
Thu Feb 13 23:41:36 1997 Jason Peck
People and things always fall out of place when a spacecraft turns upside down-- (as if there is an upside down in space)
Fri Feb 14 00:00:55 1997 Sharon Adams
When a movie wants to establish the location as London the taxi from the airport ALWAYS has a tour around the tourist sites ie Tower Bridge and Westminster even though these are on opposite ends of London. And one more thing, why is it always July?
Fri Feb 14 06:01:44 1997 Jim Parrish
Music - NEVER walk backward when they are playing "that" music". Credits - When a movie on TV has a great theme song or bloopers during the credits, the network announcer will give news highlights over it.
Sat Feb 15 01:24:58 1997 Suzanne Schmidt
It rains at every funeral in every movie. I review movies on laserdisc for Widescreen Review magazine.
Sat Feb 15 07:13:36 1997 Mike Elsner
In Star Wars movies,there is always one Stormtrooper who has no sense,and bumps his head ,or falls down,or is stupid enough to let the good guys get away.
Sat Feb 15 07:14:58 1997 Mike Elsner
Out of all the escapes the Rebel Forces have made,it was never Darth Vaders Fault.
Sat Feb 15 07:20:25 1997 Mike Elsner
In the last Star Wars movie, Luke takes Darth Vader's helmet off with ease,(Which eventually kills Darth)but you would think his helmet would be locked so that if he was in a battle someone couldn't kill him by taking his helmet off and break it.
Sat Feb 15 07:25:40 1997 Mike Elsner
In the first Star Wars movie,When Princess Leia records her message for Obi-Wan,she is facing artoo-deetoo and his recording device.But when the message is played.it get view of her from the side,the back,the side ETC.Views the artoo unit couldn't have possibly have recorded.
Sat Feb 15 07:26:26 1997 Mike Elsner
In the first Star Wars movie,When Princess Leia records her message for Obi-Wan,she is facing artoo-deetoo and his recording device.But when the message is played.it gets a view of her from the side,the back,the side ETC.Views the artoo unit couldn't have possibly have recorded.
Sat Feb 15 16:44:58 1997 Paul Smith
Space/Space Ships: The good guys always have white ships while the bad guys always have dark or black ships. Such as X-Wing Fighters in Star Wars are white, and the Empire's Fighters are Black. The Enterprize and Federation ships are white; Clingon's ships and Romulin's ships are dark.
Sat Feb 15 17:26:12 1997 Paul Smith
Helicopters: People always duck when they walk or run up to a running helicopter as if an extra ten inches will keep them from getting their head cut off. In reality the rotor blades are eight feet off the ground and rotate horizontal unless the rotor is off.
Sat Feb 15 17:58:53 1997 Paul Smith
Time: Midnight occurs exactly on the twelfth dong of a grandfather clock instead of the first dong, whereas 1:00 occurs on the first dong.
Sat Feb 15 18:18:48 1997 Andrew Mountford
In the era of safe sex, lovemaking scenes never include the awkward "trying to get the condom on in poor light so it rolls on the right way" scene. There is never any unappatising sex sounds ie. vaginal gas. Should a good guy be chasing a bad guy in a car chase and need arises to cross a railway line, the bad guy just beats the train, the good guy is left watching a 4 mile train pass by.
Sun Feb 16 00:55:56 1997 Jim Coleman
Space Movies/SciFi - StarWars (am I allowed to find fault with this set of flicks?) is an example, highly advanced civilizations (the Empire) build sophisticated weapons or systems that can be defeated by primatives. The Empire built a Death Star and has solved hyperspeed flight, but when it must fight on the surface, it uses stupidly inept systems - the walkers (ESB), the bipedal systems (ESB?, RJ) that move like we think dinosaurs moved. These systems are defeated by tripping them or tying their legs. A civilization with the flying motorcycle-type vehicles, thus has solved wingless flight, cannot build systems that move on tracks or have similar wingless flight. Also, re Star Wars - not one of the Imperial Storm Troopers can shoot worth a damn. Typical of all such films; no bad guy can shoot. But you probably know that. All flicks - the hero has a thousand possible paths to follow and always picks the right one. Cops always have the right hunch except if the hero is a defense lawyer, then the cops are always dead wrong and ignore obvious evidence that proves the defendant is innocent.
Sun Feb 16 01:55:33 1997 Chris Loveman
Spectacles: Bespectacled men are always highly intelligent, and rubbish in fights. A good guy in glasses is a wimp, a nerd, hopeless with women and only there for comic relief. A bad guy in glasses is probably a scheming computer genius, and will die horribly before the end of the film. Women in glasses are magically turned into Venus when their spectacles are removed.
Mon Feb 17 20:34:15 1997 Andrew Pinger
I don't know if you already have this, but it seems like anytime the main characters of a movie are driving around at night, a fairly intense bright light from their laps, or the glove compartment shines up to light their faces. It doesn't happen as often with the bad guys though
Tue Feb 18 00:59:15 1997 Alan Bennett
Addition to answering machine section: After hearing the "The killer is John Smith" message, the hero immediately switches off the machine, even though the next message may have been, "Did I say John Smith? I meant John Brown".
Tue Feb 18 18:38:16 1997 Rich Homolka
Villains always use rope to tie people up when they've found out their billion dollar plan. They never spend a whole $4 on handcuffs. Person always escapes
Tue Feb 18 18:40:52 1997 Rich Homolka
When grenade is thrown at villain, explodes immediately and kills villain. When thrown at hero, has time to either pick it up and throw it (The Rock) or run away from the blast (Long Kiss Goodnight)
Tue Feb 18 20:09:34 1997 robyn
whenever the hero enters a room/house/apartment to search/or look for someone and the lights are off they never turn them on (ex: X-files or any horror movie)
Wed Feb 19 02:19:26 1997 Julie
For parachutes In the movies people land with a slight impact, (greater if they are inept or in a comic role) but animals and other heavy equipment fall gently to earth.
Wed Feb 19 06:50:20 1997 Aaron Pugliese
In teenager movies, when the boyfriend comes to visit the girlfriend, he always climbs through the window instead of using the door.
Wed Feb 19 07:29:18 1997 Michael
Footage from surveillance cameras or video cameras can be zoomed and enhanced almost infinitely. The result of a high-level zoom is never a blocky bunch of pixels in a formless blob, and if it is the character requesting the image will say "Can we clean that up?" and a flawlessly sharp image will be the result. Also, all work on images such as this are done with keystrokes. Very rarely will the graphics person use a mouse.
Wed Feb 19 07:35:34 1997 Michael
Images from surveillance and video cameras can be zoomed and enhanced infinitely. After the graphics person has zoomed in on the face in the crowd that the hero wants a picture of, the hero will say "Can we clean that up?" and the blocky bunch of blobs will be transformed into a clean, sharp image. No matter how much an image is magnified, it can be enhanced to give a clean, sharp image. The graphics person doing this job will always use keystrokes to magnify and enhance, never a mouse.
Wed Feb 19 08:02:19 1997 Michael
The bad guy will not tell you anything when threatened with an uncocked handgun. He must be threatened with the uncocked gun first, and then again after the hammer has been pulled back. After the bad guy gives up his information he will lunge at the hero when the hero turns away. This will result in the hero turning around and shooting him neatly between the eyes. As well, when shot in the forehead the back of the bad guy's head will always remain intact, no matter what the caliber of the weapon.
Wed Feb 19 22:01:22 1997 Jacque Hagerty
ASTEROIDS: Not only does a raging river washing over a pickup truck on a bridge NOT damage the bridge, the truck, or the people in the back of the truck; it doesn't even fill up the back of the truck with water (although the debris was a nice touch).
Wed Feb 19 23:42:01 1997 Ace Holleran
� In every military movie, the unpopular martinet of an officer gets his comeuppance at the end. A superior will tell an underling. "Private, place Lt. Cruthers under house arrest" The private MUST smirk and salute, saying, "Yes, Sir."
Wed Feb 19 23:43:05 1997 Ace Holleran
� Home bars must never have labeled bottles of spirits, only decanters. Everybody always drinks the same thing, too.
Wed Feb 19 23:44:26 1997 Ace Holleran
� Every time a missle or rocket is launched, a little-known actor at a massive control panel will utter his only line, "Go baby, go."
Wed Feb 19 23:45:22 1997 Ace Holleran
� All monsters run at an antigonizingly slow pace, but can catch any person or vehicle they wish.
Thu Feb 20 12:00:43 1997

Thu Feb 20 16:51:35 1997 Bodie
In the movies when running from a tornado that is a half a mile wide and destroying everything in site, it is possible to be within a few feet of it and not get injured by flying debries or be affected by the 300+ mph winds.
Thu Feb 20 22:39:53 1997 Ashley Allgood
This here is about pregnancy shown on tv & movies. After having my own child I hate seeing this. "Oh, honey it's time." I mean, they show a couple sitting calmly with a stop watch or she wakes up at night "It's time." I mean, come on. As a first time mother you never know!!! My husband & I went to the hospital about 3 times in false labor. I really hate seeing this on tv.
Fri Feb 21 00:04:16 1997 Mark Read
When characters have dreams in which they are participants or when they reminisce about something in their own lives, they always see themselves through someone else's eyes (including viewing themselves from behind, etc.).
Sat Feb 22 01:12:27 1997 JQuest
CATEGORY: Minorities. In any major hollywood movie featuring a primarily all-white cast, it is 93% likely that the one African-American character in the movie will be playing a judge.
Sat Feb 22 01:39:50 1997 Bob
All Chinese food is always eaten with chopsticks out of paper containers
Sat Feb 22 01:46:15 1997 Ezra Kenigsberg
PRISONS + No prisoner has ever been successfully transported anywhere (cf. Con Air, Turbulence, 48 Hrs., Another 48 Hrs., The Fugitive, Nowhere to Run, etc. etc.).
Sat Feb 22 02:39:21 1997 Nick Gaston
As a rule,all spacecraft until about the late sixties MUST carry a good supply of Grenades and M1 rifles. and sometimes even atomic weapons the size of a tape recorder.
Sat Feb 22 02:48:25 1997 Nick Gaston
All space craft until around the mid-sixties either look EXACTLY like V2's (and are only seen takeing off or landing,and always from the same angle), or use a shape derived from the V2. the latter are the only spacecraft that can be viewed in space (usualy being pelted by meteoroids).
Sat Feb 22 02:52:00 1997 Nick Gaston
For the "Animals" section, Up until the early 80's, Especaly if the movie is a sci-fi/horror film, the dog dies.
Sat Feb 22 14:17:40 1997 Sebastiao Coelho Neto
war airplanes: The MIG (soviet airplane) never was a MIG (Top Gun, Iron Eagle)
Sat Feb 22 19:20:03 1997 screaming daisies
Do you feel the way you hate do you hate the way you feel always closer to the flame never closer to the blade. I'm screaming daisies from 14 miles away there's a greedy fly in here and I fly away! Make up your mind!! -greedy fly -BUSH (the best band ever!!)
Sun Feb 23 03:19:00 1997 nicole
Even though the driver is not wearing a seatbelt, he is able to control a careening car around corners, etc. And of course he walks away from an explosive, roll-over accident without a scratch.
Sun Feb 23 10:35:19 1997 Scott Yaw
MARTIAL ARTS: All Asians, even eight-year-olds, are proficient enough in a martial art to disarm, beat and humiliate the villian. If the hero is a white American, however, he can use a sort of brawling/boxing to thrash the most experienced martial artist.
Sun Feb 23 12:42:47 1997 Manuel Davis Mon Feb 24 08:11:32 1997 kevin eckhardt
Security Guards beware: if a main character (especially a woman) says hello to you on her way in to work early in the film, you're dead. When told of your death, said main character will wail, "He can't be dead! I just saw him this morning! I've said hello to him every day for five years!
Mon Feb 24 12:09:25 1997 Doug
You said in your restroom section that nobody uses the restroom except for a means of escape, I beg to differ, I can't count the number of times I've seen guys standing at a urinal having a conversation, robocop (where the boss hears the guy talking bad about him) Witness (Danny Glover stabs a guy) Twins (in the bar where they beat the brothers) and the millions of times where guys just open up the zipper outside and pee, Money Pit (Hanks pees, the statue pees) , Waterworld,(Costner pees and drinks it) I can't count the times I've seen guys takin a leak at the side of a road. Feel free to change this around into a cliche, I'm not sure how it would go though.
Mon Feb 24 17:18:50 1997 Paul Louis
Hollywood drivers never have to worry about driving through red lights as there are always convenient gaps in the traffic. Either that or the oncoming drivers are experts at the emergency stop (but the guys behind them are usually appaling).
Tue Feb 25 01:10:17 1997 MHunter
Science Fiction (Star Trek specific): 1) If there's a new face crewmember on the bridge, he'll be dead by the end of the scene (or for certain by the end of the 1st half hour). Any unknow (new face) crewmember beaming down with, traveling on a shuttle with, or otherwise near a main character will die. 2) Main characters never die (for more than an episode or two). If they die, there is always a temporal abnormality that rescues them. Unknown crewmembers are never rescued by temporal abnormalities. (Star Trek, more specifically - TNG, DS9, Voyager, and ST movies) 3) "Bad guy" or "hot headed" alien races discovered by the Federation are always less powerful or, at best, equally matched in technology to the Federation (okay, except the Borg). 4) If the aliens are far superior in capabilities, they will be friendly, peaceful, understanding, etc. 5) If all hope is lost, a temporal abnormality will return things to normal. 6) If all hope is lost and a temporal abnormality does not restore all things to normal, Q will show up. 7) If all hope is lost and a temporal abnormality does not restore all things to normal, and Q does not show up, the source of the hopeless situation will turn out to be intelligent and open to peaceful negotiations.
Tue Feb 25 01:15:52 1997 John Henderson
Cars: When the good guys are being chased and the bad guys drive up next to them at high speed, shooting them, or trying to force them off the road, it nevers occurs to the good guys to just hit the brakes and let the bad guys fly out ahead.
Tue Feb 25 04:23:21 1997 Tara
PHONES: a phone in otherwise perfect working condition will automatically go dead as soon as the heroine needs it to call for help.
Tue Feb 25 04:26:58 1997 Tara
MUSIC: Any band featuring the hero, playing at a club or dance, usually plays music so awful that in real life, they would get booed off the stage. However, the audience in the movie goes crazy for the band, always demanding an encore. Added bonus cliche: if the hero is also the lead singer, a trashy girl in the front row will try to rip off his clothes while his loyal girlfriend watches jealously from backstage.
Tue Feb 25 04:36:37 1997 Tara K.
KISSING: People always kiss first thing in the morning, and no one even brushes their teeth first or requests that their partner brushes his/her teeth. SEX: Even after a full night of hot sweaty sex, the heroine's makeup and hair are perfect when she wakes up. SEX: Even if it's a "spontaneous" sexual encounter, the heroine's bra and underwear are a matching set, usually black or red. SEX: No one ever says "OW! You're on my hair!" And the sex is always done by the end of the hit song being played on the soundtrack. SHOWERS: All showers have see-through glass doors. All the towels are thick, white,] and perfectly folded. WOMEN: If the heroine's name is Tiffany, Amber, or Jenna, she's naked within the first 5 minutes of the movie.
Tue Feb 25 21:44:05 1997 P Sharratt
When a chase on foot occurs, a bad guy (especially if he has useful information) who runs out into the street will inevitably be killed. Heroes and heroines however, always narrowly miss being hit by a taxi, whose driver then hurls abuse at them
Tue Feb 25 21:52:35 1997 P Sharratt
If a character is sitting by the phone expecting an important call, they never answer it straight away, no matter how urgent the call. They always stare fixedly for a few rings, as if the phone might explode, before finally lifting the receiver.
Tue Feb 25 22:16:56 1997 Paul Kiela
Computers: Most sophisticated futuristic operating systems can be destroyed by the removal of one key file. Given this situation, the operating system (which will always have an attractive GUI with every option known to mankind) will suffer real-time OS failiure. A popular method of an OS announcing its failiure is the rapid deterioration of a GUI which will dissapear or melt in realtime (The Net).
Wed Feb 26 00:19:42 1997 Jeff Fahrenholz
"Show me the money!"
Wed Feb 26 01:15:46 1997 Ivan
Sports- If it is a basketball movie there will be a foreigner (prefferably east-European) who can't speak English even though he lived in the USA for the last 15 years of his life.
Wed Feb 26 02:14:58 1997 Marlina Robertson
Horror movies: Even though they know the ouija board is evil, they still do everything it says. The people know the porta to hell is in their basement but still want to live there. They always know the monster is in the house and when they hear a noise they decide to go look for the monster instead of getting the hell out.
Wed Feb 26 04:20:12 1997 kevin hays
extreme tough guys often answer the phone with, "this had better be good!" as if they were so important and busy that only calls from the police chief telling about a break in the case are acceptable. it's ALWAYS a call from someone like the police chief telling about an important break in the case he's working on. he never answers the phone so rudely and finds out it's aunt tilly.
Wed Feb 26 08:30:50 1997
Having stabbed the villain/monster to death with sharp object (knife, knitting needle, barbecue fork), Woman will always leave said object IN the creature, turn her back on the creature, sit down within striking range, and cry.
Wed Feb 26 19:59:45 1997 Jon Campbell
Russian Rulette: No one ever dies in a scene involving russian rulette. Either the weaker of the two contestants bows out or another person says "This is crazy, let's not do this..." If someone does die, it isn't shown on screen (The Deerhunter being the only exeption I can think of). We only hear about the incident later from someone else.
Wed Feb 26 20:38:11 1997 Liam Wescott
Things I Learned From Watching "Dante's Peak": 1) The U.S. Government is very shrewd when it comes to purchasing vehicles. Any old, run-down, decrepit government truck will be capable of amazing feats of endurance (driving through lava flows, able to still drive on four flats) when called upon to do so. 2) Acid will destroy the high-density propeller of a powerboat *before* it eats through the 1 1/4" aluminum skin of the boat. 3) Stratovolcanoes (such as those in the US Pacific Northwest) are capable of producing pyroclastic flows and explosive eruptions while at the same time producing very liquid lava flows such as are found in the Hawaiian Islands.
Wed Feb 26 22:41:44 1997 C. Miller
LESSONS FROM VAN DAMME: 1) All men know all forms of martial arts. 2) When being shot at, a good guy can hide behind paper-mache parade floats and be safe. 3) the same float will not stop a good-guy arrow fired at the bad guy. (Hard Target) 4) when a rattle snake attacks, grab it up close to the head and punch it in the face, this will render it unconcious long enough for you to leave it as a trap for the bad guys. 5) when on a motorcycle, playing "chicken" with a four-wheel-drive truck, be sure to stand up on the seat and shoot the driver, then jump over the truck, land perfectly (be sure to wear cowboy boots for this) then turn and shoot the gas tank. 6) It is damn near impossible to beat up a guy wearing a team mascot costume. 7) Our hero was always raised (or born) in another country, to explain his accent, but can get any level of security clearence for military service. 8) You can fight 12 guys in three days for a tounament while still making time for the ladies. 9) the last guy you fight is always a foot taller than you, and he will always cheat. 10) Performing the "Chinese Splits" (his trademark move) will get you out of all manner of toubles. (And in some cases allow you to hit your opponent in a most sensitive area.)
Thu Feb 27 01:48:20 1997 ita
Smoking : any character that handles their cigarette in an usual way is evil and insane (cf. Broken Arrow).
Thu Feb 27 01:51:23 1997 Paul
When a character says they are going to small city like Boise, the picture cuts away to a huge 747 landing or taking off.
Thu Feb 27 06:03:48 1997 Harry Oxnard
Your average TV family allways lives in a HUGE house, but there is allways only one bathroom. This sets the stage for later jokes.
Thu Feb 27 20:01:23 1997 Trevor Lazarus
In the second ALIEN movie (ALIENS?) when Signorey Weaver returns to earth, there is a scene in a conference room where almost everyone is smoking a cigarette. And this is supposed to be the future?
Thu Feb 27 22:27:15 1997 John Henderson
Independence Day: Aliens will not notice that you are entering their mother ship in a fifty-year-old spacecraft. In a matter of hours, mostly spent driving around the country to warn the president, a single scientist can fully understand advanced alien computer technolgy and architecture enough to write a virus to disable the alien culture. A single nuclear warhead, although on Earth might obliterate an area on the surface with a radius of tens of miles, will completely destroy a 1000-mile diameter mother ship. (Apparently some kind of chain reaction takes place that the alien engineers did not take into account while designing a ship that carries their entire population into hostile situations.)
Fri Feb 28 08:39:35 1997 Bruce Barnes
AEROPLANES � The most fragile component of any aircraft is the radio. Not only is it the most likely item to become irreparably damaged, it is often the only thing. ALCOHOL � Drunks are invulnerable. Other people in a disaster may drop like flies � despite having full faculties and undulled reflexes � but the drunk will survive unharmed. (Actually this is due more to alcohol-induced luck than anything else. See any drunk threatened by mayhem in a comedy.) ALIENS � Whatever part of an entire world the hero beams down to/lands on, and a walking distance around it, is deemed typical of the whole planet. (In short stories, any minor inconvenience suffered by the visiting alien often leads to destruction of our entire planet. For some reason the movies have never picked up on this plotline � however the human hero will still judge any alien planet from his own limited experience...and what�s more, be correct too.) � If you watch American TV series, alien planets tend to look like studio sets. If you watch British TV series, alien planets tend to look like quarries. If you watch Australian TV series, alien planets tend to have gum trees growing on them. ANIMALS � In comedies especially: women are smarter than men, children are smarter than mothers, and animals are smarter than children. � The Australian kookaburra is an incredible ventriloquist. His unique and distinctive laugh can frequently be heard in the African jungle. � Animals can sense aliens disguised as humans, especially evil aliens. (Dogs growl, cats hiss, and caged birds make a hell of a racket�oddly enough without moving around a lot.) � Horses are bullet-proof and arrow-proof. They are never hit during gunfights on horseback�although they may occasionally fall down when their rider is hit. (When this happens the horse will be seen starting to get back on all fours immediately afterwards.) � Puppies and kittens are born with their eyes open. CARS � Wheels can make screeching noises even on loose sand. � Roads are psychic. When a car or motor bike comes to a sliding/screeching halt at a particular spot, three or four sets of tyre marks can often be seen already on the site. (This happens more in TV than in movies, however.) DINING � People often go into restaurants, order huge meals, eat maybe three bites of it while they talk, then walk out without being seen to pay. (Mostly in old movies. These days people tend to have exactly the right change, which they drop casually as they leave. They still eat as much, though.) GAGS � A single strip of cloth tied in front of the mouth can render a person incoherent, as well as totally inaudible to anyone not already in visual range. GLASSES � Main characters who are seen wearing glasses (EG Indiana Jones, Bruce Wayne) never have any discernible vision problems when they have to ditch them. � Wall-flowers can only become beautiful after they get rid of their glasses. (When they do this, again no vision problems. You can make a case for Jones and Wayne, but the wallflower wears glasses ALL the time pre-transformation � presumably for a reason.) HERO INFALLIBILITY � The hero will seldom explain in advance what he is going to do, even if it would cost lives if he fails. (This usually involves the hero going off to confront the gunman. Probably the worst case is in JUGGERNAUT, where the bomb disarmer cuts the opposite bomb wire than the one he has been told�while disarmers on identical bombs wait to see how he fares.) ILLUMINATION � Candles can cast incredible haloes of light, and produce huge shadows. Not only that, but the shadows often include the candlestick holder the candle is sitting in! REINCARNATION � People who are reincarnated are exact doubles of who they were in their previous lives, even though not even remotely related. SEX � Sex is dangerous for teenagers. Having it is inviting being gruesomely murdered by the first available serial killer. SPACE � Shock waves can travel through vacuum. (SUPERMAN 2, ID4, METEOR, you name it.) [If you want to deflect an asteroid in real-life, your nuke would have to be in physical contact with it during detonation.] � Spacecraft in vacuum still behave like aerodynamic vessels. � Space craft of the future will have artificial gravity created by some complex (presumably electronic) method. Centrifugal force and acceleration effects will not only not be used, but will seemingly be neutralised by the new method. (So far only 2001�s DISCOVERY and BABYLON 5 have ever heard of using centrifugal force.) � Artificial gravity is best generated at right angles to whatever direction the ship will accelerate in. Space ship designs will reflect this. � The bridge of any space ship will be located in the uppermost, most vulnerable part, and _never_ as close to the deepest interior as possible. � We can make bullet-proof glass now, but this technology will soon be forgotten. Whereas you would expect the only difference between the hull and the window to be in that the window is transparent, all transparencies will be made of brittle glass. (See the bridge roof in GENERATIONS, and the windscreen on the tank in ALIENS for worst examples.) SPIES � All foreign embassies in the world are built over secret passages. � When bombs must be defused, it is usually with one second left to spare before detonation � unless you are James Bond, in which case the digital counter may read you have 007 seconds to spare. � Secret agents can travel to any part of the globe, and go to work instantly, functioning without a single trace of jet lag. SWORDPLAY � If you stick your sword into a curtain or sail and drop your entire weight on the hilt, the fabric will give way under the blade just slowly enough for you to descend to the distant floor or deck at a uniform, comfortable, not-too-fast not-too-slow pace. VIDEO PHONES � The person at the other end of the video phone will remain motionless and screen-centred throughout, while the main character is allowed to move around and pace something chronic. (Interestingly he still seems to remain centred on the other person�s screen�even when his back is to wherever the video pickup is hidden.) VILLAINS � A murderer (the unseen-by-the-soon-to-be-deceased-until-the-last-second variety) can catch his female victims by the Pepe Le Pew method � namely moving very slowly while she runs like hell. � Groups of villains who attack the hero will do so one at a time, while the others wait their turn to be beaten up. � Armed villains in groups shoot like Imperial Storm Troopers. (Even Imperial Storm Troopers � despite Obi Wan Kenobi�s statement about their unique precision � shoot like Imperial Storm Troopers. Whoever trashed that Tattooine sandcrawler must have been firing alone.) � Serial killers employ different methods for each victim, unlike real-life killers who tend to repeat a favourite method. WILD WEST � A common tactic employed by American Indians attacking a circled wagon train was to ride around it in a big circle, like ducks in a shooting gallery. � Six shooters can fire up to a hundred shots before requiring reloading. (In old movies especially.) WOMEN � A girl who falls over while running from a villain tends to sprain her ankle�but only if she is fleeing with a male companion, who will be able to help her. A female running alone never sprains her ankle.
Fri Feb 28 10:37:33 1997 Chris Sutor
No bar fight may end untill at least three things from the following list have occurred: a) a chair is smashed over a combattant's head b) a bottle is smashed over a combattant's head c) a combattant is dropped onto the bar and slid along it's length. d) a combattant is thrown over the bar. e) The mirror above the bar is shattered.
Fri Feb 28 23:21:29 1997 Leslie Holben
Whenever someone gets caught cheating on his/her significant other, they will always attempt to soften the blow by saying, "I never meant to hurt you."
Sat Mar 1 03:37:20 1997 David
Computers: a Web page is always loaded with incredibly detailed graphics, animations, etc. but loads within 5 seconds.
Sat Mar 1 19:44:18 1997 Julie Foote
Under the "Elevator" and/or "Pregnancy/Childbirth" catagories: A pregnant woman on an elevator will ALWAYS go into labor.
Sun Mar 2 23:46:16 1997 Jon Acuff
As soon as the bad guy in a movie gets the upper hand, he screams out "Go to Hell" and the good guy yells "You First"
Sun Mar 2 23:50:00 1997 JON ACUFF
I'm sure you already logged this one. I hate in horror movies that the killer is some kind of speed runner. He could be chasing Carl Lewis and he is still going to catch him without running.
Mon Mar 3 23:39:04 1997 Spanky
All women, especially those in highly conservative industries (banking, high finance, law etc.) always wear thigh high miniskirts and low cut blouses. There is no shrapnel in movie explosions. Locks can be picked with a simple paper clip - despite the fact that even the smallest of paper clips cannot fit in most door locks. When a ship sinks in the movies, the hero is able to jump off at the last minute and swim easily away. There is none of that annoying suction that real sinking ships produce. All cars in movie chases have massive oversteer - even front-wheel drive cars. All cabs in movies are painted yellow. Homeless people in movies are never cheats, lying about their condition, or insane weirdos - just normal people down on their luck. They always help passing strangers and are liked by the hero. Anyone with a Southern accent lives in a trailer and is a drooling racist. Even though vampires don't show up in mirrors, their hair is always perfectly coiffed. Extremely smart people working in technical or scientific jobs fall into these categories: 1. The woman could be a super model is she lost the glasses and let her hair down. 2. The man (despite making millions through patents and inventions) will never get a woman. He is inept and socially retarded. In addition, he is awed by the macho (neanderthal) hero and worships the very ground upon which the guy walks. Submarine sonar operators continue to wear headphones despite numerous depth charges exploding just a few feet from the submarine's hull. No worries about ruptured eardrums for them. When the hero enters the room with a flashlight and a gun, the villian never shoots at the flashlight or uses it as an aiming point. He waits until the hero spots him and blinds him with the flashlight, then decides to raise his gun to shoot. Everyone in Texas wears a cowboy hat, boots, calls other people "Pardner" or "Little Lady," and yells "Yee-Hah" whenever excited. In addition, no one in Texas ever wears a real tie - just that stupid shoestring bolo. The geeky sidekick with advanced degrees in Engineering, Physics, and Chemistry is never able to figure out the esoteric elements of the case. Instead the macho hero does that in ten minutes, leaving the geeky sidekick to die horribly, or need rescuing because he did something incredibly stupid and got caught by the villian. The sidekick with a successful small business is able to leave that business unattended for several weeks while helping to save the world. When he returns, so will his customers. Heroes in a television show about them will inevitably fall into a coma while their friends relive the show's "greatest moments" in recounting tales about the comatose hero.
Tue Mar 4 03:18:49 1997 J.R. Fiorino
You need some sleep. Let's get some sleep.
Tue Mar 4 09:56:42 1997 Mark Parker
Whenever something momentous happens, a breeze will pick up to stir the hair of all present, even if the day is otherwise calm or if the people are indoors (see Die Hard)
Tue Mar 4 10:04:35 1997 Mark Parker
The seconds of a bomb countdown can last as long as 3 true minutes (particularly if a hero is trying to do something about the bomb or is scrambling for distant cover), so long as no one can see the timer. The same is true for bomb- countdown hours - they'll last as long as 3 true minutes. These marvels of swiss engineering and time-keeping are somehow repeatedly used by highly trained assassins and demolitions experts, although a shoddy wristwatch (Speed) is not only preferable but somehow more effective.
Tue Mar 4 10:06:18 1997 Mark Parker
In a horror movie, if you know the killer is nearby, and the soundtrack is playing tense music, chances are you're safe. If the soundtrack goes dead, expect to follow in the next 4 seconds.
Tue Mar 4 15:37:35 1997 uz lot
Why in action movies do the heroes always use ten shots when one would do?
Tue Mar 4 17:54:33 1997 Vinnie Rossi
Under Fights, Whenever two people are fighting and at least one of them is male and one of them gets kicked in there private area the effect is usually extermely short as opposed to the real pain that is assoiciated with that.
Tue Mar 4 22:58:03 1997 Michael F. Coyle
Women: If a professional woman is first seen wearing thick-rimmed glasses and with her hair up in a bun, it's a certain tipoff that she will later take off her glasses, let her hair down, and be one of the hottest chicks in the film. The woman is usually a librarian or a teacher.
Wed Mar 5 04:49:04 1997 John DiFonzo
In the Space and Vacuum section: Orbits require power to maintain. As soon as a spaceship's engines are damaged the orbit will begin to decay. Corollary: the hero's spaceship never actually crashes.
Wed Mar 5 07:49:48 1997 Duppy Demetrius
Whenever there is a shoot out in a public restroom, there is always some poor guy in one of the stall reading a newspaper who is revealed after the shoot out is over.
Wed Mar 5 12:47:26 1997 Sarah Cournoyer
Whenever a character answers the phone in the middle of the night, he/she always turns on the light.
Wed Mar 5 19:46:49 1997 Richard Lancashire
When chasing a car on foot, the hero/ine will keep up with the enemy car for about 30 seconds, at which point it will just make it across a junction and the hero will be stopped by traffic. Not to worry, though, the car will then go round three sides of a block to enable the hero to take a short cut and jump out just behind or into the car...
Wed Mar 5 20:03:41 1997 Richard Lancashire
Nobody ever says "Goodbye" when they finish a phone call. Unless they're teenage lovers, in which case it takes forever, or they're adult lovers, one of whom is about to die... "Take care, darling... I love you..."
Thu Mar 6 17:22:21 1997 Ramon Sanahuja
"In movieland when morge forensics are about to perform an autopsy, they are always eating a grasy junk food sandwich or a slice of pizza. They usually invite the rest of the presents to joint their meal. Meanwhile non-forensic characters are about to throw up or faint". (excuse my mistakes) Thanks a lot for keeping up this Web site. Ramon Sanahuja, Barcelona.Spain.
Thu Mar 6 21:54:41 1997 Lars Augensen
Now matter how big the explosion (e.g. nuclear) the hero and his friends can always hide behind a log or a small rock and not be harmed. Example: Predator
Fri Mar 7 18:06:46 1997 Elaine
Humanoid-looking aliens found unconcious are always given human life support systems, regardless of what planet they come from and whether or not they have human biological systems.
Sat Mar 8 01:16:37 1997 Bryant Mainord
When the hero shouts "Get down!" to the surrounding bystanders around the villain, the only person who doesn't leap out of the way is the villain,who is soon shot in either the head or chest. Go Fig.
Sat Mar 8 01:22:07 1997 Bryant mainord
Arnold Shwarzeneggar(anybody got a spellcheck?) will not bleed if he was smashed in a press, but Bruce willis bleeds to death with a paper cut. Both kick butt though!
Sat Mar 8 01:27:33 1997 Bryant Mainord
The only time a bomb ticks at normal speed,is when the timer is displayed on screen.Did you know one second of off screen bomb time equals approximatly five point three real seconds?(BIG ex. ID4)
Sat Mar 8 01:31:02 1997 Bryant Mainord
While on the trail of a theif\killer one hero steals an average of four cars,suffering no consequences,naturally.
Sat Mar 8 03:17:12 1997 Mike
Independence Day After blowing the hell out of an entire race of aliens and almost taking yourself with them your plane will crash within walking distance of where you took off.
Sat Mar 8 03:59:14 1997
the heroe's hair( as well as some other charachters) never seems to get messed up through the whole film
Sat Mar 8 04:21:02 1997 Shamim Mohamed
Airplanes: Anyone who has had one flying lesson can take over and safely fly a Boeing 747. Explosive decompression on airplane lasts for several minutes, with loud whistling sounds and passengers being sucked out of windows. Any jetliner is as manoeuverable as a Pitts Special. Jet fuel (kerosene) will catch on fire just like gasoline. An ILS has a big knob marked "altitude" that will cause airplanes to crash on the runway. This will happen even though there is a man waving flaming torches standing on the runway. When all the radios in the control tower go out, you cannot use the from one of the airplanes parked on the ground; you must lead a heroic expedition (preferably with a gun battle) to find radios at some distant location. There could be several guys hanging off the skids or wheels of an airplane but the pilot will never notice any difference in the handling of the airplane.
Sat Mar 8 04:25:34 1997 Shamim Mohamed
Passwords: when trying to crack a password, the computer (with a nice snazzy graphical interface) always provides feedback on exactly how much of the key has been guessed.
Sat Mar 8 04:27:15 1997 Shamim Mohamed
Passwords: Every password can be cracked. This must imply that RSA etc. have been broken, and factoring is known to be a O(1) problem.
Sun Mar 9 07:10:53 1997 Bruce
People who are rendered unconscious (explosion, chloroform, whack on the head) all wake up inside of 60 seconds of one another.
Sun Mar 9 23:25:06 1997 John Muellerleile
DRUGS !!!!
Mon Mar 10 00:44:41 1997 Mark Duncan
In thrillers/slasher movies, when the soundtrack music is eerie or suspenseful the protagonist will be perfectly safe. The music will build to a crescendo at which time the character involved will get a shock from a cat, iguana, lampshade that looks like an axe murderer etc. After this shock there will be no music. The victim-to-be will always be attacked after the orchestra has stopped playing
Mon Mar 10 02:44:04 1997 Eliane Mendes de Lima
I,m sure someone ever mentioned it before, but have you noticed that in martial arts movies, it's always the older brother or the girlfriend who gets killed by a REALLY bad guy? and then, the hero, who never ever heard of martial arts, becomes an instant friend from some old and retired master, by saving his niece, and doing so, becomes a mortal enemy of the same guy he's chasing. After just a few weeks training, he is ready to beat the killer, but only after loose the first fight? One of my favorite details is that, no matter how hard the hero is beated, he NEVER EVER have a bone broken, and always has the strengh to be back on his feet and keep on fighting, but unavoidably, he will kill the bad guy with one single kick? Well, I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop here! Hope it helps your page! Bye!
Mon Mar 10 20:41:03 1997 Alberto C. Lopez
Conversation (any kind of show: movies,TV, etc.) When someone is laying hurt (almost always is someone that just had an accident, or being stabbed, shot or even just fell down from a balcony or a flight of stairs), the same question is asked: ARE YOU OK? or ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I bet is the silliest most often used question in the history of movies and/or TV.
Mon Mar 10 20:41:09 1997 Alberto C. Lopez
Conversation (any kind of show: movies,TV, etc.) When someone is laying hurt (almost always is someone that just had an accident, or being stabbed, shot or even just fell down from a balcony or a flight of stairs), the same question is asked: ARE YOU OK? or ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? I bet is the silliest most often used question in the history of movies and/or TV.
Tue Mar 11 00:46:19 1997 trena
I have two: Space and Vacuum: Although space is a vacuum, explosions in space always involve huge amounts of billowing flame. Where does all that oxygen come from? Inside the ship? What about non oxygen breathing beings? Independence Day: The alien spacecraft over which brent spiner presided was dead as a doornail until the mother ship got in range. Then it had enough power to go all over the earth and into space. OK, I can deal with that. But how, after the mother ship got blown up, did it have power to get back to earth?
Tue Mar 11 21:28:29 1997 john parish
1. If you must be in an action movie, try to land a roll as a movie dog, because movie dogs are instantly loveable and always live to make an appearance in the final scene. (ex. ID4, Daylight, Dante's Peak, tons of other crap action movies...) 2. If you're in a Star Wars movie, and the script calls for an extreme closeup of your face, then your life's about to get a whole lot eaiser because you probably just discoverd you have the force.
Wed Mar 12 16:12:10 1997 Todd Graham
Smoking Smokers never use disposable lighters.
Wed Mar 12 19:44:44 1997 Brandon Tibbetts
KIDS: A kid will never be believed because, after all, he/she is just kid and kids have crazy ideas. This is true until the climax of the movie, when something happens that exposes everything the kid has said as undeniable truth.
Wed Mar 12 19:55:45 1997 Brandon Tibbetts
CONVERSATIONS: No one ever "slips up" or uses the wrong word and has to start over, when in real life this happens all the time.
Thu Mar 13 20:26:41 1997

Fri Mar 14 21:34:17 1997 david hofmann
You will always hear the Steppenwolf song, "Born to be Wild" if there are Bikers, and vice versa
Sat Mar 15 01:28:49 1997 E. Bullock
If two rival teams unexpectedly meet up at the same bar at the same time, expect a brawl. Of course, somebody will get hit from behind with a stool, chair, or drinking glass.
Sat Mar 15 03:12:01 1997 Nemesis
If a character is walking down the street and needs to hear about some breaking news story, he/she will happen to walk by a TV store displaying TVs in the window, which will be tuned to the news. He/She will stop and miraculously hear the news through the glass.
Sat Mar 15 03:19:21 1997 Nemesis
The woman, no matter how smart, will never think to kick off her high heels in a chase, nor will they seem to decrease her speed.
Sat Mar 15 08:04:12 1997 Elly
Whenever there's a shootout and the good guy runs out of ammunition and the bad guy is advancing on him, he'll throw the useless weapon at the bad guy! This is hysterically depicted in Hot Shots Part Deux where the heroine flings her shotgun at the bad guys and they all drop dead!
Sat Mar 15 17:24:33 1997 Ann
During a war or battle film, a main character: a. Falls in love with a nurse, who he gives a very passionate goodbye kiss to on a train platform; b. Before a battle, just KNOWS he's not going to make it out alive; c. Gets a "feeling" that his best bud JUST got killed.
Sat Mar 15 18:17:15 1997 Ann
Teenagers/Love: When two teens or young adults are already in love when the movie starts, they are experiencing "immature love" and the relationship is doomed. But, if they meet or survive some horrible experience somewhere in the middle of the movie, they are Soul Mates and will be together forever.
Sat Mar 15 18:19:05 1997 Ann
School principals are: a. Fools in genius clothing b. Have nothing better to do than chase down ONE troublemaker c. Kind and supportive but sleeping with a student.
Sat Mar 15 18:21:45 1997 Ann
Biology/Genetics: You either take after your dad, your mom, or both, and if you are not EXACTLY like them, you are either adopted, kidnapped, or just like your long-lost grandmother.
Sat Mar 15 18:24:51 1997 Ann
When people in movies are speaking another language, A. They either use the simplest words and talk slowly, in which case what they are saying is important, or they talk so fast that even natives of their country can't understand them and what they are saying is useless gossip or just for the kids out there who need an extra-credit project for Spanish class. B. They are speaking French, with a bunch of English words thrown in, or Spanish.
Sat Mar 15 19:06:14 1997 Ann
Bars: Whenever an alcoholic is having a bad day, he goes to a bar and just stares down into his glass. But someone who never drinks has a bad day, and they chug it.
Sat Mar 15 19:37:47 1997 Devin Greaney
The most cliche movie plots 1. a cop who "doesn't need a partner, I work alone" will at the begining of a movie be told by his liuetenent "meet your new partner." They'll have nothing in common, get on each others nerves, then save each others lives by the end of the film will several explosions and carchases. 2. young friends comming of age in the sixties, complete with a sound track and an overindulgence of culture refernces from the Beatles to Gunsmoke. 3. a romantic comedy where two totaly mismatched people begin hating each other then fall madly in love.
Sat Mar 15 21:26:56 1997 Ann
Language: anything said in French is pronounced almost perfectly; anything said in Spanish is mispronounced beyond recogniton.
Sun Mar 16 06:37:32 1997 Jason
If someone in a movie is talking on the phone, the conversation will never be heard... but the dial tone will be audible after the hang-up.
Sun Mar 16 09:10:34 1997 peter abolfathi
bombs that have only 10 seconds to detonate, actually take 10 minutes of film and action to do so
Sun Mar 16 21:57:23 1997 Donna Rogers
Veterans (particularly Vietnam vets) are always ex-Special Forces or ex-intelligence officers. No veteran, particularly if they are the hero, was ever an office clerk or a cook or other non-frontline personnel or even just an ordinary soldier.
Sun Mar 16 22:11:32 1997 Donna Rogers
Any drunk movie hero can be immediately sobered up by a pot of black coffee and placing them into a cold shower with all their clothes on, being shot at by any villain, or being needed to dismantle an explosive device.
Mon Mar 17 03:29:03 1997 opopop
jnijnjnjjk
Mon Mar 17 08:01:53 1997 David Anderson
1)A person can be thrown out of a window, yet not be cut by the glass and can get right back up. 2)If a villan shoots a gun at a hero, he can always duck around the corner even though a bullet will hit an object almost instantaneously after it is fired from a gun. 3)T2 cliche:The Terminator somehow had an endless supply of ammunition for both his shotgun and handgun even though they were both stolen. and he was never seen buying extra ammo. 4) 'hood movie cliche: characters' vocabulary consits of only three words: f**k, n****r, and b***h. 5)Vietnam movie cliche:American soldiers are all brooding psychos who give no thought to killing women and children.
Mon Mar 17 10:33:01 1997 Ms. Orit Rabkin
The more a couple in love speak of how they love each other, and how they can't wait for the story to be over so they can start a life, etc. so much higher are the hero's chances or his/her lover of deing. The more they love each other, the more horrible the death.
Mon Mar 17 21:44:53 1997 Mark Kelley
If humanoid aliens are hiding amongst humans, the humans never seem to notice that the aliens look and act different from humans (i.e. This Island Earth).
Mon Mar 17 23:52:55 1997 David Anderson
1)in a comedy, if a character has a classic car that is his pride and joy, it is garunteed that it will be destroyed(Tommy Boy, Ferris Bueller's Day Off) 2)In high school movies, the dorky main character will be obseesed with the most beautiful, unattainable girl in the school even though she is dating the quarterback and the school is full of hundreds of other good-looking girls. 3)Corollary, the dorky guy, in spite of being a skinny little wimp is somehow able to deck the beatiful girl's bully quarteback boyfriend with one punch. That bully of course leaves the geek alone after that, he never jumps him the next day and beats the living shit of out the geek(Back to the future pt.1) 4)Corollary to Corollary, The beautiful girl, having just seen her bully boyfriend knocked out by the dweeb, admits to the dweeb that she has always had a secret crush on him and starts making out with him, since he is such a nice guy even though he may be physically repulsive. The geek also convienently waits until prom night to stand up to the bully. He never stands up to him in the middle of the school year. 5)High school football players are always portrayed as evil goons. There is no such thing as a nice high school football player in the movies. 6)Even if a high school movie is set in the 1980s or 90s, the students never carry backpacks. The boys carry them under their arms(so the evil football players can knock them out of their hands. Footballs players are never seen carrying books, and one of them is constatly tossing a football in the air. They also never take off their heavy football jackets even if the movie is set in southern California in the springtime.) The girls also carry their books, but they hold them clutched to their chests. it is usually one notebook. 7)in an action movie, bombs can go off right in the hero's face and he will not be hurt, only flung a short distance. When the hero lands, he will not break any bones, nor will he be hit by flying shrapnel, glass, bricks,etc.(Blown Away, The Rock) 8)Also in an action movie, The hero must know the head villan(Commando, Under Siege, Universal Soldier)and he cannot kill him until the end of the movie. When the two finally meet, the hero cannot simply put a bullet in the guy and be done with it, there must be a long, drawn out fistfight which finally ends with the hero killing the villan in some greusome disfiguring manner. 9)Villans are not the only ones who can come back to life after being killed. Heroes can also come bakc to life. In the Long Kiss Goodnight, Samuel L. Jackson had been shot repeatedly earlier in the movie, yet he was able to spring back to life, fully able to shoot a gun and drive a car, just when Geena Daivs needing him the most. Ditto for Terminator 2. Apparently, women cannot get out of bad situations on their own. They need a man to come in at the last minute. One exeption to this rule, was the first Terminator movie. Reese had been killed, also ironically by an bome blowing up in his face. Sarah was left to deal with the Terminator on her own, and deal with it she did, without having to have Reese come back from the dead and save her.
Tue Mar 18 15:10:19 1997 Tom Ayerst
Skydiving You can exit a plane anytime after the bad guy and still have enough time to dive down to him, wrestle the rig off him and put it on yourself.
Tue Mar 18 15:11:35 1997 Tom Ayerst
Skydiving Any group of special forces parachutists will have one malfunctioning parachute.
Tue Mar 18 15:12:29 1997 Tom Ayerst
Skydiving Anyone can strap on a parachute and take part in advanced formation skydiving on their first jump.
Tue Mar 18 19:56:57 1997 Diane
1) Anytime someone orders a beer in a bar, he never specifies which kind he wants, and the bartender never asks. He/she just magically knows which kind is desired and hands the person a bottle or mug of beer. 2) When knocking on a door or ringing a doorbell, no one ever gives the person inside enough time to answer before knocking or ringing again. No one ever waits more than 2 or 3 seconds for someone to answer the door. 3) When people are detained and cannot get to a ringing phone, or to the front door, etc., and it's because they're in the bathroom, it's always because they're in the shower -- never for any other reason.
Tue Mar 18 19:57:19 1997 Diane
1) Anytime someone orders a beer in a bar, he never specifies which kind he wants, and the bartender never asks. He/she just magically knows which kind is desired and hands the person a bottle or mug of beer. 2) When knocking on a door or ringing a doorbell, no one ever gives the person inside enough time to answer before knocking or ringing again. No one ever waits more than 2 or 3 seconds for someone to answer the door. 3) When people are detained and cannot get to a ringing phone, or to the front door, etc., and it's because they're in the bathroom, it's always because they're in the shower -- never for any other reason.
Wed Mar 19 08:02:14 1997 Josh Abrams
Leading male characters named Jack. Obviously screenwriters think this is the only tough-guy name out there. EXAMPLES: Batman 1, 48 Hours, "Jack"(Robin Williams), Midnight Run, Speechless, Stripes, InnerSpace, Hook, (these are just a few, my brain's a little fried right now, but trust me, there are lots of Jacks out there. Additions are welcome.
Wed Mar 19 18:54:26 1997 Mike
"Independence Day" - Despite that the Randy Quaid character has been up, cropdusted the wrong field, gets harassed by a coffeeshop of locals, his kids are up and a'tum, a hundred miles away, in LA, Will Smith & girlfriend are still in bed, he comments to the boy "it's much too early . . ." when he tries to wake them.,�P��
Wed Mar 19 18:57:51 1997 Mike
RESTROOMS: Even when a restroom is literally destroyed by gunfire there will always be a stunned MAN sitting in one stall with his pants at his ankles who makes no attempt to move or get out (see True Lies)
Wed Mar 19 19:18:32 1997 Ian van Groningen
This is more from TV and second-rate novels, but the wisest person, with the most useful advice on any university campus is always the gardener
Thu Mar 20 01:10:33 1997 Kathryn
Photograpgy- b/w darkrooms are well lit in RED, pictures develop in 5 seconds and require no further processing (stop, fix, DRYING), people 'hang' wet prints (usually right over their processing chemicals)
Thu Mar 20 19:47:46 1997 John C. Davis
Anyone in the movies or TV can wake up to a breakfast in bed and never have to brush their teeth before they eat, or use the bathroom. This is also true if they start making love to whoever they are sleeping with. No morning mouth, full bladder or anything else. They open their eyes and they are set for the day. They don't even have to get washed first.
Fri Mar 21 00:00:36 1997 mark dreyfus
Fencing/swordplay: If the candelabra is a tall one,floor model,not only will the candels be cut, but at some point, someone is going to topple the whole candelabra at the other guy! And, many times, if the candles have not been all cut, some of them will start the drapes on fire!
Fri Mar 21 01:56:09 1997 mark dreyfus
This is kind of covered in your "Weapon" section but I thought I might just simplify it to "Guns". As in the following: The Endless Gun, it never runs out of ammo. The Empty Gun, it's always out of ammo. The Ricochet Gun, always makes the ricochet sound when fired AND the other model of this shoots bullets that will hit the target after countless ricochets. The Never-miss Gun, is self-explanatory. The Always-miss Gun, again self-explanatory. The Jammed Gun, it's always jammed or at least it jams at the critical moment. The Jammed/Unjammed Gun, always used by the good guy/girl. It jams at the wrong time only to unjam at the critical moment, in time to shoot the bad guy/girl. The Throwing Gun, when it's out of ammo, it's thrown at someone. The Hand Gun, no matter where it is pointed, it ONLY shoots hands.
Fri Mar 21 03:40:08 1997 P Sharratt
In a western, when the heroes are threatened with an Indian attack it is always pointed out by someone that the local tribe either: 1. Never attack at night; or 2. Never attack until nightfall.
Fri Mar 21 03:40:58 1997 P Sharratt
When yuppies are dancing, the music is always "Lady in Red" by Chris de Burgh.
Fri Mar 21 03:42:38 1997 P Sharratt
In any film made in the 60s or 70s, unless it is actually a rock musical, when anyone goes into a disco or puts on the jukebox, the music is always bland and unidentifiable synthesiser music.
Fri Mar 21 03:45:01 1997 P Sharratt
At the end of a horror movie, the villain's castle is always burned down. When this happens, it goes up like a torch, stone walls and all - in fact some castles' walls even explode, as if the builders used dynamite to build certain sections.
Fri Mar 21 03:46:51 1997 P Sharratt
When a game of chess is played, someone will invariably say "checkmate" at some point.
Fri Mar 21 03:50:57 1997 P Sharratt
In a black and white film, the first person to see the monster or aliens is always either the town drunk or a young child.
Fri Mar 21 04:01:54 1997 Shane Daley
Whenever there is a car chase scene, you can always tell which "pedestrian" cars will get hit--they're always the old, drab-colored junkers.
Fri Mar 21 06:41:30 1997 Alex Crowfoot
Women: When a woman is plotting or guilty, she will turn to face the other way, touch her neck, and look off to the left or right at nothing Emotions: Frequently when you cry, you will not produce tears or get a runny nose, but if you are a woman you will still need a handkerchief. When a man cries, he looks off into the distance and has no expression at all on his face, unless his wife and/or small child have died, in which case he will place his head in his hands and shake silently. If you are silent, people can read your mind, especially if it's bad news eg: "Hi Charlie! ... what? [nervous laugh, begin putting freshly bought baguette and carrot tops away] what is it? [begin to recieve transmission... eyes widen, tears well up] NO! [gasp] oh no! [two gasps] nooooooooooooooooooo! [uncontrollable sobbing] Weapons: Any knife shown in a kitchen will later be used to stab someone - especially if it is shown in a drawer.
Fri Mar 21 07:40:23 1997 David Anderson
Superheroes like Bamtman, Superman, and James Bond all tend to fight against hideously rich villans with funny names with grandiose plans to destroy the world. ex:The Joker, Lex Luthor, and Goldfinger. How about a movie where these guys take on real criminals. Such as James Bond infiltrates the IRA, Batman takes on nieghborhood gangs or the mob, and Superman takes on the Colombian drug cartels? Let's get some real bad guys up in here!
Fri Mar 21 08:01:58 1997 David Anderson
There has been some talk on this page about how various ethnic groups are treated in the movies. Yet, no one mentioned Jews. To start off many movies do not even have a Jewish character in them. The movies that do have Jewish characters in them, the focus is usually on Anti-Semitism(School Ties, Schindler's List)Some exceptions are Mel Brooks movies, which poke fun at Anti-Semites.(History of the World Pt. 1) Many movies that do have Jews in them, but are not about AS will have a Jew as a sidekick to the Gentile hero. Usually this guy will be a dork. He will have a big nose, black curly hair, and thick glasses. In an industry said to be run by Jews, a Jewish tough guy is almost nonexistent. We are either super-smart dweebs, or victims of the evil devil WAPS, according to Hollywood. In ID4, it would have been cool to have Jeff Golblum playing the bad-ass fighter pilot and Will Smith as the computer geek. The same can be said for gay characters. the only time a serious gay character shoes up is when the movie is about homophobia(Philadelphia)
Fri Mar 21 13:06:38 1997 Kris Gale
When the need for a timer arises, the computer expert character can instantly code a fully graphical, beeping countdown for all to see. This can be done on any computer, regardless of the presense of a compiler. (Most recently, "Independence Day")
Fri Mar 21 16:16:05 1997 noel kettering
To stop a "bad guy", just knock him in the water. Once they fall in water they're neutralized. To kill a "bad guy", there must be fire involved. You can't be sure he's really dead unless he's burnt. After killing 20 to 100 people, the hero must leave them lying there and walk away. It's a union job to pick them up. When the hero has no weapon he can kill any number of "bad guys" with his bare hands, except the main villian. He can only beat the villian into submission with his hands. To kill the villian he must use some weapon, the more gruesome - the better, preferably involving fire (see above). When the hero kills a "bad guy" with his bare hands he rarely takes the uzi or AK47 that the "bad guy" was using. "Bad guys" are always too stupid to just shoot the hero when they have the chance. The best way to sove a murder case is to try to quit smoking cigarettes.
Fri Mar 21 16:47:54 1997 Noel Kettering
When the hero is searching for the villian/monster he will find a dark puddle on the floor, he will stop and put his index finger in the substance and work it between his thumb and index finger. He will never wipe it off, but rather, stand up and continue the search. Also when searching for monsters he will sometimes find some sort of slime , which he will treat the same way as above.
Fri Mar 21 19:58:47 1997 John C. Davis
How come in movies and TV, people can pour out a cup of coffee that is steaming hot, and drink it right away. As soon as it's poured,don't these people ever burn their tongues or mouths? How come nobody ever has to look up a phone number either? They can call 100 different people, but they know all the phone numbers as soon as they pick up the phone.
Sat Mar 22 01:49:27 1997 mark dreyfus
Oh yeah! I forgot another type of "GUN". The Head Gun, is used only to hit people on the head and amazingly knock them out instantly with only one blow. Thanks, Mark
Sat Mar 22 02:39:39 1997 Frank Yang
When the heroine is giving birth, the husband, doctor and everyone else present shout in unison: Push! Push!
Sun Mar 23 03:36:26 1997 Erich Schaefer
BATHROOMS: Women only enter a bathroom with the purpose of adjusting their eye make-up. There are always two other women doing the same thing. One of them will say something catty. If a woman enters a bathroom and it is empty, she will immediately recognize something is wrong. She will look under all the stall doors, which are closed but have no occupants. As soon as she looks up, the psycho-killer in the far left stall will lower his feet. He is wearing boots. BOMBS: The hero is about to cut the red wire. At the last second, he cuts the blue wire, which turns out to be correct,
Sun Mar 23 17:03:28 1997 Bill Lee
Re:Bombs So far your entry reads: "All wires have different colors, so the hero can easily differentiate them when he has to cut the right one. " Corollary: * All bomb designs must be registered with Bomb Squads which allows the instructions on how to disarm to be broadcast to the hero, except for the crucial behavior of cutting the red or the blue wire. Other: * All bombs use a special explosive that makes fireball-type explosions. None just explode in a grey or black blast. * Bombs can be easily made out of the ingredients found in any supermarket, including fuses and detonators.
Sun Mar 23 20:32:45 1997 Richard Speroni
What about all the people that have "zoom" vision?
Mon Mar 24 03:53:59 1997 Joe Lavin
Please contact author before publishing. ============================= Four of the biggest films of 1996 -- Twister, Eraser, Mission Impossible and Independence Day -- have one thing in common besides box-office success: in each film, portable computers played a prominent role. We decided to put the portable computers in these flims to the test and asnwer once and for all the question, "Hey, if I happen to find myself in a big-budget Hollywood movie, which portable computer will give me the best performance? TWISTER Twister featured a Silicon Graphics laptop, which is intesting since Silicon Graphics doens't make laptops. Nevertheless, a label reading "Silicon Graphics" was placed conspicuously on the computer, because you just never know when you might forget the brand name of your computer. Overall, this computer performed more than adequately. For one thing, it was robust. While seemingly everything else in the movie was sucked into the tornado, the Silicon Graphics laptop was unharmed. This is incredible when you think about it. Houses, cows and even an 18-wheeler were blown away by tornadoes, but this computer remained undamaged, even when it was used at one point as an umbrella. Aside from personal bad-weather protection, another important feature of the Silicon Graphics laptop was its ability not to self-destruct due to the complete inanity of the script. My sources tell me that many lesser computers were unable to make it through the first third of the film without a system error. One computer actually exploded in the first 20 mintues after a particularly silly scene involving the fiancee of Bill Paxton's character. But not the Silicon Graphics laptop. It kept on performing at a high level. If the big-budget film you're in happens to have a script with all the subtlety of a bad Baywatch episode, then the Silicon Graphics laptop is definitely the computer for you, even if it doesn't exist.
Tue Mar 25 01:34:14 1997 Manuel Davis
Women: When the hero tells them to wait here or go for help, they *always* ignore the hero and follow right after him.
Tue Mar 25 01:34:33 1997 Manuel Davis
Women: When a female is pursued by a monster or villain and she fights back, knocking him down, she will always run away instead of continuing the attack. This results in the monster getting up and following after her again, even though she could have bashed his brains in while he lay stunned.
Tue Mar 25 01:34:49 1997 Manuel Davis
Normal people (not cops, etc.) who are forced because of circumstances to kill people will suffer no emotional trauma whatsoever (i.e. in Iron Eagle where the teenage hero kills umpteen Middle Eastern bad guys without a thought.)
Tue Mar 25 01:36:48 1997 Manuel Davis
Elevators: In the event of a fire, the steel cable will actually burn (A View to a Kill).
Tue Mar 25 01:36:59 1997 Manuel Davis
Elevators: When something goes wrong with an elevator, it plummets down the shaft despite built-in mechanical safety feature that doesn't allow this.
Tue Mar 25 01:37:18 1997 Manuel Davis
Environment: Caves are always tall enough to walk through without stooping, have flat floors, and plenty of natural light.
Tue Mar 25 01:37:42 1997 Manuel Davis
Villains: There are two types of bad guys: Sentries, who can be knocked unconscious by tapping them on the shoulder and hitting their jaw, and main bad guys, who can be punched and kicked for 10 minutes with no wounds.
Tue Mar 25 01:38:56 1997 Manuel Davis
Fights: In a fight, people get kicked repeatedly in the face and take NO DAMAGE. In real life, after getting kicked in the face you don't have a lot of face left.
Tue Mar 25 01:39:12 1997 Manuel Davis
Loyalty: Anyone is a potential traitor. No matter if he has worked for 30 years with a spotless record, he will still betray his best friend, try to kill him, murder several people in cold blood, all for money.
Tue Mar 25 01:39:31 1997 Manuel Davis
When the hero or heroine on the run recruits someone to help, and the person ends up getting killed, there is no remorse.
Tue Mar 25 01:39:43 1997 Manuel Davis
Ropes: Perlon rope will magically become Goldline, and then will mystically become Hemp, then back to Perlon (Cliffhanger).
Tue Mar 25 01:39:54 1997 Manuel Davis
Guns: When you run out of ammo, take out your clip and throw it over your shoulder as you put a new one in. Don't worry, it's not like you'd ever need it again!
Tue Mar 25 01:40:07 1997 Manuel Davis
Heroes aren't allowed to kill the main villains in cold blood. They can snap the neck of a lacky, but when they have the bad guy in their mercy, they must arrest them or detain them or let them go, because it is un-hero-like to just kill them. Of course, the bad guy manages to pull out a weapon allowing the hero to kill in self-defense.
Tue Mar 25 01:40:15 1997 Manuel Davis
Vehicles: When the brakes fail, no one thinks of downshifting, pumping the breaks, using the handbreak, turning the engine off, or turning uphill.
Tue Mar 25 01:40:27 1997 Manuel Davis
In war movies, the foreign baddies always know English while the good guys don't know the foreign language. Pretty shameful.
Tue Mar 25 01:40:37 1997 Manuel Davis
Heros: Heroes can always outrun explosions, even when they are only 20 feet away from a spaceship taking off, they are not incinerated by the burn (Predator 2)
Wed Mar 26 04:27:11 1997 John DiFonzo
I suggest a whole new category: Mysteries Here are some cliches to inaugurate it: If at the beginning of the story there's a rich, mean guy that everyone hates, he'll be murdered within the first ten minutes. If one of the characters is a woman with loose sexual morals, she's the murderer. All murderers, once found out, have an irresistable urge to confess. No one has ever died of natural causes. If the detective is not a member of the police force, then all police detectives are incompetent. If more than one character is murdered, then they were all murdered by the same person. Witnesses are never mistaken. If a witness's story is not true, it's because s/he has an ulterior motive and is lying. The more closely related a character is to the detective, the more likely the police are to accuse him/her of the crime. Anyone who acts guilty is innocent. Corollary: anyone who confesses (except at the end-- see above) is innocent. Corollary 2: if the detective is not a member of the police force, then the police will believe the confession. Anyone who picks up the murder weapon is innocent.
Wed Mar 26 05:42:01 1997 Kevin Halaburda
In "family-oriented" films, any child wearing or putting on clothing or accessories stereotypically regarded as "bad", including dark glasses and leather biker jackets, a song including loud, distorted slide guitar will be played to enhance the scene's "naughtiness". Over 75% of the time, this song will be "Bad to the Bone".
Wed Mar 26 13:42:44 1997 nancywee

Wed Mar 26 19:38:40 1997 Christine Apolito
If the hero needs medical attention, he will most likely be attended to by a beautiful female physician who looks as if she just stepped out of the pages of Cosmo (see "Days of Thunder", "Road House"). She will be immediately attracted to his macho good looks, fall for him in a big way and have sex with him on the first date, medical ethics notwithstanding.
Wed Mar 26 22:08:26 1997 Trisha Smith
Whenever the good guy shoots at the bad guys tire he always hits it with the first shot, no matter haw bumpy the road is.
Wed Mar 26 23:46:47 1997 Cody Murry
Flashback/Dream sequences are always in black and white and usually done by a jumpy hand-held camera.
Thu Mar 27 10:34:03 1997 JOHNNY
TORNADO
Thu Mar 27 12:42:33 1997 Jon Weiss
Splash- Underwater scenes at the end of the movie appear in a coral reef even though, they just jumped off a dock in New York City. The movie credits list a bahamas unit too!!!
Fri Mar 28 07:52:17 1997 Yeo Keng Suan
People who suffer from severe amnesia caused by a blow to the head will always have their entire previous memory restored to them by another blow to the head.
Fri Mar 28 14:57:35 1997 Ilkka Kokkarinen
Moments before the hero kills a bad guy, that bad guy is shown doing something evil, like killing someone clearly innocent, raping a woman etc. This way the audience is assured that the villain got just what he deserved and the hero is still a honourable man of high morals. (e.g. The Specialist, but applies to practically every action movie.) A variation of this is that when the hero and villain are engaged in a fight, the villain says something like "I'm gonna go after your woman and rape her" so that the hero is justified to kill the villain in some gruesome way, and the audience still loves him for it. (e.g. Cliffhanger, but this also applies to practically every action movie.)
Fri Mar 28 16:42:06 1997 C. Wayne Owens
Medical; "If electric shock is used to revive a character who has died. He will NEVER come back with the first attempt. Normally it will take 3. If prayer is involved it will take 4."
Fri Mar 28 21:54:54 1997 Neal Morgan
Laser beams will always be in one of the three primary colours of light Bad guys will always have red ones.
Sat Mar 29 00:55:09 1997 Roger Ma
Chess When the bad or violent guy loses to the smart guy in a chess game, he invariably knocks over the pieces after hearing "Checkmate" from his opponent. (see Rocky 4 or the new NHL commercial)
Mon Mar 31 08:55:04 1997 David Anderson
What's up with the contributed cliches list? I can only get down to September. What happened to the rest of the list. Please let me know.
Mon Mar 31 09:57:25 1997 Wesley Charmasson
Helicopters that are low level go behind a hill before they explode. Fighter pilots can always find a cliff to crash into. The heroes visor on his flight helmet is up or clear while the villains is so dark he can't see through it.
Tue Apr 1 21:06:45 1997 Jacob Oost
When the bad guy has the good guys girl in hand with a gun pointed to her head, and the good guy is perfectly aware of it because he's standing right there, she will still scream "Bill!" like she thinks maybe he doesn't know. Or if he doesn't know she'll scream anyway, even though the bad guy would might blow her brains out for talking.
Wed Apr 2 02:32:21 1997 Justin Hill
If you haven't read it yet, you MUST read Dave Barry's latest column, which includes just about every movie cliche out there: http://www.herald.com/tropic/barry/archive/mar28.htm
Wed Apr 2 07:39:28 1997 Michael O'Leary
If a piece of evidence is needed late in a story (especially courtroom dramas) it can be procured from the victim's home, even though the police went over it with a fine tooth comb the week before.
Wed Apr 2 07:42:40 1997 Michael O'Leary
If the hero has a female sidekick who also knows how to fight, the villain will have an evil female sidekick for the hero woman to fight against in the last battle (see "Judge Dredd").
Wed Apr 2 07:45:59 1997 Michael O'Leary
If a person is running from someone/something and gets into a parked car, the keys will always be in the sunvisor.
Wed Apr 2 07:52:40 1997 Michael O'Leary
Nice, nerdy girl will get a makeover by her wild friend. This happens during a montage and only involves removal of glasses, letting down of hair, and new clothes. Despite having a pretty face and a killer body, the girl will be quite surprised that she could look so good.
Wed Apr 2 18:55:58 1997 R.K. VanHook
Empty 55 gallon oil drums are sufficient protection against automatice weaspons fire. During long driving scenes you can here the car's transmission upshift at least ten times even though the driver never touches the shift lever and the transmission has, at most, four gears. No two characters in a movie ever have the same first name.
Thu Apr 3 03:35:28 1997 Jacob Crane
STAR TREK When an enemy is hit by a laser he\she is instantly dead but a main character spends a week in sickbay. If you have lost contact with an outpost it means it has been attacked by aliens. Everyone officer on a ship wears very tight clothing. Stars can easily be destroyed by a small rocket being fired from a near by planet. every good spaceship has to have some sort of disk looking part on it. All races but the humans are warmongers.
Thu Apr 3 10:17:12 1997 C. Wayne Owens
Monsters (especially Mummys) have the ability to warp time and space. No matter how far or fast the girl runs, nor how slowly the Mummy limps and lopes the mummy WILL catch the girl.
Thu Apr 3 11:46:45 1997 Keath
Whenever a deck of Tarot cards is read, the "Death" card always shows up!
Thu Apr 3 15:11:41 1997 ahmed mohammad taher al-qattan

Thu Apr 3 19:18:45 1997 Dan Reichl
When a cop, usually the star's partner/sidekick, starts talking about how many days/months/years until he retires and takes his pension, and talks about how he's gonna go fishing or open a bar or raise pot-bellied pigs (as in "The Devil's Own), then you know that cop will die.
Fri Apr 4 13:11:47 1997 Tim Page
Having captured the hero and set up some horrible and fiendishly complicated death for him, the villain will leave "to make some final preparations" or to "attend to some other business", rather than sticking around to watch the hero die, thus allowing the hero the privacy to make his escape. Note: The villain may leave his beautiful assistant so that the hero can seduce her or appeal to her better nature.
Fri Apr 4 17:19:22 1997 Yael B.
When an ex-pilot travels somewhere by airplane both pilots of this airplane will become sick/ die in the middle of the flight and he will be called to replace them.
Fri Apr 4 23:16:06 1997 Michael Kreca
Movie Asians are often depicted as a combination of deep philosophers, engineering wizards and martial arts experts.
Sat Apr 5 02:31:47 1997 Shannon Kiernan
Movie characters always get the best parking spots.
Sat Apr 5 05:57:49 1997 Vinny Gentile
It will always rain at a movie funeral.
Sat Apr 5 06:19:38 1997 Vinny Gentile
The bad guys always find out the hero was in a special forces unit
Sat Apr 5 07:08:47 1997 Adam Weatherley
Computers: In any movie were a computer is used in some normal persons house. They never use a standard operation system. Its always something different and totally made up
Sat Apr 5 11:15:21 1997 Nikola Wilensky
1. When a woman wants to change her life she will cut off her long hair, and even though she does it herself, it will be perfectly even-even in back. 2. All plain women wear glasses, which they will remove & suddenly become beautiful & still be able to see perfectly well without them
Sun Apr 6 01:57:34 1997 Conor O'Loughlin
When people are in bed, and they switch off the lights, a strange blue light immediately lights up the room almost as brightly as it was....
Sun Apr 6 09:46:03 1997 Charles Spungen
Scientists have finally figured out what causes a car that's been in an accident to explode: running away, taking a quick look back, and then diving for cover will invariably trigger the detonation.
Sun Apr 6 10:57:49 1997 david anderson
Ethnic Sterotypes: Why are most mobsters in movies Italian or Sicilian? Exception, Casino&Goodfellas. The Italian names all tend to end in "i". A lot of italian last names end in an "o"!Why are movie Hispanics, Italians, and Irishpeople always Catholic? I'm sure Ireland, Italy, and Latin America have a huge amount of Protestants, Jews, atheists, etc. Movie convenience stores are always run by either Arabs or Indians. In "Raising Arizona", H. I. McDonnugh was awfully articulate for a guy who lived in a trailer park and robbed convenience stores. One exception to the rule where if a cop says he's going to retire, he dies: The Lethal Weapon movies. Danny Glover's character is always getttin ready to retire, yet he lives for three movies. In sports movies, The underdog team is able to rise to league champion status not by working hard and practicing day in and day out, but by the coach bringing in one or two incredible players who are able to win the game single handedly and are able to play and entire game of ice hockey or basketball without getting the least bit worn out ( in reality, not even Micheal Jordan can play an entire game!) Why these phenomenal players werent picked up earlier by other and better teams is beyond me. Why would these great players want to play for an underdog team anyways? All Quentin Taratino movies end in a Mexican Standoff(Resivior Dogs, Pulp fiction, True Romance)
Sun Apr 6 22:37:26 1997 Dave B.
Every federal office in Washington DC has a perfect nighttime view of the Capitol buiding. This view is the one that can only be seen standing in the middle of the Washington Mall between the capitol and the Washington Monument.
Mon Apr 7 10:32:02 1997 Cary Church
After having sex, if the woman has to get up out of the bed (and nudity is not in her contract) she will take the entire sheet with her. Oddly enough, the man will be covered up by another whole sheet. Who has two sheets on their bed?
Mon Apr 7 23:26:56 1997 Sam Brutcher
After having sex, a woman never gets up and walks around nude, or even puts on a robe. She invariably grabs all all the sheets and blankets, wraps them around herself and wanders off, or steals her lover's dress shirt and cooks breakfast.
Mon Apr 7 23:39:24 1997 Sam Brutcher
In WWII,the Japanese air forces actually flew American SBD Dauntless dive bombers and AT6 Texan trainers. In the course of their attacks, the SBDs were able to magically transform themselves into various other types of aircraft. The Germans, likewise, usually flew American P-51 Mustangs. (The audience will never know the difference...)
Mon Apr 7 23:43:46 1997 Sam Brutcher
American pilots in WWII always died clean and comfortable. Many were able to heroically crash their planes into enemy targets, thus saving the day. Japanese pilots, on the other hand, usually died horrible deaths, blood gushing from every orifice, their planes flaming coffins. Many treacherously crashed their planes into American targets, thus demonstrating their cruel fanaticism.
Mon Apr 7 23:45:54 1997 Sam Brutcher
Japanese and German pilots in WWII always grinned devilishly when preparing to shoot down American planes.
Mon Apr 7 23:59:37 1997 Sam Brutcher
Movie heroes can blow up villains' helicopters by shooting them with small pistols at ranges of up to half a mile. Movie heroes' helicopters are immune to all types of weapons.
Wed Apr 9 09:14:59 1997 Ashley Burns
"Any movie with a dramatic sunset in it will win an oscar. The only time a movie without a dramatic sunset in it has won an oscar is when none of the nominees had dramatic sunsets. But if out of the five nominees only one movie has a dramatic sunset, you can bet your life that it will win the oscar." -Roger Ebert (paraphrased)
Wed Apr 9 13:13:22 1997 MARK TOON
Villains find it impossible to just shoot a hero. There has to be some elaborate, convoluted plan on how to dispose of them. For example, check out Batman Forever. Two Face's first attempt at the bank, then in the sewers with the gas and rocket launcher. Why didn't he just blow the bastard up with the rocket launcher instead of trying to be clever?
Wed Apr 9 17:22:06 1997 Brian Kelly
Whenever we see the hero's sister or girlfriend and she is a sweet, caring person who wouldn't hurt a fly, you can be certain that she won't survive the movie. She is only there to provide incentive for the hero to kill the bad guy(s).
Wed Apr 9 18:05:31 1997 Keith Smith
When shooting at a running hero, the villain will never be able to hit him/her, even if the hero is running across an open field 10 feet away and the villain has an automatic weapon. The villain WILL, however, be able to hit a spot EXACTLY two inches behind the hero's heels with deadly accuracy. A person can be shot, stabbed, blown up, drive their car over the edge of a cliff etc. without suffering any permanent damage but a fall down a flight of stairs is 100% fatal. Corollary to above - You can hit a person over the head with a baseball bat, golf club, tire iron, chair etc. with no effect (except a broken bat, chair etc.) but hitting someone over the head with a vase is ABSOLUTELY guaranteed to knock them unconscious.
Thu Apr 10 05:32:34 1997 Carole Scott
All phone numbers in the movies, whether calling California, New York, Texas, or Florida, begin with the same three numbers--555.
Thu Apr 10 12:15:12 1997 Brian Asalone
Re: Independence Day Advanced alien invaders will conveniently place most of their ships where we can attack them. A scout ship sent 50 years prior to invasion has exactly the same technology and markings as the current alien ships.
Fri Apr 11 18:23:46 1997 Rob Rosenberger
If someone travels back in time or otherwise knows how a horse race will end, the winning horse will instead come in second -- but a disqualification notice will blare over the loudspeakers a few seconds later. Correlary: when a horse race disqualification announcement blares over the loudspeakers, everyone will dive for the ticket they tossed away in disgust. There are no dog races in the movies.
Mon Apr 14 00:38:19 1997 mike polyakov
A tornado will make a sirprisingly lion-like roar when it wants to seem dangerous. The least attempt to run away from a tornado will invariable make the beast chase you -- a tornado is mother nature's version of a guard dog. Conversely, if you are hunting it, it will do its very best possible to keep away from you. A force that sends huge, gas-filled, tracktor-trailers flying, will leave a pick-up track absolutely unharmed A tornado that is "a mile wide," and can easily lift and toss trucks, tracktors, houses, etc, will not be able to tare a leather belt or a human body part. A tornado shelter, especially in the most tornado-filled area of the US, must have roof of weak aluminum and a small, unprotected hiding area. (See Twister for the above) A small boat's motor will operate in sulfuric acid even after the boat's hull has been half eaten through. As long as the camera is not looking, a motor boat will travel twice as fast without its motor as with if, its occupants are in mortal danger. (See Dante's peak)
Mon Apr 14 08:11:05 1997 Nicholas Corwin
Right after a victim-to-be leaves the office or house of the bad guy, the bad guy picks up the telephone to have the poor sap liquidated, his house firebombed, or reputation ruined.
Mon Apr 14 19:45:30 1997 doug
Binoculars The view is always perfectly steady, even though no one can possibly hold feild glasses perfectly still
Mon Apr 14 21:21:39 1997 Brian Kelly
There seems to be a problem with the user cliches list. I can never get the whole thing no matter how hard I try. Could you please fix this. Oh, I have a cliche as well: Vampires:Vampires will only fail to reflect in a mirror under two circumstances: 1)The movie supports this theory. 2)Someone notices the person in question is a vampire because they failed to show up.
Mon Apr 14 23:39:18 1997 Thomas Moser
Sports Sports games are never blow-outs, unless they are in a montage; and the winner is always determined in the final seconds of play.
Tue Apr 15 22:06:27 1997 P Sharratt
Heroes who are framed for a crime are almost never granted bail by the court, no matter how solid a citizen they may be, whereas villains usually are granted bail so that they can arrange to terrorise or murder any witnesses.
Tue Apr 15 22:10:48 1997 P Sharratt
Male characters often give women bouquets of flowers originally meant for someone else. In such a situation, the woman always finds a note which he missed and which gives the game away.
Tue Apr 15 22:15:25 1997 Matt Dodd
In any war movie, when the heros plane/helicopter/spaceship(ID4)/any other means of transportaion disappears, he will remain gone for approxiamately 20 minute until he reappears miraculuosly on radar with all his loved ones in the room to hear.
Tue Apr 15 23:04:25 1997 P Sharratt
When the victim of an attempted murder is under police guard in a hospital, the officer assigned to guard him or her is always overweight and aged about seventy-five. He will always fall asleep on duty. Furthermore, a villain can always infiltrate any hospital by putting on a white coat without ever being challenged. The villain always kills the victim by injecting poison into the saline drip - never by just shooting or stabbing them.
Tue Apr 15 23:05:02 1997 P Sharratt
Murderers always put on black leather gloves in order to strangle people.
Wed Apr 16 16:56:45 1997 Evk
Star Trek movies * It makes sense that a junior officer (Sulu) would get his own starship before the second-in-command would (Spock). * Very powerufl aliens merged with old voyager probes have, in thier center, a room complete with stairs and atmosphere * The way to get out of a wormhole is to find an asteriod inside and blow it up * All wormholes have 1960's color effects * For movies before the undiscoverd country, all klingons are bad. * The way to remain incounspicous in L.A. is to swear very louldy and frequently (The best way, of course, is to not say anything) * If you ask someone on the street where to find "Nuclear Wessels" anybody can point you in the right direction. * No matter what happens to the ship, even if half of it is blown away, all the damage can be fixed in a matter of hours (Unless you ca'nt escape for plot reasons- Wrath of Khan) * There are a huge amount of roving aliens who will blow up the earth if they don't hear whales. * Uhura just sits on the bridge all day. What does she DO? "Hailing frequencys open" "Hailing frequentcys closed" what else? * God sits around at the edge of space stealing spaceships. * The way to distract someone is have a scatily-clad uhura dance on some sand and sing. * Nobody notices two guys on a bus, one of whom calls the other captain, and the other one who calles the first spock and tells him how to swear. * Starfeelt decides that Kirk's punishment for disobeying orders, doing something unbelivieably dangerous and screwing up the timeline is a promotion. * Whenever scotty sees a ship (For some reason he's on the bridge) He says "That's a damn big ship!" * Scotty must say "I canna deewwww it, captain!" At least three times per movie.
Wed Apr 16 17:04:44 1997 John Hollands
COMPUTERS Did you ever notice that, no matter if the Hero (Heroine) is using a computer to stop the bomb ticking, or to find the villain or to kill the virus, they never, EVER use a mouse?
Wed Apr 16 22:46:40 1997
African-Americans who aren't main characters always use explicit, profane language ("The Rock" and "Fair Game"). In all action movies, two buddies will jump off of a tall object just as something explodes ("The Long Kiss Goodnight," "Die Hard With A Vengance," and "Fair Game"). In all action movies, somebody is pursued by a natural element in a confined space ("The Long Kiss Goodnight" and "Die Hard With A Vengance")
Thu Apr 17 00:13:43 1997
In school, the "jocks" always wear varsity jackets around all day. Also, they always toss a football or a basketball around the hall between classes. The cheerleaders wear their uniforms all day, too.
Thu Apr 17 03:05:54 1997 Sunday Jack
In all movies for kids, everyone who is supposed to be in high school looks about 10 and is really short. Also, people make really broad statements to their friends like "You're popular" and "You big jerk". Real 9th grade people are not this stupid and do not talk like that!!!
Thu Apr 17 12:58:14 1997 Mikko Sepponen
Uploading a brilliant virus always takes many seconds, even on a computer that can handle real-time video phone calls.
Thu Apr 17 19:37:29 1997 Dan Wilson
In horror movies, even though the victim runs and the psycho walks, the psycho always catches up to the victim.
Thu Apr 17 23:37:25 1997 P Sharratt
If someone has to tell some awful secret to a loved one, they never listen, but instead talk over them or rush around doing something else and paying no attention. When they finally do pay attention, the characer with the secret has changed his or her mind and says, "It's not important".
Mon Apr 21 03:38:53 1997 Wes Fulton
Under WEAPONS: Post-John Woo cliche: In any gunfight occurring in an action movie after 1993, characters will always fire with two handguns at once, one in each hand. Furthermore, one bullet will not be sufficient to kill a character; the hero/villain must waste an enormous amount or ammo riddling his prey with bullets, because movie characters cannot die without at least one dramatic scene showing them flailing around while being torn apart by gunfire.
Mon Apr 21 07:27:52 1997 Matt
Pilots of small fighter spacecraft always wear open faced crash helmets even though any damage serious enough to require their use would result in decompression thus making said helmets redundant.
Mon Apr 21 10:58:32 1997 Niall
Corporal Hicks in ALIENS (on locating the missing colonists' beepers): Looks like they're having a gard-damned town meeting.
Mon Apr 21 13:52:06 1997 Andrew Alcock
I have several cliches for you. I have to apologise if you have them already - I have read and loved the first two pages of cliches; I will read the next tomorrow. 1) Have you noticed how the occupants of cars at night all have dropped extremely powerful lights in the front footwells illuminating all inside? This is especially difficult for the driver who must have incredible eyesight to see anything at all of the road. I notice that this often happens to FBI and CIA surveillance cars when they are observing their target at night. 2) When two people are attempting to dismember each other in a sword fight, the following sequence is often observer: The first fighter makes a huge swing at chest height that is obviously is going to miss the other by several feet. In fear of making his opponent look an ass, the other fighter has to make an exact mirror image swing; their swords meet with a clash. This process is repeated several times before either fighter realises that they are just wasting time. 3) A small 2 inch vegetable knife thrown during a fight will instantly topple and kill even the hardiest bad guy, without him able to let off even a scream of pain, whereas if shot with a machine gun, the guy would still be able to let a few rounds from his own weapon. 4) To take your point about hispanics speaking perfect English, except for Gracias, etc, I would like to generalise. All foreigners learning the English language, have focused only the most *difficult* words. They have, however, been unable to grasp the simple ones - the one, say, you or I would instantly recognise and translate from *their* native tongue. 5) Whenever the good guy in the film has no evidence except a photograph, they can always find a powerful computerised magnifying device. I must change the film and processing I use because somehow enlargements from the picture defy the usual graininess of enlargements. Sometimes the resulting enlargement from the tiniest reflection in the original photograph can actually be sharper than the whole original image. Once or twice this process doesn't work, and the good guy is left with a smudged image. As luck would have it, the command 'sharpen' can convert even fog into a clear picture of the face of the murderer or drugs baron. Hope you like these (and please modify anything you like!) Andrew will be able to
Mon Apr 21 16:13:10 1997 Sean R. Walsh
Phone: When ever the person off screen hangs up the person phone on screen gets a dial tone instantly before he/she hangs up. Phone: Hero can never call someone in danger in time. Phone: Cordless phones never have to be turned on. They turn on when you pick it up or extend the antenna.
Mon Apr 21 22:30:48 1997 Tino F. D'Amico
When tracing phone calls, it always takes forever and involves narrowing down the caller's location in successively narrower steps ("He's in the Midwest! In Illinois! In Chicago!"), despite the fact that the U.S. phone system has had the capability for years now to track and instantly divulge the origin of any phone call (an ability that is exploited to provide services like Caller ID).
Tue Apr 22 08:14:44 1997

Tue Apr 22 09:07:54 1997 Chris Elkins
-All computers owned by teenagers or kids can talk answer any of there questions and always wake them up for school. -In any sports movie the guy that quits the team or was never on the team, will always go to all the games and practices and eventually join or rejoin the team to be a superstar. -Sports teams always have "new coaches" -Computers always connect to chat lines to web pages by turning them on and always instantly to what you were looking for or who you were looking for (ex. Assassigns, The Net, Copycat) -All computers have video phones. -Kids always run from villians into the woods, and even though the forest floor is covered with twigs and branches. They always step on that "one stick" that makes the "big noise" to laert the villian. And not when they are running only when tip toeing -A Cat will always jump out from a garbage can in a thriller movie right when you get next to it but will not make any noise before hand. (and the cat will always be black) -If a villian can be killed in anyway that is ironic That is how he or she will be killed. -Whenever the main hero kills the main villian one of the folllowing will happen: *The fighting will imediately end because your team or troops defeated everyone of the villians men exactly when the hero did. *The villian's troops will surrender even thought they had no idea the main villian was just killed because the fight was away from their view. (Also, if there is anyway a huge video wall where everyone can see the fight it will been seen by everyone in the movie) *Or thr Main hero's main team bust into the scene just as the main villian dies Just in time to not be of any help. -No matter how many characters a movie has there can only be a 0ne on one confrontation.
Wed Apr 23 22:17:36 1997 David Fenzl
Any jungle or rain forest, in South America or Africa, will have lots of monkeys screeching and howling.
Thu Apr 24 07:54:31 1997 Phil Shinkfield
The hero and girl are both either single (or estranged or in an unloving relationship). They will always get together. They will never be just friends. The girl will never actually feel no attraction for the hero. The hero and girl will never be gay or lesbian. The girl will never be attracted to the sidekick (if he's still alive that is). Just once i'd like to see the real macho hero be totally rejected by the gorgeous woman, who instead opts to jump into bed with the sidekick, or into the arms of a female lover. Thanks for the rescue and goodbye! *the above cliches i hope are o.k. for inclusion. Please note that i haven't read all the listings, as it seems the server is slooooww :-(
Thu Apr 24 08:40:12 1997 Will Raiman
People jumping from the tops of buildings, or bodies being thrown from buildings, will tend to fall towards cars, dumpsters, or whatever else may be dramatic to land on down there.
Thu Apr 24 16:09:54 1997 Mark Vanderhei
I don't know if you are interested in specific flaws in movies or not, but here is one of the two that I remember in the Robin Hood movie with Kevin Costner and Morgan Freeman. Shortly into the movie, just after they escape from the prison and are emerging from the water, Morgan Freeman reaches out with one arn (either right or left, I don't remember) to help Kevin Costner to his feet. The camera angle changes and now show Morgan Freeman's OTHER arm outstretched to help Kevin Costner up! Obviously the person in charge of continuity messed up. Hope this is of interest for you. Mark
Thu Apr 24 20:18:58 1997 Sverre folkedal
when ever there is a shootout in a western movie, and someone get shot on the veranda he always seems to fall out trough the railing instead of backwords in the same direction as as the killing bullet
Sun Apr 27 00:31:10 1997 Mads Jensen
Whenever a hero approces an island, after a shipwheck or so, its always loaded with either lots of beautyful woman or an extremly mean guy. No matter for how long time a sniper aims at the hero, he will miss. In westerns this means even if 5o men are sitting on a roof, aiming. In every James Bond movie, the evil russian will speak with a tremendeus German accent, weigh above 180 pounds, and only have the wish of getting rid of James Bond, which of cource never will happen, becauce Bond have got a lot of woman and a gun, and the mean guy only have at least 20 special troops, fully armed, and the newest security systems.
Sun Apr 27 08:18:12 1997 Dan G.
Bombs: There is a universal bomb making color code for bomb making. ie. "No! Not the RED wire!!!!" Computers: The only computers that exist are Huge mainframes with zillions of flashing lights, or Macs. There is no such thing as a PC clone. (see Hackers) A hacker can break into your computer even if it doesnt have a modem or isnt hooked up to a network. A REALLY good hacker can even turn your computer ON remotely! (as a side note, at my last job I had a manager who actually believed this and stated it during a meeting!) All computer nerds wear glasses and have weird laughs and poor dietary habits. (Note: I kinda fall into this category so i guess its not too cliche, but geeze! do they have to overemphasize it so much?)
Mon Apr 28 10:09:01 1997 Nicola Lanfredi
School: The boys in the high-school classes seem to be almost 30 years old (this ALWAYS happens in italian movies).
Tue Apr 29 03:38:52 1997 Tim Lovern
Any Alien technology encountered is either immeadiatley understood, or understood well enough to decide which single panel needs to be destroyed to save the world/ship/main characters. corollary: All alien computers are either based on Unix or a Bill Gates operating system. Additional Corollary: Alien computers use tcp/ip as a network protocol (ID4) or RS-232 interfaces. Tim's Law: Aliens who can conquer the time-space continuum cannot write a simple virus checker program - any tenyear can write a virus that destroys an alien computer.
Tue Apr 29 20:06:20 1997 Danielle Scriva
Whenever there is a car chase, no one ever thinks to shoot out the tires of the car they're chasing. They'll shoot out the tail lights, or break the glass, but never think to shoot out the tires which would make the car impossible to drive.
Fri May 2 20:25:37 1997 Geoff Hamilton
In the movie Volcano Hot gases are not colorful. Also they don't come up and get sucked back down like a vacuum. Real eruptions are a lot more violent than what they showed.
Sat May 3 09:33:56 1997 Jean-Gabriel Cabanas
Villain : the worst is the villain the worst will be its end...
Tue May 6 09:03:20 1997
The brake even worked after the brake fluid tube had been cut off. Then it fails when the car's going downhill. (eg. Scorned 2)
Tue May 6 18:14:31 1997 Stephanie Dobler
When the hero is about to investigate a dangerous situation, his love interest will inevitably say, "I'm coming with you." No matter how untrained and unprepared she may be, the hero eventually gives in. Expect to see him considerably slowed down by the need to protect her.
Tue May 6 20:49:43 1997 J.D. Allen
Cars: Even brand new cars in movies are not equiped with anti-lock brakes. If the driver slams on the breaks, the car skids and squeals instead of making that crunchy antilock brakes make when they are activated.
Sat May 10 04:24:06 1997 Ray Hutchins
All Arcade games, computers and home video game sets play the same game, Donkey Kong (Atari 2600 version)
Sat May 10 11:50:55 1997 Alan Baird
Just a couple of corrections - Fencing isn't on the list, Clothing is out of order, Kids and Knives need a |, and Radio | TV shouldn't have one. Sorry to nit-pick - but you have a great site here, and I just wanted to help!
Sat May 10 11:52:53 1997 Alan Baird
One other thing - you know you can get the proper letters with é and É - right?
Sat May 10 17:36:52 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of th�
Sat May 10 18:02:25 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of t�
Sat May 10 18:02:54 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of the ghost, which happens to look exactly like�
Sat May 10 18:03:52 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of t�
Sat May 10 18:05:00 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of t�
Sat May 10 18:06:05 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a�
Sat May 10 18:06:48 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a�
Sat May 10 18:08:35 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner will notice something moving in the attic window. When she goes up to the attic to investigate, she will find an old trunk with: a) an old photograph of t�
Sun May 11 13:41:23 1997 Owen Thomas
when a dead body is found, you'll hear flies buzzing.
Mon May 12 00:16:46 1997 norm pedersen
when passengers are disembarking an airliner, the star is always the third one exiting.
Mon May 12 07:04:11 1997 Marty Rotten
If a character is bound and gagged, a strip of cloth or tape is all that is sufficient to render them totally silent unless the victim is bait as a trap for the hero in which case he or she will try to warn him by going MMMPH!. THe hero will understand what this means perfectly. Furthermore, if it's a woman who is bound and gagged, the gag will never smear her lipstick or leave and marks on her face. The same is true with blindfolds.
Mon May 12 16:20:08 1997 Ray Girvan
VILLAINS Villains - especially if English, gay or comic - will show a semi-pleasurable expression on being hit or squeezed in the groin (see "Jumping Jack Flash", "Bill & Ted II").
Mon May 12 17:36:51 1997 j.p.kaczur
the panicking daughter or little girl in disaster flicks.(ex. volcano's gaby hoffman.)
Mon May 12 19:03:53 1997 Doug Daubert
Light: Even in the most remote parst of the world (jungles, deserts, forests, etc.), totally isloated from artificial light, everything is visible to the naked eye.
Tue May 13 06:40:52 1997 Salvatore
Whenever a plane lands the tires always make a skidding sound despite the fact that they never produce that sound sound when your actually on a real runway.
Tue May 13 06:49:00 1997 Sam Jennings
list under "phones": All contemporary phones are made by AT&T. Unlike actual AT&T phones, these all sport a prominent AT&T logo on the lower facet of the mouthpiece that would never be seen by the user but will always face the camera.
Tue May 13 10:32:36 1997 Darren Gray
No matter what software is running on whatever system, all characters will happily type away on the keyboard and not use the mouse or anything similar.
Thu May 15 01:36:08 1997 Bob McDonald
***any used car deelership will be named "HONEST name's Used Cars" ***no matter how many perverse and hardcore sexual acts a women has committed, when she leaves the bed she immediatly covers herself up with a blanket ****HIGH SCHOOL MOVIES =the most popular girl is either a complete slut or innocent as a two year old =Durring the majority fights it will be the nerdiest and weakest virsus the muscular football quarterback. The quarterback will give him a nosebleed, blackeye, sometimes a lip split in the exact lower centerlip, and a blow to the stomach that sends him to the ground grasping for air. Then the girl that the nerd secretly loves will beg him to stop. The quarterback will laugh at this, fills the nerd with rage. He then knocks the quarterback cold. 7 times out of 10 there will be a crowd watching. ***The person who wins a fight gets detention even if he/she is defending his/herself. They are only both punished unless it is a good vs. evil ***only zit faces geeks are in the chess club. ***every school has 2000 clubs, including 1500 with three members ***The only sports a school has are football, baseball, basketball, and cheerleading, and occasionally track, softball, and volleyball. Cross Country, golf, and field hockey are never mentioned unless the main character plays them. ***The senior that every freshmen is afraid of, that is assumed to kill on sight, turns out to be a softy who will save the ones who feared him the most ***all football players are stupid idoits, who can hardly read, write, type, or think on their own. ***all shops have deadly tools set up without safety locks on all the time ***only "bad" kids forget their homework ***EVERYONE is enterested in sports, except losers (?) ***everyone has enough money for anything. This applies even if the character doesn't work. Also the character never turns down a date or an invitation because they have no money
Thu May 15 07:09:41 1997 Paul
Category: Independence Day. Alien computer systems are pre-equipped with Apple-Talk!
Thu May 15 13:07:50 1997 Matt Voysey
The FBI and othere intelligence agencies have the ability to take a grainy polaroid photo and zoom in/enhance the image down to the tiniest reflection in the tiniest chink of glass on the table, whereupon the identity of the camera-person is revealed. Also, while panning around the resultant image, the perspective can be changed to allow us to peer around corners and other such obstructions (eg. Blade Runner)
Thu May 15 23:59:15 1997 nate
Apes, gorillas, and monkeys always have a special knowlege, skill, or purpose!
Fri May 16 00:01:15 1997 dana
An HIV+ mother and a mildly mentally retarded father can produce a perfectly healthy child. (Forrest Gump)
Fri May 16 19:08:53 1997 Larry Davenport
SIDEKICKS 1> They must be intellectually inferioir to the hero, from another race, or a dog. 2> They must be sacrificed in order to give the hero something more to fight for (see the dog in ROAD WARRIOR or anyone who is partnered with Dirty Harry)
Fri May 16 19:47:15 1997 LeAnna Malone
Could you please ad me to your email newsletter list. Thank you very much, and I enjoy this page immensely.
Fri May 16 22:54:16 1997 David Glagovsky
Any person with the slightest knowledge of computers knows how any application works on any unit. (If you were trained on the Alpha 4 database program, I wish you luck trying to use dBASE).
Sat May 17 01:01:21 1997 ken strang
the villain's henchmen are always dog loyal and never think about the consequences of their illegal actions. You can also hire at minimum wage all the trained killers you need from the local non-union construction site.
Sat May 17 18:10:11 1997 Andras Olah
When two people are having sex, and the phone rings, it is sure that someone is calling the male (usually the police/secretservice/exboss), and his answer is: "I will be there in 5 minutes". Then he apologizes to the woman, and leaves the bad.
Sat May 17 18:20:47 1997 Andras Olah
The hero kills his nemesis always with a very exotic way. He never simply shoots him, and the bad guy has to suffer some kind of extracrucial, neverbeforeseen death (which he surely)deserved. After his death, there is no more fights in the movie, because the hero saved the city/country/earth/universe.
Sat May 17 18:35:18 1997 Andras Olah
To dismantle the nuclear bomb which timer is ticking, you always have to cut the RED wire. And to do it, you have 15 seconds, before the bomb would blow up New York. Of course your decision is right, so you've just saved the Earth again.
Sat May 17 19:27:11 1997 james burton
On James Bond movies an island always blows up in the grand finale as our hero escapes in boat/rocket/aircraft just in the nick of time.
Sun May 18 00:34:04 1997 Herv� Fontange
In sex section : When a woman wake up in the morning, she often take the cloth in order to hide her chest.
Mon May 19 00:58:41 1997 Clemens Schwender
Whenever a cop lends his boss's car, be sure he's going to wreck it.
Mon May 19 05:52:30 1997 Dave
With regards to kids: -In a movie about high school angst, the lead nerdy character always makes a heartfelt speech about being nerdy...everyone applauds that person and they suddenly become popular. -Kids are only around when needed...they are never just there. If they aren't there, no explaination is given as to their wherabouts!
Tue May 20 00:49:50 1997 James Richter
Characters who take off glasses no longer need them to see.
Tue May 20 02:40:59 1997 Hille ChatDansant
Expensive or classic cars which sail over cliffs morph into junkers before hitting the ground (like the amazing Mustang Shelby-to-Pinto transformation in G&R's "Don't Cry"). 2. Cats enjoy hiding in closed cupboards or closets and leaping out at people, but only if they know that a ghost, monster, or homicidal maniac is in the house. 3. Hydrostatic shock does not exist in movies (the effect, caused by the noncompressibility of the water that a human body is largely made of,which often causes fatal nervous system disruption from an arm or leg wound inflicted by a high-powered weapon). Anyone shot in the arm or leg with a high-powered rifle will suffer no neurological trauma whatever; nor need they be concerned with broken or shattered bones. Also, gunshot wounds typically consist of a small entrance wound, which will emit a small trickle of blood if not covered by clothing but bleed freely if covered, and either no exit wound or one which is identical to the entrance wound, with no large cone of flesh blown out. 4. If you are a street vendor in a large city, you can expect to have your cart or booth regularly destroyed as a result of car chases. However, you yourself need not fear injury in these incidents (although you may have your stock liberally spattered over your person if it is something gooey or messy), as you will possess the movie bystander's superhuman dodging, ducking, & flying-glass-and-debris-repelling powers.
Tue May 20 03:20:01 1997 Pomba Gira
1. Stabbing victims generally fall dead immediately with a single thrust of a knife to the back, chest, or abdomen. Typically, such victims exsanguinate (bleed to death) in about two seconds, and do not thrash, twitch, convulse, or soil themselves while dying. Similarly, most gunshot wounds are instantly fatal; victims of non-fatal shootings never a undergo lengthy recovery and rehabilitation process; even victims of head wounds never have to re-learn speech, walking, or other motor skills. 2. It is highly inadvisable to be the partner, friend, lover, wife or child of an action hero, as you are likely to be killed or kidnapped & threatened with hideous tortures by anyone who feels that the hero has offended them. 3. Teenagers in movies never suffer from acne, unless the plot requires them to be traumatized by a breakout. In this case, there will be a small red spot with no swelling or "head", located on one cheek or the chin.
Tue May 20 03:28:28 1997 Hille Chat-Dansant
Inbreeding in humans invariably produces profound physical deformities and/or mental deficiencies in the first generation. Desirable traits are never reproduced.
Tue May 20 06:33:13 1997 Mark
Sports: Any important game (usually the end) will be won by a small margin, and always with time running out.
Tue May 20 20:06:15 1997 Brian Longworth
A person will ring a doorbell, wait for five seconds, become impatient and ring it again. If you don't answer after another five seconds he will get frustrated and give up, assuming that you are not home or ring it continuously until you rush to the door.
Tue May 20 20:09:14 1997 Brian Longworth
A bad guy can't shoot accurately no matter if he is a member of a Special Forces unit or has had extensive weapons training. However, the hero, who has no weapons experience, manages to hit the villian fataly on the first shot.
Tue May 20 20:13:13 1997 Brian Longworth
In films that take place in the future where the weapon of choice is a pistol that shoots lasers (see Star Wars, Star Trek), the shot, which is a laser beam, therefore composed entirely of concentrated light (which has no mass), manages to always throw the person hit backward several feet.
Tue May 20 20:28:28 1997 Brian Longworth
The characters in a movie can hold an automatic weapon (Uuzi, M16) in each hand and not be affected by recoil. (I have a friend who is a bodybuilder and was a bodyguard in South America. He said that the first time he used an Uzi, the recoil knocked him flat on his back.)
Wed May 21 12:55:52 1997 Tony Scott
Cars & Driving No-one who gets out of a car ever locks it even if they have plenty of time in which to do so.
Wed May 21 14:23:30 1997 Ardjan Dommisse
Independence Day It's possible to fly in a jet from Los Angelos to Nevada, where area 51 is, in a matter of minutes while being chased by far superior spacecraft, that could easily do a dive attack at the jet.
Wed May 21 16:11:19 1997 joebert
getting shot/stabbed: You will always see that part of the body being shot explode 'outwards'! The person who is about to die of a shot or stab wound will have blood streaking off the side of their mouth.
Thu May 22 19:55:09 1997 JoeMac
If the camera shows a close-up of a girl who enters her home, (camera is inside the home), something unexpected will frighten her. If the camera shows a long shot of her entering her home, everything is fine.
Thu May 22 20:26:46 1997 Amelia
When grocery shopping, no matter how many items someone puts in their cart, the contents will neatly fit into two bags. Grocery stores in movies use paper bags only (the better to see the carrots and french bread sticking out of the top) When traveling, movie people only pack one small suitcase, but end up with an entire wardrobe (Gilligan's Island Syndrome). When people in movies move from one house or apartment to another, they only have to pack a few boxes and they are done. When you're fired, you can clean out your desk in less than one minute and fit everything neatly into a small box. When in a car chase, you will be able to spin your car around 360 degrees when needed. When you make plans for a first date with someone in a movie, you don't have to set a time or give directions to your house. They will know how to find you and you'll be ready when they get there.
Thu May 22 21:22:30 1997 grumbles
In a martial arts film, nobody ever has a gun, and if they do, they are always horrible shots. The hero/villain can always sneak silently up on said gunman and disarm him without making a sound.
Fri May 23 01:05:30 1997 David Swift
Some bad guys know how to give their bullets extra velocity with a "throwing" action. Rather than aiming the gun they snap the muzzle forward with each shot.
Fri May 23 06:09:01 1997 Lor Fogel
In the movies, opponents can beat each other's faces in, but nobody ever loses any teeth.
Fri May 23 14:43:06 1997 Graham Young
Traffic There is always a convenient parking spot in the busiest streets right in front of the main building.
Fri May 23 17:40:36 1997 guy cranswick
Cigarettes: In American movies the bad guys smokes, the heroes/ines only smoke up to half a cigarette if they are under intense stress and events are turning against them
Fri May 23 18:27:55 1997 Bill Levine
This is from Roger Ebert's review of Addicted to Love. I don't know if it's new or appropriate for this site, but here it is: Any time a motorcycle-riding character's face is obscured by a helmet, the character is a woman.
Fri May 23 20:59:20 1997 Russ Jones
(computers) If a movie shows a large-scale data center, they'll always show reel-to-reel tape drives even though nobody's used them for years, so you can actually see something happening, to prove that the computer's working.
Sat May 24 20:55:02 1997 Becky
In ID4, after the apocalyptic fireball destroyed all life in Los Angeles, the palm trees were still alive.
Sun May 25 02:14:33 1997 Melanie Jasnoch
When a movie character gets hit in the the head, they usually have amnesia. They get rid of their affliction by getting hit on the head one more time. (Usually just in time to use his knowledge to save the world.)
Sun May 25 16:38:19 1997 Kristiina Saarinen
When someone is in desperate need of medication, usually in the form of pills, either because of a medical condition or because they are busy attempting suicide, they always rummage through a pile of _empty_ drug containers in their cupboards. For some reason, they never disposed of the empty containers when they took the last pill but instead left them in their medicine cabinet.
Sun May 25 20:15:56 1997
INDESTRUCTIBLE DOGS If there is a dog in a movie, no matter what happens - a house burns down, aliens destroy the city, a volcano erupts - the dog will survive. Somehow the animal will manage to escape whatever mayhem ensues, even while zillions of humans are biting the dust. Examples: "Twister" (the little dog scrambles into the storm cellar at the last minute), "A Time to Kill," "Independence Day," "Volcano"
Tue May 27 18:17:55 1997 John Konopinski
Whenever a hacker has successfully broken into a coputer system, he/she must utter the phrase, "I'm in!".
Wed May 28 14:32:05 1997 Tina Ferguson
When people go shopping for presents or clothes, they always carry their packages in stacked boxes, never bags. The presents always looked wrapped but are really just boxes with wrapped lids and ribbons on them. To open them you just take off the ribbon and pull the lid off.
Wed May 28 15:04:24 1997 Karlheinz Kobras
CHESS: * Almost in every move a piece is taken (In reality a loss of one pawn on each side after about 8 to 10 moves is normal) * They always play until one is checkmated (Surrender is by far more often) * Game never ends in a draw (Certainly 50% of all games do)
Thu May 29 02:27:03 1997 Jason P Collins
I have a corollary to your cliche about Movie Bombs which reads - "All wires have different colors, so the hero can easily differentiate them when he has to cut the right one. " Corollary - All evil geniuses use the exact same wiring diagram for their bombs and always use the proper colored wires when building them. This allows the hero's assistant to look up the wiring diagram and tell the hero, over a two way radio, to cut the Red wire.
Thu May 29 05:09:47 1997 Matthew Bertsch
Lost-world:(jam-packed full of cliches) 1. Capitalists are bad! The villians in this movie are condemned for wanting to capture dinosaurs and bring them back to America to make money off of their displaying of the creatures. Aren't the maker's of the movie doing just that? 2. The child character in the movie is terrified throughout the movie...petrified at the sight of the dinosaurs, yet in one brief scene, she musters up the nerve to do a triple-helix back-flip from a bar and kick some raptor ass. A few minutes later, we see her crying again as a result of dinophobia. 3. An injured, baby T-rex is rescued by a "good-guy", who caries the cooperative T-rex back to shelter (the writer's of this scene have obviously never tried helping an injured animal...they tend to be a little defensive). Fifteen minutes after carrying the animal around, they descide they'd better put a muzzle on it (I don't know why...it hadn't seemed to give them any trouble up to that point) 4. One of the main characters (good guy) is attacked by a raptor. Luckily, her back pack comes off and the raptor is consumed with tearing apart the backpack while the victem escapes. (when's the last time you saw a cat tear the arm from a mouse, then let the mouse escape while enjoying a nice bit of arm?) 5. A ship bringing back a living T-rex to the U.S. runs ashore upon arrival. When investigating what has happened to the crew, we find that the entire lot of them has been devoured...all except one person's hand that still grips the steering wheel. (one hell of a grip) Enough for now...I'm sure more will come later.
Thu May 29 05:10:10 1997 Matthew Bertsch
Lost-world:(jam-packed full of cliches) 1. Capitalists are bad! The villians in this movie are condemned for wanting to capture dinosaurs and bring them back to America to make money off of their displaying of the creatures. Aren't the maker's of the movie doing just that? 2. The child character in the movie is terrified throughout the movie...petrified at the sight of the dinosaurs, yet in one brief scene, she musters up the nerve to do a triple-helix back-flip from a bar and kick some raptor ass. A few minutes later, we see her crying again as a result of dinophobia. 3. An injured, baby T-rex is rescued by a "good-guy", who caries the cooperative T-rex back to shelter (the writer's of this scene have obviously never tried helping an injured animal...they tend to be a little defensive). Fifteen minutes after carrying the animal around, they descide they'd better put a muzzle on it (I don't know why...it hadn't seemed to give them any trouble up to that point) 4. One of the main characters (good guy) is attacked by a raptor. Luckily, her back pack comes off and the raptor is consumed with tearing apart the backpack while the victem escapes. (when's the last time you saw a cat tear the arm from a mouse, then let the mouse escape while enjoying a nice bit of arm?) 5. A ship bringing back a living T-rex to the U.S. runs ashore upon arrival. When investigating what has happened to the crew, we find that the entire lot of them has been devoured...all except one person's hand that still grips the steering wheel. (one hell of a grip) Enough for now...I'm sure more will come later.
Thu May 29 05:19:51 1997 Matthew Bertsch
Star Trek: 1. When someone asks the computer, "Computer, locate Commander Riker." You'll never hear the computer reply, "Commander Riker is on the john." Don't these starships have bathrooms? 2. The only physical difference between humans and aliens is their foreheads and ears.
Thu May 29 12:00:51 1997
WHY DO ALIENS NEVER BUMP THEIR HEADS INTO DOORPOSTS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE? Alf Why TV-broadcast Science Fiction� how do I hate you? Let me count the ways� Round up the usual suspects: Two paranoid FBI agents with permanent struma symptoms; a fat blowhard in a pyjama uniform; another blowhard, in charge of a plywood-and-computer-graphics spacestation� and legions upon legions of aliens with latex skin and impeccable English accents. There, but for the grace of God, go you and I� So you can�t recall the crimes committed against TV viewers? Maybe this will refreshen your memory� EXHIBIT A: "STAR TREK" "Star Trek," produced in the late 1960s. The first thing that strikes you in ST is that whatever strange world the Enterprise crew visits, there are always recurring features: 1) A cave with a completely flat, level floor; 2) An unidentified light-source, usually bright red, blue, or green; 3) Doorways, the only ones within a hundred lightyears, which just "happen" to be of the same height and width as the doors of the U.S.S. Enterprise. 4) An alien environment, that nevertheless requires no protective suits or vaccinations whatsoever� (The ongoing series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" repeats the same embarrassments with varying frequency�) It is a relief, though, that Star Fleet apparently forces the starship crews to undergo rigorous exercise schedules� otherwise they would look quite ridiculous in their tight-fitting pyjama uniforms. Wait! That Trekkie who just passed by� what was that grotesque masquerade suit he was wearing on his flabby, girly-man body? Oh, the inhumanity! And puhleeze, no more of these "alien possession" stories! You know why SF TV series are so fond of putting one of the main characters under the spell of an invading presence (be it an alien life-form, a parasitic slug, a computer chip, or all of the above)? Because it costs nothing in special effects or "Special Guest Stars"! A PARENTHESIS ON TV/MOVIE ALIENS Did I say "aliens"? Well, only metaphorically. People who work in SF film/TV generally fail to understand that aliens might not, in their own eyes, be there just for the amusement of Earthlings. So the aliens have mostly come to stand not for themselves, but for "something else". The following list ought to clarify what I mean: Media Aliens� And What Whey Stand For -Mute, sinister alien who abducts people and FBI agents= Troll/The Bogeyman -Sissy-talking, cowardly alien/robot/computer= Girly-man/stereotype homosexual -Cute little alien/robot/computer which makes funny sounds= Pet dog/cat -Brown-skinned, violent alien with dark voice and/or much body hair= Stereotype Negro -Inscrutable, wise alien who speaks in riddles= Stereotype Asian -Greedy, money-grubbing alien who cheats in business= Stereotype Jew -Parasitic alien which infiltrates society in human guise= Communist Spy -Overly logical alien/robot which tries to emulate humans= Child/ "Civilized" Native (look up INDIA, COLONIAL PERIOD, in your encyclopedia) -Half-breed, almost-human alien with identity problems= Mulatto/"Half-Breed" man -Peace-loving, big-eyed alien which radiates light= Jesus Christ The best aliens in any media must be the "Monolith" aliens of Kubrick's "2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY". Utterly remote, the Monoliths seem more like things than living beings. (Arnold Schwarzenegger is cast to play the Monolith in the 1999 remake.) EXHIBIT B: "THE X-FILES" "The X-Files," the cult-phenomenon of the 90s. I am not the first person to notice that, no matter how dark it is, the flashlights used in "The X-Files" always send out small spotlight beams � instead of spreading their light over the location. But I may be less unoriginal in pointing out the series� most glaring lapse of logic: if so many conspiracies really existed, it would only be a matter of time before a disgruntled federal employee went public about them. Just ask Dick Morris� And while we�re on the subject of weird federal employees: Isn�t it agents Scully and Mulder who are the real space aliens? They never collect paychecks. They don�t eat nor sleep (not through the night anyway; they are always awakened by hostile agents, abducting aliens, or each other). They never blink! They have no private lives whatsoever (therein might lie the secret of their popularity: their most ardent fans have no lives either, so they identify with them�). The aliens most repeatedly featured in "The X-Files" are the so-called "Greys", modern equivalents to the Trolls which were rumored to rob away children in old folk mythology. It would be futile of me to criticize Chris Carter for adapting modern folklore into his TV series. However, I am justified in criticizing the deep-lying irrationality and superstition which "The X-Files" is founded upon, and popularizes. The cornerstone of written SF is that the world is essentially rational and understandable. Why would aliens pop up like Trolls and then disappear with no rhyme or reason, or co-operate with the covert U.S. intelligence community?? Only on TV, it seems. If superior, malignant aliens really were to "infiltrate" our solar system, their rational choice would be to simply destroy ALL our covert organizations from the ground up ("Would I trust an earthling called Slick Willie?," they�d reason.). EXHIBIT C: "BABYLON 5" Consider this dreary soap-opera called "Babylon 5". It repeats all the clich�s of any dumb TV series or movies you�ve seen in the last 30 years or so. And no, I DON�T find the computer graphics good enough to make up for the series� total lack of daring and creativity. The series' basic premise is that humans are naturally suited to make peace between the warring, mutually distrustful alien factions who inhabit space-station B5. Yeah, right -- just like we're doing in Bosnia, the Palestine, or Northern Ireland. Then again, the Narns, Centaurians and what-have-you of B5 probably are just allegories for Serbs, Croatians, and Northern Irish. They certainly don't look very "alien" to me! About halfway through Babylon 5, when absolutely nothing original has occurred, the scriptwriter throws in an "Intergalactic Conflict" which involves an ancient "dark race" (more freeze-dried H.P. Lovecraft, anyone?). At least it provides a suitable excuse for a few more exploding computer-graphics spaceships. And again, all "alien" races are of exactly the same height and proportions as humans. What if some of that "glorious" computer graphics were used to create a truly ALIEN alien? Oh, I forgot, the "dark race" was made with CGI� to underscore that all extraterrestrials who are larger than humans must by nature be evil. Say after me, kids! Short alien GOOD! Short alien CUTE! Tall alien BAD! Tall alien MYSTERIOUS! EXHIBIT D: "THE OUTER LIMITS" Words fail. The mind reels. I-I can't keep my lunch down! It's� ACKK! HULLP!! Briefly put: Everything loathsome about TV SF is concentrated in it, PLUS the crude "There-are-things-Man-was-never-meant-to-know" moralizing. The Unabomber must have been watching too many "Outer Limits" episodes as a kid! EXHIBIT E: "LOIS AND CLARK" I�ll say this much: That�s not Superman on the screen. That�s a wuss, a weenie, a girly-man. With an undernourished girlfriend � no doubt to make "Supes" look less emaciated. "Melrose Place" with spandex. Get outta my sight! THE SHOCKING SECRET REVEALED! The root of the problem with TV Science Fiction doesn't lie in money, or the cheap special effects (OK, they got better), or the inability to hire good scriptwriters. For those of you who've spent the last 40 years on Mars, I'll explain: TV producers are scared chickens. They are afraid of losing their big-money sponsors. They are very afraid of upsetting special-interest groups (parents, religious groups, children, Republicans, Democrats, and the lawyers of special-interest groups). They are deathly afraid of losing their jobs. So they fear surprises more than anything else. Imagine a scriptwriter pitching an original idea for "The Space Files, Episode XXII" to his producer� SCRIPTWRITER: "I've got this great idea! Captain Pockmark travels back in time, accidentally kills his own father-to-be, then meets a woman in that time period, and they fall in love. Only too late does Captain Pockmark realize that he has become his own father!" PRODUCER: "Are you nuts?! The religious groups, the parental groups and the Republican Party would demand my head on a plate for promoting patricide and incest on a prime-time TV show!" SCRIPTWRITER: "But it's Science Fiction! It's supposed to amaze you!" PRODUCER: "You�re fired." Television isn't about astonishing or surprising the consumer. Television is about fulfilling expectations through mecanical repetition, so that the viewers watch through to the next advertising slot. THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DISASTROUS! It could of course just be me. I admit to being a crank. To be fair, there have been at least one or two good SF TV series made. And all this inanity wouldn�t be so bad, if it wasn�t for an ominous side-effect of the abovementioned TV series: BOOK SPINOFFS. Wrecking all standards of quality on television isn�t enough -- the banalities, the lack of imagination and the hoariest clich�s must infiltrate written SF as well! I wander into the local comics/book/RPG emporium, and find piles of "X-Files", "Star Trek", and "Lois and Clark" novels stacked in the discount basket� Expect more of the same. I picture the future of SF, if this goes on, somewhat like a "Millennium" trailer. Cut to the ubiquitous chain-smoker voice of That Guy Named Don: "From the producer of �The Z-Files�� the sensation, the instant classic everyone has been waiting for all their lives� Cox Television presents� REHASHED X-FILES� you won�t believe it until you see it� coming this week." Poke out my eyes, man�
Fri May 30 04:33:32 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner, while standing in front of the house, will notice something moving in the attic window. She goes up to the attic to investigate and finds an old trunk containing a) an old photograph of the ghost, who happens to look exactly like her; or b) a dress belonging to the ghost, which she will hold up against herself in front of the full-length mirror standing next to the trunk. And, if she tries it on, it will fit perfectly. You know a house is haunted when: - lights flicker - window shades snap up - blood runs out of faucets - doors & windows spontaneously lock or slam closed (usually happens when mom is outside hanging laundry or picking tomatoes, and kid is alone in the house) - bed levitates - ghost possess' dad - butcher knives fly around kitchen - Family buys house after being on the market for a long, long, long time - an eccentric old neighbor w�
Fri May 30 04:34:43 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner, while standing in front of the house, will notice something moving in the attic window. She goes up to the attic to investigate and finds an old trunk containing a) an old photograph of the ghost, who happens to look exactly like her; or b) a dress belonging to the ghost, which she will hold up against herself in front of the full-length mirror standing next to the trunk. And, if she tries it on, it will fit perfectly. You know a house �
Fri May 30 04:34:54 1997 ed gall
RE: Asteroids I haven't lived in K.C. for over 12 years, but I did grow up there. I do not recall any dam that held in the Missouri River, nor would it ever flood the entire city. reference the flood of '93)
Fri May 30 04:38:20 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner, while standing in front of the house, will notice something moving in the attic window. She goes up to the attic to investigate and finds an old trunk containing a) an old photograph of the ghost, who happens to look exactly like her; or b) a dress belonging to the ghost, which she will hold up against herself in front of the full-length mirror standing next to the trunk. And, if she tries it on, it will fit perfectly. You know a house �
Fri May 30 04:41:16 1997 Ann Guardiola
If a house is haunted, the new owner, while standing in front of the house, will notice something moving in the attic window. She goes up to the attic to investigate and finds an old trunk containing a) an old photograph of the ghost, who happens to look exactly like her; or b) a dress belonging to the ghost, which she will hold up against herself in front of the full-length mirror standing next to the trunk. And, if she tries it on, it will fit perfectly. You know a house is haunted when: - lights flicker - window shades snap up - blood runs out of faucets - doors & windows spontaneously lock or slam closed (usually happens when mom is outside hanging laundry or picking tomatoes, and kid is alone in the house) - bed levitates - ghost possess' dad - butcher knives fly around kitchen - Family buys house after being on the market for a long, long, long time - an eccentric old neighbor w�
Fri May 30 21:04:07 1997 Anna Rosengren
Any army/marching band in a movie, even if they are only 12 people and playing outdoors and having only 12 musicians have the full sound of a full concert band in the controlled environment of a recording session. If the band marches, they march in perfect unison, NOT in synch with the music.
Sat May 31 04:33:12 1997 James Leatham
At the end of the horror movie, after all of the monsters have been killed, there are monster eggs under the porch waiting for the sequel. (Critters) I *missed* this particular cliche~ at the end of "Jurassic Park". After the survivors had escaped to the helicopter, and it flies to safety, the camera pans to the cockpit.....a Velociraptor is the pilot!
Sat May 31 21:33:15 1997 Neal Hanson
(1) When ever a bad guy captures the hero and decides to exercute him using his gun it always jams just as the gun is placed at his head. (2) If the hero has a close friend, "girlfriend" or cildren the bad guy alway know where they are,( even if they move home or are at a friends house), so he can capture him/her just as they leave the building. No one notices the dodgy charactor hiding in the bushs. (3) When the bad guy gets the captive, the hero when he searches for him/her will always get to the the bad guys hide out ( which the police can never find) just at the point when the bad guy is about to kill the hostage, or just after the gun jams. (4) When the hero or sidekick get in to a situation where he must shot an object or person to save the day, s/he will always hit the target (if it were the sidkick it might have been shown before that their aim is terrible).
Sat May 31 22:21:53 1997 Kelly
All lockers in high schools are full length...in reality, you're lucky to get one a foot and a half tall.
Tue Jun 3 02:15:03 1997 Freya E. Harris
Whenever a rat or a mouse (or mice and/or rats) appear in a movie, they usually squeak. All movie mice and rats make the same squeak. When was the last time you actually heard a rat or mouse squeak, much less make a sound like the standard rodent oration in movies and TV?
Tue Jun 3 18:01:58 1997 Vince Burke
Why does it take two minutes to trace a call when Caller I.D. displays your phone number AND NAME before you even pick up the phone?
Tue Jun 3 19:19:24 1997 Dark Entity (anon)
In all the skydiving scenes where the hero's parachute doesn't open, he miraculously survives the fall either with a couple broken bones, or nearly unhurt.
Tue Jun 3 19:22:37 1997 Dark Entity
The bad guys NEVER win. If they do, they are destroyed in the sequel or everyone thinks the movie sucks.
Tue Jun 3 19:35:10 1997 thomas
adding to cars, chases, etc - the car is always usually unlocked. Noone is smart enough to lock the car when they exit their car either!
Tue Jun 3 20:20:12 1997 thomas
two dozen police officers always show up immediatly after the hero has killed the main villian, and the hero has also killed 50 bad guys single-handedly. Also- when it is raining or snowing which hinders our hero until the bad guys are all killed, and when the woman/people are rescued -the bad weather stops and becomes nice. for example - Die Hard 2.
Tue Jun 3 21:03:09 1997 Thomas
1) All cars are unlocked when people enter them, and they never lock them or roll up the windows when they leave the car. 2) A dozen police officers will show up after the hero has killed the villain, and also when he has killed 50 bad guys singlehandly. (Bad Boys) 3) If it is hurricane or a blizzard when the hero is fighting the bad guy/s, it will turn sunny and nice after he has killed them and/or rescued the woman/people. ie.: Die Hard 2.
Wed Jun 4 06:17:29 1997 Keith Morrison
All supervisors of the scientific hero will ignore the hero even though they frequently comment on how the hero is THE expert in the field and is always right. Thereupon 1 of two things will happem: 1. The supervisor will die when the predicted event happens, his last words being "Oh my god..." 2. The supervisor will realize the hero was right. If the supervisor is required to convince other people, he will live, otherwise he will die a (possibly heroic) death.
Wed Jun 4 06:23:17 1997 Keith Morrison
Geologists have all sorts of cash and are never short of equipment, drive around in Humvees and never look like they've actually been working until the disaster strikes. No one ever believes them when they predict an imminent disaster. They are also never wrong.
Wed Jun 4 06:23:57 1997 Keith Morrison
All scientists have some form of mental unbalance unless they are the hero/heroine.
Wed Jun 4 07:43:50 1997 Ben Stephens
Movie Funerals: There has yet to be a single movie funeral which does not open with a swooping crane shot down out of a nearby tree, as the preacher reads the eulogy. None of the guests present appear to notice the swooping camera just a few dozen feet away from where they are standing. This is because they are holding white handkerchiefs to their faces (if they are women) and standing firm and solemn (if they are men). If it is a horror movie, then it may well be raining. If it is a murder mystery then the murderer will be present at the graveside. If it is an espionage-type thing then someone in a long coat and shades will pull up in a black car and maybe stand leaning against a tree a little ways off, watching the proceedings (this can be the same tree that the camera is swooping out of, if it is, then shady figure also is unperturbed by the sudden appearance of a heavy piece of camera equipment five feet above his/her head). The line "You`ve sure got a lot of nerve showing up here" will be spoken at some point. If the victim was a beautiful young lady then a fight will break out, during which one or both of the combatants will fall into the grave. If it is a military funeral then a twenty one gun salute will be fired, causing the grief-stricken parents to jolt and/or cry. Post-funeral etiquette. There is really only one cardinal rule here, and it goes like this: IF YOU ARE IN A HORROR MOVIE, NEVER NEVER NEVER GO BACK TO VISIT THE GRAVE, ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. If you do you are a moron and deserve everything you get. If you are in a slushy movie however, a trip to the graveside will be rewarded by moving piano music, possibly a swooping camera (although this time, for some reason, the camera will start on the ground and swoop back up into the tree) and if you are REALLY lucky you will get a memory montage of all the happy times you and the deceased had together and maybe even some sort of inspirational message from your dead loved-one (whose voice will, naturally, echo like he/she was in a toilet, as all the voices of dead people do). Oh, and if you are in a horror movie and you see the dead person again (either because you went back to the graveside like an idiot, or just because they happen to show up at your place), then you are in big trouble, UNLESS it is less than halfway through the movie in which case it is probably just a dream sequence and the person has come to tell you the identity of his/her murderer OR the secret way to kill the monster, which will most likely involve a piece of jewelry such as a necklace or AMULET, whatever that is.
Wed Jun 4 08:53:30 1997 sara
in all disaster flicks millions of people die by volcanos,alien invasions,or diseases . however we only get upset if they kill off the cute family dog, cat, or monkey. which always seems to know exactly how to survive.
Wed Jun 4 15:58:55 1997 Patrik Beck
I did not see this part till after I sent the other message, sorry. here is a sumery: 1. Interstellar Star ships are powered by steam and dry-ice 2. Non-Asians need justification for knowing martial arts, where-as Asians are world class athletes but are never shown attending or teaching classes. 3. Dinosaurs and giant monst