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Your Movie Cliches List

Wed Jul 31 07:45:23 1996 jake surman
any gun pointed at the hero at close range and actually fired will have the safety on, which the hero will have been aware of, allowing him to ask the holder of the gun to shoot him. ( The Rock )
Wed Jul 31 08:09:22 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
The people in mental hospitals are nice, a little bit eccentric perhaps, but not dangerous to anyone else or to themselves. An exception to this are the violent psychos who are that way because they are personifications of pure evil.
Wed Jul 31 08:13:02 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
At the scene of an accident the bystanders have perfect knowledge of what has happened. Similarly, in a fight between the good and the bad guy the bystanders instinctively know which one is good and which one is bad, even if the bad guy wears a policeman uniform.
Wed Jul 31 08:25:26 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
The children of policemen often become policemen themselves. Their approach to the job is very different to that of their fathers. However, if a policeman has two sons, the older one of them will become a masculine hero cop (just like the dad) whereas the younger one will become a geeky "scientific"-style detective. Even he, on the other hand, will discover his manhood by killing a few bad guys. There are often also sentimental scenes where the old father tells the son he has always admired him even though he works differently.
Wed Jul 31 09:21:29 1996 IP Freelie
The police chief in cop action films are short, black, and plump, and always sticking-up for the rogue detective not playing by-the-book. Also, these rogues can take 2 forms: 1) he has a loving wife and 2 kids, and his world is about to be torn apart or, 2) drinking problem, divorced
Thu Aug 1 07:49:33 1996 allison wyndham
under biol./genetics: when doing tests to identify the DNA, substance, virus stain or whatever, it takes hero and sidekick a mere few hours to do what would be weeks/years worth of work for a lab of 20 people. The cure is then instantly produced, works first time and has no side-effects (see Star Trek, Jurassic Park, Outbreak, etc, etc).
Thu Aug 1 11:53:42 1996 Andrea Wood
In the James Bond movies, unusual ways for him to meet his death are planned by the villain, yet he always escapes. Why dont they just shoot him and get it over with if they want to get rid of him? He keeps returning to make new James Bond sequels.
Thu Aug 1 23:39:48 1996 Joe Watters
Computers: Computers are never backed up. Thus, information secretly changed by unseen villains cannot be exposed as fraudulent simply by requesting retrieval from backup tapes. Similarly, the villians never back up their computers so that the hero/heroine can destroy the entire evil organization simply by deleting the information on their computer. (e.g. The Net) The most complicated sequence of commands and actions can be accomplished with three mouse clicks. All of the phones, fire alarms, pumps, etc in a large office complex are tied into the company's computers and can be accessed by any employee through an intiutive graphical interface. Cutting off building services or creating distractions is a few mouse clicks away. All company computers have sophisticated custom graphical interfaces, even on the desktop machines. Nobody uses commercial products. The most sensitive computers (e.g. defense, banks, law enforcement) and their data are accessible over the internet or dial up phone lines. Hackers know all of these phone numbers or addresses. These sensitive computers are easy to break into. In real life, most people don't really trust computers. In movies, everyone relies on them blindly, and will commit the most egregious errors based on the information stored in them.
Fri Aug 2 06:03:53 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
Computers: No movie computers use real operating systems or real applications. Instead, they use incredibly user-friendly software that somehow manages to have custom dialog boxes for everything. (The Skull & Crossbones in ID4, for example.) Also, all the applications will have a unified interface that Microsoft can only dream about.
Fri Aug 2 06:04:05 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
Computers: No movie computers use real operating systems or real applications. Instead, they use incredibly user-friendly software that somehow manages to have custom dialog boxes for everything. (The Skull & Crossbones in ID4, for example.) Also, all the applications will have a unified interface that Microsoft can only dre
Fri Aug 2 06:05:44 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
For some reason, unlike *all* real computer systems, movie computers display your password as you type it instead of showing asterisks or bullets. Remarkably, no one ever leans over the hero's/villian's shoulder and looks at the visible password.
Fri Aug 2 06:08:14 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
The villian can dial into the hero's computer *while it is turned off*, and it will turn on. Instead of downloading the files regularly, the word processor will load, and somehow the villian will read the files from there. (It happened on the X-Files once)
Fri Aug 2 06:09:32 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
If a car is speeding down a road, and a woman crosses the street with a baby carriage, and the car hits the carriage, it will be full of cans. (Speed)
Fri Aug 2 06:11:41 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
If a small rocket or missile hits the villian directly in the chest while moving at high speed, it will carry the villian along with it instead of punching through him (The Rock, Broken Arrow). The villian will survive until he falls off the rocket and onto a sharp object below (the Rock).
Fri Aug 2 06:14:14 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
The hero, carrying a sphere of poison that will activate if it rolls into a wall can be punched, kicked, beaten up, and thrown through a window, and the sphere will not activate. Then, he can shove the sphere into the bad guy's mouth, and the villian, instead of spitting the poison all over the hero, will allow it to remain in his mouth so the hero can get away and give himself the antidote. (The Rock)
Fri Aug 2 06:32:18 1996 Josh Hall-Bachner
When someone calls an answering machine in a movie, it always plays the "Hi, we're..." message out loud to the place where it is, even though most answering machines don't do that. Also: if a person has just been murdered at home, their room-mate will call to warn them, and will leave a frantic message on the answering machine that allows the killer to find them. (Terminator)
Sat Aug 3 07:20:50 1996 Jason Antenucci
Fat guys ALWAYS get killed (see Unforgiven)
Sat Aug 3 09:02:29 1996 John Mebberson
When someone is using binoculars or a telescope, (usually villains or their stupid henchmen), to spy on someone there always seem to be a beautiful "model" totally naked walking in front of a huge open window. A stupid snigger by person, followed by the anger of arch villain is optional.
Sat Aug 3 20:43:18 1996 Brian Dignam
Whenever the sidekick is about to shoot the baddie ,his gun will not fire. The villain will then take the gun from him and inform him that the safety catch is on. He will then wound or kill him.
Sat Aug 3 21:52:36 1996 tom walker
Whenever there is a gun battle between the hero and several bad guys the bad guys die instantly if they are hit anyway on their bodies by the bullit but if the hero gets hit, even fatally, he will live long enough to finish the battle. When using a rifle scope, the characters, good or bad always hold it PERFECTLY still. In real life, even with a tripod or a good surface the crosshairs move a little bit, thus the sport of it. When a safe is opened with explosives, the door always opens but the contents, even dry paper, are always in perfect shape. A bare-fisted punch never hurts the hand of the person throwing it, and rarely really hurts the person being punched. Try punching a bone (the human skull) as hard as you can and then wonder how Clint Eastwood can punch a villian in the head about fifty times and not have a bag full of broken fingers. Personal bars or liquer cabinets in people's offices or homes are always perfectly stocked and even have fresh ice waiting at all times. The hero (or 12 year old kid) always understands the villians computer perfectly and can find the right file or program just in the nick of time. When a hero jumps through a window he nevers gets cut or tears his cloths. If the villian or monster is in the house, seeing a woman backing up towards an open door or window is a sure bet that she will be grabbed. All good animals (horses, dogs and cats) understand english and act with human instincts. (Lassie never stops to sniff the food before alerting the rescue sqaud.) Whenever the hero needs to call someone to warn them they are always available, never down at the coffee machine or out getting the mail.
Tue Aug 6 20:17:36 1996 Terri McMichael
In LOGANS RUN Michael York,and his co-star are trying to escape from the underground, and they run through all sorts of "wierd rooms", and one of the rooms is in slow motion, and it is a bunch of naked, writhing bodies, (of course, mostly women,) seemingly dancing and generally just moving very slowly. As Michael tries to get thru, gee, can you guess what? One of the naked women (in slo-mo remember!) grabs on to him, (suppose to be tittlating?) and he squirms and tries to break free. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz then they finally manage to get out of that room. tell me. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT????
Wed Aug 7 00:50:15 1996 Dr. Bob McKercher
Some observations from 'The Rock' a classic of movie cliches 1) The young hero always finds out his wife/girlfriend is pregnant just before the crisis hits. The old hero discovers his long lost daughter 2) Beware of overbearing sound dubbing. Movies with poor scripts try to make the movie more exciting by adding sound dubs to the most ridiculous things. Electronic wooshing sounds are added to projects being moved through the air 3) the hero can jump off buildings and fall while holding a fragile container with deadly poison, but as soon as he gives it to the villain it breaks 4) the hero can never have fired a gun before, but becomes an instant marksman, better than trained elite soldiers 5) There is always a 'good' bad guy who has a twinge of conscience. He is usually killed by the bad bad guys who have none. 6) Jets can be launched 5 minutes before the deadlibe from a dessert 2000km away and still make it to the area with 30 seconds to spare 7) Movies operate in a time space continuum that supports Eisntein's theories. Time slows as the action heats up. The final 10 seconds of any crisis involving a time bomb takes about 15 minutes to pass, while the first 6 days pass in no time. 8) The hero's pregnant girlfriendalways finds a way to get to the scene of the potential disaster 3)
Wed Aug 7 05:20:08 1996 Vern Haubrich
Ropes...whenever they have to throw a grappling rope they always get it the first time. It grabs ahold of an object that can barely hold it. Everyone there no matter how weak or small can climb the rope like a pro. The searchlight goes all around but not on them. The hook always comes loose just as the last person scales the wall.
Wed Aug 7 16:02:39 1996 simen kjellin
New York taxi-drivers are always short, unshaved Italians with greasy t-shirts and a dirty six-pence. The heroine of a film only enters a taxi when she has been emotionally hurt, abandoned, her boyfriend has broken up etc. When entering, the driver always asks "Where to lady" Then comes the unavoidable "heroine crying in the back-seat"-scene. The heroine has always seated herself so that the driver can see her crying, which he does, and then he starts a sentence wit; "Not that it`s any of my business, but...."
Wed Aug 7 23:35:21 1996 Tim Minneci
This isn't really a cliche, just something I thought was funny. I didn't realize the aliens in ID4 had bought Window's '95. Thankgod for Bill Gates!
Thu Aug 8 02:48:49 1996 Spencer Gill
CASTLE DRACULA If the film is American, the castle has cobwebs all over and is in ruins. "What a dump!" would be an appropriate response. Only a moron wouldn't expect the inhabitant to be a ghost or a ghoul. If the film is English, the castle is in great shape, colorfull, and beautifully decorated. The first thing you want to say is "who is your decorator?"
Thu Aug 8 02:50:45 1996 Spencer Gill
Vampires Only women who really can fill out a low-cut gown become vampires. Vampires are always very fashionable. Dilbert will never joi the ranks of the undead.
Thu Aug 8 02:52:08 1996 Spencer Gill
Serials The heroes and heroines in serials never call the police nor do they ever get upset by whatever gunfight, bar fight, or death trap they survive.
Thu Aug 8 20:00:26 1996 Scott Loyd
The number of takes required to film a scene from a car chase is greater than or equal to the number of skid marks that are viewable in that particular scene.
Fri Aug 9 05:28:48 1996 Chris, "The Amazing Goat"
Airbags: Anytime an airbag is deployed it will stay inflated until somebody punctures it, despite the fact that all standard airbags deflate less than a second after impact.
Sun Aug 11 00:09:04 1996
EIGHT BALL CORNER POCKET.
Sun Aug 11 00:18:49 1996 Aura Moody
Whenever people are playing pool, no matter what point the camera shows the game, one person has to say , " eight ball corner pocket."
Sun Aug 11 06:23:35 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section(s) on either 'Fights' or 'Heroes': Whenever a hero is forced against his will to a 'fight to the death' against some villain the hero always wins by some kind of default. It is customary for the hero to be left with almost nothing in his favour (ie. loses his only weapon) and must find some alternative form of cleverness to the bring the villain down. Of course, once the villain is down and the hero has the oppurtunity to finsh him off, the hero will inevitably decline, followed by some kind of line like "No, I wont' kill you, because that would only make me as evil as you..." As an offshoot to this: after the hero refuses to kill the villain it is often common for the hero to gain profound respect from an outsider (ie. an alien lifeform that may have pitted the two against each other in the first place), or the villain himself.
Sun Aug 11 06:32:23 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section on 'Spaceships': The visibility of a vessel in space is never a question in films: In the infinite blackness of space where there is no light, every spaceship is magically illuminated by an omnipresent yet unlocated light source. This can be seen in the elaborate shadows that are cast upon any space vehicle even when there is no distinguishable sun to be found anywhere.
Sun Aug 11 07:19:24 1996 Tariq Sami
For the section on 'Heroes": After all the exhaustive events that lead to the downfall of a villain by the hero, the 'authorities' (ie. police cars with sirens blarring) only arrive when the villain is undeniably destroyed! After this it is customary for the police to allow the hero to leave the scene of the villain's death without requiring that he be detained for any tyoe of questioning (this can be seen in 'Passenger 57' and most 'Dirty Harry' films). It is also common for the hero to take the oppurtunity to officially declare his resignation from service in these scenes by throwing his badge to the ground as he walks away (usually with his arm wrapped around a woman). In addition it should be noted that this final sequence is always filmed as a crane or helicopter shot to show us the entirety of the scene that the hero is walking away from.
Sun Aug 11 18:06:04 1996 Lola
The villian just can't make a clean getaway. He has to go back and get revenge on the hero or some other character, which gives the hero another chance to catch or kill the villian.
Sun Aug 11 19:24:35 1996 Tom Clendening
1) Any character falling from a height will end up in one piece, with no blood 2) During any street chase, a truck/car/school bus will pull out between the first car and all subsequent cars. In the unlikely event the vehicle even hits the brakes, it will always continue on into the path of the onrushing vehicles despite sirens, flashing lights, flying bullets, screeching tires. 3) On a freeway, all vehicles drive at exactly the same speed (except for the cars involved in the chases) 4) When hoping to be spotted by a search airplane, don't start waving, jumping, etc until after the airplane has already gone past and the pilot would have to look back to see you. 5) Any character can be perfectly disguised by the simple addition of glasses or mask that covers just the eyes. 6) You can choke anybody to death in the space of 15 seconds, even though anybody can hold their breath and remain fully conscious for longer than a minute. 7) Radar images of flat or straight objects will always be bent on the rotatin radar screen (see Poseidon Adventure, any Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea episode). 8) Monsters (especially those with limited physical ability like pupetts) always are able to move faster than the characters except when the characters can see them (i.e. run to another room and they are already there, freeze in fear and they are barely able to move toward you) 9) We have instant caller ID but the cops still need you to keep the villan talking for extraordinary lengths of time to "trace the call". 10) Military heroes since the 70's apparently never have to worry about meeting standards for haircuts (see any Chuck Norris movie). 11) Inner city/minority youths have apparently perfected the art of aiming handgus by holding them flat on their sides. 12) In a chase, always stop to pick up a fallen persons gun, but don't ever take any extra ammo. Corollary: Evil minions are always killed with fully loaded and functional firearms lying at their sides. 13) Never under any circumstances EVER aim any gun, always point it in the direction of the enemy and blast away (especially when running low on ammo). EXCEPTION: Snipers are allowed to aim but apparently not allowed to have crosshairs in their telescopic sights. ID4 Comments 14) Even though it takes at least one pilot to fly a plane, we lose all of our pilots early in the film and still have lots of planes left over. 15) Aliens capable of travelling interstellar distances are reliant on our satellites (they can't use their own or use a couple of ships as relay points?) 16) Aliens capable of travelling interstellar distances apparently are ignorant of a unique invention called a watch and have way of coordinating an attack except by radio signal. 17) Aliens with impenetrable shields and weapons capable of leveling a city in a single blast have to start their attack at a specific time even though we can't hurt them and it will take days to complete the destruction anyway.
Sun Aug 11 21:58:24 1996 Tariq Sami
In action films the main villain is always the last person the hero will have to defeat. Any trained henchman, assassin, bodyguard type will easily be dealt with earlier in the film, but the villain alone will remain as the most difficult opponent (Hard Target, Commando, most Ninja films like Revenge of the Ninja). It is also common for the villain to sustain serious and painful injuries, yet he will continue to fight driven only by the sheer power of his maniacal evilness!
Sun Aug 11 22:02:00 1996 Tariq Sami
Kicks to the face are always followed by glorified arcs of blood to fly through the air from the recipients mouth. These injuries never result in bruising, only expectoated blood flow (see any Van Damme film).
Sun Aug 11 23:35:45 1996 Sharon Leppert
shoes never squeek until someone is trying to sneak up on someone the bad guy in the back seat of a car is never seen when the car door opens; the automatic roof light never goes on when the car door is opened
Sun Aug 11 23:38:58 1996 Sharon Leppert
after the gun is fired 6 times the gun gets thrown away
Sun Aug 11 23:40:17 1996 Sharon Leppert
after the gun is fired 6 times the gun gets thrown away
Mon Aug 12 21:14:14 1996 Karen.
Trains. The characters are always late and the train is already moving slowly when they say their good- byes. Only one of them gets on the train and luggage in this case, are heavy and are always passed on through the train's window. There is almost always a lover that clings to the train's window or jogging for miles next to the train, shouting useless things like "I love you!", "Come back soon!" and "Remember me, please!". He/she never gets dirty from the soot of the train. Usually all the sweet words are forgotten and the next hunk/hot girl is waiting on the train.
Tue Aug 13 01:00:58 1996 Aaron Harmon
Computers. Whenever the hero needs to enter a password into the villain's computer, so he can stop his evil plan, the hero types in three guesses and comes up with the password (the bad-guys nephews birthday) nosweat every time. Ala Joshua in "War Games". As if an evil GENIUS couldn't remember something like "hj&*F1k+"
Tue Aug 13 06:46:33 1996 Tariq Sami
Villains (usually the serial killer types) will always make the hero's wife or girlfriend their final victim. For interesting twists on this cliche see 'Seven' and the not-so-classic 'Nighthawks'.
Tue Aug 13 07:06:36 1996 Tariq Sami
A follow-up to my 'kicks to the face' cliche: Why are kicks to the face always aimed at the recipient's jaw? Doesn't anyone ever get kicked in the eye or the forehead?
Tue Aug 13 16:31:04 1996 Damien Owens
Sympathetic characters who say a cheery "G'night!" to colleagues or friends before going down to the underground car park are invariably doomed. They will just be putting their keys in the car door when WHACK! - or SLASH! or BANG! or GRUURRGHHGH! (strangulation).
Wed Aug 14 02:11:31 1996 John McAndrew
Pregnancy: Whenever the woman tells her husband that she is pregnant, he will get excited and flustered and ask her if she wants to sit dowm.
Wed Aug 14 08:30:29 1996 Dave Black
In any movie police-sketch-artist computer program, a characters face can be drawn up with a few seconds of keyboard tapping. Additional taps can produce moustaches, glasses or an extra 20 years of age.
Wed Aug 14 10:16:51 1996 Kevin Andrew Murphy
Actually, there's a bit of a list of them I've done myself. Check out "Murphy's Gazeteer of the Weird & Supernatural" at: http://www.sff.net/people/Kevin.A.Murphy/horror.html
Wed Aug 14 10:39:21 1996 Chris Hofflin
A computer can enhance any image (regardless of how blurry it is or how little detail it contains) and can come up with a picture of brilliant clarity and detail. (see "No way out")
Wed Aug 14 13:19:23 1996 dean pilato
In science fiction movies: * Using air ducts to move around inside a ship. * Thousands of winky, blinky lights on computers.
Wed Aug 14 21:12:26 1996 Tod
A la the Independence Day listings, I would just like to add one that I found particularly baffling. Imagine you're a locust-like alien sitting in the mothership and suddenly that damn scout ship that you lost on Earth fifty years ago comes flying up into view. Do you A) establish telepathic contact with the pilots to find out what's up B) notify the troops that the long-lost scouts are back so let's all go down and meet them when they dock or C) let them fly in unescorted and sit for a solid five minutes with their blast-shields up while all your happy alien ESP greetings go unanswered?
Thu Aug 15 05:57:43 1996 Jesse Milani
Whenever a good guy shoots someone he neglects to take any of their guns or ammo.
Thu Aug 15 06:58:36 1996 James Richter
Once a movie character takes off his/her glasses, he/she no longer needs them to see.
Thu Aug 15 15:01:48 1996 Carleton Vaughn
If a car chase goes down an alley, the lead car will inevitably smash through a giant wall of empty cardboard boxes. Often, they will pass a drunk vagrant who yells, "Damned drunk drivers!" At least one car will hit the alley wall, sending up huge showers of sparks without damaging the car's paint job.
Fri Aug 16 06:03:55 1996 Pennie
Advanced functions can always be performed on primitive hardware/software. (Eg, in Mission Impossible, Video conferencing is done through Netscape 1.0. I think not!)
Fri Aug 16 06:09:14 1996 Pennie
After lights are turned out at night, you can still see everything perfectly
Fri Aug 16 07:07:59 1996 Pennie
Teenage girls always have their room on the second floor facing the street, so their boyfriend can call to them from the front lawn. Trees situated right outside the window are optional.
Fri Aug 16 07:21:25 1996 Jeff Margolis
Drugs: -Cops can always tell what the drug is by using their pinky finger to dip in and taste -Villians always have tons of coke or herione, never pills, mirajuana, etc. Computers: -Villians are always looking for "The Disk" that will incriminate them (i.e. "The Net", "Eraser", etc)
Sat Aug 17 08:01:21 1996 Chuck Wallis
When the Hero and Major Villan have their big fight at the Climax of the Movie. The Hero will Knock the Villan Temporarily Unconsious and imediatly turn his back on Him/Her to tend to his Girlfriend or Partner and while being totally ignored the Villan will regain consosness and Attack the Hero thus continuing the Fight.
Sat Aug 17 12:19:28 1996 Richard Crane
Whenever, a picture (whether a photo, newspaper photo or television image), is able to be magnified 2000+ times then "enhanced" to view something in the distance background in perfect clarity and in full colour.......
Sat Aug 17 17:17:40 1996 Eytan Zweig
The rule that female characters are immune to menstruation doesn't apply if the character is twelve or thirteen years old, in which case she shall always get her first period when the female lead is conveniantly nearby.
Sat Aug 17 22:56:34 1996 Sean
Stupid things about ID4 -When a 15 mile wide spaceship is hovering above Los Angeles, all strippers will still go to work as they are so very loyal to their place of employent. -Police will hover with helicopters demanding that citizens remove themselves from the roofs of privately-owned skyscrapers. I guess the building's security never questioned 100+ people just walking in of the street and going up their elevator. -Even though the aliens wear bio-mechanical suits, have tentacles and are twice the size of a human, the cockpit of their spacecraft is perfectly suited to a human being, complete with leather bucket seats and a flight-stick. -When an entire army is decimated, and the command must ask drunks to fly, the only planes left after their initial defeat will be top of the line F-18's. -Drunk crop-dusters who have not flown any jets since Veitnam, will be perfectly at ease in the cockpit of an F-18, even though had they remained in the military and continued to fly Veitnam era aircraft (the intruder was mentioned), they still would have been decommisioned becuse of the immense difference in avionics. (This may sound picky, but anyone who watches weekday wings, and there are alot of us, would know this). -Scientists working in a sterile enviroment will wear (area 51) are wearing germ suits, full masks and breathing apparatus, although their boss will walk around in a lab coat with his hair down through the same environment. -A pilot will grieve over the loss of El Torro, but not so much so over the prospective loss of his fiancee. -The space administartion, all observatories, and even home enthusiasts will not notice 25 wide mile spacecraft until it is in direct orbit of our planet. -Once you fire a presidential assistant, he will continue to hang around in the com center as you try to save the world, along with any children and campers that may be present. -When attempting to gain access to a top-secret military base, not only will the guard not ask you to provide I.D., but he will also let in the caravan of R.V.'s that are following. -No secret servicemen will accompany the President during a holocaust. -Immediately after flying out of L.A., a jet fighter will be over Nevada. -
Sun Aug 18 04:39:36 1996 Cyndi Kessler
Pregnancy- When two women who know each other are pregnant, they go into labor at the same time, in the same hospital, sometimes even in the same hospital labor room. ("9 Months," "Father of the Bride 2," etc.)
Sun Aug 18 05:13:34 1996 Phil Skamser
In chase scenes involving a man and a woman, the woman will always sprain her ankle.
Sun Aug 18 08:18:25 1996 Erin Hunt
Both heroes and villains in movies can bust through plate glass without getting hurt, or break a table with their heads and keep fighting!
Sun Aug 18 09:10:31 1996 Mike
Whenever a person is being chased by something that could flatten them like a pancake, they always run ahead of it for a while, and then go to the side of the objects path, rather than go to the side in the first place.
Sun Aug 18 15:17:17 1996 Kira
MEN: The black male character always dies first, often saving the younger, white hero.
Sun Aug 18 15:23:18 1996 kira
WOMEN: Women in movies always have incredible mulitiple orgasms despite the fact that their sex scenes with the hero generally consist of a)one minute of kissing, b)he removes her clothes, at which point she comes for the first time c) he kisses her on/near her breast. Cue 2nd orgasm and back-arching that would make a rhythmic gymnast envious. Finally d) the two minutes of penetrative sexual glory where they come at the same time even thogh the hero has been studiously avoiding her clitoris the whole time
Sun Aug 18 15:28:36 1996 Kira
MEN AND WOMEN; the Hero and Heroine are both totally dysfunctional. However, in order for him to become complete, she must counsel him as he talks about how his father wasn't there for him or he's always felt inferior to his older brother. (If his problems were with his mother he wouldn't be a hero, he'd be a psycho, but that's another story). The Heroine doesn't need ro talk to him about her problems. One good roll in the hay and she's a fully functional member of society once more!
Mon Aug 19 23:59:49 1996 Frank Mitchell
Corrollary to the "dying words" rule: as the dying character delivers his or her parting benediction, the villain cannot attack the surviving hero until the other one dies. (Perhaps he's composing the obligatory sarcastic comment to make just after the dying one breathes his or her last.)
Tue Aug 20 01:31:29 1996 Richard Poyle
PHONES: When someone slams the phone down and disconnects the call, the actor making the caller will always look at the handset with a surprised and puzzled look.
Tue Aug 20 01:33:27 1996 Richard Poyle
Super-intelligent characters, be they heroes or villians, ALWAYS play chess.
Tue Aug 20 09:48:28 1996 Stuart Barbie
Cars: >Rear Tyres always seem to lose traction and never the front. >The hero never Jumps in a slow car.(except Frank Drebin). >The bad guy will crash and escape on foot. >Cars are eithe brand new, or old and beyond fixing.
Wed Aug 21 00:41:16 1996 Judi Tilley
Anyone who gets soaking wet, be it due to falling into a swimming pool,lake,pond etc or standing in in the pouring rain, will SNEEZE and/or develop a cold within a few frames.Every time it happens I want to shout "You can't catch a cold that way!!"
Wed Aug 21 00:57:59 1996 Judi Tilley
Aren't these five words the greatest cliche of them all?..."LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!". Try and find a movie that DOESN'T contain this line!
Wed Aug 21 02:50:44 1996 Ben Hallert
Whenever a crime happens, no matter how small, sirens start immediately. That way, the criminals rob someone, then instantly have to leave because of the approaching sirens. Oh, and police ALWAYS show up with their sirens blaring. No sneaking here!
Wed Aug 21 02:52:29 1996 Ben Hallert
If something blows up, the fire-engines are on their way instantly, almost as if the sirens were automatically wired to start when an explosion went off. Amazing reaction time!
Wed Aug 21 05:16:42 1996 Howard Jackson
1)When someone is shot at ground level, the bullet blows them away backwards. When someone is shot from a lower level (usually while standing on a ledge with a rail in front of them), Newtonian physics are denied and they are sucked forward over the rail and fall off the ledge. 2)Corallary: When shot from a lower level, the victim is never killed by the bullet as evidenced by their scream as they FALL to their death. 3)Corallary to corallary: When taking a superior offensive position such as a roof, the bad guys prefer to offer the hero full body target exposure by standing straight up rather than lying down on their belly. 4)Tables are made out of Titanium when the hero is behind it and effectively stops all bullets. Tables are made out of brown damp kleenex when a bad guy is behind it, and cannot stop a beebee. 5)Being thrown 3 feet in the air from a grenade blast will kill up to 3 bad guys. If wearing a bullet proof vest, being blown by a shotgun through a window and landing flat on their spine will cause temporary discomfort to the hero. 6)Villains explode when being shot by the hero with a bazooka, or small missle, this saves the hero from feeling guilt 6)Corallary:If the hero is wearing a bullet proof vest, the bad guys know that it is poor sportsmenship to shoot them in the head. 7)When cooly walking away from a large explosion 20 ft behind them, the hero is spared the embarassment of being mutilated to pieces by flying razor edged debris. 8)The villain neatly explodes when shot by the hero with a bazooka or missle (which detonates on contact with soft flesh) as opposed to an unsightly bloody debulking of said villain's torso and inards as the projectile tears through, leaving the audience to think twice about the hero's methods.
Wed Aug 21 07:03:30 1996 Howard Jackson
1) Amorphous aliens, with no functional digits on their hands, managed to develop the fine craft of space ship construction and travel. 2) Human beings, who haven't the technology to fly manned flights to the closest planet, can often offer the most advanced hostile alien visitors a challenging fight. 3) Advanced aliens that travel millions of light years by bending time, to take over Earth, have to attack either at ground level or by an insiduous conspiracy. 4) Corallary: Advanced aliens need anything on Earth. Horror Movies 1) (late 1970's to 80's)Woe to the unfortunate second remaining survivor if they are not the heroine. 2) (late 1980's to present)Woe to the unfortunate third remaining survivor if they are not the heroine's love interest. 3) (Present)Woe to the unfortunate third survivor if they are not the heroine's love interest or black. 4) After PROPERLY killing the villain, the hero and heroine feel romantic and kiss passionately despite the very recent massacre of their social circle that same evening. 5) It is unhealthy to mourn the tortuous death of close friends for more than one scene. 6) When being chased by a demon/monster and you call the police for help, it is good form to tell them the fantastic truth, rather than a believable lie such as being terrorized by burglars. 7) Overweight police officers are ALWAYS killed. 8) Corallary: Overweight officers must either be plain asses, racist, bumbling fools, or conniving slimeballs. 9) Southern Cops (see above) 10) Overweight Southern cops ARE the monsters. 11) Too much radiation makes you like the taste of human flesh. 12) Alien/monsters who are so repulsed by men they kill them for just being there, can find women quite appealing as sexual partners/rape victims. 13) Corallary:All alien/monsters are hetero males. Hetero alien females can be found in the comedy section in your local video store. 14) Females raped by aliens and monsters are always in the 14'th to 18'th day of their menstrual cycle, and said villain's sperm are always genetically compatable to develop a viable fetus which will later undoubtably rip out of the poor girl's belly.
Wed Aug 21 08:13:33 1996 Don
The fact that a FAR advanced alien computer system can be linked with a 1996 run-of-the-mill laptop (no compatiablity problems) and upload a virus to it. (ID4)
Wed Aug 21 08:16:01 1996 Don
Don't stun guns put out 50,000 volts simply to knock a person unconsious for a few minutes? Yet 10,000 volts is plenty to stop a several ton dinosaur? (Jurassic Park)
Wed Aug 21 21:46:18 1996 Peter Lushing
"Police": when an officer or detective mentions how close he is to retirement, it's the kiss of death for him--he will not be alive at the end of the movie.
Thu Aug 22 02:46:34 1996 CRAIG HOUSNER
NUMBER 1:WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS TO FLY SOMEWHWERE IN A HURRY, THE PLANE IS INEVITABLY DELAYED. WHILE THE CHARACTER IS TALKING TO THE PERSON BEHIND THE COUNTER THE PEOPLE ON LINE WILL GET VERY ANNOYED. NUMBER 2:IN PHONE BOOTHS, SOMEONE WILL KNOCK ON THE BOOTH ASKING THE PERSON TO HURRY UP.
Fri Aug 23 15:16:48 1996 Andy McDermott
Weapons: Whenever automatic weapons are fired at the hero, shots that miss always explode at his feet or ping off nearby lamp-posts, flowers, barbed wire fences, etc. They never hit a wall 50 yards behind the hero or drop to the ground some distance away in accordance with Newton's laws. (Commando, The A-Team, etc)
Sat Aug 24 04:42:13 1996 James Fryer
The good guy manages to hit (and kill) every baddy he shoots with just one bullet, but any bad guy has trouble hitting a barn door with a fully automatic rifle that has approximatly 5000 rounds in it. By the same token the good guy is always able to avoid two or three (or more ) of these bad guys with these new types of guns.
Sat Aug 24 04:50:08 1996 Holly
Whenever the bad guy is in range of the hero or heroine, the good guys always pick a totally stupid and visible place to hide.
Sat Aug 24 12:37:06 1996 mitchell-bruce
Criminals- when a lacky realizes the evil plot his boss is up to instead of playing along and walking out latter they will confront the boss in his lair where they will be dispossed of with no problem
Sat Aug 24 12:39:41 1996 mitchell-bruce
Independence Day- Despite the fact that the mother ship weighs one forth the wieght of the moon and is much closer to the earth than the moon there is no gravitational effects on earth such as devestating tides.
Sat Aug 24 12:41:24 1996 mitchell-bruce
In disaster moives like Escape From L.A. who keeps all those fires in the garbage cans used for night scenes lit, and at a uniform consistancy also.
Sun Aug 25 02:31:42 1996 Terri Pinder
Most movie women wear thigh-high stockings rather than pantyhose. The women who DO wear pantyhose never have the seam-lines imprinted into their abdomens or elastic waistband marks around their waistlines when they remove their pantyhose to have sex!
Sun Aug 25 04:32:37 1996 JUAN ESCOBAR
1. BETTER NOT LOOK MISS! 2. SOMETHING WITH THE STRENGTH OF TEN MEN MUST HAVE DONE THIS. 3 EVERYBODY MOVE BACK-GIVE EM SOME AIR. Hey, your site is what I have been looking for. For years I have been working on a list of 'LINES FROM OLD MOVIES WITHOUT WHICH OLD MOVIES COULD NOT BE OLD MOVIES! WE NEED TO TALK...EMAIL ME SOON. I have them for all catagories of films. WAR..Old British Mystery films...Tacky 50s Horror films etc. Hope to hear from you soon.. I think we share a lot, including the search for the perfect female with great sense of humor and funny body to match. I am in San Diego. Juan
Sun Aug 25 04:46:40 1996 Joel Richler
Whenever a passenger on an airplane is being surprised by someone else on the plane (usually a romantic surprise), the new passenger comes from the rear of the plane. In reality, on almost all plab\nes, passengers enter from the front. Examples: Home for the Holidays; I Love Trouble
Sun Aug 25 20:18:04 1996 Dave D.
Heroes: Heroes can hang by one hand for an extended period of time, despite the fact that they may have been shot or seriously beaten. Men: Men with hairy chests will never have hair on their upper arms or backs (Bob Hoskins notwithstanding) Minorities: The black guy is usually trustworthy. Conversely, the black guy usually gets killed Weapons: A hero will point a weapon at a thug and ask for information. When the thug wont talk, the hero will then dramatically cock the weapon to reinforce that they mean business, and then ask the question again. Typically this will make the thug talk
Mon Aug 26 08:53:40 1996 Pierre Savoie
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (as seen in the television movies MAZES & MONSTERS, HONOR THY MOTHER or CRUEL DOUBT; however, it was given a positive scene in E.T.): Whenever teen-agers get involved in the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy-fiction role-playing game, the game (in the movies) supposedly influences teens to go crazy or commit murders. In MAZES & MONSTERS (1982), the game is not named. In both HONOR THY MOTHER and CRUEL DOUBT (aired on television in 1992), the game is specifically named but either the cover, quotations or artwork in the game have to be faked. There has never been a case before of a television network falsifying a best-selling book on television. The fans are getting pretty tired of it.
Mon Aug 26 21:45:48 1996 Pat Steppic
Bodily Functions: Vomiting. Vomiting is accompanied by excessive coughing and, for lack of a better word, groaning, even though gagging is a relatively quiet process.
Mon Aug 26 22:27:16 1996 Marcia Zimmerman
In nine out of ten hospital scenes, the PA system will announce: "Paging Dr. Seidelman," in a soft woman's voice.
Wed Aug 28 05:57:17 1996 Don
Problem with a weapons cliche. Someone said that no movie character ever refers to the saftey on a weapon. I'd like to point out a part close to the ending of Die Hard 3 where one of our heros is shot because he couldn't fire first due to the saftey being on.
Wed Aug 28 16:14:02 1996 Ben Hughes
Aliens only ever seem to invade the U.S.A., leaving the rest of the world to go about its buisiness.
Thu Aug 29 22:15:56 1996 Jeff Woiton
BOMBS -- The simple act of disarming a bomb by clipping a wire is sufficient to cause immediate trembling of the hands and profuse sweating, sometimes combined with sudden irritability.
Fri Aug 30 06:45:06 1996 Tim Balzer
In a footchase collision bystanders are always knocked flying by the fleeing villian. The comparitive sizes of the two are irrelelavant. The villian will never be entangled with those they collide with.
Fri Aug 30 06:50:33 1996 Tim Balzer
In Westerns Indians very rarely will hit their opponents with gunfire, even if the majority are using firearms. Virtually all casualties will be inlficted by arrows, thrown lances, or even hurled tommahawks rather than bullets. 3d movies decrease Indian marksmanship even further.
Fri Aug 30 11:20:04 1996 Sami Ronkainen
More information magically appears to video footage or photographs when they are magnified. A blurred piece of "something" will become a sharp picture of the villain's (or whoever's) face (resulting from a magical increase of resolution of the film/tape) when it is magnified enough.
Fri Aug 30 13:04:27 1996 Markku Herd
Computers: However advanced the operating system, all commands require extensive typing on the keyboard. A mouse is unheard of in Movieland.
Mon Sep 2 00:07:18 1996 Stephen Heffernan
Car-CHASES How come when cars are speeding over grass or sandy ground ,we can hear the sound of squealing rubber
Mon Sep 2 07:32:46 1996 Akash Jayaprakash
Under the category of Nightmares-- Despite the fact that it is proven that humans are paralyzed during REM (dream) sleep--which is why we don't fly out of our bed when we go running in our dreams--all movie characters shown having dreams (especially erotic or frightening ones) react physically to the content of their dream, esp. tossing and turning.
Mon Sep 2 12:31:20 1996 clayton moriceau
Why is it that aliens always look like something that crawled out of dog's backside yet they are always able to confer profound wisdom upon the human race.
Mon Sep 2 22:24:53 1996 Seeing Mole
ID4 Pentagon programmers are so experienced that they can in less than 12 hours program a virus which is aimed at an alien computer system millions years advanced than Earth. That would be like someone with an ABACUS would be able to hack into the Pentagon computer systems and also eventually be able to halt the system completely. Computers The Internet in movieland is a very userfriendly place with lots of graphic and real time 3D animations. Movieland modems are also about 10 times faster than a T1 line.
Tue Sep 3 12:25:28 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
HOUSES: When something bad has happened to the tenant, the door of the house/apartment is strangely unlocked.
Wed Sep 4 00:20:47 1996 eugene wang
Bars: patrons never pay because a fight inevitablly breaks out or there is someone saying "Drinks are on me/the house!"(Does that ever happen to you?) Driving: drivers don't look at the road as much as the keeping eye contact with their passenger. Monsters/killers: Despite some sort of walking impediment, always ends up in front of the pursued, especially as they look back for them.
Wed Sep 4 13:21:24 1996 Andy McDermott
Bombs: any electronic timing device will count down the time to detonation using a huge red LED display which makes loud 'beep' noises as each second passes, even if the bomb has been planted with concealment in mind. The 'beep' rule also applies to any digital countdown, be it watches, microwave ovens, scoreboards, etc.
Wed Sep 4 13:34:21 1996 Andy McDermott
Villains: if the villain is armed and the hero is either unarmed or has a lesser weapon (knife to gun, etc) then the villain can be persuaded to surrender his advantage and engage in exciting one-on-one combat by a simple taunt from the hero. (Commando)
Wed Sep 4 19:25:51 1996 Phil Schaefer
for the villains list: All villains have a hierarchy structure in which the lowest members will die first and quickly. The higher ranking villains die later and usually a more graphic death. The leader of the group will always die last in some very painful and gruesome manner.
Wed Sep 4 20:02:39 1996 Mike Gomon
Chess: A game is always played until one player is actually set checkmate (this NEVER happens in real life where a game ends as soon as one player is obviously defeated and gives up)
Wed Sep 4 20:05:17 1996 Mike Gomon
Chess: A game is always played until one player is actually set checkmate (this NEVER happens in real life where a game ends as soon as one player is obviously defeated and gives up -> see "Blade Runner")
Wed Sep 4 21:00:46 1996 David Naylor
'The smarter you are...The worse the world looks.
Thu Sep 5 05:02:44 1996 Steven Bolbot
The FA-18 Will Smith flys in ID4 is as highly manouverable as the alien ship persuing him.
Fri Sep 6 23:48:08 1996 >ENDA FITZSIMONS - 17
Why is it that in all those action movies, when a person's gun runs out of bullets - they throw it away! pointless really!
Sat Sep 7 21:29:12 1996 Bruce Frassinelli
When a driver arrives at his or her destination in any major city, there is always a convenient and available parking space right in front of the building to be entered.
Sun Sep 8 11:23:10 1996 Aaron Hartley
People who have their throats slit die immediately as if all the blood instaneously exits their body after the knife is drawn across their neck.
Sun Sep 8 11:25:01 1996 Aaron Hartley
When people who are being resucitated by paramedics die the medical personell only works on them for about 30 seconds before they are pronounced dead instead of the hours they sometimes work on people before giving up.
Sun Sep 8 11:26:50 1996 Aaron Hartley
When people are strangled it takes only a few seconds too die instead of a couple of minutes it takes for the brain to die of oxygen depravation.
Sun Sep 8 12:28:39 1996 Johan Westlund
1. Computers: Computers with some kind of advanced graphical interface requier the user to type in commands in order to change the picture/3d model/suspect portrait/whatever but the user gets NO feedback at all to what he/she is typing! You see the model, you hear the character typing (A LOT) and then the model changes. (See Doomsday Gun/Savage/any movie with a police computer. Police: Like this? Vitness: No,no. He had longer hair. [typeti typeti typeti] Picture changes.) 2. Strangling A hero can strangle any bad guy in less then 30 seconds dispite the fact that any person can survive without air for AT LEAST one or two minutes! (And they don't die for another 3 or 4 minutes!)
Mon Sep 9 13:01:35 1996 duncan
independence day
Mon Sep 9 22:10:01 1996 Bill Hunter
Computer security systems are always represented as detailed 3D graphics of rooms and doors which the hacker moves through like they were playing Doom. Said Hacker negotiates this virtual world by typing rapidly on the keyboard like they were entering a document in a word-processor, even though no text is seen entered on the screen.
Tue Sep 10 09:02:35 1996 Alexander Lum
Identical twins will almost always wear the same clothes, have the same hairstyle, and will talk in perfect unison.
Tue Sep 10 11:45:06 1996 Jan Van den Bulck
When women with a job first encounter the hero they are usually uptight. The symbol of this is the fact that they have their hair in a bun (or something similar). Usually they also wear glasses. When they undo their hair and take off their glasses this always signals they are about to kiss (and make love to) the hero. After that, they usually give up the old hairstyle. And they don't need glasses any longer.
Tue Sep 10 20:29:23 1996 orin shepherd
LOCKS- No matter how thick, or how complicated, any lock can be annihilated with a single bullet from a handgun. PRISONS- Every prison must have a seasoned black man who's been there his whole life, who at first is quiet, but later on shows the hero the only way to escape-- usually through a utility shaft. All heroes who are imprisioned are never there for something they've actually done wrong. They've always either been framed or given a life sentence for some mediocre futuristic crime. (In "Fortress", life imprisonment for having 2 babies)
Tue Sep 10 22:40:28 1996 Sophie Dembling
Women in movies all wear Merry Widows or garter belts. Pantyhose have not yet been invented in Hollywood.
Wed Sep 11 09:11:22 1996 Adam Zar
All action heroes were born with some sort of mutated eye membrane which allows them to ride motorcycles at 95mph without any eye protection and yet never have to worry about not being able to see or getting a bug in their eye.
Wed Sep 11 15:46:06 1996 Eduard Habsburg
In the category "Fencing/Swordplay", one EXTREMELY IMPORTANT scene is missing: -Towards the end of the fight, the hero usually falls to the ground with his sword in his hand. The villain, triumphantly and extremely slow, will raise his sword with two hands, thereby exposing his belly. As villain moves forward for the fatal blow, the hero rams his sword into aforesaid place. This, of course, terminates the fight. And two favourite clichés for the new category "horror movies": -Whenever wife wakes up in strange house at night to the sound of something that frightens her and tries to wake her husband, he will grunt, turn around and doze off again. The wife will then take a candle and walk out alone into the darkness. -"Darling, while you go to the attic and see what made the noise, I will go down to the basement to check why the lights have gone out."
Wed Sep 11 23:36:55 1996
independent
Thu Sep 12 02:41:17 1996 Chris Fitzwalter Chris Fitzwalter
In sci-fi or space movies, the hero will always have faster-than-light-speed reflexes which enable him or her to deftfully dodge blasts from enemy laser guns.
Thu Sep 12 10:21:42 1996 Brad Mills
When hero is being attacked by two villains with swords, he always manages to duck at just the right time allowing the two villains to thrust their swords into each other, killing both. When hero and miss love-interest are running away from villain/monster, miss love-interest will trip and hurt her ankle.
Fri Sep 13 01:01:29 1996 Brant Cooper
Bombs: Hero always almost cuts the wrong wire, before cutting the correct one -- then comes the sigh of relief. The exception, I think if I remember correctly, is Lethal Weapon 1 where they poked fun at this. Mel chose one wire, then went to the other, only to clip the wrong one!
Fri Sep 13 01:32:19 1996 Brant Cooper
hero/sidekick or way women are portrayed: At the climax of the movie, the hero always starts off on his own or says "You stay here." Sidekick/woman always argues with hero. Hero goes off on his own. Sidekick/woman waits 5 seconds that goes off, too. Sidekick/woman gets in trouble and hero saves him/her or sidekick/woman saves hero's life.
Sun Sep 15 05:34:57 1996 Druff
The only aircraft used by the Navy and the Marines is the F/A-18 Hornet. They actually own millions of them, all within ten minutes flying distance from each other. Taken from ID4
Sun Sep 15 05:38:50 1996 Druff
In space,even though it contradicts the laws of physics, when objects are blown up, they explode, instead of imploding.
Mon Sep 16 17:47:04 1996 Michael Reiter
When driving a car, the hero only has to take a short glance in the rearviewmirror to determine that he is being chased. Even in heavy traffic. ("That grey car has been following us for 15 minutes...)
Mon Sep 16 18:15:35 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: all movie police cars, no matter how new, are fitted with a mix of crossply and radial retreads so that taking a corner at any speed above 3mph will result in an exciting rear-end skid.
Mon Sep 16 18:27:13 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: movieland cars have the amazing ability to automatically remove dents, replace lost hubcaps, fix smashed headlights and so on in the shot after said damage has occurred. Best example: the yellow Porsche in Commando, though Broken Arrow and Striking Distance come close.
Mon Sep 16 18:32:05 1996 Andy McDermott
Bars: nobody in a movie *ever* finishes a drink, especially if they've just paid good money for it.
Mon Sep 16 18:35:49 1996 Andy McDermott
Cabs: all taxis taken by a major character in American films are of the Checker variety, despite the fact that 99.9% of real cabs are either Chevy Caprices or Ford LTDs.
Mon Sep 16 18:42:00 1996 Andy McDermott
Villains: all movie villains have an almost inexhaustible supply of cannon fodder at their disposal, which will only run out after the hero has 'killed' the villain for the first time. NB: in any Steven Segal film, half the cannon fodder will apparently beam down from the starship Enterprise midway through a fight, there having been no sign of them before.
Wed Sep 18 09:33:06 1996 Richie Castles
The canine hero(ine) who just died sadly at the end has, unbeknownst to its owner, recently spawned a litter of nauseously cute puppies who come bounding playfully through the door on cue, thereby reaffirming life and its ongoing spirit. Whatsmore, the puppies are an exact 50/50 crossbreed between the (eg. St.Bernard) hero and its (eg. dalmatian) partner (i.e. long-haired, spotty St.Bernards).
Wed Sep 18 14:59:40 1996 Amit Sandhu
In ID4, it seems that the only way to communicate with super-intelligent aliens is by patronising them with a display of flashing lights. Also, only after about 300 000 000 people are killed does Bill Pullman decide that "We're being exterminated." When Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith go into space, there's nothing to do for the stripper and the press secretary except cling to each other and quiver. When planes are taking off, while pursued by a cloud of fire, they will always escape by a few inches. What's more, the choppers that take the president and company to the airport somehow manage to travel faster than the firewall, as does the plane while taking off. Maintenance closets are the best bomb shelters. If the Statue of Liberty fell, it wouldn't break. What's more, 36 spaceships being blown up around the world simultaneously would all crash in exactly the same way. What's more, while the USA only just managed to blow up it's spaceship, places like Australia and India had no problems destroying theirs. One final thing is that even though aliens blew up all of Sydney, the one thing that identifies it to American viewers, the Opera House is left standing, incredible when you consider that it's less than i.5 km from the city centre.
Wed Sep 18 14:59:57 1996 Amit Sandhu
In ID4, it seems that the only way to communicate with super-intelligent aliens is by patronising them with a display of flashing lights. Also, only after about 300 000 000 people are killed does Bill Pullman decide that "We're being exterminated." When Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith go into space, there's nothing to do for the stripper and the press secretary except cling to each other and quiver. When planes are taking off, while pursued by a cloud of fire, they will always escape by a few inches. What's more, the choppers that take the president and company to the airport somehow manage to travel faster than the firewall, as does the plane while taking off. Maintenance closets are the best bomb shelters. If the Statue of Liberty fell, it wouldn't break. What's more, 36 spaceships being blown up around the world simultaneously would all crash in exactly the same way. What's more, while the USA only just managed to blow up it's spaceship, places like Australia and India had no problems destroying theirs. One final thing is that even though aliens blew up all of Sydney, the one thing that identifies it to American viewers, the Opera House is left standing, incredible when you consider that it's less than i.5 km from the city centre.
Wed Sep 18 15:38:09 1996 Amit Sandhu
In a plane hijacking, the copilot or the really attractive hostess is always in on the bad guy's evil plan. Alcoholic women are either yuppie workaholics or yokels 37 kids an, an abusive husband and a goat. Aliens are humanoid, hairless and often have tentacles. What's more, they often feel a totally unwarranted hatred towards the human race ie. ID4 and Alien. You can't hurt the hero "It's only a flesh wound. Homeless people and unemployed winos make the best chess playes ie. Fresh Computer viruses work immediately after uploading ie. ID4 and The Net. Also in The Net, a woman who spends her entire life with computers thinks that Wolfenstein 3D is a brand new game. In jail, a wrongly accused inmate will always find a sympathetic guard, who protects him from the prison queers.
Wed Sep 18 21:30:17 1996
Whenever a computer supposedly comes to life, it's owner usually ends up bashing it in with a hammer or similar object. However, the first thing that the owner hits is always the monitor, and rarely the CPU is ever touched, thus acomplishing nothing.
Wed Sep 18 22:03:57 1996 Rochelle G.
Women-Women in movies based on classics (i.e. the recent proliferation of Jane Austen movies) are always well-endowed. In the most recent movies, there is an element of feminism even though you can be sure that there wasn't a trace of it in the original novels.
Wed Sep 18 23:30:52 1996 Andrew Hyatt
A hero or heroine that has a job bussing tables, always is incredibly busy and has about 40 complaining customers half of whom are waiting for their bill, and half who just received the wrong order of food.
Wed Sep 18 23:55:20 1996 Paul Grubb
People who will eventually catch fire can be easily identified by the bulky coveralls they wear.
Thu Sep 19 04:05:57 1996 DJones
Any photograph from a movie can, if needed, be enlarged indefinitely without losing resolution, in order to discover clues such as the date on a newspaper sticking out of the back pocket of some bystander 3 blocks away. Also, any grainy blurred image from a store's surveillance camera can easliy be 'enhanced' to a crystal clear studio portrait of the perp.
Thu Sep 19 06:04:37 1996 James Richter
Characters never need their glasses again to see once they have taken the glasses off.
Thu Sep 19 16:43:11 1996 Jan Van den Bulck
SNIPERS Villains always carry funny-looking foreign guns, like the Austrian Steyr. This signals extreme specialisation and therefore perfect aim and deadliness, even though in reality such guns are at best only marginally more accurate than an average M16. The villain, using his sofisticated weapon, will drop the sidekick at the first shot, but from that point on will be unable to hit anyone else, especially the hero. The sniper is always one a crane, and the hero will shoot him from an amazing distance, using a .38 snub-nose revolver without aiming. The sofisticated sniper-rifle will jam at the exact moment when the hero reaches the top of the stairs. Homemade sniper rifles are easy to produce. There is always some old guy with glasses who makes these rifles for villains who will always shoot them instead of paying. Homemade sniper rifles can be hidden easily. Usually they are hidden in crutches and even the largest police force in the world using the most sofisticated equipment will not be able to find it. Homemade sniper rifles made from bits of tube, a stock looking like a crutch, and a firing pin made from a nail, are accurate up to 2 miles and easy to handle and fire. When unfortunate snipers with homemade rifles only bring 2 bullets they will miss on both occasions due to amazing coincidences.
Fri Sep 20 21:05:07 1996 Craig Zacker
1. Heroes always have highly specialized equipment ready for use at a moment's notice (eg: the little go-cart in Speed that the cops carry around in case they have to work under a moving bus). 2. Any time you see a winch pulling a cable, it's gonna break (eg: Speed, same scene). 3. Characters who fire a revolver at someone until it's empty, click twice on an empty chamber, and then throw the gun at the target.
Sat Sep 21 16:02:34 1996 Jeffrey M. Powers
This is an add on to the Independence day that just bugged me. I just love it when a neighboring alien species comes to attack the earth one city at a time, that the people like to follow the rules of the road when mass paniking, by jamming up the right side of the road, leaving the other side free for anybody who needs to get into the city to warn the President of a global countdown, can do so.
Sat Sep 21 19:44:35 1996 Nic Rosettie
Whenever the hero or heroine meets a mentally ill person, that person will hold the key to the whole mystery.
Sat Sep 21 23:41:22 1996 Ginger
Ehen shopping, one only purchases as many bagfulls as one is capable of carrying her/himself.
Sun Sep 22 00:02:45 1996 gINGER
No one ever forgets what he was going to say, says the wrong thing and corrects himself, or runs out of anything to say.
Sun Sep 22 10:33:31 1996 Amanda Jo
"I did it for Johnny"
Sun Sep 22 20:28:51 1996 Robert Erck
If a bad guy is chasing a woman through her house, she will not run out the patio door, but will cower helplessly in a closet, the basement, or the attic. Despite having escaped from prison only 24 hours ago, movie villains always have access to plenty of money and cars, and always know where their victim lives and works. Butlers and maids never know anything, except when the detective runs out of clues, then it turns out that they have seen and heard everything. A bad guy will always be killed by the wild animal/snake/spider that he brought in to kill the good guy. The door/hatch to the roof is always unlocked to allow the hero/heroine to escape to the roof for the dramatic fight scene. Steel ventilating grills can always be removed from the wall with a sharp pull. Ventilating shafts are always spotlessly clean. Mad scientists are always boiling colored liquids in beakers and flasks. Mad scientists also boil liquids in graduated cylinders, which are used for measuring things, not boiling. The liquids are always green, red or blue. When an experiment goes awry, the power can never be shut off. The malfunctioning equipment will always blow up in 60 seconds, lending drama to the scene, never 6 seconds or 20 hours. The weather is always obligingly clear when mad scientists first try their death rays. Good guys always have the correct tools laying around to defuse the bomb, and never experience the problem of Phillips vs. normal screwdrivers. Computers boot up, and video monitors turn on, in about two seconds. Motion sensing detectors can always be fooled by tiptoeing and walking slowly past them. The roof of the cave will always fall down when the heroine bumps against the wall. Rocks will start to fall exactly one second after rumbling noises are heard. The rock that falls on top of anyone, pinning him down, is always too large for him/her to shove aside alone. But the rock is never too heavy to be moved by the hero when he comes to help. Heroines frantically yank on rocks, but never move them. Falling rocks fall directly on top of villains. They miss the good guys by 3 feet. Drowned swimmers can always be revived by performing CPR on them exactly three times. (Baywatch) Voices in a cave echo as if in an auditorium, no matter what the size of the cave. Caves always drip water, even in the desert. Women faint first. They gracefully sink to the floor. Men hold their heads, then fall over. Men revive first and then revive the women by shaking them. Heroes (men or women) always faint last, and revive first. Poison/knockout gas is always white in appearance. It always makes a hissing sound. Intended victims never hold their breath and run away or open a window. Despite the fact that large caliber handguns weigh up to 5 pounds, evil villianesses wave them around like they are made of styrofoam. Women can't break glass windows to escape a pursuing monster/villain, either with a nearby object or with a shoe. Men diving out through glass windows always land on soft grass and roll to a safe stop. If you fall from second-story window, you will land on your back. There will be a hedge between you and the camera. Or, the camera will be tilted up so that you are never seen striking the ground. You will always be found in the spread-eagle position, not sadly crumpled up, as in real life. Bad guys who point guns at good guys stand six inches away, allowing the good guy to knock the gun out of their hand. Horses ridden by cowboys are bulletproof. Because saloons in the old west have only hinged shutters in the doorway, it is apparent that 1) saloons are open 24 hours a day, and 2) outside temperatures never go below 70 degrees. Cars that overheat due to a clogged radiator, apparently stop running due to ignition failure (sputter, sputter, die). It is not known how the radiator causes the ignition to quit.
Sun Sep 22 23:51:44 1996 James J. Matthews
When the hero first sees the heroine, she's doing something unladylike or mannish. What really makes it a cliche is that this behavior is one-off: she goes back into her corner afterward. Examples: In _Arthur_, Dudley Moore sees Liza Minelli shoplifting. In _Doc Hollywood_, Michael J. Fox sees Julie Warner skinny-dipping. In _Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves_, Kevin Costner sees Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in a swordfight, dressed as a man. In _Crossroads_, Ralph Macchio sees Jami Gertz flash her bare back, then point a gun at him. (Two for the price of one!) In _Far and Away_, Tom Cruise sees Nicole Kidman attack him with a pitchfork. In _Star Wars_, Carrie Fisher is first seen pointing a small space-gun. (One of the only scenes where she uses a weapon.) I've lost count of the movies where he sees her riding a horse. (_Revenge_ was so cheesy Madeleine Stowe was walking the horse!)
Mon Sep 23 03:23:05 1996 Graham Hawkins
Mirrors: Although the person is observing themselves in a mirror and the camera, pointing to a mirror, is situated at an angle to it we can nevertheless observe the person's reflection also.
Tue Sep 24 23:10:12 1996 Larry andrade
When the space ship in independace day that will smith is driving starts communicating with the mother ship when along the line does the mothe ship ask the fighter ship the normal squadron inventory questions such as "What is your ship Number" "Who is driving you" What weapons are you carrying and when were you last in a mother ship!!!" The secound they would have noticed that that ship had not been seen since 1954 in roswell new mexico the wwould have been blown sky high!!!!!1
Thu Sep 26 03:27:16 1996 Mike Baram
(Independence Day)Neurotic Jewish geniuses and wise cracking African-Americans will always outwit aliens who have destroyed everything in their path.
Thu Sep 26 10:54:23 1996 Andy McDermott
Cars: movie cars can be driven at high speed into car park/ roadblock barriers, safe in the knowledge that they're made of balsa wood and will just bounce harmlessly off the windscreen.
Fri Sep 27 03:49:24 1996 Brandi
When a person is electrocuted, the flow of electricity stops as soon as the person is dead.
Fri Sep 27 04:49:51 1996 Luis Jacobo
Rule of Detective's girlfriend's ESP: Whenever the detective is being kissed by a woman, it is that moment his girlfriend walks in.
Fri Sep 27 04:51:19 1996 Luis Jacobo
Whenever a woman finds herself in a bloody crime scene, she will always pick up the first weapon she finds. Then the police will blame her.
Fri Sep 27 08:04:53 1996 nicola griffiths
When a gun battle is blazing, the bad guys always miss, whereas the good guys get he shothe firs time, every time.
Fri Sep 27 08:07:15 1996 Nicola Griffiths
I don't know if the last email got through - why is it when a gun battle is blazing that the bad guys always miss and the good guys always get their shot in, no matter what the angle or distance
Fri Sep 27 10:07:08 1996 Krishna Moorthy
All lovemaking scenes these days have a "woman-on-top" sequence! All computer systems in so-called hi-tech movies use a magical database system - one that needs no passwords, no login ids and most importantly, these databases use interfaces that even Arnie and Stallone can master in a few seconds. And yes computers can give you info about anything in these movies. Invariably, files and records of a wanted man are deleted from the system just when the police is searching for him but wait - the same person exists under a different name on the computer files and will have a criminal record, a wife and a daughter. Wanted men always have daughters.
Fri Sep 27 22:37:29 1996 Dylan Pank
Space: when a space ship is travelling around, at any speed the stars move past like any other scenery, as if they are very small and quite nearby (cf. 2001, star Wars death star sequence)
Fri Sep 27 22:43:08 1996 Dylan Pank
Many spaceships in future centuries will feature plaster in their construction, which will then fall from the ceiling when the spaceship ship is struck by laser fire.
Sun Sep 29 02:36:48 1996 Jeremy Birn
About 1 out of every 5 women are prostitutes. Prostitutes are naive young women with hearts of gold, well qualified for modelling careers, who never drink, smoke, steal, or use drugs, but whose one weakness is a tendancy to fall in love with their troubled clients while trying to help them.
Sun Sep 29 02:48:06 1996 Jeremy Birn
All phone numbers begin with 555-. When you only hear a touchtone dialing, it is three identical beeps for the 5s. All advertisements, signs on sides of cabs, etc., list numbers starting with 555-. Clever ads will make the 5s spell something, such as LLL-NITE phone operators.
Sun Sep 29 02:52:07 1996 Jeremy Birn
At night, all streets and sidewalks of a city are always wet, as though it has just rained. Every night. Especially in cities with bright lights like Las Vegas, Nevada.
Sun Sep 29 04:26:36 1996 Mark Wintle
To add to traffic: When there is a chase, other drivers never pull over when these see two speeding, shooting, swerving vehicles wrecking every other car on the road. They merely honk.
Sun Sep 29 17:28:41 1996 M Neumann
The security guard (no matter how awake and compitent) always dies.
Mon Sep 30 06:25:50 1996 David
When ever cars are chasing each other at night the streets are wet, even though it has never once been raining in the movie.
Tue Oct 1 21:42:42 1996 Brian Watson
When a woman wants to have sex, she will do the following: Stand 3 to 4 feet in front of the wide-eyed man, facing him. She then uses her right hand to slowly slide the left strap of her dress/lingerie off her shoulder. Then she uses her left hand to lower the right strap, then peels down her dress. The man initiates contact by reaching out slowly with his right hand to touch her left breast. (White Squall, etc.)
Wed Oct 2 10:58:46 1996 Ben
Bombs- The LED will display 3 seconds and the camera will then cut to the hero frantically disassembling the bomb or sweating over which wire to cut for at least 5 seconds then the camera will cut back to the timer which has only ticked over 1 second.
Thu Oct 3 02:16:52 1996 Seth Ellestad
All explosions whether involving flammable liquid incendiary agents or not always detonate like a 55 gallon drum of gasoline, resulting in a huge roilling ball of fire. This is frequently accompanied by prodigious ammount of oil smoke and in really special scenes may also include spark-shooting fireworks that whistle.
Thu Oct 3 05:38:28 1996 Darren
When a hearing person loses his/her hearing due to some traumatic event (explosion, disease, brain tumor) they IMMEDIATELY lose all ability to use their voice, teeth, tongue, and lips to form words. Miraculously, they are INSTANTLY fluent in American Sign Language. Even more amazingly, every person around them also becomes an instant expert in sign language.
Thu Oct 3 12:19:06 1996 cornelius
When the camera shows the hero in the front perspictive and it slowly moves into the background ,then you can be absolutely sure that something comes from behind!
Thu Oct 3 13:27:39 1996 ned wilson
two police partners will always argue over who is going to drive, usually after recieving a hot new lead or when about to chase the bad guys
Thu Oct 3 13:36:02 1996 ned wilson
Bar/Drinking: A depressed person will always go to a bar and ask for a stong drink...you better make that a double
Thu Oct 3 14:09:53 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's in an elevator
Thu Oct 3 14:12:55 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator
Thu Oct 3 14:13:15 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's in an elevator
Thu Oct 3 14:13:26 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator
Thu Oct 3 14:14:43 1996 ned wilson
anyone can deliver a baby.......especially if it's whilst being stuck in an elevator
Thu Oct 3 14:25:17 1996 ned wilson
peolple wanting to comitt suicide will always be talked down off the ledge.
Thu Oct 3 14:49:07 1996 Mat Wasley
There are two good ways to look hard when firing guns in movies: Firstly fire the gun with your wrist at 90 degrees (i.e. back of hand upwards) Secondly fire two guns at once. The way to look really good is to fire a gun in each hand with both wrists at 90 degrees. See "The Usual Suspects" for some good examples.
Fri Oct 4 05:49:26 1996 Anna Emanuel
EATING: People sit down to eat, say "I'm starving" then move the food around the plate, eat one bite, chew on it for 10 minutes and never eat anymore. In the park people buy a hot dog, eat one bite and throw the rest away. Coffee or tea cups are never filled, only a slurp is ever poured, you can't even see it in the cup. People sit down to a meal, a crisis happens and everyone leaves the table with all the food just left - (for who?) People chew forever on one bite.
Fri Oct 4 05:58:35 1996 Anna Emanuel
INDEPENDENCE DAY Although the alien civilization is millions of years ahead in technology, they understand Windows and earth viruses and have no protection from any uploads into their computer systems.(which look suspiciously like IBM clones)
Fri Oct 4 15:19:25 1996 NED WILSON
FOLLOW THAT CAB
Sat Oct 5 08:58:17 1996 Marc Slanger
Space: When talking to an alien or robot, you will talk to him in English, he will talk to you in (often subtitled) jibberish and you will both understand each other perfectly.
Sat Oct 5 09:00:10 1996 Marc Slanger
Space: Doors on spacecraft are five sided with a diagonal side in each corner.
Sat Oct 5 09:03:39 1996 Marc Slanger
guns: when the good guy doesn't have a gun, niether do the bad guys and they must fight hand to hand. When the good guy gets a gun again, so do the bad guys.
Sat Oct 5 09:05:54 1996 Marc Slanger
elevators: every elevator has a trap door in the ceiling that can be climbed out of.
Sat Oct 5 09:07:31 1996 Marc Slanger
villians: the bad is the one with the pony tail and beard stubble.
Sat Oct 5 09:12:43 1996 Marc Slanger
fighting: If a bad guy sneaks up on you from behind, simply make a fist, then bend your arm and jerk it upwards into a straight up and down position and your foe will be instantly knocked out.
Sat Oct 5 09:13:25 1996 Marc Slanger
sex: women don't thrust
Sat Oct 5 09:15:18 1996 Marc Slanger
The black guy will be killed in the scene following his close-up and big lines.
Sat Oct 5 19:42:44 1996 James J. Matthews
When a layabout/substance abuser/petty crook turns over a new leaf and gets a regular job, it'll be in a machine shop where he'll work with one of those vertical drill presses with an overhead rotary handle. (See _Raising Arizona_, _Drugstore Cowboy_, or _Trust_.)
Sat Oct 5 20:05:49 1996 James J. Matthews
A TV cliche that's been creeping into movies: if you want to show how tough the hero is, have him confront a _weak_ person. That way, even inattentive viewers will get the point. Example: in _Lean on Me_ high school principal Morgan Freeman bullies a short, fat kid who wears glasses. (It's for his own good, you see.)
Sat Oct 5 21:07:41 1996 Anthony Hardy
Why is it that whenever someone kills an evil blob, alien, bad guy, etc., he or she INSISTS on slowly walking up to the body to MAKE SURE that it's dead, usually resulting in the thing jumping up and killing the person that tried to kill it? Just an observation.
Sun Oct 6 12:30:32 1996 James Parker
GUNS No matter what the make and country of origin of a gun, any character will automatically be able to load, aim and fire the gun. Guns always have an inordinate amount of ammo, and never run out unless it is crucial to plot or a hero is in atight spot. Enemies fire thousands of bullets but never hit their targets, conversely heros can hit as many enemies with the same number of bullets and kill them instantly.
Sun Oct 6 18:33:05 1996 Chris Raines
I dont know if you have this one because the weapons list is so long, but here goes: When a villain is shotting the hero while the hero is on the run, the villian never tries to shoot ahead of his target, but instead leaves a trail of bullets about 3 inches from the hero's heels. Thank you for taking the time to read this. You can reword it a little if you like.
Sun Oct 6 18:46:26 1996 Chris Raines
Did you see Mission Immpossible? If so, you would've laughed your head off when you saw the part where Tom Cruise has to get the secret files from the department of defense computer. The first thing I dont understand is when the computer operater comes in, why didn't he see Tom dangling from the cable in his perifial vision. Number two why is it that this room that holds some of the most important top secret files in the world, have all these advances secrity features such as preassure sensors and heat detectors that can detect a change whithin a fraction of a degree, but dont have such basic things as a survaliance camera. That simple thing would've caught Cruise as he was not wearing any type of disquise. Thank you and sorry about the spelling.
Sun Oct 6 23:11:52 1996 C. Goodwin
A corollary to battles in space: these usually involve human beings firing laser cannons at each other's ships from turrets which came straight out of a WW2 bomber. And they last a long time. A real space battle would almost certainly be fought by computer-guided ships which travelled at several kilometers per second and fired almost anything at each other. A nail travelling at a few km/sec would make a hole in most space ships.
Sun Oct 6 23:14:16 1996 C. Goodwin
A group of teenagers in danger from a psychopath (or vampire, monster etc) will always feel much safer if they wander around alone, preferably walking backwards most of the time.
Sun Oct 6 23:15:11 1996 C. Goodwin
A group of teenagers in danger from a psychopath (or vampire, monster etc) will always feel much safer if they wander around alone, preferably walking backwards most of the time.
Sun Oct 6 23:16:25 1996 C. Goodwin
Monsters always seem to see in false colour, infra red or something which would be quite a handicap in most real-life situations (eg multiple images or through fisheye lenses).
Mon Oct 7 02:29:36 1996 Brett
all bullets will miss you if you are lying on the ground the badder the bad guy, the more more gruesom their death will be
Mon Oct 7 05:03:16 1996 Ryan Northam
Whenever the main character runs across the road, (They never walk) A car will screech to a halt in front of them. The driver will then hurl abuse at the person.
Mon Oct 7 14:06:52 1996 Vanessa Anderson
Whenever there is a car chase down a city street, there will almost always be a guy with a fruit cart. The cars will come along and run into his cart, while fruit flies everywhere and the guy will scramble out of the way.
Mon Oct 7 17:17:28 1996 James J. Matthews
Whenever a movie character undertakes a furtive action (like shoplifting or surveillance) he does it in a visually obvious way that in real life would result in him being found out immediately. (That's so the audience will know what's going on.)
Mon Oct 7 18:05:24 1996 James J. Matthews
When Mel Gibson and Danny Glover debate whether to defuse a bomb by themselves or wait for a professional bomb squad to arrive, [A] they'll decide to do the job themselves, [B] the bomb will explode in a huge way, [C] our heroes will run fast enough to escape. (How come real-life professionals sometimes get killed? Why can't they just run away too?)
Mon Oct 7 23:09:19 1996 James J. Matthews
Prison-escape movies: the fellow prisoner who escapes along with the star will soon be killed by the cops. If I were in prison and my cellmate were Harrison Ford or Kevin Costner, I'd say, "Escape by yourself. I'm staying where it's safe!"
Mon Oct 7 23:24:13 1996 James J. Matthews
Whenever Mel Gibson falls in love with a woman, she'll soon die to motivate his going berserk. If I were a girl in a movie and Gibson asked for a date with me, I'd say, "Find a girl with life insurance!"
Tue Oct 8 17:29:49 1996 Mike Langan
New Category - Papers Whenever the hero or protaganist is in a foreign/hostile country they will always be asked for their papers. Usually they won't have any. or they have a fake set.
Tue Oct 8 19:17:16 1996 James J. Matthews
In the opening scene of _Waterworld_, Kevin Costner recycles his urine with filters to produce drinking water. Two questions: [1] Why doesn't he just filter sea water, which has fewer impurities than urine? [2] If Costner is so evolved that he's sprouted gills, why hasn't he developed a tolerance for salt water, which would seem to be a much shorter evolutionary leap?
Tue Oct 8 19:17:33 1996 James J. Matthews
In the opening scene of _Waterworld_, Kevin Costner recycles his urine with filters to produce drinking water. Two questions: [1] Why doesn't he just filter sea water, which has fewer impurities than urine? [2] If Costner is so evolved that he's sprouted gills, why hasn't he developed a tolerance for salt water, which would seem to be a much shorter evolutionary leap?
Wed Oct 9 20:06:12 1996 James J. Matthews
In some movie scenes where the screenwriter has to show that a character isn't saying what he's really thinking, he (the screenwriter) may have no way to do this except through a "slip of the lip." Example: in _The Hand That Rocks the Cradle_, when governess Rebecca deMornay gets fired. Her response: "Fine, I'll just pick up my baby--I mean, my things--and be on my way.
Thu Oct 10 19:48:19 1996 Tom Masciantonio
In WWII movies, there are always two Americans manning a machine gun nest and slaughtering whole divisions of advancing Germans or Japanese. When a lucky enemy shot happens to hit one of the GIs, his friend becomes furious, curses and wipes out a couple of more enemy divisions as punishment for their shooting back.
Fri Oct 11 23:02:01 1996 James J. Matthews
In a Western, whenever the townsfolk sing a church hymn, it's the one that goes, "We shall gather at the river." (This cliche occurred as recently as _Bad Girls_.
Sun Oct 13 13:08:03 1996 Charles Aptaker
Practically every scene in The Rock. Especially, the cocked gun syndrome and the 2 men firing machine guns incessently at Nick Cage in a iron container and he wasn't hit or even deafened.
Mon Oct 14 21:29:42 1996 Jason Caballero
When movie characters are using the Internet in movies, their is a generic, all-text program running on their screen, with no indication of what online service or what software they are using. Everything on the screen is just some neat, large, easy-to-read text, with no dialog boxes. The screen just suddenly clears, and the camera zooms in on some neat lttle message: "All the incriminating files have been deleted", "Your identity is being stolen", etc.
Mon Oct 14 21:32:10 1996 Jason Caballero
If a character has to make a call to someone whose phone number he obviously doesn't know, the phone books he consults will magically flip open to the page he/she wants, or only one or two pages away.
Mon Oct 14 21:36:10 1996 Jason Caballero
Some hot-shot computer hacker (or some guy assigned by the hero's/heroine's allies) will try in vain for hours or days to crack some code, until the hero/heroine comes along and fugures it out in no time. This usually happens because the code happens to be about something which is in the hero/heroine area of expertise.
Mon Oct 14 22:08:19 1996 justin m whittaker
1 when something is falling, no one has the sense to get out of the way 2 apparently, car chases are completely ignored by the local authorities in most major cities 3 heros time jumps to perfectly coincide with the explosiion 4 women are always hysterical after anything
Mon Oct 14 22:13:54 1996 justin m whittaker
foreigners, no matter where they are from, speak with an engligh accent
Tue Oct 15 20:13:49 1996 Charles Andrews
Most evil informants smoke. They're big, dumb, and die with less than a nosebleed!
Tue Oct 15 23:22:02 1996 Michael Kuck
After narrowly escaping the pursuing villian (monster, maniac, etc.), the two surviving campers immediately split up... "You go get the car and I'll run and get the shotgun!" Yeah Right!!!
Wed Oct 16 10:51:33 1996 mark jones
Bars/drinking Two people meet in a bar then decide to leave. They never finish their glasses before going.
Wed Oct 16 19:59:15 1996 Simon Hova
Ever notice that in movies like Patriot Games, the computers in the movie can link a South American drug liutenant in thirty minutes just by hearing the sound of his voice, but answering machines won't even turn themselves off when pick up the phone?
Thu Oct 17 16:48:00 1996 Kathleen
If there is a swimming pool, and no one is swimming, someone will fall [be pushed] in.
Fri Oct 18 00:28:14 1996 Steve Harrison
re Independence Day. Despite the fact that two American heroes can walk away unscathed from a crashed alien space craft, it is reasonable to expect that every alien occupant from 15 space ships the size of Australia died in the crash!
Fri Oct 18 03:25:09 1996 Doug Meyer
This cliche goes in the ENVIRONMENT category... No matter how hard the wind is blowing or how bad the weather is, the power stays ON through the entire event UNTIL the next day, when there is nothing left. (See Twister, drive in movie scene, where semi truck is picked up and inserted into the dome-like structure where everyone crowded in for shelter)
Fri Oct 18 03:28:48 1996 Doug Meyer
I don't know if you already have this one, but in a fight or boxing scene there is always that old fashioned artificial punching/kicking sound clip when one is punched, kicked or hit in the face. (In real life, there is no sound like that whatsoever if you would be punched). Every movie with violent scenes has this old sound clip when someone gets punched.
Fri Oct 18 03:52:00 1996 Elliott Sturm
In any martial arts movie, you will see at least one guy take a tremendous blow to the groin area, which will incapacitate him for about 30 seconds. He will then get up, displaying no ill effects.
Fri Oct 18 04:40:32 1996 Doug Meyer
Computers: 1) Whenever any person, whether they be completely computer illiterate or not, can type anything into a computer and every little detail about that subject appears on the screen instantly. Corrolary: Whenever a computer genius needs extremely important information or data in a suspenseful or end-of-the-world event, it will take them ten minutes to retrieve the information. Along the way they will make up phrases like "There is a lag in the phone line." Or "someone has terminated our satellite link, I can't get through." 2) There must ALWAYS be a way to bypass a firewall or password protected document. There is always a tiny secret icon somewhere that will bypass everything and give you complete access. No matter how secure something is there can always be a solution or hack made up in 5 minutes during a suspenseful event. Environment: 1) Earthquakes are ALWAYS an extremely fast vibrating where beverages are always pushed to the edge of the table and then fall off, instead of the natural slow back and forth motion as we have all seen in the video of the great Japan earthquake a long while ago where the cabinets and desks were being shuffled all around the crowded room. Characters always panic instead of taking shelter under a table. 3) TWISTER 3a) TWISTER: Tornadoes just occur without any, whatsoever, warning or before-clues prior to the disaster and the characters do not take precautions. See Twister, in the old-woman, tv by-a-string and golden retriever. 3b) Houses, cows, semi trucks, windmills and tractors appear out of nowhere, with no warning, roll onto a road or fly right past the main characters. Yet in a violent roaring waterspout situation, you are able to hear a cow moo-ing as it flies in front of your vehicle while looking you in the eye. 3c) Tornado chasers, in a time of 4 or 5 minutes, are able to reach the site of the forming or already active average 30 second to two minute cyclone, whether it be 50 or 100 miles away. Yet when they arrive, they are being chased down a ditch by a tornado which lasted about 10 minutes, which according to theory is impossible. 3d) A group of dumb elitists equipment are able to steal ideas that were ridiculously not patented in the first place. (the Dorothy mechanisms) 3e) Enough Coke cans are magically collected in the matter of 30 minutes and turned into painstakingly created fan-type designs.
Fri Oct 18 05:09:57 1996 Julio Duarte
Sports: The most important game in the movie will always end with a one-point difference, settled within the last five seconds.
Fri Oct 18 18:41:52 1996 Andy McDermott
Aircraft: any plane that goes into a dive always makes the same howling noise that increases in pitch as it descends, whether it's a biplane, WW2 fighter, modern jet or helicopter. See: any James Bond film.
Fri Oct 18 20:29:18 1996 angie head
Hey, what about the slow-motion running with the heart beat soundtrack.
Fri Oct 18 22:15:05 1996 Genevieve Simard
Important characters of the movies never have to wait for the bus like all others at the bus stop. When the have sex, the principal characters make that all night long and they never have orgasm, get tired or get hungry. Also, at the morning, they don't have to go to work. When they have sex, the wemen always have a "goofy grin" but never the males. Principal characters never have bad breath at the morning. At the morning, after a night of sex, the guy put on his pants (don't take a shower) and just tell I got to go. The women smile and just say "I know". She never scream or just tell him thank you, how much do I owe you? Married couples never make love but watch out about non-married couples!!! Heros never tell others where they go. Heros always make sex perfectly. Principal characters never wear condoms to make sex. When a hero is hurt he blood a lot but the day after he just have a little band aid. Hero never have to clean his house or his clothes. Wemen are always late for a important dinner. O.K. I think that's enough for today. Excuse my english but I'm french and i"m not perfectly bilingual... If you like my cliches, please tell me I will find other ones... This site is a really greay idea!
Sat Oct 19 00:32:52 1996 Keith M Ellis
Palm trees in LA have fronds that are impervious to Armegeddon-sized fireballs that destroy all other life and burn the tires off of vehicles it has overturned.
Sat Oct 19 00:33:24 1996 Keith M Ellis
(correction) In ID4: Palm trees in LA have fronds that are impervious to Armegeddon-sized fireballs that destroy all other life and burn the tires off of vehicles it has overturned.
Sat Oct 19 12:54:40 1996 Matthew Finney
In a car chase along a busy freeway the cars the hero villian are avoiding will always be placed so he just has to zig zag down the road, using only two lanes.
Sat Oct 19 18:03:10 1996 Art Adams
Whenever a pager beeps in a movie it always beeps the way it would if you had just turned it on in real life.
Sun Oct 20 17:08:21 1996 James J. Matthews
In movies aimed at young people, the young hero or heroine will establish how cool he is by doing something dangerous (i.e. smoking). For a compendium of "unsafe chic," see the dance musical _Footloose_, which includes such gems as Kevin Bacon and a rival playing chicken with fork-lift vehicles, and Lori Singer standing with her feet in two different speeding cars.
Sun Oct 20 17:30:46 1996 Otto J. Makela
All aircraft are gasoline-powered; kerosene jet fuel, when lit, will burn and explode just like gasoline
Sun Oct 20 17:38:13 1996 James J. Matthews
In movies where a beautiful star becomes an improbable action hero, at the climax she will confront the villain on a high metal catwalk. Guess which one falls to his death. (See Julia Roberts in _I Love Trouble_, Sandra Bullock in _The Net_.)
Sun Oct 20 17:39:49 1996 James J. Matthews
In the climax of _The Net_, Sandra Bullock is able to knock over the villain with a heavy fire extinguisher faster than the latter can draw his handgun.
Sun Oct 20 21:32:55 1996 Robert Erck
In the society of the future, science will have cured all maladies except baldness and obesity (STTNG and STTOS). People will still eat, but will apparently never need to go to the bathroom.
Tue Oct 22 05:17:21 1996 Boris Adams
Everyone uses a Macintosh (e.g. Single White Female) Only young, good-looking men and women ever take their clothes off, quite often and on the slightest pretext.
Tue Oct 22 12:09:00 1996 Julian Wheeler
If you want to blow up an intelligent super-computer, no explosives are necessary; simply ask it a question it has no hope of answering and it will self-destruct before your very eyes.
Tue Oct 22 17:23:59 1996 Rob Jurand
When entering a house or building, high profile criminals under surveillance by law enforcement or rivals never seem to see the van or car with two people just sitting there observing them in plain view, even though the criminal usually takes a look around.
Tue Oct 22 23:31:18 1996 James J. Matthews
When two cops are staking out a location, nothing will happen for hours. They'll get hungry, and one of them will hurry away to buy hamburgers. While he's away, it's then that the action will start. (See _Point Break_.)
Wed Oct 23 05:25:30 1996 Dmitri Erchov
All guns in movies have unbelievable number of bullets (e.g. Rambo). Some of the heros shoot that they are not supposed to because this is the first time they hold a gun in their hands
Wed Oct 23 12:39:17 1996 Walter L. Bazzini
Car starter/engine sounds never match the cars. By far the worst offense is when a character turns the key in a Rolls Royce and the sound is that unmistakable Mopar (Chrysler) gear drive starter. All cars in chase scenes -- even 4-cylinder compacts -- have 440 Magnum V-8s with their air cleaners removed for that "four-barrel moan" with throttles wide open.
Wed Oct 23 22:17:13 1996 Charles Wachsmuth
In Indepedance Day the only fighter battle worthy was the F-18. Anybody who can fly a piper cub can be trained to pilot a fighter plan in a matter of hours. With just a kiss 007 can draw an "Ohh James" from any woman on earth.
Thu Oct 24 06:02:29 1996 Hugh
Nothing happens in space that a little time travel,re-alignment of the deflector array, or tacheon beam can't fix.
Thu Oct 24 18:09:27 1996 Gunther Baumgartner
I want to add the following sentence for Independance Day: I did not know that when an extremly huge spaceship drops on earth very close to the pyramids in Egypt, the pyramids remain undamaged. ( Not even the dust has moved!) PS: I found the LIST very funny!!!
Fri Oct 25 07:43:51 1996
Fri Oct 25 11:02:24 1996 David Shannon
For the Independence Day section Microsoft's latest version of WIN95 includes a program complete with visual displays for the specific purpose of "uploading a virus" to alien spacecraft networks
Fri Oct 25 17:25:25 1996 Rob McCleave
Sex: no matter how urgent the passion, couples will take the time to light dozens of candles in the room before the hop in the sack. Also, nobody ever gets so involved that they knock over a candle and set fire to the bedroom. Guilt: the guilty party in any police investigation can easily be identified by the fact that they ask for a lawyer. (This actually happened in a Canadian case, where the cops assumed an innocent person was guilty because she asked to talk to her lawyer when they called her in for questioning.)
Sat Oct 26 00:15:32 1996 Johan Wijkmark
Whenever a car lands in water, driven off a pier, a cliff, etc. it will inevitably sink the instant it hits the surface. Normally it takes several minutes for a car to sink since the air in the car makes it function as a buoy. Heroes will have no problem opening the doors even though this is virtually impossible due to water pressure.
Sat Oct 26 01:08:17 1996 Jacob Gabrielson
CONVERSATIONS... At the beginning of the movie (usually an action movie) the hero will utter a catchy phrase (e.g., "Traffic was a bitch"), that will be both apropos and funny in a different way when he says it again at the end of the movie.
Sat Oct 26 06:08:34 1996 Chip Rowe
please send me your snail mail address so I can send you a copy of my zine, Chip's Closet Cleaner, in which I excerpted some of the cliche list (with your permission, of course) chip
Sun Oct 27 05:11:56 1996 Alex Bischoff
Whenever a movie or TV show has a scene where all the characters have flashlights and are running through a forest, it is obligatory to have at least one character shine the flashlight right into the camera, even if only for a moment.
Sun Oct 27 05:36:25 1996 CIA
Two Cliches... Medical Whenever we see a close-up of the green EKG line of a near-death person...the line ALWAYS goes flat, accompanied by a resounding BEEEEEEEEP. Villians Whenever a villian has a gun aimed directly at the hero's head, at POINT BLANK RANGE...we hear a gunshot, followed by the villian FALLING flat on his face, revealing the hero's sidekick standing in back...holding the smoking gun.
Sun Oct 27 20:43:56 1996 Anna Minoli
1.Have you ever noted that aliens always land in california or florida? I've never seen an alien landing in other country neither in any other state in USA. 2.People driving a car and being in a hurry always park just in front of the building they have to go in. They don't have parking problems!!!!
Mon Oct 28 17:19:48 1996 Bethany Lawler
Horror Movies: Why is it that the stupidest people on earth are always the main characters?
Tue Oct 29 00:40:28 1996
People in the background of a restaurant don't talk really loud unless it has to do with the plot.
Tue Oct 29 13:42:37 1996 alex boardman
the way batman`s enemies always fall to doom and are never killed by him
Tue Oct 29 14:45:09 1996
ALWAYS, WHEN IN A CHASE THE CAR NEVER RUN OUR OF FUEL. THE CAR WILL START THE FIRST TIME, UNLESS YOU REALLY HAVE TO GET AWAY.
Tue Oct 29 20:37:52 1996 Katie Carlson
Women giving birth never have to deal with afterbirth once the child itself is out.
Tue Oct 29 21:57:50 1996 Matt
In "Independence Day," whenever you are in space, there is a loud, theater-rattling bass note playing in the background.
Tue Oct 29 22:12:45 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Whenever there is a "good" woman and a "bad" woman,' they will inevitably face off. The good woman, who never does anything else heroic in the whole movie, will always kick the bad woman's ass, and make a witty remark about it.
Tue Oct 29 22:48:48 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Everyone uses IBM or Apple brand computers (depending on who the sponsor is). Complex satellite navigation computers (espcially those that manage horrible weapons) run on OS/2 Warp (see Goldeneye, an IBM production).
Tue Oct 29 23:00:20 1996 Shimon Hova
Single women in the movies ALWAYS have a cat or two.
Tue Oct 29 23:01:16 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
Quentin Tarantino will always be shot 2 minutes after he appears in a movie. He is usually shot in the head, and no matter where he is shot, he always bleed profusely. The one exception to this is Pulp Fiction, although most people probably wanted to see him shot after that.
Tue Oct 29 23:06:19 1996 Ory Warshenbrot
British people are always evil (e.g. anyone in the Empire in the Star Wars movies).
Wed Oct 30 15:14:40 1996 kris gormley
If a hero gets cornered and the bad guy is about to shoot, you will always here the gunshot, then the bad guy will fall over revealing a friend who got there in the nick of time, with a gun.
Wed Oct 30 21:24:55 1996 Matt Harding
If you are hospitalized and the doctors give you daily medication, you should play along by placing the pill in your mouth, but make sure you tuck it underneath your mattress once the nurse is gone
Thu Oct 31 01:00:01 1996 Hugh Esten
DEATH: No one dies with an open mouth, no tongues protrude, even stiffs in the morgue don't need to have their jaws strapped shut.
Thu Oct 31 01:04:29 1996 Hugh Esten
MUSIC: Professional musicians can carry on conversations on the bandstand while playing without playing worng notes, disturbing the other musicians or shouting to be heard. Professional musicians will never interrupt a performance even if someone drops dead on the bandstand.
Thu Oct 31 02:20:27 1996 Matt Harding
Elevators: An important confrontation, sex scene or daring escape can always be initiated by pressing the handy "emergency Stop" button. Corrolary: Once the elevator is stopped, the elevator shaft can easily be accessed by simply applying pressure to the ceiling panel.
Thu Oct 31 02:27:45 1996 Matt Harding
Biology and Genetics: A bio-engineered genetic clone will always emerge, groomed and shaven, as an exact match of the original
Thu Oct 31 16:35:34 1996 Jurek Kirakowski
Whenever a woman is going to give birth, someone asks for hot water.
Thu Oct 31 16:37:51 1996 Jurek Kirakowski
One or two people always leave the group after the leader says: we'd better stick together here.
Thu Oct 31 21:17:55 1996 Sara
The small, frail "nerd" in any given school always ends up saving the day (i.e. making the winning touchdown or tackle against the school rival when the star player gets injured, knocking out the school bully, etc.) The crowd is always made up of all those who have persecuted him throughout the film (except one, the most popular guy in school's girlfriend, who has taken pity on the underdog). The chief persecuter of the nerd then, slowly, solemnly, starts clapping (1 clap every other second), then the nerd's best friend joins in, followed by the rest of the crowd, speeding up The Clap until it reaches a thunderous ovation. Persecutor lifting nerd up towards the sky afterwards is optional.
Fri Nov 1 01:39:53 1996 Mindy Elliott
When the heros are looking at anything on video tape, they always have access to an expert with highly sopisticated equipment who can focus in on a blob in the background of the picture and blow it up into a perfect close up picture, enabling the hero to identify the villan as "THAT guy....".
Fri Nov 1 01:43:03 1996 Mindy Elliott
Unhappy, almost alcoholic renegade cops always have expensively decorated, highly sytlish, usually very modern apartments.
Fri Nov 1 01:46:27 1996 Mindy Elliott
People's homes, no matter if they are the hero or villan, are highly decorated like model homes. Exceptions to this are if they are lower middle class (they live in shabby non-matching homes or trailers) or the mentally ill. Mentally ill people live in hovels with no electricity or running water.
Fri Nov 1 23:52:42 1996 Peter Tatiner
In horror films, teens who have sex invariably die.
Sat Nov 2 06:43:46 1996 James Richter
When characters who wear glasses take them off, they no longer need them again to see.
Sun Nov 3 00:48:40 1996 Michael Pless
If it is dark and a female gets into a car, there is always a psychopath with a knife hiding in the back seat. The corollary of this is that all psychopaths can disable any car alarm, unlock a car, and then make themselves invisible while waiting for their prey.
Sun Nov 3 00:52:33 1996 Michael Pless
During a car chase, no car has a speed or driver advantage over the other, whether one is a Ferarri and the other is an oil-burning clunker, they always exhibit terrific reliability and the hero always looks calm regardless of the damage he casuses, while the villain always looks badly stressed, even if he appears to be escaping.
Sun Nov 3 03:32:57 1996 Leslie Miller
Movie streets are always wet at night, whether or not it is raining. Corollary: It rains in Los Angeles 365 days a year. [Weather note: In reality, L.A. is one of the driest cities in the country--which is the main reason the film industry moved there from New York in the early part of the century. And it practically NEVER rains in L.A. between the months of March and December.]
Mon Nov 4 13:53:53 1996 Ilkka Kokkarinen
No two characters in the same movie ever have the same first name.
Mon Nov 4 20:16:38 1996 Mike
"Forrest Gump" Towards then end when Forrest is in Jenny's appartment there is a iron in the background. The iron which is on an ironing board is sitting upright and a the next time they show that same camera angle, the iron is faced down.
Mon Nov 4 21:23:00 1996
In movies and television shows, a character driving a car moves the steering wheel rapidly to the left and right, but yet they drive perfectly straight.
Mon Nov 4 21:33:36 1996
A untrained civilian is usually able figure out the most complicated gun.
Tue Nov 5 19:11:09 1996 Tom Beliech
Video Games: 1) Specific video games in movies never seem to have the same sound effects as their real-life